Anyone Else Got Some Dirty Laundry To Wash Publicly In The Streets?

I know I'm not the first person to realise this and say this, and I very much doubt I will be the last person, but celebrities seem to only have arguments in the gossip magazines, and like I've said before, the news on the telly is very good on reporting this arguments, with the latest example being Katie (Jordan) Price and Peter (Insania) Andre.

Regular readers of my blogs (Hello Chris), will be aware that I'm not exactly a fan of this whole 'celebrity' culture that we seem to be going through, and Jade Goody is the image of everything I hate about the gossip magazines, and the tabloid papers - oh and the broadsheets, the news on the telly, Internet and Radio, and people who talk/read about it, even though that does include a vast majority of my friends - but not everyone is perfect. Every magazine is full of celebrities saying how they lost weight by not eating lots of chocolate, describing all the sordid details of a celebrity breakup or exclusives on things I don't care about, like peoples weddings... Or funerals for that matter.

Another thing that I don't particularly care for in these kinds of magazines is the 'real-life' stories. The women who found out she had married a sloth, after thinking her husband of 4 years was just really hairy and lazy, or maybe the man who gets an erection when eating a ham sandwich, or maybe the women who opened the boot of her car and found her boyfriend and best friend playing chess together, or maybe the women who has amnesia and thought she had killed her husband, but later found out it was her dead dog she buried, or possibly the women who found out her goldfish could pleasure her after a 'slippery' accident. It's all just rubbish, and how people can find pleasure in them I will never know. The only way in which I get pleasure in them is the satisfactory wipe on my bottom after a visit to the loo.

Today my friend brought a copy of 'Okay' magazine, and there was at least 20 pages covering the history of Jordan and Peter's relationship. 20 PAGES! The first few pages were smothered in pictures with Jordan wearing a low-cut top believe it or not, and every page she seemed to change her opinion. One page she was so upset about Peter leaving, the next she saying that Peter was inappropriate for her, the next she was distraught, then the next page may as well been covered in the words such as 'C**t', 'Prick' and 'T**t'. There were numerous images of them together in the jungle, with him caressing her breast, then images of their wedding, then them renewing their vows and so. They even resulted in editing some images, with one of them being a tortoise and a heir with their heads on, and another with Jordan, but with the head of Danger Mouse. I never actually read it, and maybe if I did, I would know the point, but I'm one of these people who think that ignorance is bliss when it comes to the word ‘celebrity’.

Also, in the same magazine, Jordan is a columnist - as an agony aunt, in which each letter begins with 'Dear Jordan'. These agony aunt columns are a feature of all magazines. A majority of the problems are all from the plain ignorant, asking about underage sex, or whether size matters, or maybe people confessing they're having an affair with two men, and are just gloating about it. The person, usually a female, will give a sympathetic answer, dropping in one of their past experiences, and I guess with Jordan having a lot of past experiences in these matters, she is perfect. These I have to admit are entertaining to read, but then so is junk mail telling you about some gobbledegook you don't care about, and end up laughing about as you put it in the recycling box.

Another regular feature in pretty much all magazines is a trees worth of images of 'affordable' clothes and fashion tips, from a woman whose best friend is Photoshop. That buying this mascara will make you look pretty, although the image contains fake eye-lashes. Maybe this top from Next will be the perfect way to look exactly like your idol. It's full of crap, which I think makes a lot of women feel bad about themselves. There are articles though which also make men like myself, feel pretty darn bad about themselves, besides the fact I hate these magazines.
A regular thing which can be found in one these glossy gossip magazines is something called 'Torso of the Week', in which women turn to and they feel there insides warm up at the sight of someone, not much older than me, with a body 'you'd just die for'. Now, the only way I could be 'Torso of the Week' is if I join Weight Watchers and they do a 'Torso of the Week' to boost moral within the group. I am not what teenagers call 'fit', and I never have been called it, and I doubt I ever will really, but that doesn't bother me. I find that exhibiting torsos on weekly bases to be degrading to men frankly, and also puts a lot of pressure onto men to look good.

Aside from these magazines helping me reach the depths of self pity every time my friends read them, these magazines are just complete and utter rubbish. I have never found how people find them entertaining, but then I have never fully understood the word 'celebrity'. All Jade Goody is famous for, is being selected by the people who choose the contestants of Big Brother because she would be a good catalyst for arguments and drama within the house. That's all. All that Katie Price is famous for is having breast implants then showing off the results at every opportunity. I would think these kinds of magazines were the work of the devil if I was a religious person.

The names are another thing that annoy me. They are just simple words such as; Okay, Heat, Hello, Starz and so on. I had the idea of naming one 'Laundrette' because that's where people go publicly wash the dirty little secrets, like a laundrette, but my friend pointed out it has too many syllables, which is right. But please, someone, tell me the point. I really do not get the point on wasting that amount of money. Why don't you save up the money you would spend for a few weeks, then buy yourself a nice book, or maybe just go and do something creative, just stop funding people like Piers Morgan. They don't deserve it, the same way no-one deserves to have their brains stuffed full of completely useless facts, which are only useful for conversations by the water cooler. No-one is forcing you to have a conversation every time you go and get some cool water.

Anyway, I must stop now otherwise I will get too angry...
So Toodles M'dearys
xXXx