Monday 22 December 2008

The Stuart Awards for 2008

Well, just to start off, I’m only doing this because I can, and no awards will be given to anyone, due to the credit crunch. That really would have changed the Oscars this year if they had said that.

So, I’ll start with music.
Most annoying song of the year has to be: Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl.I mean get over it. You kissed a girl, then you thought, that wasn’t too bad. The video to her next song ‘Hot and Cold’ is of her getting married to a guy, so we can work out from that, she is in fact bisexual.
Song of the year for me would be Coldplay’s Violet Hill. No particular reason, it’s just the song I’ve listened to the most this year.
Going by that same logic, my Album of the year is Guillemots with their album 'Red'. It has lots of great tracks on it, and different to a lot of music this year. I suggest you buy it.
My favourite song of the year, which was released many years ago, goes to 2 different bands. Until June with Sleepless, and Third Eye Blind with Blinded (When I See You). Neither of which I expect you have heard of, but have a listen if you can. Try YouTube.

Next to Film
Well no awards for guessing who this award goes to – Most annoying film of the year goes to High School Musical 3. For all the joy it has brought to millions of children, and teenagers who are obsessed with Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgins.
My favourite film of the year is a surprise. I’m giving it to ‘The Dark Knight’. Was a truly brilliant film, which I thought I wouldn’t like. Mainly I liked it for Heath Ledger’s turn as the Joker. I would have given it to ‘Wall-E’, but the fact is I enjoyed the little short film with the magician’s rabbit, which was on first, more.

Then there was TV
Sitcom of the year goes to ‘Outnumbered’ on BBC 1. Hilarious performances by Hugh Dennis and Clair Skinner, although out shinned by the child actors, with their genius spontaneity. Mainly though, they get it because the child actors aren’t acting, which gives it that edge of reality.
Overall British comedy show of the year could go anywhere. It could go to Harry Hill’s TV Burp, or to Have I Got News For You, or it could venture to The IT Crowd or numerous other places. Therefore, no-one’s getting it. They can all share!!
American Comedy of the year, has to go to The Big Bang Theory. I don’t know what it is about the show I like, I just find it rather funny. Also they get the award for theme tune of the year, thanks to Barenaked Ladies singing it.
Worst show of the year, like every year, goes to Big Brother. I watched absolutely none of it this year, yet it still annoys me beyond belief with all the hype that has to accompany it.
Reality show of the year goes to The Family, purely for the fact they live near Canterbury, and is the most fame we’re going to get, apart from the Archbishop of Canterbury moaning about something else on the news.
Reality show contestant of the year, undoubtedly goes to George Takei, for coming third in I’m A Celebrity... and of course having his voice!

So onto science awards now
Most pointless scientific discovery goes to the scientist who spoke to a few people who knew Hitler, and came to the conclusion that he did actually only have one ball. Then concluded this could be the reason for him being a bit annoyed with the world.
Scientific scaremongering of the year goes to those in Switzerland, who said they would throw 2 particles at each other, quite fast to see what would happen. Either they would create a black hole or find out what happened at the start of everything. I’ve not heard the results let.

General Awards
Comeback of the year could go to Boyzone for releasing two rather good songs, but instead I think the Cadbury’s Whisper deserves it. How very tasty they are, I’m talking about Whisper’s not Boyzone.
Most idiotic person in Britain of the year goes to no other person than Gordon Brown. Has he actually done anything right yet? No is the answer you’re looking for. How can he bail out all the banks with billions of pounds, but can’t spare any for failing businesses like Woolworths?
Country of the year surprisingly goes to America, for managing to get over racism, and voting a black president into the white house. Well done.
Worst summer of the year goes to this summer. The summer of 2008, for being one of the shortest I can remember. The 3 month season was squashed in a few weeks, and the rest was overcast or raining.

Well that is it for this year, come back next year for The Stuart Awards – 2009.

Have a good one.

Tuesday 9 December 2008

Let’s Delve Into My 2008

So 2008 is soon nearing its end, and as I’ve been ill lately, I’ve been reflecting over my year. It’s the time of year when we stand back and look at the year we’ve had and reflect on it so we can learn, and not make the same mistakes next year. So how has my year been? Well it varies.

Overall, I guess it has been a rather good year, but I still think 2007 was my favourite year to date. This year had had its up and its downs. I’ve been ecstatic and depressed, busy and bored, in and out of love, confused and intelligent, annoyed and cheerful, betrayed and trusted and also accomplished and disappointed. Also I missed out some great chances, which I will regret for a long time to come.

This year is full of things I regret. Things I regret saying, or not saying. Things I regret doing and more often – not doing. If I had a time machine I would defiantly go back to January 1st 2008 and start the entire year again. I do feel that this has been a waste of time, as I am going to end it exactly the same way I began it. If anything I’m actually ending the year worse than I started it. It’s those niggly bits that make you think ‘What If?’ ‘What If I hadn’t let myself be manipulated’, but then that leads to the question ‘What If I never found out they were all lies?’ ‘What if I had appreciated the things I had, when I had them, rather than miss the chance?’ ‘What if I wasn’t such a bastard?’

That’s another thing, this year I can conclude (all that an obvious conclusion) that there are a lot of liars about. Actually, not only liars, but bad liars. I mean if you’re going to lie, at least try and do it properly. I have been lied to on a number of occasions throughout the year, but then found out they were lies, without even trying, people make it all too easy these days.

This year did have the potential to be the best year ever, until next year, and I did pretty much stuff it up on every occasion I could find. Possibility of an argument, I’d be there. Potential opportunity to do a bit of bitching behind someone’s back, I’d participate and that is how the year progressed. Not the best way to go about your life.

There have been good things about this year, before you go thinking it was all bad and start feeling sorry for me. This year I discovered who my real friends are, and the people I can trust. This year I passed my GCSE’s, although that means nothing these days. This year I had a lot of fun. This year I discovered my full potential, for now at least. This year I actually haven’t told many lies, only the lies you do to protect someone. This year I got real close to people, but then also drifted far away from people, some of the people that meant the most.

You see, for me it was a year of many contrasts, and have been up and down so many times. Which is why it doesn’t beat 2007 as my best year. 2008 to me will be known as year I regretted.

Coming closer and closer is 2009, and I think it could be a rather good year. Next year see’s me turn 17 you know, which means the age of driving is approaching. Also next year, some other stuff will happen hopefully, which will make it more interesting. Maybe I’ll fall in love, or maybe I’ll win the lottery, or maybe I’ll just spend the year listening to my 120GB iPod, and look back at it this time next year and think how boring it was. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Wednesday 26 November 2008

Woolworth-less and the End to the MFI Sale

The credit crunch has killed many businesses, mainly the smaller ones, but now the big, well known are falling fowl of the money problems we are facing and the two latest ones are Woolworths (one of the best loved and most known retail stores in Britain) and MFI (that furniture store). Woolworths have been around nearly a century and is the one company you’d least expect to go in administration. You would have thought it would be a safe company in invest in, but it just shows anything can happen.

If I had enough money I would make so much money out of all of this though. I would buy the two companies, and then sell all the stock at low prices, then sell all the property. Woolworths have over 800 stores, so that’s a good few million I could make out of that. If anyone wants to help me with my business venture, then you’re more than welcome. Although I know how we could save Woolworths. We should keep the ‘pick ‘n mix’, but put it up really high so that little children can’t steal the sweats. Also, they should rename it and call it ‘Pick one, and don’t mix!’ Well that’s my idea. I don’t suppose they’ll take my plan on board though.

MFI have also had to go into administration. Now that is their own fault if you ask me. Like other furniture stores, they constantly have sales on, and you can’t help but think, if they weren’t constantly doing sales they may actually have made some money, and stopped this from happening. Mind you, they have lots of huge stores and nice furniture so could make quite a bit of money out of them too. If only I was older and richer!

So the question is who will be next? We’ll have to wait and find out, it won’t be a long wait though, that I can promise you. Gordon Browns big idea to cut VAT and numerous other ideas may work when they are put into place, but I doubt it. Labour have really messed everything up haven’t they?

Tuesday 18 November 2008

I’m A ‘Celebrity’... Save My Career!

I was thinking of calling the blog ‘I’m an OAP... Get Me Out Of Here’, but then I decided I can’t keep picking on Old Aged Pensioners. There are rather a lot of older people in the jungle this time though, isn’t there. I hope that ITV are fully ensured in case one of them breaks a hip or whatever.

I have quite a few problems with it this year, as I did last year, and that is the definition of Celebrity. I think it is given out far too easily these days. Why WAGs (Wives and Girlfriends) are considered an occupation and a reason to be famous I will never know. The other thing is the fact that there is a guy in there whose only claim to fame is being gay really and the fact that once upon a time he was a top plod in Metropolitan police. How can they be considered reasons to be famous? Another thing is that I don’t know who half these people are, indicating their career is long gone, or the other half who I do know, but haven’t really heard anything about for a long time, also indicating the fact that their career is long gone.

Yet another thing that annoys me every single year, is the fact that none of them seemed to have ever watched the show before. Every year, and especially this year, all you hear is them being surprised over something which always happens. ‘We’re jumping out a plane?’ or ‘We’re being split up into groups?’ or most annoyingly ‘Do I have to eat that? It’s disgusting!’ It happens every year you morons. This is the eighth series now, and surely they must have watched at least some bits during that time.

There is one more reason why I hate I’m a Celebrity... is the general public. Every year we get 3 weeks of madness, although even when it is finished, all you get in the papers and magazines for weeks afterwards is ‘exclusives’ from every celebrity who appeared in it. So, for the three weeks at least, all you hear walking around is people saying ‘Did you watch I’m A Celebrity last night? OMG, did you see it when...’ and general stuff like that. It’s a waste of everyone evening if you ask me!

There is a good point though. And I find that Ant and Dec always seem to see me through the pain of being glued to the telly every night between 9 and 10. I don’t know how I’d cope if I didn’t have their cheeky jokes and puns. It would be nightmare. As long as they’re doing it though it will be successful, and ITV know that, so as soon as they want to stop, it won’t be able to carry on much longer with the same kind of popularity at least.

Now, I really do dislike Robert Kilroy Silks. I don’t know what it is, but I do hate him. I think he just a total t**t, there’s nothing else to him. That is how he made his career, and that is how his career will carry on I guess. The person I’m backing to win though is George Takei. He is the actor who used to appear in Star Trek, and probably makes him the most famous of the lot. He is 71, and I think that takes a lot of guts to do something like this at that age. Plus every time he opens his mouth I laugh because of his voice. All I can see the entire time he talks is him in a Star Trek costume. But you must remember, every time I support someone to win a show like this, they always loose, so I wouldn’t go putting any bets on him just yet.

Happy 60th Birthday Charles

So, last week it was Prince Charles’s 60th Birthday, and as a celebration of this, a bunch of comedians put on a joke-fest for him. Now, in my opinion, that is a great way to celebrate someone’s 60th, and I hope someone does that for me when it’s my turn, instead of giving me a pair slippers and mug with ‘60’ written on it.

On the Saturday after it was recorded, it was aired on ITV 1 as ‘We Are Most Amused’. Well can I just say, I was more than amused. So, mainly it was presented by Philip Scoffield, (why I have no idea, apart from the fact he is a patron of Charlie’s charity) and also by John Cleese, which was a great choice. He may be getting very old now, but he is still a great comedian. He is still fresh and knows how to work the audience, what else could you want?
So, first on was Michael McIntyre. He is a great comedian, the kind of person you would want to get stuck in a lift with, because you could guarantee he would make light of the situation. I totally agree with what the advert for his DVD says –‘Most gifted comedian for years!’ Yeah, totally.
Then it was Bill Bailey’s turn. He was also great, and I don’t think there was one joke that I didn’t laugh at, just hilarious. The best bit for me was when they put the camera on Prince Charles and he was laughing, now that’s something you won’t see again.
Then they had a clip made by the ‘This Morning’ team, which was utterly pointless and unfunny. They must have had a better way of filling those few minutes.

Then Robin Williams stepped up which was a shame. He has his funny moments, but I tend to get annoyed by him more than I laugh at him. I will admit he is very good at observing life and the things people do, but every impression and every voice he put on where exactly the same as his voice, just in a different tone.
Another little pointless clip, this time it was a fake news report to show the difference, and the similarities between life 60 years ago and now. It was funny and rather good and they put a good satirical view on it, which was quite surprising because it was done by two people you tend not to find very funny, but I can’t remember their names.
Steven K. Amos then came on. I think he must be the only person in the UK that can’t expect the fact that he is black, which annoys me. Let me explain. Pretty much every joke he makes is somehow connected to the racism and the colour of his skin, which does tend to get boring after a little while.
John Cleese came on, as he did between every performance to introduce every act, but this time he was accompanied by an old friend – Andrew Sachs, Manuel, or the guy from the Brand/Ross scandal as he is now remembered for. They then did a bit of Fawlty Towers banter, which was just good to watch, and a nice change from the rest of the show. Then it was the turn of my favourite comedian – Rowan Atkinson. Now I smiled as he walked on the stage and thought to myself – ‘He’s back.’ His comedy is just brilliant. It’s the way he delivers every word correctly, to perfection to make it funny. He is one of those people that could read the phonebook and make you role on the floor with laughter. I think he is just a genius of both words and laughter, and is much unappreciated by the public.
Then it was time for x-factor, why I have no idea.

And then it returned, after Daniel got booted out of X-factor, when I thought this week was his best performance, but it was going to happen sooner or later, but I can’t help but think – ‘That silly general public’. Anyway, as I was saying, ‘We Are Most Amused’ returned.

Jon Culshaw then came on in the guise of George Bush, which I felt needed to be done, and I also learnt that Barak Obama is as hard as I thought to impersonate, as he done a rather good impression, so I was wrong about that.
Omid Djalili then came on and done the opposite of what Steven K. Amos done, which was the right way. Yes, he does use his race in his humour, but in proportion and doesn’t go on about it, which is why I thought he was actually quite funny.
Then an odd pairing, Bill Bailey and Robin Williams came on to ‘rock the microphone’. Now that was brilliantly funny. And it’s even funnier when you consider what the lyrics were and the fact they are singing them to the Prince Charles himself. Hilarious.
Joan Rivers then came on. I hate her and her comedy, so I don’t really have much to say because I didn’t really pay much attention to her.

Then we had a surprise guest, and I surprise it was. When I saw all the ballet dancers, I did actually think Dawn French was going to come out and do the same sort of thing as she done in the Vicar of Dibley with the ballet dancer, so it was a total surprise when Eric Idle emerged from it wearing a florescent tutu. I was pleased it was Eric Idle though singing his famous ‘Look on the Bright Side of Life’, adapted to be aimed at Prince Charles. It is times like that when I wish I could whistle though.
I expect I was the only one who noticed this, but I found Rowan Atkinson very funny at the end when they were all in a line. I only saw it because I kept my eyes on him. Now he didn’t do anything directly funny, but was just the way he was clapping and singing along. Very funny.
So, overall I really enjoyed the whole thing, and I think it was a great way to celebrate the future king’s birthday! The thing is though, you can’t help but think that these comedians only done this for promotion purposes because a majority of them have at least one DVD recently or due for release. I don’t mind though, I still found it totally hilarious.
Sorry for the long blog.

Saturday 15 November 2008

OAP's In Need

Isn’t it ironic, that a show that is meant to better the lives of children from poor families or disabled children or whatever is presented by an old man who has no idea what he’s doing – Terry Wogan. And then when they came to our local area every hour I think it was, which was co-presented by Tony Blackburn, who seemed to have lost his hearing-aid.
So I think we shouldn’t be thanking the general public, but the care homes that let old people loose for an evening, once a year to spend it will a giant yellow teddy.

Children in Need isn’t as good as it used to be, in my opinion at least. I’ve always preferred Red Nose Day (Comic Relief) since I was little, but my memories of Children in Need were having fun and laughing, but for the past few years it hasn’t been. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, maybe it’s because it is getting worse. Who knows?

And, correct me if I’m wrong here, but aren’t we in financial turmoil with the credit crunch that’s causing the collapse of the British Pound? If we are, then how come Children in Need raised around £20 million from us last night? It proves that although the general public are idiots like I’ve said many a time, but we’re also quite a generous bunch when it comes to charity.

The little sketches they done were to short as well, which hindered them pointless in my opinion. They gave us a sneak peak of the Christmas Doctor Who which I couldn’t see the point of, the Merlin snippet and numerous other things. Gok Wan in Coronation Street was possibly the most annoying of the lot.

Another blog to come soon m’darlings.

Friday 7 November 2008

The Colouring of America

Is America ready for a black president? Is the world ready for a black leader?I think, yes, so here is my political blog. So Obama is the next president of The United States, and it was a proud day for America.

I, probably like most other people from my generation probably only supported Mr Obama because he was younger, quite considerably, compared to McCain. Obama will be a good change compared to Bush, whereas McCain has very similar policies to Bush. McCain just wanted to fight for freedom, better economy, democracy and anything else you can think of, and as Bush has proved, fighting gets you now where. Obama has a lot of common sense compared to that pair.

Barack, in my opinion at least, will bring peace to the Middle East. I believe Barack will focus on where Bush went wrong. I reckon that because of his skin colour he will have more respect down there. I wouldn’t be surprised he ends up sorting the whole dispute by sitting them all around a table. He will have enough respect to be able to do that.

Like all teenagers I’m sure, I stayed up a majority of the night to watch the results come in. Both the BBC and ITV had election night, but it’s times like that when you can see the considerable difference between the two corporations. The BBC, was very accurate with their information, unlike ITV, but it was very boring. It was just a load of people with grey hair sitting around a table talking to David Dimbleby. In fact it felt just like an episode of ‘Question Time’. ITV had an array of different people appearing on theirs. They had Jon Culshaw, which can make anything worth watching, and rather a lot of Americans, but it was rather fun to watch still. Although on a number of times their accuracy was a lot to be admired.

From a comedy side, Barack is pretty much solid. After Bush, whose mannerisms could and still will be, impersonated a lot, and McCain, because of his age and his similarity to Bush would have impersonated. I expect it still will be as well. So from that view, Obama winning is pretty good because people can actually take a president seriously for the first time in 8 years.

The whole thing had the feel of a Morgan Freeman film to me. With giant crowds gathered around a stage, listening to a speech which symbolises the end of a film, or in this case, then end of election night.

So, what a week for diversity it was. We’ve gained a black president and a black Formula 1 winner.

Thursday 30 October 2008

I’m In The Need Of a Rant

If you are from the UK, then, my dear friends, I am branding you all idiots.

Today I have got very annoyed with the general public of the United Kingdom. In specific the number is around 27,000 members of the island, and I shall tell you why this is so.

Last time I checked, around 27,000 people had complained to the BBC, and I recon around 26,000 of those people don't know why they complained. If you have not worked it out already, I am talking about this Jonathan Ross/Russell Brand fiasco, which has been taken way out of proportion.

On their radio show, they made a prank call to Andrew Sachs (Manuel from Fawlty Towers) saying that Russell Brand ‘Fucked’ his granddaughter. If you read the transcript like I have, you'll see it’s not really that bad. It’s the usual bit of banter you expect from the pair. I’ve put a link to it at the bottom of this blog post.

So, Russell Brand has quit. The papers refer to him as a ‘Former heroin addict’, which I think is a little wrong. I’ll admit I don’t really like him, but I do have my moments when I laugh at him. His humour is crude. I remember watching him doing stand-up on telly, and he was telling the tale of when he met the queen, but he had changed the story a little bit. He said he groped the Queens bosom, at which point I changed the channel. I hate comedy like that, which is why I don’t have much sympathy for him. It’s not as if he’s going to be out of a job though. You can’t go a week without seeing him on Channel 4. I still don't think he should have resigned though, i do like his radio shows and podcasts.

Whereas, Jonathan Ross has been suspended for 12 weeks from the BBC, halfway through his current chat show series, this was a big mistake in my opinion. If he was allowed to do this Friday’s episode, I’m sure he would have apologised in his own way. I am however, looking forward to his return in January. It should be rather good to watch. His job though, was only saved because the Radio 2 controller, Lesley Douglas resigned.

What annoys me the most about this fiasco is the general public of the United Kingdom. Like I have already said, around 27,000 complained about it, which is fair enough. Although, only 2 people complained about the answer phone message on the day. Then the BBC decided they wanted to investigate it. Everyone then decided it was completely ‘out of order’ and complained, a majority of which most probably didn’t even hear it, or even listen to Radio 2. Then Gordon Brown announced he was against the comments made, and was then discussed in the houses of parliament, most of which again probably didn’t hear it.

I know we’re famous for complaining us Brits, but this is ridiculous. Why do people feel the need to complain about things they know nothing about, and only know what the media have told them, which again, are famous for not being accurate and being biased.

So, that is why I am extremely annoyed with everyone, and it’s times like this when I am ashamed to call myself ‘British’.

Link to the answer phone transcript-
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/oct/27/russell-brand-jonathan-ross-andrew-sachs-calls

Tuesday 28 October 2008

Rick Rolling

For those of you that haven’t heard of this new YouTube craze, it’s when idiots name an uploaded video something like ‘Family Guy Leaked Episode’ when it’s something completely different for a laugh.

It got the name because it started when people used Rick Astley video instead. Although now it can be hardly anything. The strangest one I’ve seen so far when a repeated 2 second slip from Fawlty Towers. The most annoying one I’ve seen has this most annoying sound with a picture of a moving tongue.

It is so annoying, it seems everything i click on at the moment is a form of rick rolling. It’s not even a good song. It’s terrible. I think the only way we can stop it is if we tell the general public that every time someone gets rick rolled, a poor little puppy dies. This needs to be preached to stop it from happening. You never know.
The thing is with ‘people’ is the more you tell them not to do it, the more they do it. ARGG. Very annoying.

If you have a suggestion on how we can stop it, leave me a comment.

If, for some reason you want to be rick rolled, here’s a link for you:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yxnWl63Avo4

Saturday 25 October 2008

Friday Night Telly – and What Did I See Instead at the Cinema?

Friday night telly is actually really good at the moment. Usually I might watch Coronation Street and then sit down and watch Have I Got News for You, then Little Britain USA, QI, and then maybe I’ll watch Jonathan Ross. I do actually quite enjoy it.


Although for some reason, last night was different. I found myself at the cinema, watching, dare I say it, High School Musical 3, or as it says on the ticket – H. School Musical 3. Now, i’m known for not being very fond of High School Musical, and if I’m honest, I’m not sure why I went to see this one.
I did watch the first one over Easter when I was bored, and got really annoyed with it and never watched the second one because I didn’t want to.

So, here is my view of the third one. You may be surprised as to what I say.
Even though I hated, I actually liked it, a little bit anyway. If it wasn’t a Disney film, I may have liked it. Like all Disney films, everyone was happy, and did not at all represent real teenage life.
Teenage life is nothing like that – especially in America. When they go into spontaneous singing and dancing, how come everyone knows the words and moves? No way could that ever happen in really life, although I would love to see it happen.
America, at the moment, is well known for its High School shootings, so how come none of the main characters got shot by some perverted, virgin guy? That’s what I want to know. And how come everyone in the school is good looking, talented and madly in love? It makes me sick, and also a tad jealous.

The cinema was full of Zac Efron fans, including the ones I was with. Now, this was obvious on a number of occasions, namely when he took his shirt off. Unfortunately though, we never got to see his six pack, we only saw his back. Shame really.
Also, you’ll find I got into it a bit too much. Halfway through, I found the need to shout ‘bitch’ at Vanessa Hudgens. She did deserve it though.
And also, there is one song which I liked, but don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret and i’ll never hear the end of it if people were to find out. It’s ‘Scream – Zac Efron’, the one he was singing while prancing around the school at night.


So, was it 115 minutes well spent of my Friday evening, instead of watching some brilliant comedy? No, unfortunately I won’t be doing it again and I won’t be pre-ordering it on play.com. I am glad I went to see it though, because I can’t say I hate something I’ve never seen. Well, I could if I wanted to.
So, that’s my opinion of HSM3.

And now, ITV start a new series this weekend called 'Britannia High' which is, as you can probably guess, the English version of HSM. I'm guessing it will be just as pants as the original, but I'm sure it will get high ratings, somehow.

If you fancy listening to the song I like, here is a link to it on YouTube -
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sKTt51LgAbE

Just A Bit of Information For You
I will no longer being doing this blog weekly, I will do it when I have an idea, so sometimes I will do a few during a week, and sometimes I won’t do any.So, I’ll be back in a few days with another blog. Toodles.

Saturday 18 October 2008

Peter Kay’s Britain’s got the Pop Factor and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice


Well, for a start, I’m going to refer to the show as ‘that show’ to save time and space.

Having proved with Phoenix Nights that music and satire are what he likes to do, he was at it again with that show. I’ve liked other stuff he has done and do find him funny. I, like most people remember him most for his ‘Garlic Bread?’ comments. So I, like most people I expect, were looking forward to this show which essentially was ‘taking the piss’ out of talent shows.

Kay played Geraldine McQueen, who is a transsexual, which I feel is a reference to Nadia a few years ago on Big Brother. Anyway, so it was very well written, and on paper I’m sure it looks like a great idea. But the show, to be honest, was rather pathetic I felt. It had lots of very funny moments, which you recall from x-factor and similar shows. My two favourite bits were the name of the group ‘2 up, 2 down’ because 2 were in wheelchairs and my other favourite moment was when Peter in his guise sang ‘…free Nelson Mandela, ella ella…’. Other than that, yes it was rubbish.

He managed to reunite the old Pop Idol trio; Pete, Nicki and Neil, which adds a realistic feel to the show and managed to persuade Cat Deeley to present it, which wasn’t his best idea he has ever had. Every time she said the name correctly, she had a little smile of accomplishment, which I hated, like her.

The show pattern was also just like x-factor and similar shows, the performances to start with, then later on a results show. The way they ended the show was very lazy though I thought. She chokes half way through her song, and that is pretty much where it ends. So, I was rather disappointed. It had the potential to be great, but instead wasn’t.

The thing, that really cheeses me off, is that he has actually had the cheek to release the song, and even more irritating is that people have actually been buying it. And you look in the top 40 tomorrow and I bet it will be number one, like every other song he does for charity, because of his fan club.
I have one thing that I’ve pondering though, and that is, was it for charity or is it just to raise money for his weekly grocery shopping? The single in HMV was £1.99 and I’m guessing he would have sold around 500,000 units, so that’s a million pound and that phone number during the show. Did anyone try it? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was real and was another phone line scam in television. Every little helps in this current financial climate.

Considering it was the first original work for British television that Peter Kay has written and starred in for four years, it wasn’t the comeback I hoped for. Shame really.
And if you want to watch the video of the song click the following link...

Saturday 11 October 2008

One More Thing For Week 3

Stephen Fry is just amazing on Never Mind The Mind Buzzcocks. I'm watching it for the thrid time now, he is just amazing. Sad to see Bill Bailey go, but this guest team captain thing is working.
I admit, it would not work if Stephen Fry was to ever even consider taking up the job, but God, you have to love him. I like my comedy!!
Anywho...

4OD and Paul Merton

This was a great excuse to download 4OD. I’m not sure whether it is channel 4 themselves, or my laptop, but it is slow. I’m sure it’s the laptop, it is a lazy git, just like me!
So Paul Merton. He is quite easily one of my favourite comedians. Most people know him as the ‘quick witted guy of Have I Got New For You’, which he is, and that’s how I found him. But, he has been on ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?, known as ‘that improvisational show on Dave’.

Well, I keep trying to find Paul Merton: the series, on DVD. Could I find it, no. Downloaded 4OD a few hours ago, and finally I find series 1 and 2. I’ve watched the first 2 episodes already, and I’m currently watching the third one.

You’ve got to love him. It is extremely random with what’s contained in it and the contexts they use it for, and it shows how extremely amazing his wit is. Even though it’s from1991, it could easily be shown on TV now, and be popular.
I don’t know how to explain it really, you’ve got to watch it to understand what I mean, but it is such a clever program written and performed by and even clever person. He seems to know how to make people laugh just by saying one word.

You watch it now and recognise some of the other comedians who star in it. The guy off My Hero is the second episode and Caroline Quentin has appeared a few times already. In 1991 though, they weren’t popular, which shows it helped excel new talent, maybe. I don’t know.

There is one thing though, it is quite predictable. Although, I’m not sure whether it’s because it is obvious or just because I know how his humour works. I don’t know.


I would compare him to Rowan Attkinson, known as ‘Mr Bean’ or ‘Blackadder’ to idiots. I found out a few hours ago that him and John Cleese will be performing around 12th November at ‘The Princess Trust’ for the first time for years, so I am looking forward to that a lot, and also Have I Got News For You returns this Friday - YAY!

Sorry for keep rambling on, but hey!! It’s over for another week.

Saturday 4 October 2008

DIY SOS

Oh, you came back for another week.
So, just to start off – DIY SOS stands for Do It Yourself Souls Of Sorrow.

It’s a show on BBC 1, which well, you can probably work it out from the title. They go around to people houses and make a room look all lovely, which the owners tried to do themselves.
BUT, there is a condition. You need to have had a terrible accident or a disability.


Years ago, they used to be for common folk, but now they go for the sympathetic letters of sorrow. It makes good telly and it is a for a good cause, I agree.
But next year people will be writing to them asking them to finish the painting because they have no money left to buy another tin of paint due to the credit crunch.


Also, like all TV these days, a lot of it is faked. You can bet your life on something going wrong, which means they might not get it finished in time. A gas leak for example, or the walls not being stable enough or maybe someone hitting their thumb with a hammer. This week, their van got ‘stolen’, or at least that’s what they said anyway.

You probably could argue that it is a Sitcom in some manners. They make reoccurring jokes, they have a problem which is solved by the end of the programme and it’s very stereotypical to builders. I do like it though, no matter what you want to call it. A documentary, sitcom, soap, reality TV or whatever, I still like it.

And Nick Knowles. He is a good presenter and can be funny, sure, but hasn’t he got a razor?

Who wants to help me raise money to buy Nick Knowles a razor?
Anyone?

Saturday 27 September 2008

Reality Telly

I hate reality TV. Full Stop. Until a last week when I watched ‘The Family’ on Channel Four, but it’s okay because Channel 4 are calling it a documentary, which in a way I suppose it is.

So, the basics. The show is about the Hughes family, who live in Upper Harbledown according to my sources. There’s a mother (Jane), and a father (Simon) who have four children; Jessica (who is married and has a baby), Emily (Who causes most of the arguments), Charlotte (The middle child) and Tom (The baby of the lot).

My first impressions of it was that it was awful and ‘crap’ like all reality TV shows in my opinion (although the ratings for the shows prove otherwise) but I was wrong, once I got into it I started to really enjoy it.


So, I am enjoying it now, but there is so much that is wrong with it. For a start, it all seems a little bit scripted. It may just be the way they’ve edited it, but each episode has a problem, which is solved by the end. They’ve not even gone to any effort to hide the cameras, and the children have obviously been told not to mention their schools name. Whenever they go to mention it, they go – ‘The school I go to’.

Real life is hilarious when it’s done properly, like ‘The Family’ and you actually have sympathy for the characters when they have arguments or something just goes wrong. And also, every time I hear ‘Canterbury’ mentioned or a place in or around Canterbury I do feel a sense of pride, which really, is quite sad.

It is not fake reality like ‘Big Brother’ or ‘I’m A Celebrity…’ where they clearly choose the contestants very carefully. They put in people which are all opposites and have nothing in common (apart from the need to be famous) so the likely hood is that they’re going to clash and make ‘brilliant’ telly. The more controversy created in the show, the more media attention they’ll get, which will mean higher ratings for them.
And shows like ‘X-Factor’ and ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ are just plainly awful (apart from the auditions, which I do enjoy’ where essentially it’s just a horrible bloke, a nicer yet more unsightly bloke, which are both separated by a pretty women (or two) who is nice to everyone and stops the two blokes from constant bickering. I mean, as soon as a sob story comes on you know that person will get through to the next round. That’s because it’s not as funny when Simon Cowell says “I hate you” to someone you know has been suffering from cancer for 2 years and who sung that song for her dead mother. There’s just so much fakery on telly these days.
At least ‘The Family’ seems slightly real.

Well that was Week One’s rant, come back sometime next week for another Stuart rant.