January In The News

January is all but gone now, the first month of the decade and it has been quite a busy one for the news to catch up with. First there was the ordeal of Jonathan Ross leaving the BBC in June, Jordan having a few of her ex partners locked in a house for a few weeks, an Earthquake in a country which not many people can point out on a map of the world, Cadbury's becoming American, one of the worst ever shows starting: Take Me Out, and of course the most recent, the announcement of the Apple iPad. Here comes another long blog.

Remember when it snowed a few weeks ago? Well do you remember when news programs had trouble squeezing in the shocking news that Jonathan Ross was quitting the BBC? This is the man who they moaned had a salary which was higher than his worth and was a 'waste of license payer’s money'. However, now he going the media loves again. They had forgotten that 15 months ago they had him suspended for his apparently 'shocking' and 'offending' comments him and Russel Brand left on Andrew Sach's answer machine. Who would have guessed the media was so hypocritical?

Anyway, now the main talk is about who will be replacing him on his Friday Night slot? I personally think that the BBC will replace him with him Katie Price. She, like Ross, can talk for ages about any old piece of rubbish and I bet she's cheaper. They would have to change the name to 'Any Night With Katie Price' however. Speculation was that Graham Norton would replace him, but of course 'Four Poufs and a Piano' would have leave. The BBC doesn’t want to turn Friday nights into 'Gay Night'; there is a limit to how much lubricant the BBC can buy...

Anyway, that’s enough with the jokes that would make Jan Moir proud, and onwards to the more serious topic of the Haiti earthquake. Nearly two weeks ago it happened and it is still getting media coverage. Usually journalists tend to get tired of stories like these after a while so they stop reporting about them and pretend they never happened. The Earthquake has killed hundreds of thousands of people, and the death toll keeps rising, but still there are heart-warming stories of people being found alive under giants heaps of rubble. It is quite amazing really.
You may have noticed that I've all-of-a-sudden turned serious, but of course there are not many jokes to be made from a tragic event such as this. However, there is one. Simon Cowell (or God as he prefers close friends and relatives to call him) has created not only a single, but an album of songs dedicated to saving Haiti, which includes many famous stars singing with all the profits of course going to the devastated country. Haiti better appreciate all the crap we have to listen to for them.

Celebrity Big Brother started and ended this month. Again, like most years, I've watched not one minute of the program and yet I know so much thanks to friends talking about it in my presence and reading the newspapers and listening to the radio. Vinnie Jones was the favourite to win for a majority of the series as he claimed to be the only one in the house who had a normal, down-to-earth lifestyle. This was said without any irony apparently as only a few hours later he said 'Aren't house keepers and pool cleaners expensive?'. Yeah, good way to represent the common folk.
It turned out he didn't win but instead Katie Price’s ex. You know the one she dated after her and Pete split up. He's the one that is 'famous' for cross dressing. That's right, Alex Reid. He really does not deserve the title as a celebrity just because he had relations with Katie Price, I mean if every single man she'd dated was a celebrity the newspapers would be enormous.
They wouldn't be too big for the iPad though. That's right, Apple's new invention which is set to revolutionise life as we know it. I read all about it in the paper on Thursday, in which they were saying you could read newspapers, magazines and book electronically. Yeah, that is really what we need. For years I've wanted to read a newspaper without it actually being on paper and now Apple have come to the rescue. Incase you didn't notice, that was sarcasm.
It has been described as the iPhone on steroids. What people don't realise is that the man holding it is actually only a foot tall, so that makes it look a lot taller than it really is. It has been hailed as something inbetween the iPhone and the iMac, with its tablet function meaning that no longer will you have to operate a laptop with the hassle of having to press 'buttons'.
Here are some facts which you may not know about the iPad. Well, you will know them if you follow me on Twitter, but if you don't here are a few facts no-one knows.

• The Apple Tablet actually contains the antidote to save the life of Snow White after she has eaten the poisoned apple.
  
• The Apple iPad will be able to breed with other iPad's and together they will have a little iPod Shuffle which will one day grow into an iPod Classic.
  
• The iPad can kill all bacteria and viruses, including the 0.1% which even the best cleaning products can't kill. It can also clean a penny in under 10 seconds, much faster than Cilit Bang.
  
• The product can make even the prettiest girl look just like Susan Boyle, assuming you throw it hard enough at their face.

I'm sure have also heard that Cadbury's is no longer British. Bloody American's, coming over here and buying our companies. Kraft were the lucky people to get their cheesy hands onto the recipe for making our nations beloved Dairy Milk. Kraft own many other food companies with a list including Ritz biscuits, Oreo biscuits, Philadelphia cheese spread, Capri Sun drinks, Kenco Coffee, Toblerone and many more. Bet you didn't know that. Kraft own quite a lot of products which you will find somewhere in your Kitchen. Will this mean that this time next year we will be eating 'Philadelphia Chocolate Spread' and 'Chocolate covered Ritz biscuits'? Probably not, but we can dream.
Cadbury's were sold because of financial problems. This is worrying considering that a few days later the Government announced that we are officially out of the recession. What does this mean for everyone though? Not a lot, infact probably nothing. A 0.1% increase is hardly going to change anything dramatically. Interest rates will still remain low, tax will remain high and it will still be hard for the average person to get a loan.

In January a show called 'Take Me Out' was unleashed onto our screens by ITV as well. The basic format of the show is for a variety of thirty single woman who range from being stupid to damn right morons, big to small and from Twins to a woman who has no teeth. These girls stand behind a podium while a man comes down the ‘Love Elevator’ and spends 5 minutes being an ignorant twit while these 'lovelies' judge him. Essentially it is Blind Date for people aren't smart enough to think up three questions and are much more desperate for a 'quickie'.
It's an awful show, mind you; it doesn't stop me watching it. The reason for that though is probably because I'm single and therefore I am usually at home feeling sorry for myself on a Saturday evening. I would hate to go that show. The women on there are enough to make me realise that being single is a positive thing if there are people like them about. I would happily give up my life to avoid having to spend an hour in a pub in their company while trying to think up small talk. It would be my idea of hell. Awfully, addictive telly, that's what it is. The adverts should come with a health warning.

Finally, the snow. I've written a blog about the recent snow, so I'm not going to repeat myself, but two weeks after it melted and all disappeared, we're all still talking about how this winter has been the worst for thirty years. Channel Four felt the need to put an hour-long program on Saturday night (30th January) in which described snow. They explained the difference between 'sticky' and 'dry' snow. The kind we suffered a few weeks ago was the sticky stuff apparently (no jokes, please). The show then had a very inconclusive conclusion (I know, sounds confusing) in which they said it was probably caused by climate change, but don't agree it was, before going on to say that we should spend Millions of pounds on proper snow clearing equipment, but then saying we shouldn't because it would be waste of money. This made for a pointless show.

Next, it is February - the shortest month of the year. What will it bring us? They predict more snow, but I hope not. We also have Valentine’s Day (or Valeween as I am referring to it as from now on) on the 14th. Will something big happen like an apocalyptic flood? Will February be a good month or a bad one? We shall have to wait and see...

The Snow-Pocalypse

Snow? That white stuff that falls from the sky and lands on the ground so we can build snowmen and throw snowballs. Last week? Country grinding to a halt? Roads not being gritted? People crashing their cars as a result of the snow? Thousands of schools being cancelled? People being stuck in their homes? A shortage of food in some areas? Over a foot of the stuff? Nope, no-one told me about. You would have thought a thing like that would at least be mentioned on the news.

I'm only yanking your chain and 'having you on'. Of course I remember the snow. How could I not? My retina's are still burnt after the light glaring off it blinded me everytime I walked past the window. I still walk out the door and see mounds of the stuff on fields and by the roads where men dressed in scarves and hats once stood proudly. Down in Kent we had almost a foot of the white stuff and for an entire week people moaned endlessly about it.

I'm blaming the snow for me failing my driving test. Technically it didn't affect me at all, but I feel left out not having something to moan about. I missed one day of school as a result of the snow, which wasn't that bad considering how bad the news made it sound. If I sat and watched the news I would be Agoraphobic by now. You would think there were viscous polar bears wondering the streets and lurking around every corner was an angry penguin holding a deadly bomb which would destroy the Earth. It was snow, not the apocalypse. I think it is pretty amazing how a beautiful white landscape can strike such fear into people. Do you think people who live in places like Switzerland look out the window every morning clutching a cross praying for their lives to be spared? No - they live with it.

Nick Griffin must have cried with delight when he opened his curtains on the morning of the initial snowfall to realise his dream of a white Britain had finally come true. He must have felt the same excitement of every eight year old child. If I was eight and saw that there was an entire foot of snow outside, chances are I would be frothing at the mouth after collapsing to ground at the single thought of all the wonderful things I could do in the snow. I could build an Igloo, maybe a giant snowman which would come to life or make snow angles. I could make the worlds the largest snowball and throw it at my mate so he was paralysed for the rest of his life. Oh, that would be sooo cool. Of course I'm not eight though. I'm seventeen with exams to pass and a life to continue to try and live. My first thought upon seeing the weather man forecast snow was "Well that's going to be a bugger isn't it."
It has become the coldest winter on record for 30 years with more snow expected in the next few days. A few years ago I would love this fact and praying every night that it does snow. It's just a palaver now I'm mature; which is kind of depressing really. Didn't get much snow when I was young enough to enjoy it, and now, if anything, I don't want it to snow. Sure, it is pretty and has given me plenty of perfect images to add to my photography coursework, but still it doesn't feel me excitement.

Our nation becomes so obsessed with snow when it does finally come. I counted the word 'snow' being said 54 times in one half hour news show. Now, that is just a ridiculous amount of times. Every ten minutes the man on the news or the radio would be warning us not to travel unless it was strictly necessary. However, news teams across the country rushed out into the snow to make a live link to prove it is actually snowing outside of London. Up north, they got so desperate for news that the local news station actually went to a village which had no snow. Every news station had images and videos of people slipping and face-planting the pathment. They had footage of cars struggling to drive up a steep hill and having to reverse down. Images of hundreds of cars parked up by the side of the road where people had given up. It the news images looked like a scene from BBC One's Survivor's, or maybe one of the Doctor Who episodes where the Master comes along and something awful happens to man-kind; just before The Doctor comes on to save us once again. Unfortunately this wasn't the case, but that's how extreme it looked.
The news was quick to report that a policeman went sledging down a hill with his riot shield. Now I personally think that is very inventive and indeed that man should go on the next series of Dragons Den. Instead, he and his fellow police officers who joined him got reprimanded. This is how our nation got the reputation of being boring, strict people. It was only a bit of fun.
Then on every news show, there was a poor reporter standing at some Gritting Depot to say that they're working through the night to grit the roads and there were 'Dwindling supplies'. In fairness, there isn't a great deal of fun to be had from Gritting Depot's. No-one cares about them during the summer, so just because it's snowing slightly outside, these people become our saviours and when they can't grit one small, unused street, we tell them they're useless. How unappreciative are we as a nation?
Then we constantly moan at the weather forecasters who keep predicting the weather 6 months in advance incorrectly. To be honest, that has got to be one of the worst things to try and predict. Why do we want to know what the weather is going to be in six months time anyway? People lived perfectly fine 20 years ago before we could it. It seems like a waste of time to me really. This is effectively trying to predict the future, and fortune tellers have a reputation for not being accurate. However, they do try and again, we show no appreciation for them trying. The same as we show no appreciation for the postman that still delivers the post in his shorts. If Rugby players think they're men, then they should try getting up at 5 in the morning in the snow to deliver bills.

Everytime it snows as well, people moan about how our country pathetically grounds to halt when it snows because we see how America cope with much more snow than us, and places like Switzerland cope with it all the time. The idea of their airports closing, trains breaking down and people taking the day of work seems ridiculous to them. Kids still manage to go to school despite the fact they've had to tie tennis rackets to their feet. It is ridiculous in comparison to them, but how often do we get snow like this. Not very often, and if Global Warming isn't a myth (which I believe it is to a certain respect) then we won't have to deal with snow for much longer anyway. I reckon we should just stop moaning and enjoy the snow when it comes. Stop being such boring people Britain and embrace the next round of apocalyptic snow.

I did see two brilliant things during the snow however. They both prove how rude and immature we can be when given the chance. The first was a giant erect penis which had been constructed in someone's front garden. Not only that, but disturbingly they went to a great deal of effort to make it look realistic, let's put it that way. The other was a snowman with a carrot and two lumps of coal like most traditional snowmen. However, these were not in the traditional place, and where infact put in a position to resemble a certain part of a man's lower anatomy. Such humour our nation when it snow, but as soon as it melts, everyone goes back to their BMW's, a suit and a briefcase to continue life as a mature adult.

I don't want to grow up.

Here is a video of a man slipping on the ice on an Irish News program.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CT0a-Hgumo

Stuart's Review Of The Noughties

Wave bye-bye to 2009 and to the Noughties. 2010 has arrived, bringing with it a new decade which is inappropriately named 'The Teens'. As a lot of people have commented, it shouldn't technically be called 'The Teens' until 2013, so I don't know what the official name for this decade will be. Also, what are we calling this year? Twenty Ten or Two Thousand and Ten? I personally prefer the former because it sounds quite futuristic, but it is an Americanism, which is a downside. The latter is quite a boring, British way of saying it. I expect I'll call it Twenty Ten because it is shorter, but no-one listens to me.

Anyway, back on with the subject, 'The Noughties' - the years 2000 to 2009. This is the decade of the Internet. Every decade has a 'thing' and the previous was the Internet; the marvellous invention that allows you to watch people getting hurt when You've Been Framed isn't on. It also allows people to communicate with each other, as well as looking at free porn and sharing pointless thoughts with the world on Twitter. The Internet also allows people to be very angry. The amount of comments you see on forums and YouTube which are an exchange of insults is phenomenal. People surely were not that angry before the Internet. Essentially, they're just 12 year old boys who like to act hard by calling everyone a 'Dickhead' under the alias of 'RudeBoi98'. If you met them in real life, they would run away at the mere thought of a fight. I've had a few of them comments on my Blog, which I think is evidence that I've made it.
The Internet has had an incredible amount of bad press also however. Only the other year some scientist said that 'Using Facebook could raise the risk of your child having cancer' and crying that 'It could ruin the brains of children effecting our future generation'. Well, I've been on Facebook a few years now and I'm no more stupid than I was before. Also, apparently, a rise in paedophilia has been recorded because a 42 year old man can pose as 15 year old girl of MSN or MySpace. No one said 70 years ago that 'Chimney sweeps could be a predator on your innocent teenage daughter' did they though. Anyway, I know I'm safe because if anyone wanted me, they'd have to be pretty darn desperate.

This has also been the decade of terror for other reasons. Ever since 11/9 (it's the right way around because I'm not American. They're the only country who writes the date the other way around - idiots) the Governments have drummed into us that we're living in a 'climate of fear' which they themselves created anyway. The planes crashing into the Twin Towers surely was a horrific moment of the decade, and is one thing it will be remembered for, but I don't think going to war with Afghanistan and Iraq has helped the situation. Overall, 6,255 people died in the Noughties because of the war. Then you have the bomb attack on a Spanish train, then the London Underground/Bus, Glasgow Airport and a Russian Train; as well as all the suicide attacks in the war-torn countries. Okay, not as bad as the World Wars, but still something a majority of people will remember about the decade.

The reality show boom. Yes, a lot of negative things happened during the Noughties. The popularity of these shows started at the dawn of decade, with Big Brother being the main one and then shows such as Pop Idol, X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. Then shows like I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here, Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing On Ice. This is what tarred the basic fabric of humanity apart during the decade, with 95% of conversations linking to Reality TV in one way or another. Don't even get me started on the stars that have been born from this obsession. People like Chantelle from Big Brother, Cheryl Cole from Pop Stars: The Rivals and recently Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent. The most annoyingly famous one of the lot however is Jade Goody. You may be surprised that I mentioned her name, but in 45 years time when some poor sods have to learn about Culture in the Noughties, she'll be one of the people mentioned to your Grandchildren or Great Grandchildren. Now who wants that? I sure don't! The history of the decade has been soiled because of Reality TV and Jade Goody.
Simon Cowell has been a giant influence upon the decade as well. At the turn of the decade he was relatively unknown and now he is better known than the Queen according to a recent study. This is the man who brought us the treats of Pop Idol, X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. This is the man who has helped to escalate our nations hunger to be a celebrity. This is a man who makes millions from making people look like complete and utter idiots on national telly in front of 10 Million people on a weekly basis. This is a man who at one point was more well known for being an angry, white-teethed, trousers-around-the-neck annoyance with terrible hair. Now he has far too much respect, money and ego as a result of the Noughties.

Journalism. Now remember I want a career in Journalism so this is a profession I'm suppose to admire and constantly dream about. Infact, only the other day I received a conditional offer to study Journalism at University. Well believe it or not I hate a majority of Journalists. Since the death of our dear Princess Diana, press has been given a bad name; in much the same way as one of Bon Jovi's ex's gave love a bad name. Piers Morgan was a twat during the 90's but he's even worse now - he's on TV. The news seems to only focus on the pointless moments in life like celebrity love lives. "Forget Australia being completely destroyed by a nuclear bomb, did you say Wayne and Coleen Rooney may be getting divorced?" That's what it would be like anyway. I'm sure most Journalist's are lovely in real-life, but the persona created by most in the papers is quite an unpleasant one.

Then you also have the recession, which looms over us still as we pass into another decade. This brought an increase of Shoplifting into the decade and a rise in unemployment. The decade will be known for bankers pissing our money away so they can go fancy yachts with cheesy names such as 'Bay Dream' and 'Fishin' Impossible'. People in years to come will talk about a ‘Northern Rock’ which once stood in high streets and raconteurs will share stories of the time when they stood in lines for hours on end to enter this 'Northern Rock'.

Something else that has come out of the decade and the Internet is the ability to watch TV without turning the actual television on. Yes, iPlayer was born, meaning that people can watch something a week later after it was originally shown on their laptops, iPods and phones. Phones are another invention which has really excelled during the Noughties. At the turn of the decade people hadn't even started playing Snake on their mobiles with them being the size of an actual brick with giant buttons. Remember them? Well why don't you go on the Internet via your phone and have a look on Google images if you don't.

Apples played a big part in the decade. No, not the edible ones which keep the doctor away, I mean the company. The idea that someone could play a few songs without using a CD player or tape deck was revolutionary. Now we think nothing of having an entire music collection in our pocket to listen to when we want, where we want. Now that my friends, this is what geeks are for: coming up with absolutely fantastic inventions. I love my iPod. I love mine so much I've named him Oscar and surprisingly he has the exact same taste in music as I do.

Twitter is a micro-blogging site which really made it big in the final year of the decade, and I have to stand up and say "Yes, I am a Twitterholic". I find it absolutely fantastic. What did we do before Twitter? Did we shout short messages of 140 characters in length out the window at people innocently walking past? No, it is such a pointless invention and is why I adore it. Essentially Twitter is a legalised form of stalking. I now know whenever my friends are having a shower and I can even tell you when Chris Moyles is going for 5 mile run so you can pop around his house and burgle him. Just brilliant.

This was the decade in which people stopped talking and spelling properly too (or should I say 2?). It’s a pet peeve of mine. I think you will find ‘U’ is an inappropriate way of spelling ‘you’. Even meaningful sentiments like ‘I love you’ have been destroyed. You’re lucky if someone goes to the effort of putting ‘luv u’ really because people very commonly go ‘ily’. The English language is slowly being destroyed. Even laughter has been destroyed. People have actually started saying ‘LOL’ instead of laughing. It’s the most common piece of gobbledegook used in society these days, and I hate it; a generation of people who can only communicate if they’re typing or using acronyms.

Games have had a huge impact in the previous decade. Years ago we sat infront of silly 2D animation with repetitive hypnotising music. Now at the end of the decade people have realistic games in which you feel part of the experience. Whether you're running people over in a stolen car on Grand Theft Auto or playing tennis in your living rooms, you are living in a realistic revolutionary game. You can play on your own while eating a packet of Doritos's or on the Internet against a thousand people eating Doritos's. If someone said to you in 1999 that in 2009 you could flapping like a bird to 'exercise' on your games console or pretending you're in a war zone with real blood effects and talking to someone in Australia, you probably would have already called the local mental institution claiming they were insane.

Then we have pop culture. This is something I am not going to say I 'adore' or find 'fantastic' because I actually detest it. As I mention far too many times in my blogs; Jade Goody was pretty the face of everything I despise. Amy Winehouse constantly being in and out of rehab so many times I can't remember when I first lost interest in her. Naomi Campbell has hit so many cleaners that her house now looks like a pig sty. Heather Mills has crushed so many Beatles that she has been named a threat to the environment. Victoria and David Beckham have moved country so many times that they themselves have contributed to 10% of all pollution. That leaves Katie Price; well she alone caused the great 2005 shortage of plastic and has been spread over so many papers that I can't be bothered to think up another metaphor for her. These are people we're supposed to idealise? These are role models to the next generation of adults? Celebrity Pop Culture was possibly the worst part of the Noughties. The sad thing is as well, that it shows no signs of stopping during the Teens. Even if we perfect space travel in the decade, we wouldn't be able to hide from it. How I wish I was a hermit sometimes.

Much more happened in the previous decade however, but I don’t want to make this blog so incredibly long no-one reads it so I’ve decreased it the bigger moments. What wonders do we expect from the Teens though? Maybe Jonathan Ross will leave the BBC to go onto more exciting projects? Maybe Big Brother will come to an end? Maybe we will learn how to cope with snow? Maybe big football teams like Manchester United and Liverpool will be squashed by teams like Leeds and Reading? Maybe the cure for cancer will be found? Maybe the British public will stop moaning about every little thing which could be portrayed as 'insulting' on the BBC? Maybe I will be able to text from my phone without pressing the camera button by accident? Maybe my blog will be found by the editor from The Guardian and I'll be found and become a renowned famous Journalist (I'm allowed to dream)? It's even possible that Katie Price may find the perfect man.

We shall have to wait and see.

An Unconventional Driving Test - Ye First

Yesterday I had my Driving test. I may as well tell you now incase you don't know already - I failed. Bugger. Anywho, the snow means I have time to write a blog, so here I go. First I'll update you on the useless information of my four driving lessons prior to my test, and then vaguely inform you about my test. I am sorry I failed because it now means you've got to cope with a few more blogs about my lessons.

So Lesson 29. We're going back to the last week of school and the day it snowed hard and I had a driving lesson. Fortunately, my lesson finished about half hour before the snow came down. Was still cold though! The lesson consisted of me doing two, yes that is right, two three point turns, a parallel park, a reverse around a corner and a reverse into a parking bay. All were successful and was overall a good lesson.

Now let’s move to Christmas Eve for Lesson 30. This was cancelled. Then back on an hour later with a different car. This first meant going to the instructor’s house to meet his wife and very hairy dog to get into his new back-up black car (I was the first student to drive it). Anyway, it took some getting used to, but other than that it was a very good lesson I thought. Done a reverse around a corner into a parking bay (a two birds, one stone move), a parallel park, a three point turn then a reverse around a corner. It was an interesting way to 'celebrate' my 30th lesson.

Lesson 31 a week later and I was back in the old car - the first student to drive the old car since he got it repaired. It was raining very hard and didn't really do much driving. The majority of the lesson was going through the 'Show Me, Tell Me' questions for my test, as well as numerous emergency stops and also managed to fit in a three point turn.
Lesson 32 was the next day and it was still raining hard as well as my last lesson before the test. We done some more 'Show Me, Tell Me' and more emergency stops; I have to say - emergency stops are such fun! Anyway, I also did a reverse into a bay, a three point turn and a reverse around a corner.

THE TEST
Okay, so yes, I failed. I have prepared an excuse however: Snow. My driving test was on snow and ice which if I'm honest isn't exactly the best conditions for a driving test. I should be grateful it wasn't cancelled though I suppose. I actually did very well for a majority of the test. It didn't start very well with me attempting to open the bonnet at the bumper but my instructor was very nice and didn't think I was a complete idiot.
I had 9 minors (you're allowed a maximum of 15 to pass) and had 2 serious (you're allowed none). The two ‘serious’ mistakes where silly one which I've never done before, and both done in the last 5 minutes of my test. One was rolling back at traffic lights as I hadn't put my handbrake on and the other cutting someone up coming off a roundabout. The minors where mainly me not checking my mirrors regularly enough and getting the wrong gear going up hills. Very silly stuff.

I am very disappointed with it really knowing I could have easily passed it. However I have already booked my second driving test. Annoyingly I have to wait another two months though - 3rd March at 09:37. Wish me luck!

Going back to my vague discussion about the instructors cars; he has, let's say, unique license plates. His normal red car has 'POO' written in his licence plate number. The back-up car has 'PEE' written in the license plate number. Now picture the scene with both cars on the driveway. You could knock on his door and tell him "Someone's left a poo and a pee on your driveway." That entertained me for ages when I figured that out. How immature am I?

So, from now on my driving lessons will be fortnightly (because prices have gone up and I can no longer afford them weekly) so a new blog on my driving lessons will be posted just before my test on 3rd March.

This is my first blog post of the year so I suppose I should say:

Happy New Year!