The Sexennial Anniversary

I had an interview last week, and I was showing them this blog. The boss was scrolling down the page, and he skimmed over my blog post for my five year anniversary. In it, I state my all-time word count. "213,436 words…" he says. "Wow, that's a lot."

And you know what, it bloody is. It's astonishing. But I wonder if it is time well spent. Every one of those words represents time I could have spent doing something of more value, instead of being sat alone in a room, in my own little world. It's not a very sociable hobby, and not very lucrative. However, I say that in the full knowledge that many of today's youth make a living from playing a fool on YouTube, or giving repetitive fashion advice on a blog. For some reason, there just isn't much money in writing self-indulgent misanthropy, written just for the purpose of procrastinating from other things.

Notice that since I finished University in May, my blog production has decreased. That's because I have had nothing better to be doing. I thrive at writing blogs when I have other stuff to do. I am currently in the middle of retraining my brain to be able to write even when my schedule is empty. Like this morning.

But anyway, I can feel my fingers digressing. My blog was six years old on Saturday. Six years. That's (including this), 214  posts overall; 17 of which were over the past year, and marking a continued decline in my yearly production. However, that now equals  227,670 words taking up invaluable space on the Internet. And if you think it's sad that I've put this much effort into something I get little in return for, then you won't want to know that I find these statistics incredibly interesting.

My most read blogs all tend to be my reviews this year, where I show off about all the musicals I've seen, gigs I've attended, films I've watched, and CD's I've brought. No-one seems particularly interested in my trails of thought, but alas, I shall continue.

However, that is possibly in part because most of my attention over the past year, has been directed at my newest project: A Misanthrope's Guide to London. Surprisingly, that blog seems to be gaining a lot of popularity in the USA, so I would like to apologise for any American's who's opinion of London have decreased. BUT, that could mean less American tourists in London, and that can only be considered a positive.

Almost every one of them I've met, matches the American tourist stereotype. They wear bright yellow jackets, shorts, fishing hats, and invite you to come stay with them, despite the fact you've only spent a few minutes in their company. Have you seen the Harry and Paul sketch of the two American tourists? That is a perfect impression of a very distant relative of mine, and his wife. Granted, they're Canadian, but they live in Las Vegas. I have a draw full of lapel pins from different states, which they showered upon everyone they met.

Anyway, I'm now looking for a new project. I have two ideas; both with misanthropy at their heart. Do I start a sequel, which I alluded to in my last post, called 'A Misanthrope's Guide to Folkestone & Hythe'? Or perhaps a general one for Kent? Or an English one? Or, do I start a mock news website? The Misanthrope Times perhaps? I don't know. And that's where the issue lies. I want to put my focus into a new website. Start completely afresh.

I said this a few years ago, and I'm still here, but I, again, think it's nearing a time to retire from this blog, and to let it share it's memories with anyone who stumbles upon it after putting in an obscure Google search. I shall move on and try to rear a new project into maturity; one which would be bigger, better, and not still include old blog posts with shameful grammar, spelling and with no real purpose.

But it's hard. I love this blog; apart from the web address which I chose when I was sixteen. So, I need help moving on with my life, but I just can't decide where to focus my misanthropy.

What are your thoughts? A Misanthrope's Guide to Somewhere New? Or The Misanthrope Times?

It's your decision; should you care. I value your opinion, even if you don't value mine.

Moving, Just Keep Moving...

Two months ago we had a flat which overlooked the Thames, in one of the busiest cities in the World. Now, I'm in Hythe with a distant view of the sea, and in one of the most old fashioned towns in the country. The shops still all shut on a Sunday, and the only danger is being run over by a blind old lady pushing a shopping trolley.

We've now been in our quaint little flat for nearly three weeks, but there was a point when I thought we would never find somewhere to live. In London, we were lucky and the flat we lived in was the first flat we liked and saw. Down here, we saw four, but liked many more. The 'experience' was full of disappointment, as well as meeting many letting agents who were Satan's children, and a couple who were lovely. It took six weeks, but we finally got a place we could live.

But then the next issue was that we had no furniture. Thus, too much money was spent. And then, too much time was spent by me putting it all together. I was in flat pack hell. I like putting things together more than most, but that was just a week-long binge of different shades of oak. However, by some divine intervention, not a thing was broken and nothing was missing. Even if I made a few silly mistakes...

And we had spent a week laying on a multitude of beds, in a variety of shops, watched by an array of shop assistants, who seemed to always have one hand on my wallet. The whole time, you sound like a spoilt Goldilocks going "This bed's very soft… Oh, this one is far too hard for my liking… This is just right… HOW MUCH?" Then, when you finally settle on a bed you can live with, which is only a little above your budget, you're told it's a month's wait. At which point, I would thank the man for his time, and walk out.

In the end, we gave up and brought a bed from Argos which we couldn't try on for size, just for the sheer convenience of not having to lay awkwardly on beds in public view. And you know what? It was the best decision possible, and it was cheaper. And it was the exact same process for our sofa too. You know what children? Internet shopping is the future.

The problem then though, is that you have to sit by the window for a week, waiting for the two minutes when the delivery man comes, dumps a load of cardboard by the front door, and leaves you carry a box containing an unassembled dining table and four chairs, indoors all by yourself. Two weeks on and my big toe is still bruised. And once everything was assembled, we were left with a mountain of boxes in the hallway. Stepping on the wrong floorboard could easily result in an avalanche.

Thankfully, we have a small garden we can retreat too. Well, I had to spend two days chopping my way through brambles and other weeds, and being covered in scratches so deep one could be forgiven for thinking I had started a new job as a lion tamer, and was awful at it.

Speaking of which, I am still unemployed. If one forgets the fact I'm spending money, when I have none coming in, I'm a little bit thankful for that. Imagine the stress of starting a new job amongst all of that? The dining table would probably still be on the doorstep, brambles would be smashing their way through the windows, and we'd be sleeping on cardboard boxes.

However, now that's all done, I need to need to get a job so I don't become too attached to our brilliant YouView box, and don't put too much of a dent in our sofa. I've never had Sky channels before, and I'm still not over the novelty of Simpson episodes that aren't at least 10 years old; I watched one from 2013 yesterday! This truly a beautiful time to be alive.

I have learnt over the past few months, that unemployment doesn't mean you have to sit watching people who have been subjected to bad dentistry, shout at each other on Jeremy Kyle. I have done something every day. Today is the first for a good few weeks where I've actually had the time to write a blog post. I can't remember the last time I even took a photograph. It's not only because I've been busy making this flat a home, but because I'm using the time to help those closest to me. Partly to be a decent human being, but also in a bid to fight off boredom.

I'm about to make an observation which is enlightening, positive and a cliché, for which I apologise for. Normal misanthropy will resume shortly, I'm sure… But life is what you make it. If you've sat in your bedroom who two years solely playing video games, then you must have the mental capacity of a peanut. Getting a job isn't as easy as most people think it is, but it doesn't mean you have to do nothing. Put some clothes on, stop hibernating and go and do something in the big, beautiful world. Not having a job doesn't mean you don't have a life. You're a disgrace to humanity; and peanuts.

P.S. A Misathrope's Guide to Folkestone and Hythe... Is that to be the sequel of A Misathrope's Guide to London?

Album Review: Maroon 5 - V (Deluxe Version)

After their last album, Overexposed, I was dreading this one. After hearing that a new album would be released in 2014, I was excited whilst also cowering behind my hands at the risk of being severely disappointed again. I saw the track listing, and the song titles didn't impress. I saw their understated front cover, with the florescent 'V', and had an incline that it would contain electronic sounds I'm not keen on. Then I saw the 'Parental Advisory' logo and I could feel my heavy heart. I was setting myself up for heartbreak, but I still pre-ordered the album… This is my mostly upbeat review, song by song:

Maps: When I heard this song back in June, I tentatively loved it instantly. A great catchy song, with meaningful lyrics which tell a story about being hurt in love, and trying to get the other person back, and those emotions shine through. It's a song that fits in with modern music, but still has the same ingredients of Maroon 5's earlier music. Plus, it was written with Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic, who seems unable to write an unsuccessful song at the moment. An early favourite.

Animals: There is a theme developing early in the album with hints of the dreaded autotune. This is also very repetitive, with the word 'Animals' being sung to death, and stupid sounds such as 'Ny Ny Ny'. Of course, it is still a catchy song, and is a song using sounds much more like they're recent stuff. However, despite being an obvious metaphor, the Animal/Sex metaphor is done quite cleverly.

It Was Always You: I heard this song a few weeks back, and initially I was disappointed. This has an autotuned sound to it which immediately put me off. However, on reflection I think that might just be Adam Levine's voice. So, once I had seen past that, the song harks back to their It Won't Be Soon Before Long album, and after a few listens, the song does imbed itself in your head. Also, as always with Maroon 5 songs, I really like the lyrics.

Unkiss Me: I'm not keen on the music, as it seems like it should be a gangster hip-hop song at the start, but it progressed in an intuitive manner, and despite that, it is a slow and poignant song. The song also sounds well produced, because more often with this music, the voice can get lost. As the song started, I didn't expect to like it, but it is really catchy, of the time, and a very beautiful song; both in terms of lyrics and voice.

Sugar: Electronic vibe, which I think works well with Levine's voice, and a very summery song; it's a shame this album has been released at the start of Autumn. This song makes great use of how high his voice can go (one to rival the Bee Gees). Again, it's a very catchy song and I really love the chorus for its juxtaposition between high, and well, not quite so high, voice. Possibly a favourite for me.

Leaving California: This song would fit in so well on their Songs About Jane album, and is a masterpiece of a song from Maroon 5. Of course it is catchy, and of course the lyrics are perfect, and of course Levine's voice is pouring with emotion. It's got a positive and upbeat tone, and it's one of those songs that I think could lift the spirits of a crap day; which is nice between the songs about failed love. However, the song doesn't necessarily end; it just stops. This is the one negative point I can say about this song; it just sounds like the CD has malfunctioned.

In Your Pocket: Slightly oriental twang at the start, which seems pointless… But the lyrics have a fast pace, and that drives the song and it's gorgeous! The music is minimal. It's catchy, the lyrics are clever in how they tell the story, and it sounds like one side of an argument, about not trusting your partner.

New Love: Return of the autotune, which one has to admit doesn't sound too bad with the electronic vide. This is possibly my least favourite thus far, partly because it has unnecessary swearing, partly because Levine's high pitched voice is a bit annoying and repetitive in this song, and also because it's just a bit too club-like for my liking. Bu having said all that, it's alright.

Coming Back For You: The opening drums sound like those from Phil Collins's In The Air Tonight. Regardless, the song is good with their usual mix of great lyrics and music, which are catchy. I like it, but it's a 'meh' song.

Feelings: This song has such an electronic feel, that I'm convinced the introduction was originally a ringtone for a Nokia phone from 2002. Again, it also has needless and repetitive swearing, but I like the catchiness and the lyrics again. Apart from the distinctive voice though, I wouldn't have linked this song with Maroon 5, and although I fits in with the album, I'm not sure it's necessarily 'them'. Also, I can't help but think though, that this song should be sung by a woman.

My Heart is Open feat. Gwen Stefani: Speaking of which, here is a duet with a female. This is a stripped back song in comparison to the past few, and it is welcome relief. Their voices work really well together, but I do wish there was more of Gwen Stefani; as I can't help but think Levine keeps interrupting her. Duets are the 'thing' at the moment, and this fits in well amongst them. Again, it has lots of emotion, and the lyrics are good, if not slightly lacking what some of the other songs have.

Shoot Love: This has a Mark Ronson sound to it, which I used to really like (whatever happened to him incidentally?). Very catchy song, with interesting sounds which alter the mood and pace of the song. Lyrics are nothing to be amazed by, but the actual music and production are top-notch.

Sex and Candy: Another stripped back song, and is an unexpected treat. The title had me expecting another electronic-heavy song, but instead it's just Adam, a drum, a keyboard and guitar. Very soulful, and it's great to be able to hear his voice in this style of music. You can't help but just slowly move your body to the song. Also, the song ends on a long, drawn-out fade, which rounds off nicely and is a lovely change from the abrupt endings featuring on the rest of the album.

Lost Stars: This is a song from a film I haven't seen (Begin Again) featuring Levine in an acting role (and officially, it's just an Adam Levine song). I downloaded it separately a few weeks earlier because it is a beautiful song, and it got me in the mood for this album (plus I hadn’t realised it was on this album). It is again another song which sits perfectly amongst their earlier songs, and it just makes me smile. It has a great musical and emotional progression, and OF COURSE, the lyrics are fabulous, and I love how Adam Levine sings it. A lovely end to the album and one of my all-time favourties. Incidentally, look up the other song he sung for the film, A Higher Place: That is a Songs About Jane song through and through.

After my first listen, I was excited. Our love affair was back on track. Of course, they have annoying habits, but they're subjective. For example, despite moaning about the repetitive 'Ny Ny Ny' of Animals, I spent the rest of the day singing that over and over in my head. Just like in a loving relationship, the other person will have annoying habits, but I'm not sure I'd change them. Whether it's their insistence on using electronic beats, the fact they swear too much, or the their resolve to never put things back where they belong.

I really love the album, and it has made me very happy. Favourite songs include Maps, Sugar, Leaving California, In Your Pocket, My Heart is Open, Sex and Candy, and Lost Stars. I can class half this album as being favourite songs of mine, and that's really good going. There is a real mix of music between them, and yet they're songs that are all perfect in different ways. They have really outdone themselves this time.

I've perhaps been a bit too negative to other songs, but it all about personal taste. Even though I can swear with the best of the drunken sailors, I hate unnecessary swearing in comedy, literature and music. Unless you're portraying real anger, I just think there can always be a better word. Look up a song called Up Here by Terra Naomi. Now she swears perfectly. It is more than just a swear word. It holds power because you just understand how angry and frustrated she feels. Anyway, I'm off point.

This is a brilliant Maroon 5 album for three reasons: Firstly, it has roots that go all the way through their past albums, and it draws on what their fans really loved about them 10 years ago, such as their emotive lyrics. Secondly, it isn't a complete change of direction from Overexposed, so it keeps the best of those songs, and it keeps their new fans loyal too. Ultimately, this is an album which showcases their evolution. But thirdly, the album has been produced marvellously. I think it has to be one of the best-produced albums I've heard for a long time.

Overall, they've done a perfect job, despite Adam Levine's silly new hairstyle, and the fact there is now 6 of them...