Thursday 30 September 2010

Album Review: Goo Goo Dolls - Something For The Rest Of Us

I should just point out, in case you have not yet figured it out yet from my music blogs; don't expect great in-depth analyse of the production of the music. I don't know enough to even try and blag my way through pretending. To be honest, I just know what sounds good and what don’t; what works and what doesn't and why I like it or why I don't like it. You could say I am naive and ignorant to the ways of music. I am a user. I will happily take the music and listen to it, but I'm not giver. I don't know all about riffs and the like. Anyway, I have more albums to ignorantly review.
Second to Maroon 5, Goo Goo Dolls are my favourite band. This band has a huge collection of music and all of it varying and appealing to different tastes. ‘Iris’, their most popular song is a lovely, calm song with real passion, but a typical Goo Goo Dolls song will be a lot louder and generally appeal someone with a ‘harder’ taste in music. For those people who do love ‘Iris’ and wish they had more songs similar, this is your lucky album in my opinion. It compromises. It still has the harder sound, but mixed with the passion that comes across in ‘Iris’.

The first song on this album is ‘Sweetest Lies’, and I happen to think this is the perfect opening song for the album. It gives you a feel for the rest of the album and for even better things to come. Then along comes the song ‘As I Am’, which is very catchy and is rather a meaningful song; as most of them are.

That is then followed by the single, ‘Home’. This is a song which is truly original to the Goo Goo Dolls sound, with it somehow managing to have a hard sound, but still comes across as meaningful and lovely, which is more typical of them. The song is very significant and is accompanied by great lyrics. It also has the classic key change at the end which somehow doesn’t sound cheesy, like it does when Westlife do it.

‘NotBroken’ is a very annoying song title and is somewhat confusing to my grammatical mind. I keep wanting to put a space in it – there should be space in the title. It for some reason infuriates me that they done that. Forgetting that, it is yet again typical of the Goo Goo Dolls, and is indeed a powerful song. ‘One Night’ is a song which is rather similar sounding to the rest of the album, but for reasons I cannot fathom, it still manages to stand out; a great song by that reckoning.

‘Nothing Is Real’ has an uplifting feel to it which is really enjoyable and I love songs which can raise your mood just by their lyrics and impact, like this one. ‘Now I Hear’ is yet another classic Goo Goo Dolls song, in particular with its rough, gravelly voice which is somehow beautiful. It is a great song with immense meaning. ‘Still You Sing’ has this very catchy sound to it and great lyrics, which work well and I rather like it.

The album title song, ‘Something For The Rest Of Us’ is a much slower song, and because of that, it probably has the more significant impact and meaning than any other song on this album. ‘Say You’re Free’ is one of those songs which are nothing special, but it still works quite well on the album with the other songs. Then we have the two, final tracks on the album.

‘Hey Ya’ is a real, attention seeking song which jumps out at the end and almost takes you by surprise. The power it has to it is incredible and again rather emotional. It is such a beautifully created song. The final song; ‘Soldier’ is a superb final song for an album. This song seems to be really deep and meaningful, with it being the most emotion-evoking song on the album, but it still manages to have this uplifting beat to it. ‘Soldier’ is my favourite song on the album and I listen to it constantly.

It is very typical of Goo Goo Dolls for their last song on an album to fit those criteria, with ‘Iris’ being the final song on its album, and that too is my favourite song. This band does not receive the credit they really deserve for their music. I only found out that the album was coming out two days previous to me purchasing it; that is how much of an effect they have upon me!

Wednesday 29 September 2010

Album Review: Fyfe Dangerfield - Fly Yellow Moon

I just want emphasis the point: These are MY favourite albums. I'm not asking you to like my types of music; in fact I'm not even asking you to read my blog. I have a real problem with people having a prejudice against others just because they don't have the same musical tastes. There are these people about which will write of perfectly nice people, just because of the music collection on their iPod. That is just so very wrong. It probably isn't as bad as racism or sexist, but it is in the area of pointless prejudice: Musicism.
Some background information on Fyfe Dangerfield: You may not be aware, but Fyfe is the lead singer of the band The Guillemots; whom I love. They are a very unique band and I'm not sure how to describe them really. I really do like their songs, especially the album Red. One reason for this is because of Fyfe's voice, which may not be the best, but the oddness he has, is great. That comes across in this album, but not as much as in his bands stuff.

'When You Walk In The Room' is what I would call a classic Guillemots song, so as the introduction to his first solo album, is rather perfect to ease us, as the listeners, into this new music. This song is also one of his singles, and it seems to have strong emotions connected to it, which makes it even better for me. 'So Brand New' is a song which isn't anything too catchy or amazing, but it certainly seems to be very apt for the album and the other songs.

We then have two rather slow and beautiful pieces of music which are really pieces of musical art, but the weird type you might find in the Tate Modern. 'Barricades' is one of those songs and it seems to be very heartfelt and has the ability to pull on those rusty heart strings. 'High On The Tide' is the following piece of beautiful music. It is very relaxing, and with the sounds of the beach and his lyrics, you are teleported to being sat on the beach - it has that much power. The song is almost too powerful. Clever.

'Faster Than The Setting Sun' is the song that has the most impact on the album with the song having this significance on the album and yet another of his singles. It is due to this that I love the song and listened to it quite a bit when I first got the album. 'Livewire' is completely different to any other song on this album. It has this lovely, acoustic sound which makes the song have this incredible meaning and make you just fall in love as you listen to it. 'Firebird' is a somewhat similar song to 'Livewire', but this time it doesn't have the same impact. You listen to the song, just waiting and wishing for it to eventually perk up; and it never does. It is one heck of a depressing song.

'She Needs Me' is just what needs to follow that depressing song. It instantly perks you, and the album, up again. This song is very catchy and I love this song too; also because of its lyrics which I believe to be very meaningful too. 'Don't Be Shy' is yet another song which has the incredible impact and meaning and it returns to the slower, acoustic sound, but a bit happier. 'Any Direction' has a slightly 'techno' sound to it, which is certainly reminiscent of The Guillemots, and it is really good. It’s a unique song that, eventually, gets going and is rather catchy.

'She's Always A Woman' (or 'The Song Off Of The John Lewis Advert' as everyone knows it) is a beautiful rendition of Billy Idol's song. I personally find it much better than the original. I'll be wasting time reviewing this song anymore - everyone knows it. 'Awake, Asleep' is a very good and is a very powerful song. It has this distinctive sound to it, and I can't find any other way to describe than to describe it as a 'classic' sounding song. 'Let's Start Again' then cheers you up after that song, and yet again another example to positioning songs well within the album. It works well, and as for the song, it is very catchy; the catchiest song of the album I believe.

The last song on the album is the single version of 'Faster Than The Setting Son', which I feel kind of ruins the end of the album. I hate it when artists do that; repeat an earlier song at the end of the album, with it only sounding slightly different. So, if we call 'Let's Start Again' the final song on the album, and forget about this unnecessary repeat, it works really well.

I would suggest this album as one that people should listen to, and I expect most people to be able to find at least one song they'll like. Then, if you do like this, have a listen to The Guillemots music - in particular 'Red'. I hope it widens your musical range.

Musicism: Noun; A common prejudice against other people who have a different collection on music on their iPod to oneself.

Tuesday 28 September 2010

Album Review: Barenaked Ladies - All In Good Time

To celebrate two years of my blog, and also to challenge myself slightly, I am going to review some of my favourite albums of the year so far. Most of them are relatively well-known artists and bands, so there isn't anything too abnormal to try and get your heads around. One review a day for the next seven days. Yes, my blog goes daily, for one week. One point I will keep pointing out is that these are MY favourite albums. Don't like it - tough.
 As beginnings to albums go, this has to be one of the best I have heard for quite some time. The first three songs have grown on me a heck of a lot. The first song ‘You Run Away’ is a truly great song with deep meaning as is different to what one might expect from the band. The following songs, ‘Summertime’ and ‘Another Heartbreak’ are of the same criteria and are as equally great. I’ve listened to them so much of late; I can now sing all the lyrics with ease.

The fourth song on the album is ‘Four Seconds’; a song that is in the top percentile for songs I have heard this year that I really, really, really like. It’s the best song on the album by far. ‘Four Seconds’ is an incredibly weird and brilliant and catchy song that just has everything. Purely amazing and it has the ability to bury itself in your head so you randomly hum the distinctively unique tune. The rest of the album is still good, but doesn’t match up to the epic opening four songs.

‘On The Lookout’, the song that has the tough job of following ‘Four Seconds’, is completely different from it, but it somehow works. The song is somewhat pleasant and is again, quite a meaningful track. ‘Ordinary’ has a very catchy tune, and it maybe doesn’t have the same depth as most, but the tune makes you enjoy the song. ‘I Have Learned’ is the last of the memorable songs on the album, and again is a song with great power and depth to it that you will remember.

‘Every Subway Car’, track 8, is when the album starts going downhill. The album now reaches a point when it becomes repetitive with the sound. The song doesn’t stand out in any way from the others and just blends in; repetitive, but still quite nice. However, the following song, ‘Jerome’, is probably the worse song on the album, and that is because it is very boring. The song never actually gets going, and with every chord change, you expect something to come which will define the song. It never does.

‘How Long’ blends in well, just like ‘Every Subway Car’ does so it is difficult to actually make a unique observation on it. Then we have ‘Golden Boy’, which is certainly a very pleasant and listenable song, but yet again it lacks the individualism. It’s like they found a sound the liked, so decided to use it most the way through the album. ‘I Saw It’ is refreshingly different. It has a soulful, acoustic sound to it again, which is indeed very pleasant and also has the depth and meaning.

‘This Love We’re In’ returns to the similar sound of the majority of the album, but yet again I still seem to really like it. ‘Watching The Northern Lights’ is a great final song for an album. It has a calm and somewhat ‘resolutionary’ sound to it, and feels the album is coming to a slow stop. It is a very good song and is probably good song to listen to before you go to sleep.

I still recommend purchase of the album if you do like their sound. It is also worth it for those first four, amazing and defining songs which really make the album seem like a success. However, if you don’t like their sound, then I don’t suggest the album I just suggest you listen the song ‘Four Seconds’. You will love its individual sound, and if you don’t, then have no sense of rhythm my friend.

Monday 27 September 2010

Two Years Of Cynical, Angry Blogs

It is now one year since I celebrated my blog reaching its first birthday, which therefore means that I have now been blogging for two years. First of all; I would like to apologise for me spewing this out all over the Internet for such a long time. Not bad for something that started out as an ICT coursework project. Mind you, I am still doing my ICT coursework, but it will be finished by Christmas, I promise!
Two fingers, happily celebrating the second birthday of The Blog Of Stuart
It is fair to say that in the past year my blog has certainly increased in popularity. It may be due to the fact my Headteacher mentioned it in an awards ceremony at school to a few hundred people, but I doubt that somehow. It may because I have a lot more followers on Twitter and every time I post my blog they look at it; possible. The most likely option in my opinion seems to be my increasing Internet presence. Did you know that a lot of my views come from people Googleing 'Depressing Britain' or things similar? I love that really; the reputation of my blog that I complain about British life.

Out of all my 108 blogs (so far), it is easy to distinguish which ones are the most popular and least. All of my driving blogs about my driving lessons and tests were completely huge failures. I regret doing them, and if given the choice again, I would have at least created a different blog to put them on. That is my biggest mistake in my blogging career so far. My more popular blogs seem to be my television reviews. My Doctor Who reviews have proved a huge success, as did my review of Sherlock on BBC 1 and Ant and Dec's disastrous show at the start of the year. They are my most read, which I am proud of.

My Internet presence is showing to have grown. I am actually receiving Emails in reply to my blogs. I will just point out now; I never reply to Emails - I don't like the thought of talking to a complete stranger who I cannot see. However, feel free to Email me, I do like to read them and they do tend to put a smile of my face. I have received two notable Emails. An Email a few weeks ago asked me to help contribute to an American video website in which you create videos explaining how to do things. It’s not really my thing as A) I wouldn't be able to rant and swear and B) It is American, and I doubt they would understand half of my ramblings.

My other notable Email was a few months ago in reply to my '10 Reasons Why Britain Is Depressing' post. I hope they won't mind me sharing what they said, because I am going to. Not only is it my only proper review, but it is sparking with praise:
"Hi, is this the guy who wrote that blog - "10 Reasons why life in Britain is depressing"? Well first of all - Great article. It was so good I honestly thought someone had hacked into my brain and stolen some of the things I find depressing and made it into a top 10 list. Yeah, you pretty much summed up all the major and minor inconveniences no-one bothers to talk about because they're either too shy or too damn lazy. Good on you! If you hadn't have done this I would have. I hate Facebook, every single "Celebrity", mobile phones and Channel 4 ruined the Simpsons..."
I feel sort of guilty for not replying, but I'm sure he didn't cry about it. This put me on a massive high for days. To think that I am actually appealing to other people, all over the Internet, is mind boggling. It's also nice to know that I'm not the only cynical teenager alive who seems to have a strong dislike for everything and pretty much agrees with all my points.

To be honest, I wasn't even expecting to still be blogging. Well, to be honest, if I went to University, I'm not sure I would have carried on. I in fact think, had I gone to University this year, today I would be posting my very last blog. So, to any regular readers out there - you should be grateful I got Chicken Pox. My target for the next year is to instead get my career sorted. Try and turn my blogging skills into a job in Journalism; even if it is just making coffee and tea for a few years. I hope not though, purely because I'm rubbish at making drinks and I would never get a promotion.

I read my very first blogs, and I am still quite happy with them. I seem to have the same, cynical mindset and hatred of the same things in society. Comparing them to my newer blogs, then you can honestly see an evolution in my writing ability. Obviously, that is at least partly due to the fact I have done A-level English Literature for two year, but I don't think that it the main reason. The more you write and practice, the better you get and that is exactly what regular blogging does. I make mistakes (quite regularly really, if I'm honest) and I realise them, or other people do, and that is exactly how you learn - by making mistakes. If you don't write, you can't make mistakes and you can't improve. Simples!

Another reason for my evolution is probably Charlie Brooker. The man is a God to me and certainly an idol and inspiration. I read his articles regularly and constantly reading every one of his Tweets. That has certainly impacted on my own writing. Now, I am reading his books which contain his best articles written for The Guardian. Reading them, I see a faint likeness to my own blogging these days. Even some of the metaphors are things that I would think up. I have slowly gained Charlie Brooker's mindset; and I'm not sure that is a healthy thing to do... Mind you, if he can be engaged to Konnie Huq, then it gives other Socially Inept people, like me, hope that we too can find a girl willing to love us.

I thoroughly enjoy blogging. I now have enough free time to allow me to always be blogging due to me being not very busy. The beginning half of the year didn't allow me to blog much, what with the impending A-level exams, so free time was little, and I missed blogging. It is a way of letting frustration out. Ranting about something, anything, seems to help. I find some of my better blogs are written when I'm in the worse moods. Anyway, blogging is free so therefore cheaper than physiatrists, so I'll stick with what I'm doing as it seems to work.

I love finding out Statistics about my blog. Last year, I done a word count of how many words I had written over the course of the year, and the end number was 46,587 words. Very impressive! However, in this second year, I smashed that record, despite writing fewer blogs. The magic number is 64,747 (including this blog); A rather high and unexpected number. Those of you good at maths or with access to a calculator, will know that means that over the course of two years I have written 111,334 words. How amazing. Granted it shows that I kind of need to develop a life and get out more rather than sitting in my room and hitting my keyboard with a red mist, trying to express my feelings, but who cares.
The past year has been mainly reviews of things I have (or in the case of Big Brother, haven't) watched on TV or at the cinema. It is also filled with comments on world events like The World Cup or it is me giving my view on a news story and pretending to have a good awareness of politics. I know nothing really about Politics, but I like to pretend. I am glad to announce that the next year will much of the same. The next two blogs will be reviews of my favourite albums of the year. I have other blogs in the planning stage. I will, at some point, be doing a special about Advertising and how much they lie or annoy in order to sell their kitchen roll or service.

I also have other blogs scheduled for the end of the year. I plan on doing my usual Review Of My Year and also this year’s Stuart Awards, in which no-one wins a real award. There will also be a return of my blog reviewing My Comedy Nights. Hopefully they will all go well. Who knows what else is in store for the next year? I'm sure any disastrous world events will get their media coverage scrutinised and I'm long overdue a rant about the News and Gossip Magazines in general. I'm sure there will be more mundane blogs about my uninteresting life. We shall have to just see what the year has in store for me and the world.

You may have noticed the Jade Goody rants are becoming rare in my blogs. You see, the thing is, she's dead. She is failing to find new ways to annoy me in the media spotlight anymore, and what-with Big Brother dead, mentions of her will probably soon end. I don't want it to end, but I don't think I have a choice. I think it's the end of an era for Jade and my rants. However, my blogs will try and continue. I'll just have to rant about other things.

And on that sad bombshell, it's time to end...

Saturday 25 September 2010

Heavy Rain. Yeah, The Weather Has Been Rubbish Actually

A bit of a change from my normal realms of blogging in which I might moan about the mere mention of that dead Jade Goody or a review of a drama or reality show on BBC or ITV. This blog is part of a series of blogs which are reviewing different formats. I have a few blogs planned reviewing music and some of the albums released this year. However, this blog is reviewing a game. Yes, a game which you would insert into your games console; or in this particular case, a Playstation 3. And the game I shall be reviewing? Heavy Rain - a game exclusive to the PS3.

I have actually completed the game, something which is very rare for me. I never have the patience to bother trying to complete missions and end up just running around and driving cars pointlessly being a villain. I have only completed one other game previous and that was Grand Theft Auto IV; and that took a few years. The ability to roam around free often used to beat the temptation of having to complete missions. Heavy Rain only took me a month to complete. To a hardcore gamer, that seems like a long time, but you have to remember that I actually live a life in between twiddling my thumbs to control a character on my television. Anyway, a month seems quick to me, and that is because A) the game is relatively simple and B) it just isn't that long.
An Origami Figure in the Heavy Rain. The story summed up in one picture.
What is the point of the game? Well, I'm not particularly sure. It would have worked just as well being a movie, what with it having such a thought-provoking storyline. They would have probably made more money as well. However, I do know why they chose not to. The main idea of the game is that the player can make decisions, and each decision made has ability to change the entire outcome of the story. You could choose to jump of a building; killing one of your characters. You also play numerous characters, all of which are involved in the story line and all, at some point, interact with each other. I mean, there are 22 different possible endings. You could play the game so many times and never have the same story.

You play a father, who at the beginning of the game loses his son who dies being hit by a car. He then again, after a few months have passed, loses another son who this time has been kidnapped. As a result of his first son's death; he suffers blackouts (a slightly important detail they are slow to point out). Another character is a private detective who suffers with asthma (a pointless detail they are quick to point out) and is trying to solve the case. Another character is a female Journalist who is introduced through a nightmare sequence and suffers insomnia (a pointless detail they are quick to point out). There is also an FBI agent, who has to work with the local police to try and help solve the case of the missing child, and he suffers from some kind of strange vision (a pointless detail they are quick to weave into the story). You sporadically change between the characters.
The four characters staring thoughtfully into the distance.
From left: The FBI Agent, The Journalist, The Father, The Private Detective
If you wanted to play the game in the same way you play Grand Theft Auto for example, you would be quickly disappointed and bored I think. This game does not test the players skills (luckily for me), and if you wanted to get a packet of crisps, you could do without pausing; because nothing bad would happen, like in any other game. If you want to play the game for the actual story then you would enjoy it. I go into both categories, so I suppose that makes me kind of apathetic towards the game.

In some games you will be pressing buttons quickly to make the character run, shot his gun and jump at the same time, while alternating between different angles to get the best shot a man’s head being blown off. This game has tried to make the controls as life-like to the actions on the game as possible. Opening of a door will require pulling the analogue downwards then turning it. Repeatedly shaking an orange juice carton requires you to shake the motion sensitive controller. A shake of the controller could be used to kick open a door or push away an attacker. Turning of the controller will turn the car during the one car chase scene. A more awkward action like picking a lock may require you to press and hold a sequence of buttons, which are awkwardly arranged from the controller layout.

The controls can get frustrating at times, but luckily, it tells you which buttons to press or move in order to complete an action. Sometimes if you make a mistake, it will allow you another chance or it may just result in you being kicked in the head, and once you get lost in the action of the game, it is very easy to make a mistake. You can also hear the characters inner thoughts by pressing a button or you can make your game changing decisions by pressing just one button. However, there is no need to fear if it sounds awkward, because the first hour or so of game play and storyline is there to teach you how to use the controller. It may get tedious, but you’ll be thankful for it later in the game.
In this instance, you shake the controller to get the bald-headed freak off
I was worried when it came to a sex scene. I started to become a bit disturbed at the thought that I may have to use the directional buttons to thrust, but it cuts out before that stage. The only influence you have in the sex scene is the order you choose to take characters clothes off. Yes, I will point out now: You see CGI breasts, and to be honest, for breasts generated on a computer, they aren't very perfect.

The graphics however, are exceptionally brilliant. You can watch a conversation scene between characters and forget that it isn’t real. It is so easy to get lost in the game and its plot thanks to the superb facial expressions and life-like motions of the character. You can see them breathing. The reason for it being so life-like is because it is all filmed with different actors and actresses playing characters, and their movements are logged onto a computer where they create the game; clever really.

**SPOILER ALERT**
If you haven't played the game, and have an intention of playing it and don't want to ruin the ending for yourself, then I suggest you skip the next three paragraphs...

As for the rest of us:
At least one of your characters will inevitably die and it is full of surprises and it is completely based on your own decisions which character(s) it is who is killed. At points, as the father for example, you are given the choice to kill yourself in order to save your son (I didn't take these options, and yet I still saved him). The big surprise is who the Origami Killer is. You see, the general idea, is that every year a kid is taken and put into flood drains, during Heavy Rain (thus it's name, surprisingly), and the kid is supposed to drown slowly as a result. The police become convinced that the father is the killer, so he has to also convince them he isn't the Origami Killer as well as save his son.

Eventually, my story finished with the child being saved by the father and the Journalist. The father and journalist ended up living together happily ever after with the saved son. The FBI agent ended up quitting his job for pastures new as his 'Strange Visions' are a result of his job. The Private Detective, you know, the one with Asthma, is killed... BY THE FATHER! Do you know why? Do you want to know why? Because the Private Detective is the Origami Killer. *Gasps*

The fat bastard was only doing it because, while stupidly playing on a construction site with his brother as a young child, his brother fell into a flood drain, and drowned. At one point in the game we get to relive the event, and to be honest, it isn't that sad really. Anyway, I chose to shoot the murdering bastard a few times to so he fell of a crane and into the water, where he ironically drowned and died. I am rather pleased with my ending. I was a very lovely and charitable player; despite the end killing.

**END OF SPOILERS**
Welcome back. 

My general thoughts of the game were all rather positive. I was a bit disappointed by how little action you really do and how short the game ended up being, especially for the price! However, it was completely different to other games and I enjoyed it. I love the idea that the outcome of the game is completely dependent on how you play the game and the decisions you make. No other game allows you to do that, and it is certainly unique. The musical score of the game too, makes it even better. It has been beautifully crafted to accompany the game’s storyline; enhancing a dramatic or emotional scene perfectly. It can subconsciously prepare the player for an impending threat. It is exactly how you would expect a musical score for a feature film to be.

The game and story has incredible depth which you would never expect to get from a console game and is so very intense if you really get into it. If you are prepared to play the game with an open mind, like I did, then you will love the experience and really have empathy for the characters; and seeing as the game is based around a father’s love for his child, then what else would expect. I would suggest buying the game to anyone who has a Playstation 3 and is fed up of playing the same-old shooting or racing games you find on the console, and now that it has gone down in price from when I brought it, there is no reason not to.

Monday 20 September 2010

Bye-Bye Big Brother

I don't want Big Brother to 'Rest In Peace'. I want it to burn in hell... With Jade Goody!
We have now entered a new, better stage in human civilisation, and have been in it for over a week now because Big Brother, the reality show which brought us 'notable' 'celebrities' such as Jade Goody, Brian Dowling and Chantelle Houghton, finally finished last Friday after 11 long, excruciating years. I would say that I find it a real shame that it has finished, but I figure that would be called a lie; and lying is bad.

At the turn of the new millennium, a new television genre shot to popularity, and it was named 'Reality Television'. In comparison to dramas and documentaries, these types of shows are less intellectual and aspiring, but the main reason for their surge was their price. A show like Big Brother will take up hours upon hours of television scheduling, meaning less shows are needed to be created for a start. Also, once you stack up the costs of a normal television show and compare them to costs of a reality, there would be a substantial difference.

A drama would require paying for: Actors and actresses, writers, editors, directors, producers, locations, set designs, costumes, camera men, lighting, music, sound dubbing, special effects, make-up artists, food, health and safety reports, numerous other members of the crew and filming of a scene multiple times in order to get different angles. If it was hugely popular, they might make a bit of money back from DVD sales.
A reality show requires paying for: Presenters, an award to the winner, numerous editors, a producer and director of sorts, building a set, feeding the contestants, someone who can maintain electrical equipment and then making lumps of money back by charging for voting lines.

Television companies, especially during these tough economical times, are looking to cut money where possible, so filling schedules with endless crap is cheaper than making something of worth. That is why Big Brother lasted so long. The only reason it has stopped is because of the constantly falling popularity. If just carried on it, there would only be Davina and a few misguided teenagers left watching it.

Big Brother was a good show for creating controversy. The words 'Jade' and 'Goody' will remind everyone of her first appearance on Big Brother when she was a mouthy, stupid bitch, to put it politely. People will also remember her appearance on the 'Celebrity' version, where she came across as a bit racist towards the Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty. Of course, things like that were good for Big Brother. The more it was covered by the news and the media in general, the more people watched it; because people love controversy. If everyone is happy and getting along fine, then it's boring.
Shilpa and Jade having a lovely conversation... Or maybe directing traffic
That is where editing came in handy for the show. Anything can be misconstrued with help from editing. The producers can choose to only show the public when two people are arguing, and decide not to show the moments when the two people may apologise to each other and get along nicely. Everyone says things in the heat moment; and it's easy to show heated moments and chuck the cooler moments in the bin. A healthy debate between two friends could be made out to be an argument, just by editing it with a moment when one of them gives the other a dirty look.

A show like Big Brother is active for 24 hours a day, and more often than not, the 24 hours are highlighted into a show which is barely an hour long, once you include adverts and mindless babble from Davina.

However as much I dislike Big Brother, I do like Davina. I think you will find it hard to find people that actually loath her. Sure, she can be a bit too overly excited at times which can be a bit annoying, but as a presenter, she is lovely and a perfect choice of presenter to front a big show format like Big Brother. I hope she will now go on and present something much less annoying, now she can escape from the clutches of BB.
Davina in Zombie form for Charlie Brooker's spoof Big Brother horror 'Dead Set'
Ultimate Big Brother was filled with people that had proved to be popular over the past 11 years. Uncle Bulgaria, who is always compared to John McCririck was one, along with Nadia - the first and last transsexual BB winner, Rapping hard man 'Coolio', Ullrika 'Ka Ka' Jonsson, useless singer Preston with his pointless, blonde and annoying ex-wife Chantelle Haughton, the woman who isn't even the nations favourite jewish, gastric band patient aged 48 - Vanessa Feltz, a few other mundane characters and also eventual winner: Brian Dowling.

Out of the 275 Big Brother contestants; Brian Dowling is considered the best of them all. That to me just seems as heroic and poignant as being awarded on of the following: 'Jewish Pork Supplier Of The Year', 'Best Actor In Hollyoaks', 'Most Sane Inmate In A Mental Asylum', 'Least Gay Member Of JLS', 'Favourite Member Of Jedward', 'Most Mature Pregnant 13 Year Old', 'Horse Manure Supplier Of The Year', 'Cheapest Hooker' or 'Most Intellectual Porn Star'.

I can't tell you much about it all really because I didn't watch it. Well, I watched the final few minutes in which Davina cried and kissed Brian Dowling while watching her best bits. I can't tell you anything else other than that. Oh, and I can tell you one other thing about Ultimate Big Brother. One of the mundane characters was called Michelle, who during her first appearance, had a relationship with a long-haired person called Stuart (Now it becomes apparent why I know this fact - for names sake).
I forgot about that, and now I have remembered, I'm in a pickle. I named my car Michelle. When I found out it was a link to Big Brother, I decided I wanted to change the name. I thought about renaming it after an ex-girlfriend, but I then realised that would just start to lie about how much petrol it had, in order to not have to spend more time with me than necessary. I have now decided I stick with name Michelle and forget the Big Brother unpleasantness.

This final series had a circus theme to it; and this is very apt. People gather around and watch these people make fools of themselves. Davina is the Ring Leader standing outside shouting excitedly "Roll up, Roll up! Come and see some fame hungery twits dance around and argue for your enjoyment." Big Brother is often compared to 'a human form of bear batting'; and that is certainly true. The house is filled with opposite personalities which are guaranteed to collide and cause a giant argument at some point in the series. The obvious one being putting in a blonde idiot; let's say Jade Goody for example. The opposite to her is a cultured, famous person from a different ethnic background; let's say Shilpa Shetty. You cannot tell me that was not a little contrived by the Big Brother dictators. The aftermath of those racist comments lead to Jade Goody's popularity downfall; with her career high point being her actually death - and she even milked that for more than it was worth...

I may be pleased that Big Brother has left our British Television, but it has not died yet. The Big Brother format has proved popular in nearly 70 other countries. Big Brother is not evidence that Britain has morally declined in the past decade or so; it is proof that the entire world has gone into moral decline. How depressing is the thought that one of the most popular, worldwide franchises of our age is based around locking 15 people in a house for a few months, and watching their mental decline in a daily, primetime 'highlights' show.
One of the more disturbing highlights. This picture is in favour of the complete destruction of television.
At least it has now finished on our little island. And if they bring it back, the whole 'Ultimate Big Brother' thing would have been a lie. There should now be law banning it ever being reproduced in the UK. If only I where is Government...

Thursday 9 September 2010

Apple: A Byte Too Far

I am funny. You see, this blog title works on numerous, humorous levels. It's a pun on the regularly used sentence: 'A Bit Too Far'. Also, of course, Apples are food, so you can 'bite' them. However, computer memory is measured in 'Bytes', and due to this blog being about the technology giant 'Apple', it's funny, right? Yeah, I am a bit of a geek...

ANYWAY... Apple has gone mad this year. The beginning of the year saw them unveil a giant iPhone called the iPad, which essentially looked like a pretty tray which you could use to put coffee and tea on when entertaining guests. Then the iPhone progressed its way into its fourth generation. Now, Apple have released a new iTunes; iTunes 10 and changed its logo along with redesigning the incredibly popular and iconic iPod Nano. The power has gone to Steve Jobs's head! Everything has to be sodding touch screen with him these days! What were wrong with the days on the spindly-clicky-thingy?
The happy Apple family
The iPad has proved very popular in its first few months, with this blog actually being regularly read by people using it. Yes, I know who you are. Sat on the train, touching my blog. You're caressing it are you not!? You like touching it don't you? Oh, don't stop touching my blog. Just give it a quick little flick. Oh, that felt good, right? NOW, stop it, you dirty rich person.
Everyone is pretty much agreed that it is essentially a glorified mix of the iPhone and a MacBook. It doesn't matter what Apple say in the advert that is all it is. It does exactly the same things, but just in a bigger way. It is actually a fashion accessory. The top celebrities own one. I wouldn't be surprised if OK! Magazine haven't done a 10 page spread on the iPad do's and don't's according to Paris Hilton, or whatever blonde bimbo is flavour of the day.
When Apple released it, they warned that it would revolutionise the media in the way they publish newspapers and books. Well, I can still walk into my local store and buy The Guardian in paper form, so it hasn't changed much as of yet.

Then we have the iPhone. Both this and Blackberry are the top fashions in the mobile phone world. You either support Team iPhone or Team Blackberry. The iPhone 4 is much like the iPhone 3, apart from the fact it is shinier, quicker, better web connection and can burn the skin off of your face without you even noticing while you talk to your parent, unaware; apparently.
Everyone wants an iPhone. I even want an iPhone. I just want to hold it in my hand and play with the Apps, surf the web quickly and look like a businessman who is just a bit of a prick. I want one, rather badly really. However, for some reason, Apple has to go and charge a ridiculous amount of 'wonga' for it. I wouldn't argue if they made the iPhone a couple hundred pounds cheaper. You know what; I'd jump at the chance. However, they won't do that so I'm left with my Samsung Touch phone which has developed the annoying habit of freezing when I reply to a text, so I end up sending people blank messages.

As for the iPods, well thankfully the iPod classics remain in their 'classic' form. A biggish thing which just about fits in your pocket, and has a large screen and the iconic spindly-clicky-thingy. As for the Nano's, well their last few forms have made very little sense with the new generation (the 6th) being the worst offender. Last's years metallic Nano had a built in video camera. Now why the hell would you need, let alone buy, a portable music player with a built in video camera? They claim it is to allow the user to record their favourite bands at music festivals. However, that's what cameras are for! As for the new one...
A TOUCH SCREEN!? How dare you! How very dare you Mr Steve Jobs! I believed the iPod Touch to be the touch screen music player in your edition. I never thought you would ruin something as ICONIC as the Nano. A touch screen iPod Nano, costing £50 more than its spindly-clicky predecessors. The iPod Nano no longer looks like an iPod, but instead more like a SatNav or a small, portable television. How dare you!

I have to ask; what is with Apple's new obsession of having to touch everything? I LOVE my iPod Classic, which I've affectionately named Oscar, and I wouldn't change him for the world. I used to have an iPod Nano previously, and I loved that too. I love/loved them for their unique design. They actually look quite attractive for an electronic gadget and I think their design to be rather sleek. The Nano was iconic. ICONIC! Now, you have metaphorically chucked it in the toilet and relieved yourself all over it. I hope you are proud of yourself Steve Jobs. I may be coming across as angry, but that is because I am. I loved the design of the iPod range. Now. It's ruined.

Then iTunes. It only received minor tweaks here and there, granted. However, they have only gone and got rid of the iconic (Yes, I am using that word again, what of it?) desktop logo. The new one is trying to be too damn modern. I don't like change of something which has been the same for years; in fact as long as I've had iPods. Okay, I had OCD in the fact I'd look at the old logo every day and get frustrated that the CD behind the musical note was not spherical. I enjoyed that frustration though. Now when I look at the logo, I get disappointed to see the new circle on the new logo is very round indeed; if not a perfect circle.
Actually, now I've seen it in big form, I understand why it's not a perfect circle: It's on an angle...
Even though I now have a strong hate for Steve Jobs thanks to his new obsession to touching, I love Apple. I love my iPod Classic, Oscar. He is one of my best friends; always there when I need him. I want an iPhone. I don't care if it would burn my face off and is purely materialist, I still really want one. Even to the extent where I have stuck an Apple Logo on the back on my Samsung Mobile and pretend it is an iPhone. You know, one of those poorly crafted, rare Samsung/Apple iPhones. I would also rather quite like a Mac, of the book or desktop type. I just want to touch one and own one. Even to the extent where I have stuck an Apple Logo on the lid of my Samsung Laptop and pretend it is a MacBook. You know, one of those rare black and bulky Apple MacBooks. I am an obsessed geek.

If I was rich with lots of money, I would like to fill my house with Apple products (except the iPod Nano. I need a restraining order on that piece of ruined technology), but why? Fashion. Apple products are fashionably cool. I have been programmed by the media and society that Apple products are must haves. Who knows whether I'll manage to get any of these products as I get older and richer, but I know that for now I am happy with my Oscar, and if they dare turn the iPod Classics into Touch Screen; I might just cry.

Tuesday 7 September 2010

Wii Elbow

I don't own a Nintendo Wii for numerous reasons, and therefore as a result the only experiences I have had with a Wii have been at other people’s houses, in front of other people making a bit of a fool of myself. To say I'm totally useless at it would be an exaggeration, but I'm not great. I am probably just too cynical. The purpose of the Wii is mostly flawed. Okay, so it can be lots of fun - agreed. The idea of using it to excise gets me though.
Look, a happy family playing on the Wii together. Why can't they just go to the local park and play football?
I have ridden a bike on the Nintendo Wii. On some games it just consists of moving your hands up and down and on other games it consists of lift an alternate leg up on white box called a 'Wii Board'. I have now ridden an electronic bike sitting in an armchair before I've actually ridden a real, physical bike properly. Yeah, I cannot ride a bike - Got a problem with that? I have even learnt to drive a car and ride a horse before being able to ride a bike. What does that say about me? Well, it's just easier to sit in your armchair, pumping your arms up and down than actually going outside in the fresh air and cycling using your legs.

This is destroying our society. We now have a bunch of fat children who believe the word 'Exercise' to mean 'An act performed holding a white rectangle in your hand and waving it about from the comfort of your living room whilst eating a burger'. Gyms in the future, as a result of the Japanese, will no longer consist of exercise bikes, rowing machines, treadmills and weights, but instead a cubical which has sensor in it, and you can choose which exercise you would like to pretend to do.
An example of what gyms will look like in the future? Maybe...
There are a huge range of games available for the Wii. Anything from pretending you're at the Beijing Olympics with your favourite Mario characters (Mine's Yoshi), from pretending to do yoga whilst sitting on the magical white box or pretend you have impeccable timing and have a great dancing ability. There certainly is a huge variety of games which can help in deluding you that you can do anything. Just like Guitar Hero and Rock Band on all gaming consoles, you are kidded into believing you have a talent, when really you have the ability to do a bad impression of someone who has a talent. Guitars are much more complex than the five differently coloured buttons and a switch which you move you 'pluck'. The same applies to the Wii. I cannot trampoline for the life of me; but yet I managed to do incredibly well doing it at the Mario Olympics yesterday.

As for the dancing; well the Wii has the ability to make me out to be a bad dancer. I almost always lose competing against friends, but I'm sure I am a great dancer. I have the impeccable timing needed and the talent, but the Wii just makes me come across as a blundering fool who has uncontrollable arms and never seems to get a dance move correct. Would you believe that!?*

*Sarcasm. I am actually completely and utterly, disastrously, really, really, very bad at dancing not only in real life, but on the Wii. In fact, you could probably say that about quite a few things you can do on the Wii AND in real life...

Being in your house, you would think you were safer. The Wii Fit has a wide range of games. You can box, and we all know boxing can be very dangerous. You can cycle over fields with a dog, and we all know that can be dangerous in real life with rocks hiding which can make you fall off. You can pretend you are a bird and fly, and we all know flying as a bird is dangerous what with glass buildings existing. You can have snow ball fights and we all know that can lead to pneumonia. You can pretend you're juggling in the circus on a balance ball and we all know in the real world if you have bad balance, you could fall off the balancing ball and have three juggling balls fall on your head and knock you into a coma; which you could never come out of. Well, you can be injured playing in your own house too...
An artists reconstruction of someone being smacked with the Wii Remote.
I've seen and also suffered injuries as a result of the Wii. I've seen people get smacked in the head with the Wii Remote by someone else being in too close proximity. To play the Wii safely, you need a big, empty room. Myself, well I have suffered at the expense of the Nintendo Wii. I have had my eye attacked by the cable between the remote and the nunchuk whilst trying to make my character jump. I am also currently suffering from something I have named 'Wii Elbow'. We have all heard of the Tennis Elbow, well mine is the same, except it was caused by flailing my arm about too much whilst trying to play table tennis on the Wii.

I cannot wait to see what they will have on the next Wii Fit game. Maybe they will start destroying childhood activities such as playing on a pogo stick, skipping or hopping around on a space hopper. Perhaps it could allow children who have lost their fathers, to pretend to play catch in an electronic garden with computer generated father. Or maybe perhaps they will release a an x-rated game on the Nintendo Wii in which you use the Wii Remote to perform an electronic hand job by shaking it up and down. Yeah, probably not.

I will agree that in comparison to playing games on an Xbox or a Playstation 3, it probably is more beneficial in that it is more physically active than sitting in a chair not moving anything other than your fingers and thumbs, but it still is a console which gives people a delusion. It is fun, but despite my ability to trampoline and do the hammer throw on Super Mario Olympics; I shall not be seeking out to do it professionally. I'll just go for a career of sitting on my arse all day long in front of a computer.
A win for Yoshi! Go on my son!
People always say they really love their Wii or claim they really need a Wii, but me, I don't need a Wii; in fact I can probably hold out quite a while without wanting a Wii...