The Greatest Show On Earth

I enjoyed the Olympic Opening Ceremony so much, that I think I might just series link them all. I was cynical about the entire thing, but I was wrong to be so because it was an amazing thing to witness - right from the beginning to end, despite the even lasting for nearly four hours.

The opening clip with the animation of the journey down the River Thames was very well done, and was actually quite funny I thought. However, this show wasn't just for us Brit's - it was for the entire World, and like many people have said: I'm not sure they really got most of it.

London 2013

Breaking news! The Olympics are coming to London, and are set to start Friday, 27th of July 2012. So, let's start looking ahead to London 2013; the year which won't be very sporting at all.

There will be no build-up to London 2013; I doubt if it will even affect anyone. It won't cause traffic chaos or lead to the people of London taking two weeks off work. Also, unlike the Olympics, there will be no-one running around carrying ignited fuel, which will travel the country causing disruption where ever it goes. It will be an event which will allow everyone to carry on their lives however they wish.

IDontGetThisFad.co.uk/Adverts&Sponsorship

Adverts have a lot of influence on our every day behaviour. They can change the way we talk, make us perform little squeak noises, give us topics of conversation, and not to mention make us buy over-priced goods we don’t need. It now almost seems like we have started watching television programs in between watching a series of 30 second dramas which have the ability to invoke emotion in viewers. It's about time someone released a television channel that showed nothing but adverts day and night… Someone has created a website, tellyAds, which has archives of adverts, with their slogan actually being 'TV Without The Boring Bits: The Programmes'. A channel isn't far away, surely.

Album Review: Maroon 5 - Overexposed (Deluxe Edition)

I would not hesitate to say that Maroon 5 are easily my favourite band, with Adam Levine being my favourite singer (closely followed my Matchbox Twenty and Rob Thomas), so when I opened a link posted on their Facebook Fan group, which stated that they were to release a new album within a matter of months, I nearly exploded; I was more hyper than a kid leaving a sweet shop. Then, a week later, they released their new single, Payphone, on YouTube. I quickly grabbed the mouse and clicked the link. It's all been downhill since…

I should have known that it wouldn't reach my dizzy heights of expectation after the Moves Like Jagger single, which is incredibly popular both sides of the Atlantic - arguably their most popular song to date. That is the only reason I can imagine for them producing a mismatched album which includes mainly electronic, club sounds, with a dash of Funk and sprinkling of their traditional stuff – a return to disco some might call it.

Comedy by a Ragdoll on Strings

On Friday I received an invite to see Chris Addison perform his show 'The Time is now, Again' at The Gulbenkian, Canterbury, with my usual comedy-watching partner after he possessed an extra ticket for no obvious reason. Following the text just an hour before the show started, I had to cook and chew my dinner in half an hour, to then jump in the car to ensure I was there on time. I then watched Chris Addison with indigestion.

The following two hours were filled with comedy rants from a well-informed viewpoint by a tall, slightly camp, man who burns extra calories by continuously patrolling the stage. I like to think of him as a Ragdoll being operated from above with strings, from his occasional prancing about, elaborate hand movements and floppy curly hair. He was a joy to watch, not just listen to.

Whack-A-Baby

This probably is not the blog someone who is a few days away from becoming a Godfather should be writing, but hey, here I am about to complain about babies.

They may look cute, but they hold the potential to clear a room within seconds. First the loud crying begins which pierces through the ears of everyone in a 500 yard radius like someone blowing a vuvuzela in your ear for about 7 minutes, stopping only for a quick breath. Then follows the next step: Why are they crying? Well, it could be for a number of reasons, but if it's due to a number two in a nappy, the smell will linger in the nose of everyone in whiffing distance for six to eight weeks after.

Britain's Got Pomposity

Another series has gone by with a Dog act finally winning, resulting in a slight smile from Simon Cowell and Twitter being swarmed with the same joke regarding the £500,000 prize money and Pedigree Chum. Ha ha ha! Think of all dog food it'll get to eat! Ha ha ha, you're all so funny and original!

Just like every year, it was apparently 'the hardest to call' with all the acts being 'brilliant' and 'worthy of winning the competition'. In fact, a number of acts this year were 'dark horses of the competition'.  Taking all of that into consideration, you wonder why they waste time showing the painfully crap acts, and why there are some people who sit on their high horse, refusing to watch it.

My Day With The Stars

I don't really enjoy doing blogs about events in my own life. I don't understand why anyone would be vaguely interested in anything I have ever done in my life, unless they were nosey, a stalker or in need of their own life. However, sometimes things happen that I want to share, and I take pictures that I think are occasionally worth sharing. In the past two years, I have taken over 6000 pictures and I only have 198 on my Flickr page: THAT is how self critical I am...

Anyway, this week, I spent a day with the stars in London (not as exciting or interesting as it sounds).

"Like Rats Fighting In A Ditch"

Last week I dragged the girlfriend along to go watch Stewart Lee’s ‘Carpet Remnant World’ at Canterbury's new Marlowe Theatre. We didn't have great tickets; we were in the Upper Circle, one row from the very back. However, thanks to great designing, we could still see the stage brilliantly due to the elevated seats. The one issue is that with comedy shows such as these, you lose the intimacy if you are further away. For example, previous to this performance, I have only ever seen comedians in very intimate venues with only a few hundred. Suddenly, you don't seem to connect as well with someone when in a theatre holding 1,200 people. For this reason, I do not get the appeal of seeing a comedian, or anything, in a huge venue holding thousands of people such as The London O2 or Wembley Arena; you end up just watching the comedian on the giant screens around the venue.

I believe for a comedian to be their most successful, you have to have a small, intimate venue. It is much easier to work a crowd of 200, than one larger: any comedian would probably tell you that. Stewart Lee is completely the same. If you watch his stand-up DVD's or television series, you can see that he excels in a small group. I think my enjoyment of the show was lessened because of how far away we were from the stage. Not to sound like I am being negative, but he was talking to the few hundred people in the stalls, and sometimes ignoring everyone higher. However, he is a genius when it comes to stand-up (I mean, you would be after 25 years), and he is fully aware of what he is doing. Of course, he is doing it intentionally, and in large venues like this, it feeds his routine with extra fun.

The question is did I enjoy it?

Of course I bloody well did!

Like all Stewart Lee material, you're never quite sure when he actually starts his routine, because it all just seems natural. It isn't a false conversation like a lot of other comedians do, it is ,in fact, just a well informed rant/lecture. Even though I use the word lecture to describe it, it is a fun lecture. If you wanted to get into stand-up, then it is essential to go see him perform I believe. You can learn a lot about the art of stand-up from him.

His jokes are nicely varied, with some being just simple one-line jokes, a number were 20 minutes rants about something, whether it be him watching Scooby-Doo, Twitter or discussing the process of finding his material, and others were satirical observations about the local area or politics. The rest of the time, he was just shouting at the audience, which is strangely endearing. I mean, I'm not sure Michael McIntyre would get away with yelling and swearing at the audience for two hours, but Stewart can.

When it comes to favourite comedians I have seen live, he is up there with Lee Mack, and it is purely down to audience interaction and the ability to adapt a routine for an audience and local things which they can relate to. Stewart Lee did this through bringing on stage the front cover of the local newspaper to mock its lead story, for the main local news was a Headteacher, wearing a red wig, pretending to kidnap the Janitor. It was very good.

Of course, I cannot convey how funny it was in a not-very-well-written blog without giving you all the jokes and ruining it for prospective audience members, so you will just have to believe me.

However, what makes him different from the other comedians that I have seen is how friendly he is, and willing to spend time with the people who paid to see him. I joined the back of a five minute queue to shake his hand, have him sign a book and have a picture taken with him (as well as making an unfunny joke about how to spell Stuart/Stewart). I thoroughly enjoyed my evening in the company of Mr Stewart Lee. He was humble and lovely when I met him afterwards, and during the show he was everything you expect him to be: Funny, sarcastic, full of hate and ‘alternative’. So much so, it felt like he had made my diaphragm enter my throat.

P.S. "…Dog; [In a high-pitched voice] Dooog?" You’ll get it when/if you see/saw it…

Valentine's Day; From A Loving Perspective

I have hated Valentine's Day for as long as I have been aware of its existence and also the expectations that are associated with it. I hated it back in Primary school when my peers were giving and receiving folded paper with hearts drawn on them, to each other as Valentine's cards. This was because I never saw the point of doing it, as well as the fact that I was not brave enough to give one to the girl I desired in my class, and also due to the fact I never received one.

At secondary school, it was very similar (just not as many crayon-drawn hearts on sheets of paper). Everybody had something, apart from me who had nothing. The only things I got were cards and gifts that were given by friends when they felt sorry for me: usually after an angry rant given on the 13th February. This has been the reason why there are so many posts on this blog that moan about the whole charade of Valentine's Day, or mocking it. For example, last year I made my increasingly popular 'Unrequited Love Album'. Those songs were ones that made me think of the girl I loved, but couldn't have. People keep saying that playlist was really good. And why was that? It’s because all the songs held a strong meaning with me.

This year, I didn't listen to that playlist. I, in fact, listened to Phil Collins. As you are probably aware, I have now got the girl that I wanted and desired. For the first time, instead of spending the days prior to Valentine's Day ranting at every person who would listen (and even people who wouldn't), I spent the time trapped in a consumer World filled with red hearts and Me To You bears where the prices of everything remotely romantic shoots up. It makes you wonder why Cupid is still wearing a nappy when he makes all that money every year.

However, part of the contract of being in a relationship means that I have to undertake in this expensive shambles. I spent a long time in card shops, walking up and down trying to decide: What was the right card to get? What wrapping paper was best? Should I buy Clichés? Is this all just a waste of money?

I ended up buying the girlfriend a giant card, which is so large it can't stand up by itself. I also got her two bouquets of roses, cupcakes, a Me to You bear and friendship bracelets, and it was all wrapped in Me to You paper. We didn't spend a great deal of the day together due to University commitments, but in the evening, we went out for a pizza.

Now, I'm not someone who would deprive couples with children to not go out and enjoy their relationship. However, their attempts to spend a 'romantic' meal together ruin it for everyone else. If they are so desperate to go out on Valentine's Day, then they should get someone to look after their rotten, dirty, screaming children. I wouldn't go so far as to say they ruined our meal, but I spent a lot of time wondering whether or not kicking the two children in the face would lead to jail time… I didn't do anything to them in the end, but surely I should be able to have a quiet conversation with my girlfriend over a meat feast pizza with stuffed cheese crust and garlic bread.

Mind you, we nearly didn't make it to the restaurant as the bus driver was being rather reckless: speeding over bumps, braking at the last moment and sliding around roundabouts. I think maybe he didn't get a Valentine's card or present, and was set out on killing us.

Anyway, as Valentine's Day's go; this was the best. This was despite the fact that because of errors by Clinton Cards and/or Royal Mail, I didn't get my Valentine's card from the other half until a week later. It was the best I have ever had; however most might say that is because it is the only one I have properly had. The only issue I have with the day was how expensive everything was. There were many occasions where I was on the Internet or in a shop, saw something that I liked, and then didn't once I saw the price. Valentine's Day is just an excuse for shops and their owners (Yes, I am talking about you Mr Clintons!) to make money out of people who have unwillingly signed up for this whole charade when they entered a relationship.

So, what are my final thoughts on Valentine's Day? I never realised there was so much Me to You branded stuff. And also, it is a brilliant day to experience when you are in love with someone, but not if you happen to love a full wallet more.  Oh, and Cupid: Get some clothes!