London 2013

Breaking news! The Olympics are coming to London, and are set to start Friday, 27th of July 2012. So, let's start looking ahead to London 2013; the year which won't be very sporting at all.

There will be no build-up to London 2013; I doubt if it will even affect anyone. It won't cause traffic chaos or lead to the people of London taking two weeks off work. Also, unlike the Olympics, there will be no-one running around carrying ignited fuel, which will travel the country causing disruption where ever it goes. It will be an event which will allow everyone to carry on their lives however they wish.

The build up to the London Olympics 2012 has been just short of disastrous, with public sector unions threatening to strike, the G4S security muck-up, traffic chaos and people being unhappy about turning London into a giant Army Barracks. As well as stabbings in the Olympic park and terrorist suspects living just a mile away from the park. Regardless, we are assured that these are actually the best prepared any Olympic Games have been, and that it will be nothing but a success. Trouble is, we're British, and we know that won't be the case.

The Government took the union PCS, who were threatening to strike just before the Olympics start, to the High court to ensure that Boarder staff don't strike. Transport workers also backed the Government into a corner, threatening to strike if they did not receive bonuses for working during the Olympics.

To resolve the G4S security issues, the Army and Police have been drafted in to take on the shortfall; with the number of army personnel required hitting12,200 to carry out the security checks that G4S staff, of which there will only be 6,800 by the games start, were supposed to. The number of police expected to patrol the streets of London over the Olympic period is 13,000.

Around London they have also installed 174 miles of 'Olympic Lanes', for which non-Olympic vehicles will receive a £130 fine for crossing into when they are in use. With London being a nightmare to drive through on the best of days, this will only make things worse. With one less lane in use to most road users, traffic will only build up – unless people avoid London, which is a possibility. Elaborating on that point; public transport will be just as bad, with Transport for London expecting there to be over 30 minute waits to get into overcrowded underground trains. Added onto that, the news that two days before the start of the Olympics, trains could not run properly in London due to it being too hot, hasn’t helped people’s expectations.

Then there is the news that the army have installed various military weaponry around London for the protection of the Olympic Games. These have included putting surface-to-air missiles on the roofs of residents living in East London, to which they unsuccessfully tried to stop happening with court action. However, I would rather see missiles on the roofs of people's houses than all these solar panels, which I think look pretty ugly. I think it's something we should roll out across the country to be honest.

It is key to point out that all Olympic games are remembered for issues that have occurred, such as the human rights issues in Beijing four years ago, or the fact that in Athens eight years ago, they were still building the stadiums days before the official start of the games. London 2012 will be remembered for the security issues as well as the huge transport problems.

Don't be thinking that the other countries haven't noticed how negative we are being about the Olympics. A very good article was published in the New York Times called "The Olympic Spirit, British Style:When Will This Nightmare End?", in which they note the general opinion of average Londoner's, as well as the way in which the media have kept a downbeat tone about the whole event.

"Asked “What do you feel about the Olympics?” the other day, a random sampling of people here gave answers that included bitter laughter; the words “fiasco,” “disaster” and “police state”; and detailed explanations of how they usually get to work, how that is no longer possible and how very unhappy that makes them."

It was hoped that the Torch relay, with it travelling around the country aiming to make sure that everyone is less than 50 miles away from the route, would raise the spirits of the country, and make us excited and appreciative of what is supposed to be an amazing, once in a lifetime event. The trouble is that it doesn't seem to have been the case, with it causing road closures everywhere, thus bringing traffic to a standstill.

I went to see the torch travel through Canterbury. There was a large crowd of people lining both sides of the street, all waving Union Jacks, holding make-shift torches and standing ready with their cameras. People became frustrated because of how long it took. Buses covered in sponsorship came by first, making too much racket for anybody’s liking. In the long wait, a man enquired as to what we were waiting for: 'Is it the Tour de France?' he questioned. Then lots of police went by, and Olympic officials in their grey outfits, looking miserable, pushed people out of the way, and then the torch passed.

It was wholly unimpressive, with absolutely no media. I took my camera to take a picture of this 'remarkable' event. However, my camera froze just seconds before the torch passed. Just one of those things upon first glance, but in conversation, I've found out it didn't just happen to me. Both I and this other person both have Nikon cameras, who are not the Official Camera Providers for the Olympics. Yes, I am starting a Panasonic conspiracy; to which there will be none of in the London 2013 celebrations.

As a nation, it seems that we are having doubts about the Olympics. The people, like me, who seem to be criticising everything about the London Olympics, are being called a 'gloomadon-popper' by London Mayor Boris Johnson. I doubt that will be a term that will catch on.

The thing is, we accept that we will be negative when we are being badly affected by the Olympics, but will become more positive should Team GB actually start to succeed. So, the thought of displaying the general mood of the UK on the London Eye, possibly isn't a great idea. The London Eye will be turned into giant'mood ring', which will analyse tweets from the UK about the Olympics. If the mood of the country is positive, then it will be yellow, but should the mood be negative, the London Eye will be illuminated in purple. Now, everyone walking along the south bank will know just how cynical the country it being.

So, if you’re looking forward to the next few weeks, watch a short preview of the opening ceremony here. However, if you are a gloomadon-popper, then spread the word of London 2013; Celebrating a year of no sporting events!

Dear Team GB, Don't worry about making us proud, just try not to embarrass us... #CheerForGB
— Stuart Collyer (@MrStuy) July 16, 2012