YOU SWINES... How Could You Give Us The Flu!!

Yup, so we're all going to die again it seems. So far this millennium (so 9 years) we have managed to survive Mad Cow Disease twice, Bird Flu so far, and SARS and this year’s new threat seems to be 'Swine Flu', which isn't caused by swine's as the name leads us to believe, but it's originated from pigs - and Mexicans I suppose.

It's cause? Well nature got bored like usual. Every 80 years or so on, there is a pandemic which kills maybe a few million people, we cry a little and blame God for being such a bastard, and carry on like usual again, until the next flu pandemic. Except now we have better medicines, so chances are, hardly anyone will die as a direct cause of swine's. Why people are panicking so much I don’t know (apart from us keep being told by the media that we’re ALL GOING TO DIE), because drugs are so good these days, we can keep anyone alive, excluding annoying reality TV stars that are famous for having a mouth wider than the M1.

The media are also sure to mention that over a hundred people have died from it in Mexico in the last week, but carefully forgetting thousands of people die every day in places like Africa, and somehow it's more important because it's happening in a richer country. And now (at the time posting), only one person has died outside the Mexican border, and that was in America. Even then, the person had only just escaped from Mexico, so I don't think that should really count. And there were 4, I repeat 4, confirmed cases of Swine Flu in the United Kingdom, which now means death is imitate for us all.

I've mentioned many-a-time how the media likes to throw everything out of proportion, and this is no exception. We're constantly seeing images of people wearing masks, which panics us and words are constantly being thrown at us too. 'Dead', 'Apocalypse', 'Pandemic', 'Outbreak', 'Warning' and many more. It's only natural that we're all shitting ourselves. And now the headlines all say that '40% of Britain's will be hit by the Virus', which are just scaremongering us to duck tape all our doors and windows shut. The stories carefully forget to mention that it's only a prediction and it's all if's and could's and no-one sensible has actually said that it WILL happen.
It's also times like this you realise how easy it is to scare people these days, especially on Twitter. I love sitting comfortably and watching people Tweet things about Swine Flu. I spent a lot of my Monday reading things on there, as I did on Wednesday morning, and I must say, there are a lot of scared people. Obviously, there are a lot of people who are making a joke about it, like most of the people I'm following, but there about a million other users, and a majority are shitting themselves. An example is someone eating a Bacon roll, then sneezing some minutes later, but having time to Tweet it before they collapsed and died, which is a definite sign of Swine Flu...

I must say though, that I am getting bored of this dying lark though, how I've managed to last as long as I have I will never know. But you can't turn on the telly or open a newspaper without being told that you're going to die. You die from having bacteria on your chopping bored, and you'll die every time you use the loo because the amount of bacteria there too. You'll die if you bath, not because of the chances of drowning, but because you're using water. Every time someone coughs in a crowded area, suddenly everyone in a 5 mile radius will die. Then when you finally relax in your bacteria free home, you get told you'll die from sitting in front of the telly, or spending more than 5 minutes a day on Facebook.
Unlike most other diseases and flu's, Swine Flu mainly attacks the young and healthy. Yes, if you're a teenager or younger adult, who drinks a lot of Yakult, then you're more likely to get Swine Flu that a smoking, drinking Grandad of 89, who was a prisoner of war and worked in the mines for a majority of their life.
So, if this is my last blog, then you know why... I came into contact with a sombrero that someone, who walked past a pig farm whilst wearing the sombrero in Mexico, brought home many years ago from their holiday.

So Toodles M’deary
xXXx

P.S. Remember to cover your mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze and wash your hands as frequent as physically possible. In fact, why not just pour acid over yourself?

And here is a song which I think is quite appropriate for the situation. It's Devine Comedy - Die A Virgin...