After Watching Six Weeks Of Day Time Telly, I Like The Idea Of Suicide...

Welcome back blog readers, and just to reiterate, I'm not contemplating suicide, and if I was, I'm not so shallow that the cause of it would be watching Television. Anyway, there are two reasons for me separating this blog into two parts. A) because of the length; I don't like posting blogs that are so long that no-one is going to bother to read them, so posting it as two blogs give me more versatility to its length. And B) I'm going to mention Thomas the Tank Engine in this blog, and it didn't feel right talking about Sex and Kids TV in the same blog - however, it would have been a nice Juxtaposition.

Compared to night time television, watching television is just as dull. Also, in my title, I've lied again. Not only do I not like the idea of suicide, but I've actually not watched a great deal of television during the day time. Anyway, my current addiction on television during the day is Thomas the Tank Engine on Five. Because it's on early in the morning (about 8:30, which is when I'm still sleeping), I record it, and watch it at some point during the day. It was once my favourite show on Television as a child, and seeing it brought back to life certainly made me laugh when I watched the new stuff for the first time. For example, the theme tune I absolutely hate (however, you can (and I do) sing along to the new one), the original was far much better in my opinion, but then maybe that is because it was the version I was first exposed to, plus the original brings back so many memories.
However, because of new animation technologies, the quality of the show itself now is far better, with the mouths and people actually moving and the Fat Controller (There's also a Thin Controller as well) actually looking more alive, thanks to CGI, compared to his look in the original series which was a novelty salt dispenser. After 321 stories, you'd expect the show to have derailed (see what I done there), but the story lines entertain me just as well as they used to when I was 3 years old. I have a huge collection of Thomas toys from my childhood, kept in a cupboard and I was once a member of the Thomas the Tank Engine fan club, and I suppose I still am, because I've cancelled my membership. I love it, and I'm not ashamed of it!

Anyway, from something I love to something I loathe - The Jeremy Kyle Show. Jeremy, the messiah to the unemployed and host to the stereotypical Pickey families, is possibly one of the worst Television personalities currently on TV; just behind Piers Morgan and Kerry Katona, but just ahead of the Loose Women hags, which I'll get onto soon. He doesn't try and calm down arguments between families and lovers at all, or in any way help, he just gets involved with the ranting himself and ignites it so the audience can get involved which leads to the woman in the tracksuit (yet she only runs when she hears an Ice Cream Van) sobs, so Jeremy can then shout at her cheating boyfriend saying it's his fault, when it's Jeremy shouting in her face, telling her that she shouldn't let him walk all over her.
I will be honest, I watched an episode of the show yesterday, but so I can get material to write about, as I'm not really a big viewer of the show. He seems to have an anger issue as one minute he can be talking calmly to one of his targets, understanding the situation, where the whole time, in his mind he judges them, and then cracks and shouts at them telling them that they need to sort their life out, to which the audience, who he has herded in from the park opposite a Chip Shop, who all clap and boo like a pantomime audience who are high on caffeine from Cherry flavoured coke, thinking it was one of their 5-a-day. The show is essentially everything I hate about Britain and people in general.

Now onto Loose Women, which is a show I couldn't bring myself to watch because they just irritate me because the show is just a live feed of a gathering of middle-aged harpies, sitting around a table gossiping about their husbands and occasionally attempting to have a political conversation about something none of the audience know about and they themselves are trying to attempt to understand. They get one other person, whether they be male or female, to sit in the middle of the 5 caldron stirrers, to plug their new book or TV show and attempt to fit in with their biased views on relationships and celebrities. If these 5 women were alive many centuries ago, they would be considered to be witches and it wouldn't be called a 'TV Show', it would be considered to be coven (a gathering of witches).

Guilty pleasures of mine are these auction programs which are on during the afternoon. A favourite of mine is Dickenson's Real Deal, and I seem to be convinced I know more about the worth of these ancient artefacts and their worth than the experts on the show. When a woman brings a tea set and tells the expert that it has been in her family for over 4 generations and I sit their coming up with a price in my head, and I yell at the television when the expert announces it's worth less than my estimate. Obviously, they're right and I'm usually wrong, but I am still convinced I know more than them.
I quite liked a bit I saw the other day where a man brings on a portrait of a women, and the expert says 'This doesn't really float my boat', and I felt compelled to shout 'Of course it wouldn't, it's a framed piece of canvas, not liquid!' It's all part of my new sarcastic/literal sense of humour, where I take everything serious. It will annoy everyone soon, but anyway, this is my guilty pleasure of the daytime television schedule.

Something else, which can be watched during the night, and during the day, are these dating channels, which are quite funny to sit and watch, and are great for someone with low self esteem to watch, to build it up. I sit and watch it, only for a few minutes, and I read the comments which are posted on the channel, which are people constantly attempting to be vaguely humorous to get a reply to their dating ad. It's just the most pathetic thing to sit and read, but it makes me feel much better about my love situation, however non-existent it is. And it's called 'Rabbit', which in a subconscious way, implies that they'll get a date and have 20 children with them. There's even a channel called 'Gay Rabbit' which does the same thing, but for gay people, but I'm not going to go into the implications of that name...

Now onto the best news for the television schedule this year. Big Brother has now finally finished for this year. Apparently, a woman called Sophie won, and she has very nice assets from pictures I've seen, but it's quite obvious, one of her assets isn't her brains and wit. Either way, I don't care, because it's over and means that television isn't scheduled around live footage of people sleeping and sitting around bitching about everyone else behind their back. That therefore means that Scrubs will now be added to the daily schedule on E4 like it was before, so that's something to look forward to and watch again.

On that happy note, I shall end...
Toodles m’dearys
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