Maybe I Should Say Hello and Introduce Myself Finally... Part Two

Now I’ve told you a little bit the career that I quite fancy, and informed you that I am a cynical cunt, It’s time to for you to join me as I write a fake ‘lonely hearts ad’, as my heart is currently lonely – hard to believe, I know, and also, I’m going to talk a little about my opinion of love, whether you want to hear it or not.
You may, or may not be aware, that love isn’t like the movies. In fact, life isn’t the movies Not everything has a happy ending, however much we want it. The movies show love as being a series of happy events, which never end, although if an English person (I.e. Hugh Grant) is involved, it does include some awkwardness and things going a little wrong from time to time.
Another thing that is shown in the movies (I.e. High School Musical), is that high school flings work, when in real life, they tend to not work for a great deal of people. It does work for some, and that’s fine, but for a majority, it doesn’t. At the time you tell the ‘love of your life’ that you will love them forever, then a week later, forever has finished. What annoys me about a fair amount of people my age is the speed they fall in and out of love. You talk to someone and they tell you that they’re in love in John, and then by the next you speak to them, they’re in love with Frank, for example. And if you talk to one of these people in the few days they’re single, they be telling you how they will be lonely forever and that no-one loves them and how bad their life is, all because they’ve been single for two days.

Maybe I have this cynical view of love, because of my few experiences in the area of love. Maybe it’s because of the amount of time I’ve spent in ‘Singles Corner’, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m currently surrounded with people who are madly in love, and seems that I’m the only one sitting in the unlit corner. I know I’m not, but that’s the way it feels to me.

The only too change this negative view I have of love, is to be in love myself, and by looking at my current situation, that could be a long time in the waiting, so I’m left with no option, but to write my own ‘Lonely Hearts Advert’.

• They tend to start off with the important information such as gender, age, height and orientation, so mine would start; M, 6”1’, 16 and Straight.


• Next you say about your personality, and I like to think that I’m quite funny, so that’s abbreviated into; GSOH. Also I like to think people can trust me and I care about the people I love, so I would write that as; reliable, trustworthy and caring.


• Then you tend to describe you’re looks. I would say that I have great legs, but I don’t think that’s really appropriate, so I’d write something more along the lines of; My friends would describe me as having a lion’s mane as hair, passable looks and having more to cuddle. Essentially this translates into having recognisable hair, having below average looks, and being quite flabby.


• Then you go onto saying what you are looking for in a relationship. I would put; looking for someone who will teach me how to love. Basically because I’m rubbish with relationships, and need to learn how to love.


• Next you say about what you’re looking for in a person, so I’m looking for a female who also has a good sense of humour and just genuinely lovely, so that would be written; Looking for female with GSOH who’s kind and caring.


• I also think it’s best to leave sexual connotations out of it. For instance if I put something along the lines of; ‘Bloke who’s well hung and great in bed, who’d love to satisfy you’, probably wouldn’t attract the right people, and would put a majority of women off I think.

So, my ‘Lonely Hearts Ad’ looks something like this;

6”1’, 16 year old Male, who’s Straight and has a GSOH, reliable, trustworthy and caring. My friends would describe me as having a Lion’s Mane as hair, passable looks and having more to cuddle, who is looking for female who will teach me how to love, has a GSOH and is also kind and caring. XX

If you like the sounds of that guy, or know someone who might, then don’t hesitate to contact me...
I doubt anyone will, and writing all that would have been pointless, and I will probably spend more time single.

So, I’ll leave you on this joke I’ve written:
I heard that when relationships are right, they’re easy, even when things are hard...Well, I think that sums up most men who are in a relationship.

If you don’t get it... it’s a knob joke – think about it.

Toodles m’darlings. Speak soon, and remember to contact me...