Why Tweeting? Why Not Meowing, Woofing, Bleating Or Mooing?

In the 20 months I have now been on Twitter that is something I keep thinking about. Why name it Twitter? However, after a bit of research I found the answer. I found out they very nearly called it 'Twitch', but after searching similarly spelt words in the dictionary, found 'Twitter'.

"We came across the word "twitter," and it was just perfect. The definition was "a short burst of inconsequential information," and "chirps from birds." And that’s exactly what the product was." - Jack Dorsey.

 Imagine that though; we could have all been 'Twitching' and sending each other 'Spasms'.

I am sure most people are aware of what Twitter actually is by now, but for those who don't, I would describe it as 'A website primarily for people to share and read useless babble with millions of other people, which has to fit into 140 characters or less.' That description is a perfect example with it being exactly 140 characters in length. My one problem with that fact, is that it was not intentional 140 characters, and I'm now worried that I am indeed addicted and obsessed. My own mental state aside, Twitter is the best, most pointless thing ever.

I will happily stand up and admit that I am in fact an addict. I Tweet too much. Rarely a day goes by where I have done under three Tweets. In the 20 months since I joined, I have shared over 3,500 thoughts with the world. In that time, I have become barely a speckle on the giant bird that is Twitter. I am currently circulating around the 100 followers mark, which is still rather impressive. This is 100 people, in numerous locations around the globe, reading my cynical thoughts about life and society. Not bad. That is the equivalent of 100 people following me around where ever I go, asking me what I'm thinking every so often. Now that is slightly worrying.

I refuse to become one of these Twitter's that share: their boring thoughts, their boring daily activities, their mental state, and just generally - their boring lives. I do not see why anyone would care about what I am doing that day, unless it was interesting. 'Being at home bored' nor 'Watching TV' are things which I would consider to be Twitter worthy. 'I'm happy' nor 'Feeling depressed' are snippets of your life which I consider Twitter worthy either.

The topic of conversation which annoys me most on Twitter is the weather. This is what we would consider to be small talk in the outside world; or a 'Phatic Utterance' if you've done A Level English for two years. A lot of Tweets are just moaning about the weather. In the winter, people either moan on Twitter about the lack of snow or the amount of snow and also how cold it is. During the summer, people either moan about it being too hot, too cold or rain. It irritates me that in real life people moan about a yearly cycle, like it's never happened before, so imagine how irate I become when I read it on Twitter.

I like to use Twitter to share interesting and, maybe even occasionally, humorous thoughts or things I find that intrigue me in general life. If I'm going to share something about my life, like what I am doing, I feel I have to add an observation which may make someone, somewhere, smile slightly. I'm not going to lie and say everything that I put on Twitter isn't boring. I am guilty of sharing my mental state occasional and being uninteresting, but I don't like doing it. If I have nothing of any worth to say, I won't say anything. Some days I'll put 4 things on Twitter. Other days I'll put 20 things of Twitter. I barely care about my crap life, so why would I expect someone else to care about it? And likewise, if I barely care about my crap life, why the hell would I care about a complete stranger’s even crappier life?

People use Twitter in the way they use Facebook to update their status. The reason I don't update my Facebook status very often is because I don't want to share every little detail about my life with my Facebook 'friends', and that is what I feel Facebook is for because only friends and family, who care about you, can read it. What you put on Twitter is open to the entire world to read, so you need to impress, and you don't do that by telling strangers you’re miserable or giddy with joy.

Make humorous observations. Share your own jokes. Say interesting things about your life. Share something humorous that happened to you today. Moan about things you hate on TV or in general society. Share funny things you find on the Internet. Discuss news events. Just be interesting. Don't put on Twitter that you're depressed for umpteenth time in one day. We heard you the first time, you miserable bastard!

If you do want to follow me, I'm @MrStuy

Another thing a lot of people do on Twitter is moan about their lack of followers and request more. This is something else that annoys me. Why would someone want to listen to you constantly moan about your lack of followers? It doesn't bother me how many followers I have. If I had 20, I'd say exactly the same things that I do now, and I would continue to say the same things if I had 2000. I admit I got a bit excited when I had 100 followers the first time, but that was just my OCD for numbers shining through. I get excited every time my Tweet counter hits a multiple of a 100. There is even a scheme for the desperate people on Twitter called 'Follow Back', where people will follow each other, in order to have more followers. The problem I foresee here is that you will eventually have hundreds of people sharing their shit lives with you (see previous 5 paragraphs for more details).

If you look at the 38 people who I follow on Twitter, it is a mixture of a few family and friends, a couple celebrities, a few news feeds of local and humorous types and lots of comedians. I like to laugh, so if you don't make me laugh and I don't like you in real life, don't expect me to follow you. I love my timeline being filled with interesting thoughts, funny jokes and weird Internet links. I don't like boring.

There is also a thing on Twitter called 'Trending Topics', which allows you to see what the most talked about topics on Twitter are. Usually, when X-Factor or Football are on, it will all be related to that or when a major world even happens, like Michael Jackson dying, that topic will be trending. On normal, boring days, weird topics will be trending. The problem with Trending Topics is that you never actually know why a topic is trending, so most of the Tweets on topics are asking why that topic is trending, and the more people the ask, the more popular that topic becomes and then become stuck in an annoying paradox.

Twitter is full of spam as well. If you thought it was annoying getting sporadic emails about your small penis size, wait until you use Twitter. I mentioned the word 'Golf' in a Tweet a few weeks ago; I got two replies from companies advertising their golf products, another reply about the Volkswagen Golf GTi and also gained two followers, who were also advertising their golf products. I also mentioned the words 'Single Parent' in a Tweet and I got a reply offering me a subscription to a dating website for single parents. The madness of it! Twitter has become a tool for people to advertise, in amongst all the useless babble.

The main problem I have with Twitter, is me. People don't use Twitter how I would like Twitter to be used. Twitter gives people the freedom of speech, to say whatever they want; and as soon as you start saying you can't do that, you have yourself a website which is run like a dictatorship; and we can all agree that isn't what we want. Twitter is used how individuals choose to use it, and if they want to keep saying they're depressed, you cannot stop them, and so I control it in the only what I can - by following a very select group of people.

Twitter is great for keeping up to date on what your favourite celebrity is up to. Charlie Brooker is my main one. By following him on Twitter, I know exactly when he is on TV and when he has written a new article for me to read. I love that and in fact it was one of the only reasons I got Twitter in the first place - to stalk.

Charlie Brooker's Twitter display picture. A world class scowl!

That is one of the main purposes of Twitter - to stalk people. I can stalk my favourite celebrities without them even knowing and getting a restraining order on me. I know precisely what members of my family are doing without even having to ask them; and likewise for me. People know what I'm doing. People often know when I'm doing it. People even known what kind of car I'm driving, which makes it even easier for them to stalk me. Twitter is a very scary device.

That is another problem with Twitter, as soon as you say anything it goes on the Internet, forever. You have to be careful with what you say, because things can come back and bite you on the derrière. You cannot copyright a Tweet either. You have no way of stopping other people saying it; which is what regularly happens with things I say I've found out. Either people have exactly the same thoughts after me, or they steal them and don't give me credit. Keith Chegwin is a big culprit of this and recently erupted into a 'scandal'. Regularly he will Tweet other peoples jokes. Milton Jones and Tim Vine seem to be his favourites to steal from. You have no way of knowing who the true author of a Tweet is.

And finally, I have to mention Jade Goody. I haven't mentioned her in a blog for nearly 5 months I think, which is brilliant, but now it's time to break that record. When I joined Twitter 20 months ago, it was in the midst of Jade Goody being ill and dying and me disliking her very much. I started to get into regular disputes on Twitter with people about it. Other Twitterer's were very quick to respond when I said something negative about her, so I quickly developed a reputation on Twitter for having very strong opinions about everything and Jade Goody. That has slowly faded away, but my first experiences with Twitter were debating with Jade Goody fans. Something which I am very proud of and I wouldn't have been able to do that without Twitter.

One of the many pictures of Jade Goody leaving hospital and going home to die...

I love Twitter. I adore Twitter. I heart Twitter. There is no hiding that, despite this long, ranting blog about Twitter. I Tweet a lot. I Tweet too much. I spend a lot of time on Twitter. I will Tweet anywhere thanks to being able to Tweet from my phone. I expect I will continue to Tweet for a long time to come. And why? I love blogging, and Twitter is essentially a way of writing lots of mini blogs. It allows me to share my strong views with whoever wants to read them, just like I do with this blog. Also, I advertise my blogs on Twitter, which makes more people, read them.

Now, I better go and advertise this blog to my 99 followers...

A Random Blog About My Week

Having had a look back at my previous blogs recently, I noticed it has been over a year since I actually blogged about something about my boring life, besides all the driving lesson blogs, which I regret putting here, and I should have created a new blog site for them really, but what's done is done. The subject of this blog will be my past week. The highs and lows of the week more specifically.

Overall, last week was one of the better weeks I have had for some time. It included much more socialising than normal, it included much more spending of money than normal, it included good news more than normal and it included a bit more palaver than normal.

One of the main events of the week was the death of my car, which I had taken great care in naming 'Michelle'. Essentially, my car is an Orange (However, I think of it more as Terracotta) Nissan Micra. My thought process for naming it was that 'Mike' was similar to 'Micra', but due to it being the colour of fake tan, decided the car was female, and so 'Mike' became 'Michelle'. Anyway, Tuesday, Michelle died on a rough housing estate. Despite numerous attempts to get her going, nothing worked and we concluded the problem to be fuel related, seeing as no fuel was actually entering the engine, which I understand to be a fundamental element to move the car. It was time to call the recovery service.

I belong to Green Flag, not out of choice, just because it came free with my car insurance. Remember, other recovery services are available. Anywho, whilst I was sitting by the side of road, being on hold, their music of choice was 'Aretha Franklin - Rescue Me'. Certainly proves that there are a few people left who have a sense of humour. It certainly made me laugh during an otherwise sad event. When I eventually got through, you have to give them so many details to prove who you actually are, that you begin to forget while you phoned up in the first place. Anyway, half hour later, my saviour in the big truck with flashing lights arrived, and concluded the problem to be the lack of fuel entering the engine, which I understand to be a fundamental element to move the car...

The man in the big truck with flashing lights couldn't fix the problem, thus it was time to for the big truck to pull Michelle to a place where she could be saved - my local garage. This meant I got to go home in a big truck with flashing lights. The man was great though, and very talkative and just generally lovely. When Michelle was in a safe place, and it was time for the man in the big truck with flashing lights to go off and save someone else, I gave him a tip of a few pounds. Nothing makes me feel more pompous than giving someone money for doing their job, but I felt in a kind mood.

Michelle ready to be towed away

So, Wednesday came and the dreaded words 'We'll try to look at it today' were uttered from the lips of the Mechanic, who was strangely very dirty for 8am. Essentially, if a Mechanic ever says those words to you, you can almost guarantee that they won't even touch the car that same day. This meant Wednesday, I was house bound with no Michelle. How I missed her.

Thursday came, and still no car and no news. Thursday was also the day most 18 year olds dreaded - results day. I had planned to spend results day driving around, but instead had to resort to asking my Dad for lifts and lots of walking - I had blisters on my feet thanks to Michelle selfishly dying. Anywho, despite the walk to school to get the results being in the rain, it was a generally great day, aided by the fact I was actually happy with my results. In my head, I had already predicted that I would get a C in English, which is exactly what I got. I feared I would get a lower mark, but felt I deserved a higher grade, but was more than happy with my average C grade.

This is how the news regularly represents exam results. I have never seen this actually happen...

In amongst the happiness though, I was still angry, bitter and depressed. Those of you who are followers of my blogs, my Twitter or my life, will be more than aware that I got Chicken Pox this year - during exam season. This meant I missed an important exam, and of course couldn't receive my Photography results this year (or ICT, but I postponed them out of choice, in that I may as well make use of having an extra year at school). Collecting my one result was a lovely reminder of the fact I had another year of school to look forward to. I don't think I will ever forget the time when I got Chicken Pox.

My happiness was aided a little bit more with the news that the garage had actually begun to look at the car and believed the problem to be a wiring fault; nothing too expensive. Oh, and Ice Cream and company helped in making me even happier. Essentially, by the end of Thursday, I was a lot happier than I expected myself to be.

Friday came and I was still happy, but without Michelle and heard no more news. By about Mid-afternoon, I got fed up and phoned up the garage. The news I received made me smile. Michelle was alive and ready to return home! The fault ended up not being the fuel pump or wiring as people predicted, but instead the 'Engine Control Relay'; a little blue plug which acts as a switch in the circuit. A hard thing to diagnose I was told. I was made even happier by the price. Sure, it was still a lot, but less than anyone had predicted. The Mechanic enjoyed the challenging of diagnosing Michelle so much, that he only charged a small price for labour. Pompous Stuart came out again and gave the lovely man a tip (as well as paying the bill obviously), in return for my keys.

The little blue b*****d that tried to kill Michelle

Happy I was. After being without my car for three days, I took Michelle for a little spin around the local roads and then returned home to clean her - with a vacuum cleaner and polish, something I haven't done since the day I passed my driving test, which was over 5 months ago now. By Friday evening, I was very happy. The thing is I've not even touched Michelle since she came back. Why is it you want something really bad when you cannot have it, but as soon as you can have it, don't want it?

Other things have happened in between and since then. My week hasn't just consisted of my car breaking down and getting my one A-level result, which would be boring. Not much else has happened granted, but that is not the point. Other things in my week have made my mood change from happiness to depressed in moments, and vice-versa, but I don't want to talk about that.

So, that was last week. What does this week have install for me? Well, it may include a little bit of pubbing and definitely horse riding - not on the same day though, that is just plain stupid and dangerous.

The Reincarnation Of Sherlock Holmes

A few weeks ago, 'Sherlock' appeared on our television screens for three weeks on BBC 1. Now, I have not actually had any real previous exposure to Sherlock Holmes stories, television or film adaptations for me to compare this recent reincarnation of the detective to. In comparison, it may be complete rubbish, but without a comparison I thought it to be absolutely brilliant.

I had a few doubts about it though. The adverts made it look really cool and interesting, which was great, but it was written by Steven Moffat (Doctor Who writer) and Mark Gattis (Actor/Writer for Doctor Who and of other stuff). Those of you, who have read my numerous, recent Doctor Who blogs, will be aware that I am not exactly keen on Moffat's writing. The other doubt being that it had been modernised. 'An old classic that been modernised and bastardised' was my initial thought of what it would be. Writer's have a habit of doing that of late; Old books and movies, being updated to appeal to the modern audience.

These doubts disappeared after the first 20 minutes of the first episode. If you look closely, there is that element of Doctor Who within the character of Sherlock Holmes, and the general writing. Benedict Cumberbatch plays the role of an odd, brilliant man very well, and Martin Freeman is rather good at playing the 'sidekick' Dr. John Watson; a part Matt Smith originally went for before becoming the Doctor. Anyway, Benedict and Martin seemed to work quiet well with each other, and although being massively updated, still managed to keep true to the original stories.

Just little things like Dr Watson being injured in Afghanistan in the original Conan Doyle's stories, fits in perfectly with our current state of affairs, and of course Freeman's adaptation had been injured in service in Afghanistan. Also, the fact they live at the same address on Bakers Street, London and Sherlock Holmes's brother Mycroft, played by Mark Gatiss, return in the adaptation.

Cumberbatch and Freeman, in the guise of Sherlock and Watson, at the famous address

As for the episodes, it is a similar tale to Doctor Who. I only really enjoyed two of the three episodes. However, would you believe it, the episode that I preferred was actually the one written by Steven Moffat, which was the first episode. The other episode I liked was mainly written by Mark Gatiss, which was the finale. The episode I didn't like was the second, written by guest writer Stephen Thompson. So, from the fact I much prefer Moffat’s writing for Sherlock than in Doctor Who, we can conclude that Moffat should give up on Doctor Who and concentrate more on writing for Sherlock.

If he did that, I am sure he could improve on it massively. Only three episodes in the series? You wouldn't expect that treatment in America. I want the series to go on for weeks and week and weeks. Also, shorten the length of the episodes. Produce more, shorter episodes. 90 minute long episodes work, but by the end you tend to tire of it. Produce 13, 60 minute episodes. Moffat is a fantastic writer, when doing the right stuff. He should give Doctor Who to someone else and go for Sherlock, just like I said at the end of the previous paragraph; just to emphasis the point.

The first episode, which was written by the Moffat and entitled 'A Study In Pink', I actually really enjoyed. Even someone like me with no previous experience with Sherlock Holmes could tell you that we were introduced to someone who everyone could identify as Holmes. The only bad thing about the episode, but classic of Moffat's writing, is that I worked out the killer half hour before Sherlock Holmes. I wasn't the only one, I'm aware of lots of people who worked out that the murderer would be a Taxi Driver. However, at the end of the 90 minutes, you felt as if you had really gotten to know the characters, like you would after a few episodes, which certainly is a credit to Moffat.

The second episode, written by a little known man called 'Stephen Thompson which was called 'The Blind Banker', was the weakest of the three stories. Again, everyone had an idea of who the killer was before Sherlock. The problem with them having different writer’s, is that the characters seemed a bit different in the second story and is taking a different angel, a weakness of numerous writers and the episode didn't seem to fit.

The third episode, written by Mark Gatiss was called 'The Great Game'. Now, between this episode and the first, there were numerous links and they fitted with each other better; which just emphasis's the point that Gatiss and Moffat should work together on writing Sherlock, and not get in other writers. This episode however, was fantastic in allowing the audience to fully understand the character of Sherlock Holmes and fully appreciate his mind power. It is an episode in which Sherlock has to solve numerous puzzles in order to save people’s lives, and with it being much more fast paced, it just came across as a great episode.

Sherlock Holmes has been updated a lot, with Laptop's, iPhone's and Blackberry's being used throughout the stories and also includes a lot of travel by taxi, in which he seems to think and work things out. Of course, he still has the old resource of books, but it has been modernised with care. You almost begin to believe that if Conan Doyle was alive today and writing the Sherlock Holmes books, it is how he would have written them, with new technologies aiding him. I have read rather a lot of reviews, because I am very intrigued as to what other people thought, and there seems to be a general thumbs up.

Hardly any reviews I have read, comment on how the modernisation has ruined the classic stories. Most people agree that it is in keeping with the original stories. There does seem to be rather a lot of love for it, which is fantastic. I honestly think that if the BBC approaches the new series right, they could have another hit, just like Doctor Who, on their hands. The new series does need to have shorter, but more episodes in my opinion for it to work. Only three episodes? By the time I got my teeth gripped into it, it just ends. The BBC also need to make sure they don't have guest writers, and they make Moffat and Gatiss write the entire lot; just to emphasis and repeat the same point yet once more.

Dramatic walking through the streets of London

So, essentially my conclusion is that Moffat should stop writing Doctor Who and give that to someone else, and just focus on Sherlock. He clearly produces better work for that project. I am so very pleased the BBC has commissioned another series. Makes a change from the usual crap they commission.

Now, I feel I should make an attempt at starting to read the original books and stories. I feel I have missed out, and if I am enjoying this new version, imagine the fun I could have if I actually read the original written by one of our most famous writers. Sherlock Holmes in my opinion is next to James Bond in the list of characters from English literature that have become quintessential characters of our every day-to-day life. Very important and should be remembered in both their original and new forms, forever, and for many generations to come.

100 - Love: From The Umpires Chair

I now have another year’s membership to the 'Singles Club'. Advantages that I now receive for being a member of this club for over two years include: An increased level of cynicism, an increased level of jealously, an increased level of hatred and increased level of loneliness, and also a decreased level of happiness and a decreased level of confidence. Upon joining the 'Singles Club', you will receive a temporary amount of sympathy from friends and the honour of changing your Facebook status to Single; we think of this a 'Badge of depression', which is visible for everyone to see. After a few months of membership to the club, you are allowed to post depressing statuses on Facebook and Twitter, but this privilege will be taken away after a year of membership to avoid people thinking you're being dramatic. When you have been a member of the 'Singles Club' for 5 or more years, you receive a cat.

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been in love? A majority of people will answer 'Yes', with the more level-headed, single people like me answering either 'No' or 'Not entirely sure'. My personal answer is 'I think not'. Sure, I have said that four letter word beginning with L in a relationship, but looking back with the advantage of hindsight, I would say no. Otherwise, if that was love, it sure is very disappointing.

I am unsure as to what love actually, really, honestly, feels like. I know the meaning of the word Love is: "A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person", but otherwise, I'm ignorant to it. This makes me very intrigued and cynical towards people of a similar age to me who say they are in love. Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy for them (if not ever so slightly jealous), but how can they be sure? Out of my 150 'friends' on Facebook, an increasing amount of them are either now engaged or pregnant, with the one they love. Then the ones that fit into neither of these categories, but still claim to be in love, just broadcast it over Facebook through a number of status updates and display pictures of them kissing their loved one.

Nothing makes me feel like an old, moaning, lonely man than during the time I spend writing blogs of a similar topic to this; and I apologise to anyone who may become offended by reading this; however, what makes you so sure you have found your one true love? The one your heart desires? Your one and only soul mate? The one who completes you? The one who gives your life meaning? The one that caught your heart? The one you wish to spend the rest of your life with? And to anyone who answers 'You just know', I will brand you a liar. There has to be some kind of thought process. You don't just walk past a jeweller and say 'That'll be a good idea'. Please, someone tell me what it is!

Being the un-liberal conservative I am (no, I'm not referring to the coalition), I think people are committing their life too early; especially after watching BBC3 documentaries about teenage pregnancies. Now, I am aware that they pick the stupidest, most ignorant and extreme people for that show, but it is perfect evidence of being too young. Shows like that should scare you into not committing your life too early. It will not always work. If it does work - great, brilliant, fantastic! If it doesn't, you become a single parent and/or a divorcée before you're even an adult. My incredibly cynical mind cannot fathom how someone can be so sure at the same age as me, that won't happen with the one they love.

A paper demonstration of a broken heart

What gets me though, is why my Facebook page is left with the 'Badge of Depression', everyone else is changing their status to engaged and adding pictures of their latest baby scan. To use a metaphor I used last year in my love blog; I'm left stuck in a dark, shaded corner, watching everyone else being happy and making decisions which will influence the rest of their life. Or to use a new metaphor (which explains my blog title); I'm stuck up here in the umpires chair, watching everyone below play out their relationships, which may only last a few hits, or will continue for ages and suffer an infinite number of hits, while I silently judge them all. Surely, it isn't too much to ask for, for just one woman out there to find me attractive and a good catch.

As the 'mother' of The Supremes once said: "You can't hurry love, No, you'll just have to wait... Love don't come easy, It's a game of give and take'. It makes me wonder then, why even after Phil Collins repeated these gems of advice, why people still want rush into love, and why they are so confused about it not being easy. Too often I have seen people split up over stupid, petty things which are so insignificant, they can't even remember why they split up with the person, other than the fact they 'hate' them.

My belief is that TV and Movies have 'tainted' what people perceive to be love. Love certainly is not like how they show it; from my experiences anyway. It isn't all 'Will they? Won't They? Before they finally live happily ever after'. Also, love isn't all happiness and roses and romantic songs in Irish pubs like the movies suggest. It just is not a fair representation, and it has made people convinced that they can have a happy ending. The 'fairytale' element to love has been increased through movies and television in recent years thanks to people like Gerard Butler and Zac Braff.

Even these two fingers are happier than me...

That is the other thing that really gets me: Recently in a lot of American TV shows and movies, there are guys who have a similar hairstyle to me. Now, they seem to be always getting off with women and have ability to woe any female that they want. Just once, I would love for my hair to possess that kind of power. Even when I spray myself with Lynx deodorant, I don't seem to become a magnet for half clothed women; like the adverts suggest. It is all just lies!

I have been reading up about some of the best (well, worst) marriage proposals, and I have encountered many bad ones. The best (well, worst) one that I found was a man who left an engagement ring in a pile of dog poo. A couple’s dog had left a mess in the garden, so before he asked her to clean it up, he placed the ring on top of it. He then stood behind her as she went to clean it and proposed. That now means that every other proposal of marriage can be considered as romantic in comparison.

I have two ideas of ways in which I could propose to a woman. Don't sit there and snigger at the possibility of me finding someone who is willing to put up with me - it is possible, I'm sure! The first idea is simple; you create a Facebook event for your wedding, and only invite them. If it works, you can invite more people to the event. If it doesn't work, you either just simply delete all evidence of it or postpone the date and ask them a few months later.

The second idea would be to kidnap them as they left work and bundle them into the boot of a car. You drive around for a few hours with them kicking and screaming, until you arrive at a beautiful destination, in the middle of nowhere with the sunset gleaming across the beautiful scenery. You then open the boot and they will be incredibly relieved to see you. You then lay out a romantic picnic with champagne and pop the question. However, the key is to not actually tell them it was you that kidnapped them until many years later when you're married and it's too late. Maybe on your death bed.

Example of a beautiful sunset scenery. My own, personal photograph. Was going to use for background, but HTML sucks...

If you wish to date me, you have to be willing to settle for all my faults:

• I am cynical.
• I moan rather a lot.
• I am slightly over-weight and not much to look at.
• I can sulk, for days.
• I have low self belief
• Chances are, one of your friends will really irritate me.
• I have very little previous experience with love, and will have to be taught.

And all my merits:

• I have hair.
• I can, on occasion, be funny.
• I can be nice and rather lovely when in a good mood.
• I have a car.

If you can settle for these, please do not hesitate to contact me.

P.S. Notice I have now redesigned my blog page. PLEASE, tell me what you think of it?

A Virgin Choosing Between A Vampire Or A Werewolf

The latest instalment of the 'Twilight' saga was released recently, which is called 'Eclipse'. It always comes hand-in-hand with depressed teenagers being a little bit excited and sales of Muse songs increasing. Now obviously, I went to the cinema and of course I did not watch it at home on a pirate copy which I borrow off a friend. I wouldn't steal a car, so of course I would not watch a pirate movie. I had a few problems with the people in front keep standing up and 'eclipsing' my view of the film, and for some reason my eyes had regular trouble trying to focus on the screen; kept going blurry. Despite these annoying things happening at the 'cinema', I managed to watch the film.

Corr, Look at those depressed faces! Just cheer up will you!

People who have seen this one or previous movies will be aware that they are not the type of films that make you walk out the cinema with a big smile. These are the sort of movies that make you want to wear black clothes and never want to smile again. This one was no exception. Eclipse certainly is better in that I would consider it more 'fun' than previous ones. I use the word 'fun' very, very, very lightly though. In comparison to Toy Story 3, it really is not, but in comparison to New Moon, it was.

The movie is more 'fun' because there is just much more action and the story line isn't so much about Bella's self indulgence during her period of even worse depression. This has rather dramatic fight scenes, and the story isn't as one dimensional as the others. It just felt more thought-out and clever in my opinion. It had background information about different characters, which I feel helped a lot. Like the previous two films, it still follows the same formula for the development of the movie. A big, long build up of about an hour, then the eventual climax of the story before a nice, happy resolution before the next film starts; and repeat.

There is a fight scene between the Vampires, Werewolves and 'New Borns'. For people who don't care much for all this depressive, vampire stuff; 'New Borns' are what they call people who have just been turned to Vampires. The stage known as New Borns is when they are at their strongest and blah, blah, blah.

There is happiness though! The Vampires and Werewolves join forces and work as one to fight against these New Borns. How very happy and adorable! They put their differences aside and forget their previous feuds. However, even the fact they worked as one to defeat these New Borns doesn’t cheer them up.

Instead of the lead female character, Bella, spending the whole movie looking depressed in her bedroom, she actually went out. All these movies have her doing a regular monologue throughout, of how she feels and thinks. They are SO depressing. Just her tone of voice brings your mood right down, before you even listen to whatever it is she is moaning about. I spend half the movies just wanting to tell her to just 'Cheer the f*** up!' This one was even worse. The monologues seemed more regular and even less happy. I don't think there is any acting at all; I swear all the actors just spend the whole time sulking.

Then there is the kissing. As if I haven't been depressed enough by the movie for the fact everyone goes about with long, pale faces with monotone voices which are full of depression, I have to see people kissing every 10 minutes. Kissing. Kissing. Kissing. For people who get a lot of affection, they are bloody miserable. I'd be running about in a giggly joy if I got kissed even half as much they do. Bella kisses Edward, then kisses Jacob, then kisses Edward again. I'm waiting for Edward and Jacob to kiss; now that would liven the story up a bit.

...And even more kissing.

The music is just as bad though. If I were to go to HMV, buy the Eclipse soundtrack and listen to it in the car home, which is only a 20 minute journey, I am sure I would have attempted to kill myself numerous times. The music is even more depressing than those stupid monologues. Bearing what I just said in mind though, the soundtrack is better than in the last movie; so imagine what impact the New Moon soundtrack would have on someone... You can tell how sad all these teenagers are in the movie though, just by this one line: 'I love this song; come and dance!' In the background, Muse was playing. Now, I also love Muse, but I don't think anyone can ever consider it as dancing music. Maybe if by dancing you mean a group of people standing together, swaying their shoulders from side to side, but otherwise, no. Why don't these kids put real party music on, like Robbie Williams - Rock DJ. Now, that I would love to see in the next Twilight movie.

As an overall conclusion of the movie, I did kind of enjoy it. If it wasn't for my friends, I would have let this phenomenon just pass me by, but since I got forced to watch the movie, I have got into them somewhat. However, for someone who isn't overly bothered, it was kind of boring, which is why I am glad I went to the cinema to watch it because if I had stayed at home, I would have started playing games on my phone halfway through the movie while making occasional notes about the film in my notepad...

A Toy Story Too Far?

Absolutely, definitely not! 10 years I waited for that moment; that moment when I could walk in a cinema and go and see the third Toy Story film. There is still even a part of me which cannot believe that I have actually, finally seen it. It still baffles me. I've spent most of my memorable life with only these two Toy Story movies on Video that I can watch, and watched regularly, and then there is a third story. That was hard to get my head around. The rest of the evening after seeing Toy Story 3 I was buzzing, and most of the following day; the greatest two hours of my life possibly. It was also in 3D.

Now, I have never seen anything in 3D on a screen before, so this added to my excitement; even if Odeon did charge an extra pound for the privilege of wearing glasses. I'm not going to ruin the movie for anyone who is yet to see it and might actually stumble upon this blog, but if you are going to see it in 3D, don't expect to be wowed by objects coming towards you. Apart from the odd moment in the film where objects came at you, the three dimensional part wasn't that noticeable. However, the adverts were something else. Some of them were in 3D, and some of them were rather good. I even screamed in a childish way when a giant football came out the screen at me.

As you always get with Disney Pixar films, there was the trade mark 5 minute mini-movie at the start, and this was more clever than humorous. Previous ones have been incredibly funny, and on odd occasion, funnier than the actual film. This was different. It still had the humour element, but it was more about showing how impressive 3D animation can be, and exhibiting its potential. It was amazing, and I was in awe of it. This made up for the lack of 3D activities in the actual film.

As usual, the adverts did actually go on for much longer than I felt necessary. The fact I had just spent £10.40 on my ticket and glasses, along with everyone else in the cinema, made me think that there were no need for sponsors. Anyway, 20 minutes and an entire tub of popcorn later, the film actually started. I may have spent a majority of the film giggling like a little, impish child who has drunk far too much Coke, but that was only because I was very excited. The film itself was brilliant. Excellent. Fantastic. Awesome. Unbelievable. Superb. Exceptional. Tremendous. Stupendous. Phenomenal. Marvellous. Extraordinary. Hilarious. Overwhelming. Sad, and Good.

Like every other person who has seen and loved the previous two films, I was incredibly worried that I would not like it, and that it would just murder the Toy Story title. The sequels are never as good as the original. Toy Story 2 was lucky to overcome this stereotype. Toy Story 3 just proves how great the writers are and how strong the characters are. I like that each movie covers stages in toy's life. The first movie being about a new toy. The second showing a toy being broken. The third being when the child's grown up and no longer wants toys. I think they are amazing story lines, and I am incredibly pleased that the third was not a flop.

I, and I'm confident to say I am not the only one, cried twice during the film; in the scenes of the final 10 minutes. It was so very moving; very apt for their original audience as well. The people, like me, who where children when the first Toy Story film came out are now at the age when some of them are moving away to University and college, and face the torment of deciding what to do with their toys. I don't for another year at least due to circumstances of the Chicken Pox kind, but enough of how unlucky I am.

The day I saw Toy Story 3, 22nd July 2010, was possibly the most anticipated day of my life so far, and is was the best day for quite some time. Even though it was nothing more than wearing glasses in a dark room, watching a screen with lots of people I've never before met, it was a poignant moment in my life. I'm not really sure how to explain it without you branding me as 'daft', but the fact Toy Story 1 & 2 were the movies of my childhood which were my favourites, most watched and which shaped me to who I am today, is brilliant. For a movie to have so much power and influence upon one’s life is amazing. There being a third movie boggles my mind. I still cannot quite believe it. I have seen Toy Story 3!

Even though I do very much love the Toy Story films, I do hope they don't do a fourth. Lots of movies have numerous sequels. Shrek is a prime example. There are now four movies, half of which I have not/will not see. Just because it worked once or twice, doesn't mean it will continue to work. There is the opportunity for a fourth Toy Story, but I hope they don't take it up, and just leave it on the emotional ending of the third.

The fact Disney Pixar is releasing a ‘Monsters Inc 2’ and a ‘Cars 2’ worries me a lot. They were good movies (Monsters Inc more so) but I just think maybe they should come up with more, different ideas, like UP and Wall-E; both brilliant and different from their other movies. They need to do more like them. However, whatever they create now will not be as brilliant as Toy Story in my opinion, but they are more than welcome to keep trying and prove me wrong. Maybe they will be doing something as equally brilliant for any future, small people who are 50% like me (A.K.A: My children) who I might have. If not, I'll resort to buying the Toy Story movies on whatever media format we are using in the future. Maybe it will be known as 'HD,3D,36DD,DVD'. Who knows?

P.S. Incidentally, 'HD,3D,36DD,DVD' will stand for: High definition, Three Dimensional, Nice-Sized breasts on a Digitally Versatile Disc.