Valaween

Valentine’s Day is upon us and it is the day where people confess their love for each other or celebrate the love in which they have. It is a day in which many couples will go to the cinema and share a box of popcorn. Others will go to expensive restaurants and have a meal while the sexual tension builds. Chocolates and flowers are given, wrapped in pretty red paper and cuddly toys with 'I LOVE YOU' written on them, along with giant cards containing cheesy prose to explain how much you love them, will be given. For people in love, this sugar-coated day adds brightness to dull winters. For people who are not in love, like the writer of this very sentence, it is the cruellest day on the calendar. I don’t like Valentine’s Day believe it or not, which is one reason why I’ve affectionately named this blog ‘Valaween’. I shall now explain why so.

February the 14th is the date which I, like millions of other single people, dread. The celebration is named after a saint who had absolutely nothing to do with romance either, thus making the day a bit of a fraud. The amount of heart-based gifts which you see in the shops that are overpriced for the poorly-made crap they really are is quite silly. Red mugs, giant cards, me-to-you bears, balloons, jewellery and numerous other gifts of an erotic and 18+ nature. These are all things which are supposed to show how much you love the receiver of these gifts.

I suppose you could argue that I am lucky to be single to be on this day. I have not got to worry about whether a cuddly toy and box of chocolates appropriately send a message of how much I love them. I haven’t got to worry about what stage of the relationship we’re in and whether or not the card is a sufficient enough size. What if she gets me a bigger one with glitter? I’d feel like a complete idiot after giving her a £2.99 card from down the road. These are all worries I have not had to have. Still, I don’t like Valentine’s Day.

You may have noticed that I am of the cynical nature when it comes to this day. This is possibly because I have actually always been single on this day of 'love' or, maybe because I have actually never received a valentines card or present from a lover. I have however received presents and cards from friends who are sympathetic of the fact that I am going through another year of loneliness. These gifts usually come from friends who are in relationships so show pity by giving cards or, in the case of this year, a lovely single red plastic rose. I don't wish to come across as ungrateful, because I am grateful for their efforts to cheer me up, but you can't help but notice it is a sympathy present.
Another year has gone past where I receive no Valentines cards from a secret lover which I have to try and figure out like an episode of Poirot, in which no-one dies but yet everyone is still a suspect. I suppose, what with Valentine’s Day falling on a Sunday this year and there being no post on Sundays, this imaginative card could come on Monday. I mean, I could get a card. An average of 1 billion cards are sent each year on Valentine’s Day, and yet we all I know that I won’t be getting any of them, yet again.

Valentine’s Day has actually always seemed very pointless day in my personal opinion. Essentially, the day is for people to tell other people that they love them. Why make it specific to one day? This day needs to be removed from the calendar and have February the 14th as a normal, boring day. Love should be celebrated every single day of every single year, not just because Hallmark thinks you should in order for them to sell more cards. I know if I was in a relationship, I would be celebrating that fact every single morning - I would feel so lucky, to actually have a girlfriend.
Being single is a hard thing to be during the week leading up Valentine’s Day and the day itself. Where ever you go, you are constantly reminded that it is soon the day of love and you are still single. Every ad break on the Telly or Radio has adverts for cheep roses at Tesco's or personalised cards from Moonpig for the special occasion. Every shop you walk past has its windows covered with red hearts and 'HAPPY VALENTINES DAY' in big letters. Friends talk to you about their plans for Valentine’s Day and what they will be doing with their 'other half', insinuating that when they're with them, they feel complete - soppy gits!

I'm not going to bore you with my tragic life story, how unlucky I am with love and how lonely I am. However, I did stupidly worked out the other day that I have been single for 20 months. I also, with depressing results, worked out how much of my life so far has been spent 'in love' and the result wasn't even 6 months. Maybe the fact I am single is because I never send on those texts or e-mails. You know those one that say ‘Pass this on to seven people in the next 33 minutes or no-one will love you for 9 years.’ I never pass them on. Maybe the curse is coming true.

Don't worry though, because rumour has it that I am in a secret relationship with my best friend. Well, it seems that rumours are as close as I get to relationships these days. I am (Infact we both are) single despite rumours. Whoever would have thought that rumours might not be true? To have a little mini rant on the subject: How shallow are these people? “Oh look, they’re sitting next to each other again. They’re definitely in love.” If that is evidence of people being in love, then the world would be a much happier place. Anyway, slightly off topic.

Here is one piece of advice for you. When girls say 'I love a man with a sense of humour and who is kind' they clearly do not mean it. I'm humorous and I am actually a very nice person, and look at me. Single. Lonely. Depressed. Resentful. Jealous. Wishing my life was like the life of characters on Scrubs. What girls really want is some guy who is their ideal of being ‘fit’, with a nice butt and caressable hair (my hair is nice too). I don’t come into the category of ‘fit’ though; thus why I am single really. Humour and niceness is not enough.

You would have thought I’d be great catch with the ladies. I even quite like watching ‘Twilight’ or ‘New Moon’. Surely that would make me a perfect choice. Maybe if I had the giant eyebrows, sparkled in the sunlight and had a pale complexion like Robert Pattinson, or the torso Taylor Lautner I would have better luck. I would be more than willing to sit and watch the DVD, so bare that in mind ladies...

I am even cynical of dating websites. A load of data on a database is not the way to find love. How depressing is that? Saying that 'I found love through a website creating a query of facts from my own personality and comparing it to other data on Microsoft Access' is actually quite tragic. Thus why, when I'm 18, I'm not going to even contemplate going on one of them websites. I do not think I am that desperate. Not yet at least anyway.

I am sorry to point this out, but while everyone is out on dates with the 'love of their life', you are sat there reading this blog. Depressing isn't it. You're probably sat at home listening to songs by McFly or the Goo Goo Dolls, maybe OneRepublic or maybe you're treating yourself to extra special depression by listening to Maroon 5. I know that is what I plan to do. The best way to get through the day though, is to just shut your eyes. Pretend the day is just an ordinary day. If you have to, draw the curtains and hold the bed duvet over your head until February the 15th comes around. Also, don't ask how your friends how Valentines was if they're in love; it will only depress you. If they tell you, don't listen: just nod, laugh and smile occasionally and then end the conversation by saying 'Aww sweet'. It has never failed for me.

Whatever you do though, do not make the same mistake as I did last year and spend Valentine’s Day with friends who are in a relationship. What was sold to you as a way to get through the day enjoyably, turned out to be the most depressing way to spend the day. Spending Valentine’s Day watching people in love? How stupid was I? It's like eating your Chocolate Easter Eggs on Easter Sunday infront of your diabetic friend who isn't allowed to eat chocolate.

If you're reading this on Valentine’s Day, I feel your pain, I really do. Sitting at home at your computer reading a blog by a 17 year old, which is about his take on love and Valentine’s Day, it is depressing. I hope the day passes quickly for you and don't get too miserable. If you're reading this blog after Valentine’s Day, I hope you enjoyed your date you lucky sod. I hope you've got chapped lips. Did you even spare a thought for us 'Singletons'? I thought not.
Don't worry though, as a reward, on Tuesday it is Pancake Day. To celebrate surviving another Valentine’s Day, you can sit and eat Pancakes, on your own. Don't think of that as a negative though, it just means you haven't got to share the pancake goodness with some greedy sod.

Seeing as I am single, and have been for quite some time, I am advertising myself on my blog now. So: If you're an attractive, sarcastic, clever girl who is single and is interested in a slightly over-weight teenage boy who spends most of his time writing and making everything into innuendos, or know someone who is, then please do contact me.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy/enjoyed your day.
Remember, even though I really hate love, Stuy loves you!