Wednesday 30 December 2009

Let's Rummage Into My 2009

2009 has been an average for me really and when I look reflect upon the year which has past, I am quite content; it's not been a fantastic year which I'm going to remember for the rest of my life, and it's also not been a crap year in which nothing positive has happened. It's been quite a straight forward year. Last year’s blog which reflected on 2008 was quite a negative and depressing one because I focused on the negative - making it sound much worse than it was. This year’s blog will be an unbiased blog in which the positive and negatives are discussed.

Positive One - Jade Goody died. Not much else to say really; I always feel guilty when I say bad stuff about her now, but when I remember how much she irritated me when she was alive, I feel better and not as guilty upon realising she won't bother me again.

Negative One - Bad A-level results. In August the White Envelope didn't contain good results, including me getting an E in English. This has in turn affected my confidence ever since and my motivation to do anything has been affected also. I now have to work hard to make sure I do well in retakes as well as making sure I get good, well deserved results next year. Those bad results probably were the worst thing to happen to me this year.

Positive Two - Twitter. May seem stupid to most people, but to me it's a good thing. I started Tweeting in February and since then (apart from the two months where I stopped Tweeting) have Tweeted numerous times a day, with it becoming an addiction for me. My popularity has increased throughout the year and I've broken the 1000th Tweet barrier. I have become rather hooked on Tweeting the dullness of my life. I quite like the mission of putting your point across in 140 characters; it's a good skill to build up.

Negative Two - Love Life. I say 'Love Life' - it probably should be 'Lack of a Love Life'. I have now gone over 18 months of singleness. That doesn't bother me too much; I'm quite content only having to worry about myself and not having the hassle, but it kind of gets to you when you have friends which are happy and giddy about being in love with 'The One' as they often refer to them as and declaring how hard it would be to survive without them. I'm quite the cynic in the realms of love which probably is a good explanation as to why I'm single in the first place.

Positive Three - Driving. Again, quite a silly thing to put as a positive of my year, but then I am sad like that. I've waited years to be able to drive, and now I've reached the age in which I can. I've enjoyed my lessons - all 32 of them with my instructor making them more enjoyable. The hope that early next year I will be able to drive on my own is a positive of this year. People should be on the lookout for a boy driving an orange Nissan Micra soon in the future (Hopefully).

Negative Three - Depression. Something I've suffered with badly and quietly this year. One obvious observation I've had of depression is that it's not very nice and can be quite lonely. This again has caused a loss of confidence, but it's something I'm aiming to change in 2010; let’s just hope it works out so I can spend next year being happy and smiling.

Positive Four - Maturity. Despite still being relatively immature a majority of the time (something which adds to my 'charm'), I have become much more mature this year - maybe as a result of all the negative happenings in the past year, but who knows. I've certainly given 'my' life more direction with me setting goals to achieve and deciding that I'd like to get into Journalism - whether I end up working in a supermarket remains to be seen however.

Negative Four - Doctors. I've spent a lot of this year being in and out of the Doctors Surgery and they are not the happiest moments of my life. Literary on the 1st January I went deaf and was for two months before I finally had my ears syringed. Been to the doctors for problems with my feet, continuous headaches and then recently - deaf again and having ears syringed, so a nice full circle. Hopefully I'll be better next year though.

Positive Five - Scrubs. Another silly little thing which in some way has improved my year. This time last year I'd never watched one episode, and now I've watched them all at least twice - that's commitment. Every evening before I go to bed I watch and episode or two which I've recorded. Those digital recorders are very good you know!

Negative Five - Money. My God, I've gotten through some money this year - and I don't even have a job. A few thousand on car-related stuff, the odd hundred here and there buying stuff for myself (latest one a new Hi-Fi for my room), buying stuff for school (Photography isn't a cheap subject) and now Christmas - I'm refusing to work out how much I've spent for Christmas because I don't fancy a heart attack really. I'm praying I pass my driving test because petrol is cheaper than lessons and another test...

Positive Six - Comedy. Can't beat a bit of comedy to cheer yourself up can you? Seeing Milton Jones, Sean Lock and Lee Mack in a space of just over a month certainly is a big highlight for me. I'm not going to go through it again, because I've already written a blog about it, but it's a good experience and something you have to make sure you do! Who'll I see next year I wonder?

Negative Six - Media. I don't mean the subject which I dropped in May, I mean the newspapers and television and everything else. Being constantly informed of Katie Price's life, Kerry Katona being drugged up, Tiger Woods playing away, Jedward annoying the nation, Susan Boyle having a mental breakdown or Lady Gaga being a hermaphrodite - they're all things I don't care about and have made this year hell for me and every other sane person in Britain.

Positive Seven - Advertisement. It was good to have Mr Karnavas mention my blog at the end of his speech at the Presentation Evening. Mind you, I don't know what he said about it because I wasn't listening - I perked up when he said 'Stuart' and missed the beginning of it. I'm not sure advertising to a room of 300 bored people was the best form of advertisement, but as they say ‘Any publicity is good publicity’. Something for you to try if you get bored though: If you go on Google and search 'Phil Karnavas Murder' my blog comes up first. It's the small things in life...

Negative Seven - Time. I have no time to myself really, which everyone needs a bit of. If I'm not at school I'm usually doing school work. Occasionally you'll see me with friends, but even that's not time to myself. I like time to myself just listening to some tunes and writing a blog like this. I'm writing this blog instead of attempting my mountain of English and Photography work for example...

Positive Eight - Friends. The best positive of the lot. It may have been a relatively rubbish year for me and I'm not exactly expecting 2010 to be a better year, but I know my friends will always cheer me up, like they have this year; unless they get fed up of trying, but I doubt they will. Anywho, I thank them.
Well, sorry for the long blog; went on longer than I anticipated. That's my year in 1,215 words anyway - hope your 2009 has been good and hope 2010 is another great year for you!

Remember to continue to read The Blog Of Stuart: It's the only blog mentioned by
Mr Karnavas at this year’s CHS Presentation Evening.


Apology 01/01/10:
My comments about Mr Karnavas's speech being boring (in Positive Seven) is actually false. I and my fellow classmates in no way found it boring. It was an enlightening speech about our schools achievements. I apologise now to Mr Karnavas and anyone else offended by my comments and for any upset caused. This was an unfair representation of a man who is full of life, witty and a generally good guy.

Sunday 27 December 2009

The Stuart Awards 2009

We're fast approaching the end of 2009, and like last year, I am going to give some imaginary awards to those who truly deserve them. It marks the good things of the year, but also rewards the most annoying things of the year. So we shall start like last year with:

Music
The Happiest Song of the Year goes to Paolo Nutini with Pencil Full of Lead. It also wins the awards for 'Stupidest Music Video of the Year' and 'Song Least Likely to Be Found on A Karaoke Machine'. This song cheers me up every time I listen to it.
Most Annoying Song of the Year could go to so many contenders. It could be any N-Dubz song, it could be JLs with 'Put Your Hands Up', possibly it's Sugababes and 'Get Sexy'. For me, it's The Black Eyed Peas for their awful song entitled 'Boom Boom Pow'. Need I explain why?
My New Favourite Old Song award goes to Adam and the Ants with 'Ant Music'. It’s such a classic song, which until this year I actually didn't own. Now I do, and it's a very good song.
My Most Played Song of the Year goes to Sparks with 'I Can't Believe That You Would Fall For The Crap In This Song' because it's got such an addictive beat. Also, it wins the award for having 'The Best Song Title'.
My Most Played Album is 'Either Side of Midnight’ by Jack McManus - it is quite good.
Song of the Year 2009 though goes to Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire. It also wins my award for Song of the Decade as well.

Film
Annoying Film of the Year goes to 17 Again purely because it has Zac Efron in it and because it's a stupid American film which tries to be funny, but isn't. It just beat New Moon.
Film of the Year goes to New Moon however. It may have been one of the most annoying because of all the hype, but the film itself makes up for it, which surprised me because I actually enjoyed it.
The Film That Looks The Most Disappointing award goes to Avatar. The film which promises a fantastic 3D experience for its audience and hailed as the film from the legendary director of The Titanic; looks to me to be a big pile of blue crap. The characters all look like Smurfs on drugs to me and I just think it looks rubbish and will not be watching it.
The Film Which Went on Too Long award goes to this year's Harry Potter film. It may have been a very good film which mixed humour with love and with sadness but my bum hurt for the next few days, which means it wins this prestigious award.

TV
Inaccurate Drama of the Year goes to ITV's interpretation of Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights. A book which I read earlier in the year for my English A-level (and now re-reading), and this means I know the story quite well, so watching ITV's attempt was like watching your neighbour’s dog get cut into tiny pieces; you don't really care, but it's a sad thing to watch. The reason for this was because ITV wanted to make the show appeal to their average audience - Which are idiots...
Sitcom of the Year goes to Miranda. It may have running gags which after a while just get bloody repetitive, but it is the first new Sitcom for a while which is actually funny. Reggie Perrin was a runner up to this award, but like Miranda, it just got repetitive.
My TV Obsession of the Year goes to Scrubs. I only started watching this show at the beginning of the year and in that time I have watched every episode between Series One and Eight at least twice. That is a proper obsession. It's a shame that life can't be more like Scrubs though - I'd be much happier if it was.
Most Annoying Program of the Year has to go to Piers Morgan's interview with Katie Price - surely three tits on one program are far too many!
Best TV Moment of the Year goes to Britain's Got Talent, with the little girl who forgot the words to the song and cried on live TV, before Ant & Dec told her she couldn't sing again and then cried even more. Why is it the Best TV Moment of the Year I hear you ask... Because it was different.

Celebrities
This shouldn't take you long to figure out who has one this award - The Best Celebrity Death of the Year. Many celebrities have died this year, but I think we can almost all agree that the death of Jade Goody is the most worthy. Her annoyance has ceased. A month after her death, she was forgotten - and that's fine with me. She also wins the award for 'Ridiculous Amount of Media Coverage'.
Most Annoying Celebrity Couple goes to Katie Price and Peter Andre. There isn't a lot I can say about this that I haven't already said, but I will say this - Who gives a crap?
Most Annoying Celebrity goes to Katie Price as well. How dare my precious time be wasted by having to listen to her being constantly on the news and reading her everywhere. I don't care about anything she has to say. I think she should be shot through the head every time she says that she is annoyed at the amount of media coverage she gets.
Annoying 'Celebrity' Newcomer of the Year goes to Susan Boyle. Apparently she is classed as a celebrity and deserves this award because: I have no respect for her, the mere mention of her name sends shivers down my spine, she has far too much media coverage and the fact that she looks like the love-child of the Elephant man and a potato.

Twitter
My Favourite Tweet of the Year is "I've got the Mrs putting together an oxygen tent and I've kicked a neighbour's head off for sneezing. #flupocalypse" belonging to Mr603 from April; when Britain was in the full Swine Flu Paranoia.
My Most Popular Tweet of the Year seems to be "You know what's more depressing than being alone and single? Being alone and single while watching 'Love Actually'..." why I don't know, but it's my most ReTweeted Tweet, so it gets the award reluctantly - but the public have decided.
My Favourite Twitterer of the Year goes to greggles1969 whose Tweets almost always have me laughing because of his unique views upon life, TV and the news.

General Awards
The Craziest Claim by a Politician of the Year goes to Lib Dem politician for Feather Dusters. This was a hard award to decide though, so two runner-up awards are also being given out: One goes to Hazel Blears for her Three KitKat Crunchies and the other goes to John Reid and his Glittery Toilet Seat.
Must-Have Flu of the Year goes to Swine. The craze which started in Mexico 9 months ago has spread world-wide with millions of people at some point having the Flu. The Flu promises to carry on infecting the rest of the world and killing many more next year. Fingers crossed!
The Year’s Top Swinger goes to Tiger Woods and not for his golfing abilities. This is a man who doesn't play golf to relieve his sexual frustrations. What else can I say that hasn't already been said?
Unluckiest Person of the Year goes to Gordon Brown. It seems whatever he does he gets abuse for and that's what makes him unlucky. He even writes letters to dead soldiers’ families and he gets heavily criticised for it. Bless him.

That concludes The Stuart Awards for 2009. What wonders will be included in next year’s awards? We shall have to wait and see...

Wednesday 23 December 2009

My Comedy Nights Reviewed

In recent months, instead of concentrating all my time on my A-levels to try and get fantastic grades and get into University, I've been out sitting in the audience of numerous comedy gigs. The first one was more a magic show, in which comedy was included and that was 'A Night With Paul Daniels' in October. In November I went and sat in the audience of Milton Jones; a one-liner comedian who is the English equivalent to Stewart Francis and a hairier version of Tim Vine. December saw me go and watch Sean Lock who can regularly be seen on Comedy Panel Shows and then Lee Mack a week later who occasionally is seen on Live At The Apollo and on Not Going Out. Also, I've been reviewing these shows...
Paul Daniels I saw on the 9th October at the Village Hall which is about a 30 seconds walk from my house, which is surprisingly close for a famous person to be from my house. I was surprised to learn that not many people of a similar age to me know who he is. He is the last of the proper performers in my opinion. This was just after Derren Brown's shows on Channel Four so magic was fresh in my head. One of the tricks Derren Brown done with the nation was make them stick to their seats, something which Daniels done on a smaller, similar scale. He had two men onstage; one of which was sat down and the other standing behind a chair and holding the back of it. He made them convinced for about 10 minutes that they could not move, which was a funny experience to watch.
Paul Daniel's brought his wife and assistant Debbie McGee with him as well, and between them they worked the audience well, but after doing this for 30 years, you certainly would hope they could. He is actually rather a funny man, with lots of interesting thoughts. He also allowed audience members to ask him questions, some were rather appalling and others were very good which left Daniels demonstrating his wit and making the audience laugh - not bad for 71 year old it has to be said.
On the 6th November at the Gulbenkian Theatre, I went to see Milton Jones. It has to be said, he isn't particularly well known with the stereotypical teenager, what with him having a show on Radio 4, but a recent appearance on Mock The Week, replacing David Mitchell who replaced Frankie Boyle, made him briefly known. I've known of him for a long time, and after listening to a few shows, decided I liked him. He is a very funny man and not for people who aren't fast to get jokes. By the time you've understood the first joke, you would have missed the following three.
The warm-up act was a man called Paul Kerensa from Devon. What do I remember most about him? Is it his any of his jokes? Nope. Maybe it's the fact he has ginger hair? No It's the fact he showed us his belly, to prove that he doesn't have a belly button. To be honest, he could have just walked on stage without a shirt on and he'd have made a lasting impression on every single person in that theatre. It seems people (including me) are mesmerised by people with deformities.
After that Milton Jones came on stage (dressed as an old man) to tell some awful, but hilarious bad jokes. This was my first exposure to a proper live comedy gig, so I was disappointed when the person in front turned out to be a heckler. This is a man who we concluded was a cross between Jimmy Saville and an unfunny Vic Reeves. Why people pay to go and watch a show to then shout 'You're rubbish' half way through makes no sense to me. Luckily comedians have a quick wit to deal with idiots like that. Apart from that, I really enjoyed it and I urge you to find out who he is if you don't already know who he is.
The best bit for me was when it had finished and we were standing outside when who should walk past... That's right, Milton Jones. I felt the need to ask 'How are you?' before saying 'Good show'. Not my proudest moment, but he's added to my list of comedians I've spoken to, with Vic Reeves being the only other name on that list.
Monday 7th December came along and that evening I went to see Sean Lock; warming up for next year’s tour - and we were on the fourth row. I have always considered him to be my favourite comic, and seeing him live was a proud moment in my life. I’ve also always considered him to be 'The Panel Show Whore' with him doing shows from BBC's 'Qi' and 'Have I Got News For You', to Channel Four's '8 Out Of 10 Cats' and even Dave's 'Arguemental’. It’s good to just go and see him on stage by himself instead, and I think he is funnier by himself.
As obviously expected, he was very funny. This time the hecklers where much nicer, with one shouting out 'I love you'; how sweet was that? Another heckler who sat behind us was like Rayman - she knew the position of every seat in the theatre - so naturally this provided some comedy for him for a few minutes. From the show we also learnt that Canterbury people get very nervous when asked to think of a letter and also don't like it when someone steals their turn to talk to the man on stage. In a part of the show named 'Audience Battleships', he would shout out a seat number and whoever is sat in that seat he'll speak to. However this isn't a good game to play to a room full people who don't know where they're sitting.
The best image I got from that evening was possibly the idea of Nick Griffin being on fire, and Sean Lock 'having a service station piss on his feet' to put his feet out; then the idea that an Asian paramedic coming and Sean Lock sending them away also 'tickled my funny bone'. So watch out for that gag on Live At The Apollo next year... There are loads of other jokes of course, but the problem I have is that I walked out of the 2 hour gig knowing it was amusing, but only being able to remember a handful of jokes.
A week later, Monday the 14th December, I went to see Lee Mack. How lucky was I, being able to watch two very funny comedians on two Monday's running. Lee Mack is well known for his show 'Not Going Out' and appearing on 'Live At The Apollo' pretty much every series. He has always been one of my favourite stand-up comics, but after seeing him live he has now become my favourite stand-up comic - Live he is hilarious. The warm-up act was Simon Evans and he is one of the writers of 'Not Going Out' along with, coincidently, Paul Kerensa (The warm-up act from Milton Jones), also writes and directs 'Not Going Out'. ALSO, Milton Jones has written the odd bit for Not Going Out; I only just found all this out and that is why you should do research before publishing writing. It amazed me.
Anyway, Simon Evans is a very funny man. A posh man dressed in a waistcoat who swore created quite a funny juxtaposition. Also, with good old fashioned racist jokes about the Welsh, how could he go wrong?
Back to Mack, and he started his part by locking someone in a box and calling a man on the front row a paedophile - I think if a comedian can do this without getting punched in the face, then he's very good. This is what has made him my favourite stand-up act; he's ability to involve and bounce off of the audience. A comedian having a five minute rant at a local area named 'The Isle Of Thanet' is hardly something he could have prepared for and it is his ability to do this which makes him great. Then going behind the curtain and realising there is Pantomime staging behind it brought on more laughs, with him resorting to kicking it to annoy the staff. At the end he lets the audience ask him questions, but it ended up with him just being asked to repeat gags from his last tour, none of which he done, but then why should he?
This show ended up being nearly 3 hours long, and was the most I've laughed all year. This was also a warm-up for his gigs next year, so if you're going to see him you'll have a great time. Two piece of advice though: The first, if you're claustrophobic, don't sit on the front row. The second is if you suffer from incontinence and have the need to go the toilet during the show, don’t back chat him because he’ll always win. The amount of people who done that was actually very surprising.

To be honest, I think you should all be bloody jealous of me and my comedy social life. All four evenings cost me £33 pound overall, so I'm not complaining. What wonders I'll see in 2010 we'll have to wait and see, but hopefully it might include names such as Stewart Francis and Sarah Millican, but we shall have to wait and see.

This blog has turned out to be one of my longest – these blogs aren’t just thrown together you know; hours of effort goes into writing and I had to sit through around 9 hours of comedy to review just
for you!
It’s not all fun fun fun...

Sunday 20 December 2009

It's Unconventionally Close Now

It's not long before my driving test now; in fact I have my test on the 6th January which is the equivalent of 3 more driving lessons - it's becoming a scary thought considering I can't get much practice in my own car in because of all this blooming snow and ice. Anywho, I've not blogged for a while about my driving lessons, and I have 6 lessons in which to boringly inform you about. I hope I past my test first time because I don't think I could bear the tedium of having to blog about more driving lessons...

Lesson 23 then, and it was what I consider to be a very good driving lesson which I enjoyed. The lesson was mainly through country roads and was of course - an unconventional driving lesson. How many people have a driving lesson where they come across a telegraph pole across the road? My Driving Instructor doing the right thing, phoned the police to inform them while I carried of driving which meant I ended doing 20 minutes driving on my own, which was good. Besides that, I did do a reverse around a corner, into a parking space, a parallel park and also a three point turn.

Lesson 24 wasn't as exciting as the previous lesson. Essentially, it was just a boring hour drive around Canterbury with lots of traffic; in which I done (as you can guess by now) a three point turn, parallel parking, reversing into a parking space and reversing around a corner.
Lesson 25 was the same, driving around boring Canterbury, in what seemed to be a huge circle. I done a three point turn, a parallel park, reversed around a corner and into two parking spaces. The first one took 4 attempts before I done it properly - why I do not know. The second I felt was a much harder space to reverse into and managed to do it quite successfully.

Lesson 26 and it went very well and again enjoyed the lesson. I done the usual three point turn, a parallel park and reversed around a corner. I made no mistakes. However, as is common in my driving lessons, all the brake lighting failed, so 10 minutes of my lesson was at the back of the car replacing the bulbs. It's good experience anyway. This happened a few months ago as well.
Lesson 27 followed in the car's record for being very reliable with me doing the lessons with an almost broken clutch. This meant I had to be very careful with it, and again is a good experience I suppose. I done a three point turn and reversed around a corner - which for some reason I couldn't do properly.

Lesson 28 was in the dark - my first lesson in the dark to be precise... Well, considering that fact, it went very well I thought. I didn't know how to use the car lights, so there may have been the odd time in which I was driving in the pitch black. I now know how to work them however. Despite the fact it was a night time lesson, I still had to do a parallel park which went well. Also, I had to do a three point turn, which ended up being a 5 point turn because I couldn't see and reversed around a corner which also didn't go particularly well because of the darkness. The thing is, in the dark it's hard to see where you're going - would you believe that?

I get on well with my driving instructor, and the reason for this is that we share a similar tendency to have big pointless rants about insignificant things. A man not indicating at a roundabout can result in him moaning for 10 minutes at how dangerous it can be. Also, he seems to have a different word every few weeks to call people. Usually it's child-friendly words such as 'Plank' or 'Twit' but his new word for the past few weeks is 'Pleb', which I think may be a slightly strong word to call someone who forgot to put a blinking light on. Never-the-less, he's alright.

The next blog about my driving I expect will be telling you about my remaining three lessons and then how my test went; whether I passed or failed. I am actually quite confident about it. The only things which I think will let me down are my observation and reversing into a parking bay. Those are the two things which I have the biggest problem with. Hopefully it won't affect me and I'll pass first time; purely because I can't afford to take my test again...

Sunday 13 December 2009

The Tiger, The Wife And The Car

I was actually quite pleased with that blog title, because it's just like 'The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe' but of course, subtly changed but anyway; onwards with the blog moaning Tiger Woods and his Hardwood (expect more bad puns like that). It all started off as an innocent but stupid crash where he hit a tree and then a fire hydrant, but now has escalated to him being accused of multiple affairs, his Mother-in-law being hospitalised, him quitting Golf indefinably and now Gillette are limiting his advertising work for them.

Two weeks ago he was the most important news story, despite the fact that the same day 30 people died in a Russian Train being blown up, just because he hit a tree when driving out of his driveway and then rumoured that his wife came and smashed the windscreen with a Golf club to save him and then Tiger having to go to hospital. Those 30 people dying were unimportant compared to an American Golfer being in a small car crash.

Then somehow he started getting accused of having affairs with numerous women by the media and a woman on the TV claiming that she was one of them. How it got from him being in a car crash to him having affairs I do not know. All I know is that by the sounds of it, he's had too much practice tapping balls into holes, if you will pardon the revolting image that pun has put into your mind.
He then puts a gagging order on the British media, which will stop them publishing new stories about him; the more cynical of us would be forgiven for thinking he had something else to hide. Despite that, in most of this Sunday's papers they had more information about his affairs with yet another coming forward and saying she was with him on the night Tiger's father died. The life of professional golfers doesn't seem to be all hard wood, sorry, hard work.

Now he has finally admitted to being unfaithful to his wife (he could hardly deny it anymore), he has said he will stop playing Golf/advertising and concentrate more time to being a better husband/father. The amount of money he's made from advertising Gillette products, is incredible. I wonder how many close shaves he had before his wife finally found he was having an affair... He is quite the violent man. You can't turn the TV on without seeing him hit a Golf ball at men with razors in their hand.
Do you think that Tiger Woods will be replaced by Lewis Hamilton, who'll run over men who have been to the shops and brought a disposable razor? For a closer shave, Lewis Hamilton will attach razor blades to the bottom of his F1 car and when he runs over the unsuspecting man, he'll give them an even closer shave in return?

In the sports section of one of the papers I read last week, Tiger Woods now snores after his crash, which sparked this sarcastic reply from me: "Oh my dear lord! Will he ever be able to get a good night sleep again? Maybe he'll never be able to play Golf at professional level again! What if he had to start wearing a plaster on his nose to stop him snoring? Would he start advertising for them too? However, it would make it easier for his wife to find out which woman he was sleeping with that night - just follow the sounds." He's getting as bad as Jade Goody or Katie Price.

Fine, we get the idea; you crashed a car then got found out you had an affair(s). Why has it carried on so long? No-one particularly cares about him. I think it's the first time Golf has come across as fun in the media. Hopefully now everything will calm down and I can get on with my life until the next 'celebrity' comes along and takes the media spotlight for a few weeks. Why the heck a man having an affair is top story for two weeks I do not know. Well, I do know, but I don’t think his affair is of any importance to anyone.

To be honest, the only reason for doing this blog was to use some bad puns/euphemisms which I’ve thought about during the past week or so. Also, to rant because I really don’t think this story is worthy of keep being top news story every day on the TV, Radio and in the papers.

Expect a few blogs between now and New Year.