The Tiger, The Wife And The Car

I was actually quite pleased with that blog title, because it's just like 'The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe' but of course, subtly changed but anyway; onwards with the blog moaning Tiger Woods and his Hardwood (expect more bad puns like that). It all started off as an innocent but stupid crash where he hit a tree and then a fire hydrant, but now has escalated to him being accused of multiple affairs, his Mother-in-law being hospitalised, him quitting Golf indefinably and now Gillette are limiting his advertising work for them.

Two weeks ago he was the most important news story, despite the fact that the same day 30 people died in a Russian Train being blown up, just because he hit a tree when driving out of his driveway and then rumoured that his wife came and smashed the windscreen with a Golf club to save him and then Tiger having to go to hospital. Those 30 people dying were unimportant compared to an American Golfer being in a small car crash.

Then somehow he started getting accused of having affairs with numerous women by the media and a woman on the TV claiming that she was one of them. How it got from him being in a car crash to him having affairs I do not know. All I know is that by the sounds of it, he's had too much practice tapping balls into holes, if you will pardon the revolting image that pun has put into your mind.
He then puts a gagging order on the British media, which will stop them publishing new stories about him; the more cynical of us would be forgiven for thinking he had something else to hide. Despite that, in most of this Sunday's papers they had more information about his affairs with yet another coming forward and saying she was with him on the night Tiger's father died. The life of professional golfers doesn't seem to be all hard wood, sorry, hard work.

Now he has finally admitted to being unfaithful to his wife (he could hardly deny it anymore), he has said he will stop playing Golf/advertising and concentrate more time to being a better husband/father. The amount of money he's made from advertising Gillette products, is incredible. I wonder how many close shaves he had before his wife finally found he was having an affair... He is quite the violent man. You can't turn the TV on without seeing him hit a Golf ball at men with razors in their hand.
Do you think that Tiger Woods will be replaced by Lewis Hamilton, who'll run over men who have been to the shops and brought a disposable razor? For a closer shave, Lewis Hamilton will attach razor blades to the bottom of his F1 car and when he runs over the unsuspecting man, he'll give them an even closer shave in return?

In the sports section of one of the papers I read last week, Tiger Woods now snores after his crash, which sparked this sarcastic reply from me: "Oh my dear lord! Will he ever be able to get a good night sleep again? Maybe he'll never be able to play Golf at professional level again! What if he had to start wearing a plaster on his nose to stop him snoring? Would he start advertising for them too? However, it would make it easier for his wife to find out which woman he was sleeping with that night - just follow the sounds." He's getting as bad as Jade Goody or Katie Price.

Fine, we get the idea; you crashed a car then got found out you had an affair(s). Why has it carried on so long? No-one particularly cares about him. I think it's the first time Golf has come across as fun in the media. Hopefully now everything will calm down and I can get on with my life until the next 'celebrity' comes along and takes the media spotlight for a few weeks. Why the heck a man having an affair is top story for two weeks I do not know. Well, I do know, but I don’t think his affair is of any importance to anyone.

To be honest, the only reason for doing this blog was to use some bad puns/euphemisms which I’ve thought about during the past week or so. Also, to rant because I really don’t think this story is worthy of keep being top news story every day on the TV, Radio and in the papers.

Expect a few blogs between now and New Year.