I can be considered to be more an observer of love, than a participant as over the past year I have watched many relationships fail and succeed while I just sit in an unlit corner watching and concluding my own opinions of relationships. Yes, I'm only seventeen, so I'm not exactly expected to be thinking about settling down with the one my heart desires and be planning how many children we'll have, what pets we'll get and the colour scheme for our first house, however I do feel a great expectation to not be single and start having a long term relationship. But with who?Well, that is the question, but suggestions are welcomed. I've now been single for a year (roughly... Not that I've been counting...), and the single life is starting to get rather depressing. I recon I am becoming slightly bipolar. One day I'll be happy, cheery Stuy, making more euphemisms than you can shake your... Well you get the idea. The next day I'll be quiet and just generally depressed, usually when around friends who are in a relationship, or other friends who are also depressed about being single. But we are only in our late teens, we should be out enjoying ourselves, not being depressed because we've gone yet another day without a kiss and a hug from our one true love. Like I have said, there is an expectation for everyone to be in love. But what is the meaning love?
Well Dictionary.com describes it as "A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" which I think is a lovely way of describing it. I'm not exactly an expert in love, having only had three relationships, which I wouldn't exactly describe as successful. But a lot of people of my age confuse love for 'fancying' or 'crushing' someone, or what I like to call - Disposable love. I've written a blog about this before, and it's where the relationship lasts a few weeks, but no real upset is felt when the brake up has happened, and even I know that's not love. Love is supposed to last a lifetime, apparently.
Love can't be forced upon a person either. You can't be told who to love, and who not to love as it's a personal emotion, and those feelings can only be created by yourself, not other people trying to set you up with someone else. That's why I hate the idea of dating websites, who find who they believe to be the best match for you, or blind dates set up by friends who are in relationships and feel sympathy for the sad, lonely and depressed.
Love is rather a funny thing to watch though, and I think everyone is guilty of this at some point in their lives. We pretend not to like a person which you actually do, and spend every waking hour thinking of. You convince other friends that you don't have strong emotions for that person by pretending you think they're ugly. Also convincing ourselves we don't like a person. This can come in the form of avoiding them at all costs or referring to them as a family member, so the idea of even kissing them becomes incest. As I've gotten older, I've thankfully stopped doing this, but it's rather funny to watch.
Then should we admit to ourselves and friends that we have these strong feelings about someone, we refuse to tell the actual person. You could quite easy walk over to the person, tap them on the shoulder and confess your love to them, but as human beings, we seem to find this embarrassing, so we admire from afar. Looking at them out the corner of our eye when they aren't looking is a favourite amongst most, as well as just looking through images of them on Facebook and wishing to ourselves that they were ours. However, I currently don't have feelings for anyone, although I wish I did, so I don't face this problem myself at the moment.
Something that has always troubled me though, is why people come to me for relationship advice, when like I have already said, I'm not exactly a connoisseur of love. I like the idea that people feel they can come to me for help, and trust me to give them good advice, but for relationship advice, I would go to someone else, anyone else really. However, my years of being single have paid off, as I have learnt to tell the signs of people fancying others, which include the ones above. Something which I've never understood though is that if a man acts like a bastard to a woman, they clearly like them apparently. I like to think of myself as a nice person, and being a bastard isn't one of my traits. So what does that mean for me? Well, I have no idea. When I fancy someone, I end up talking to them more, which also isn't a typical sign of attraction. A typical sign of attraction would be going all red if the person even looked in their direction, let along talk to them.
I am fed up of being single now, although I'm not sure how to change that. All the girls I know, I consider to be friends, and dating friends doesn't usually go right if Scrubs, Friends and personal experiences are anything to go by. I'm not really meeting new people either at the moment. Seeing as I don't believe in love at first sight, it seems unlikely that I'm going fall for a girl walking down the high street. People who say they found love at first sight are just liars. You can fancy someone at first sight, but you can't fall in love with someone without actually getting to know them. I'm sure there was at least one attractive Nazi, and besides the outfit you wouldn't know they were a Nazi without getting to know them, and who would want to marry a Nazi? Well, obviously not young Jewish girls. In fact that sounds worthy of Jeremy Kyle. "I Married A Nazi Who Murdered My Parents And Siblings. Now He Wants To Kill Me!" Anyway, the less said about that the better.
However, I feel I should point out at this point that I do love my friends, even though it is a different kind of love. I do know that they will always cheer me up; in between all the depressing moments we seem to have. The way it feels to me though, that it doesn't matter how great my friends are, it's not going to make up for being single. "It's just not having that someone to just make your day that little bit better with a cuddle" is a way one of my friends described it, which I do agree with. Being around friends who are madly in love isn't exactly that helpful either. You can't turn around without seeing them kissing. I think it's great they're in love, and I wouldn't change that, but come on! I know they don't do it on purpose - but talk about rubbing it in.
Unrequited love seems to be a favourite of mine, and it's when you love a person, and they don't feel the same emotions back to you. Unrequited love has been the subject of some heart wrenching poems and love stories throughout the ages, and most of us experience unrequited love at some point in our lives. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you can be a heartbreaking experience, which is something us teenagers seem to do a lot. Then we moan a lot about how no-one loves us and that we will be single for the rest of our lives.
Then for the unattractive, depressed, lonely and sad people like me, every year there is a day for people in relationships to mock the single. I have been single every Valentine’s Day of my life so far, and every year it gets worse. Where ever you go you see people cuddling and kissing after giving each other a cheap and tacky card with 'I Love You Soooo Much' carefully scribed inside. Because of my singleness every year I have grown a hatred to February the 14th, and I find it rather depressing when given a Friend's Valentine’s Card with 'I love you as a friend' scribbled in as an attempt to cheer me up.
Music doesn't exactly help either, with a majority of songs being about people who are in love or people sad after a break up. Music can usually change the way we feel, so by keep listening to songs by Maroon 5, you're guaranteed to feel depressed about your love life. My favourite song for that is Sleepless by Until June, and you can find a link at the end of this blog to the song on YouTube.
Talking about the end of the blog, here it is. So now it's time for me to get back to my depressing life of eating Pot Noodles alone and sleeping in bed with only my duvet to hug and keep me warm in the nights. And back to watching everyone around me being in relationships, where I sit in an unlit corner with a few other people crying as we watch everyone eat the faces off their partners and smile when they have an argument.
Toodles m’dearys
xXXx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igpa75MyTbg
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