#RiseOfTheHashtags

#It #seems #every #word #on #the #Internet #now #has #to #have #a #hashtag #in #front #of #it.

Failing that, at the end of a normally-written sentence, people will put a series of hashtags after it, in an attempt to summaries it; and then confuse. #lol #satire #observation #hashtag #blog #twitter #pizza #sexy #YOLO #watermelon

If David Cameron were himself a hashtag, he would be the most popular prime minister of all time, and there would be no doubt of him getting a second, and third term in power, as well as going down in history as more popular and successful than Churchill. But he's not; he's just a man who dreams of being a hashtag. #justsayin #talkincrap

Katie Hopkins Eats The Souls Of Disabled Children

I figured that Katie Hopkins wouldn't mind me writing that about her. It might even give her an idea for her next topic to be outraged on. You see, her diet actually consists of outrage directed at her. She is a monster who feeds on incandescent fury, and it makes her grow bigger, stronger and more opinionated, until one day she will defeat Holly Willoughby.

The media attention surrounding her has grown since the start of 2013, but particularly in the past few weeks. She is arguably one of the most famous Apprentices to come out of the show after causing much controversy and finally quitting the show. Since then, she's not really had a proper job, as far as I can see from Googling her name. Her career highlights include going into the I'm A Celebrity jungle, appearing on Question Time, appearing on This Morning, taking Alan Sugar to court and having her name trend on Twitter.

Dancing With Vampires

Does anyone remember the days when Vampires were only in Horror movies and were something to fear and when dancing used to be thought of as 'uncool'? I do. It wasn't that long ago really. How much things change in a few years. Now every teenage girl wants either a Vampire or a Werewolf as their boyfriend and every man wants to go Ice Scatting while thrusting a beautiful foreign dancer around his hips.
There are so many Vampire movies and television programs these days which portray Vampire's as kind supernatural creatures who are all really 'hot' and know every single cheesy line to make a girls heart melt. If you watch an old horror movie they were portrayed as viscous creates who only wanted young teenage girls because their blood was considered the best. The worst thing is, all these modern shows all follow roughly the same concept.

Let’s see. You have the 'Twilight' series. 'True Blood'. 'Being Human'. 'Vampire Diaries'. Then you have all the parodies of these, and trust me, there are a lot on the Internet. Fashion has now been bitten by the fangs of Vampire Culture (that was quite a good metaphor you have to admit) and if you're not dressed in black velvet then chances are you're wearing something that you saw being worn on one of these shows/movies and though 'I got to get that'. I have nothing against this new trend in Popular Culture, but why does it have to be so samey? For example. When did Vampires become so blooming hot? You would have never of seen Dracula walking around with his cape off, showing everyone his torso.

Then you have dancing as well. If you are not 'Dancing On Ice', it's 'Strictly Come Dancing' or maybe you watch 'So You Think You Can Dance' or possibly even 'Got To Dance'. . Again, I have absolutely nothing against dancing or people who can dance (I may envy them slightly. I make 'Dad Dancing' look good, that's how bad I am. Maybe someone will teach me, but for now, let’s carry on with the blog shall we?), but it is all so perfect, with Pop Stars judging. What the hell does Geri Halliwell know about Ice Dancing? And Alesha Dixon. You took part last year, so what. You're not going to tune in to Britain's Got Talent to find that Piers Morgan has been replaced with Stavros Flatley (However, I wish it would happen).

There is even a new dancing show on BBC 3 called 'Dancing On Wheels' in which people who are disabled dance in Wheelchairs. I'm surprised that the BBC hasn’t moved it to BBC 1 on Primetime Saturday television - surely this would be a big hit. I haven't watched the show, so I can't really comment, but what idiot thought that would be a good idea? The BBC probably needed a way of showing they don't discriminate, so gave them an obscure show of their own.
This year, the biggest thing Dancing On Ice has had going for it is Heather Mills. I am actually yet to meet a person who likes her, so when people found out she would be on Dancing On Ice, everyone smiled. Not at the prospect of seeing her every Sunday on our television, but because the whole nation crossed their fingers that when she done a spin, her leg would come flying off, then she'd trip and maybe if we were lucky, crack her head open. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Now she's been voted - there is no point in watching it. I admire them for being able to do it, seeing as I've even mastered Skating On Ice yet - if I ever do, but doesn't mean it is that entertaining.

That doesn't mean there is no point in watching it though. You have to remember that I am a single and lonely teenager, and Holly Willoughby's dresses appeal to me greatly. She is perfection. What man doesn't look at her and think 'Wow, those are lovely'. It is true, she is one of my celebrity crushes and in fact that is the only reason why I am following her Twitter.

Now, a plea to any Television producers who may have stumbled upon this blog (you never know). I want to propose to you a show which I would call 'Dancing With Vampires'. What it will do is mix the two genres of modern Pop Culture. It will appeal to the dance fanatics of the country who are bored of Ice Rinks and Ballrooms and we set it in an abandoned Church. That is where all the new fans of Vampires and other Supernatural beings. You have a load of Vampires who dance with eachother in this derelict building.

Instead of dancing to cheesy pop songs from the 70's or having an orchestra playing we play rock music for them to dance to. I'm thinking maybe Muse, some Paramore, possibly Radiohead, Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Biffy Clyro, 30 Seconds To Mars and maybe even some Franz Ferdinand. This way we are appealing to the lovers of that kind of music, and stereotypically people who like Twilight and the like, listen to that kind of music. Of course, this music is harder to choreograph a dance for, and therefore the dancing will be more difficult so this will intrigue the dance lovers.

I have put a lot of thought into this. Every dance show needs a judging panel, and this one would be no different. You would have Avril Lavigne as the expert as a lot of her music videos having dancing in them which would be similar to the genre of dancing found in this brand new show. Then you need some eye candy which is where Avril Lavigne comes in for the lads. No guessing who that would be for the females; yes we would persuade Robert Pattinson to sit on the panel. Then, in the middle, we will tie Jason Gardiner and force him to sit there and comment on the dancing. 'Why tie him to a chair though?' I hear you thinking. Well, I don't like. Therefore, whenever he says something the audience do not like, they're allowed to throw stuff at him. If he tied, then he cannot escape. We would also have Fern Cotton as the dumb one who knows nothing about dancing but knows what she thinks looks nice.
Presenter wise, I am more than happy to contract Holly Willoughby to do the job, so long as she continues to wear revealing dresses. I will also allow Phillip Scoffield to co-host if she won't do it without him. Now I have pitched my idea, I look forward to your response. The channel to offer me the highest amount of money will get it.

You may laugh at me now, but when I'm sitting here rolling in money from the Phone-in lines, I will have all doubters killed.