Hair: It'll Grow on Me

My current hair style isn't too dissimilar to that of one of the Beatles back in the 60's. It's brown and just sits there looking a mess despite it being combed. It is essentially, a helmet of hair without actually having any purpose. I have had this hair for well over 5 years, and I have become bored of it.

I took to the internet for inspiration on how to design the top of my head. I wanted something which wasn't too different to what I already possess, but something 'fresh' and even a little bit fashionable at the moment.

I went through over 700 images of different hairs cuts on a website which I found through a Google search. Some weren't too dissimilar from each other, with minor differences in length, colour and direct it's been combed. Some of them were rather normal. Like the hair you see on people you walk past in the street; you know the ones that look like they could interchange with each other like a Lego man. A majority of the other haircuts were awful; like someone has vomited bleach and papier-mâché on the top of someone's head.

Most of the haircuts I saw, were essentially, as I put it on my Twitter account after I felt the need to vent, 'idiotic, atrocious piles of arrogant hair'. They were bleach blonde versions of Sonic of the Hedgehog. They involved things like having a fringe that covers your face, while the rest of your head is shaved, hair so high that it could only be constructed using scaffolding, and even hair that looks like its ribbon, curled using the sharp edge of a pair of scissors.

There were even haircuts that would only look appropriate on your stereotypical train spotter or paedophile.  Hair that looked like it was painted with Dulux Gloss, as well as hair that even makes the children's band from the late 90's, the Cartoons, look fashionable and 'current'. Then of course, there were the hair cuts that made men look more like a woman from a fashion magazine. And to contrast that, when I had a little browse at the haircuts of women on the website, there were ones that made women look like men; I look more effeminate than some of them did.

However, I did find a few haircuts I liked; ones that looked boring and sensible in comparison. The trouble then was the people of whom the hair was unfortunately put on. As I said on Twitter, in my second rant on the subject, I was being put off hairstyles 'just because of the dumb, pouting, twatish, posed face' the hair was on.

You know the sort of people I mean. The ones that look like they've got a pinecone up their bum, and even though it hurts, they are actually enjoying it slightly. They all look so smug. They’re the sorts of person that people immigrate to Australia to avoid looking in the eye. Some look like discarded Madame Tussauds wax models of Lady Gaga. There were even a few that looked like they had badly styled the hair of a corpse, just before his open casket was revealed to everyone else at the funeral, for a joke.

And if they don't look like any of the above, they usually tended to either look like they were posing for a police file picture, or as if they are looking at someone skinning a sheep just out of shot of the picture. And if you look at a group of the pictures together, they look like the outcast society of Eton College.

If these hairstyles are actually the real, every day styles they live with, then how they don't look at themselves in a mirror every morning and cry out of hatred of themselves, I do not know.

So, all in all, I have struggled to find a new hair style I could actually have. I don't really know what hair style I will opt for, but either way, I hope there won't be some fool who goes home and blogs about what an idiot I look. I also hope that the new hair style won't lead me to start pulling faces and rough up my hair every time I see a camera or I glimpse my reflection. If anything, I'll pick something that requires effort on my part, such as waxing every morning, and I'll get bored and start growing it again to look like a woman.

Bald people just don’t realise how easy they have it!