Music
Most
Annoying Song Of The Year: Most will probably disagree with this first winner,
as most claim it to be a beautiful piece of music in which any person can
'emotionally connect' with. Horse Manure! Adele - Someone Like You,
has won this award. In part, because it has been massively overplayed and
overrated, but it is mostly because it is just drivel. The only way I would be
likely to enjoy this piece of music, is if it were sung by a choir of dogs
being castrated while having cats dangled in front of them.
Disappointing
Song Of The Year: Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger is surprisingly awarded
this. Now, let me just clarify: I love Maroon 5, and they are my favourite
band. I really liked this song to start. However, now it has been over played,
I feel has failed to stand the test time within just 6 months. To me, they have
a lot of making up to do…
Song
Of The Year: Again, rather surprisingly, Coldplay - Paradise win
this award. It has just been caught on my mind since I first heard it. I'm not
the greatest Coldplay fan, but it just seems a brilliant piece of music to me.
I love the build-up to the song, and I love the burst of 'Para… Para…
Paradise'. How great it is.
Song
Of A Few Years Ago Which I Began To Like This Year: He is gay and was a
competitor on American Idol: Adam Lambert - Fever. This was a
song I found in a long twisted way which I will not divulge into, but all I say
is find him singing it live on YouTube (so long as you're not homophobic). It's
very good. Also, I would actually recommend his album too.
Album
Of The Year: He's an Englishman living in France, and he had produced one of
the happiest and cheerful albums I have possibly ever heard, with every song
being catchier than the common cold: Julian Perretta - Stitch Me Up.
Technically, it was released last year, but I can't help if I found it this
year. It is a brilliant album which I actually do recommend to everyone. It has
what I call a 'messy beat', but that adds to its charm, and I just love it.
Most
Disappointing Album Of The Year: This honour goes to an album which I didn't
buy or download, and I didn't even manage to force myself to listen to all the
songs on YouTube. Arctic Monkeys - Suck It And See was liked by a
lot of people, but to me it 'Sucked'. They are a band which have slipped into
irrelevance and are sinking into a sea of rubbish 'cool' bands. I shall just
stick to listening to Favourite Worst Nightmare. They will never top
that one again…
Film & TV
Most
Irritating And Largely Unnoticed Revival Of The Year: Big Brother on
Channel 5. Last year, it won Best TV Moment Of The Year for the fact it
had actually ended. This year, I have with no regret, taken the award away from
them. It came back to life on another channel, and was on for almost the entire
year. However, it seems that no-one really took any notice as I heard very
little about it after the few weeks.
Worst
Film Remake Of The Year: Wuthering Heights. Simple. I wrote a
blog bemoaning how they forgot huge chunks and how it was filmed by art
students trying to make some inadvertent point through soft focus and moths. It
was just terrible, and the audience at the cinema seemed to agree.
Second
Worst Film Remake Of The Year: The runner up to the previous award was almost
as bad, and I felt deserving of the award too. The Witches Of Oz
was made in the US and released over here on DVD. My girlfriend, being a fan of
musicals, brought it, and we watched it; all 167 minutes of it. Basically,
Dorothy, through some hurricane-time-travel crap, is living in modern day New
York with no memory of the event, but with the help of rubbish acting and dated
CGI technology, the worlds collide. Then through some terrible writing and
awful acting, you'll regret ever watching it.
Drama
Of The Year: Black Mirror. Sceptics might say this is because I
am a Charlie Brooker obsessive, but it isn't. That may be why I originally
watched it, but all three stories were heart-wrenching, at the same as being
disturbing in this alternate, technology revolved universe. Amazing pieces of
writing.
Film
Of The Year: You may notice a pattern over the few years of these awards, but I
am a very large kid. Johnny English: Reborn is very worthy of
this tribute. It is just everything I want in a film: It's silly. It's funny.
It's serious. It's fast. It's clever. It's a spoof. It has Rowan Atkinson.
US
Import Of The Year: The Big Bang Theory, which won a similar
award back in 2008. It has the potential to be the next Friends, and I
just laugh at every episode with it being clever, original and silly all at the
same time. Sure, it has the same formula as all American Sitcoms, but it is
just so very funny. It even has a catchphrase: BAZINGA!
Comedy
Of The Year: Up until a week or so ago, this award was going to Outnumbered,
which would have been its third Stuart Award. However, The Bleak Old Shop
Of Stuff, which was on BBC 2 in the build-up to Christmas, had so many
perfect comedy performances, from the experienced to the young, that it had me
constantly laughing for the entire hour. It was rather remarkable.
Comedy
Disgrace Of The Year: Mrs Brown's Boys. If you tell me it's
funny, I will personally bang you over the head with a tin serving plate until
blood pours from your eyes and see if you are still pissing yourself at how
funny it is, with it being done over and over and over and over and over again.
Series
Of The Year: I cannot leave Doctor Who out of my awards, so I
have made one especially for it to win. The whole series was gripping with its
storyline, and it was jammed pack with mystery and intrigue, as well as the
usual Doctor Who tomfoolery. As much as I have a chip on my shoulder about
Steven Moffat, I have to admit he is great at writing a brilliant story.
Celebrity
Celebrity
Death Of The Year: This goes to Amy Winehouse, purely just
because I found it how remarkably unapologetic the whole of Twitter was when it
was revealed that she did not die as a result of drink nor drugs, after the
weeks of shameless judging they threw on her coffin instead of roses.
Original
Band Publicity Of The Year: I am quite intrigued by how McFly
have achieved this over the past few months, with two of them winning two
separate Celebrity shows: I'm A Celebrity… and Strictly Come Dancing. They
didn't need to do those shows, but they did, and they won. It's made them
rather popular I believe.
'How
The Hell Are The Famous' Of The Year: It is hard to choose just one winner for
this award, so every single person who has appeared on a 'Fake Documentary'
on E4, ITV 2 and MTV win this award. I fail to see how anyone can be a fan of
someone who has appeared on The Only Way Is Essex.
Journalism
Scandal
Of The Year: Yeah, need I even tell you? Yes, it's the News of the World
Phone Hacking scandal. It could be widened to almost all newspapers
now, but nothing seems to have quite topped the fact that within a week of the
news being released, News of the World were publishing their last ever
newspaper.
Phone
Hacking Revelation Of The Year: Millie Dowler. The dreadful
business of NotW listening to distraught messages of her friends and family
trying to get into contact with her is just rather upsetting. But hey, take
solace in the fact that they weren't the ones to actually delete the messages…
Revenge
Of The Year: This goes to Hugh Grant, in which he 'hacked' a
Journalist, Paul McMullan, who revealed all the journalism misdoings, in
revenge for the same journalist 'hacking' a conversation they had. Read it, it is quite interesting.
Article
Of The Year: Well, it has to go to The Daily Mail's Liz Jones for writing a
disturbing article in which she talks about how she stole sperm from her
husband in a desperate bid to have a baby: 'The
craving for a baby that drives women to the ultimate deception: Liz Jones makes
her most shocking confession yet'. Read it, it's just disturbing...
Politics
Political Death Of The Year: Well, I have no idea who to award
this too. It could go to one of three 'political enemies': Osama Bin
Laden, Gaddafi or Kim Jong-il. All have their reasons for being
deserving of this award. In fact, they can share. Their dead anyway… And if I
hear one more joke about Team America existing, I will kill that person who
utters it.
Useless Currency Of The Year: The Euro. This year,
it became more unpopular than Jedward, and just like Jedward, if you see the
Euro currency arrive on your doorstep, you'll want to douse it in petrol and
flick a lighted match at it.
Uprising Of The Year: The Arab Springs. It went
pretty well; as such. The problem is that people got killed amongst it. Terrible
business.
General
Over Reaction Of The Year: The uproar following Jeremy
Clarkson appearing on The One Show was just disastrous, and utterly
pointless with it just being an excuse for the public sector unions to complain
that no-one cares about their pensions. Well, you know what: You're right. We
pretty much don't.
Royal Wedding Of The Year: The one people cared about.
You see there were two royal weddings this year, and basically, people only
cared about the Kate/William wedding. Bless that posh lady who married a rugby
player…
Pointless Use Of 24 Hours News Of The Year: The London Riots.
Almost every news channel became too paranoid to set foot outside, so made
general assumptions for over 100 hours about the whole event from their
studios, based purely on people calling in and what was being said on Twitter.
Twitterer Of The Year: This goes to, for another year, a comedian
and not someone who actually adds anything much positive to the World of
Twitter. This year, the comedian being flattered is in a relationship with
Sarah Millican. It's Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) and he spews
outs lots of awful, one line jokes.
Girlfriend Of The Year: Mine! N’awwww, ain’t I adorable…
And there you have it; the end of the blogging award ceremony in
which 30 awards were handed out in my mind, and then written down so you can
also join me in imagining the event in your minds. Well, I hope you enjoyed it.
Maybe by next year, for The Stuart Awards 2012, I would have struck a deal with
Ricky Gervais to present the ceremony… Come on Gervais, I will offer you no
money: None at all!
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