10 Reasons Why Life In Britain Is Depressing (Reasons 10-6)

I have lived in Britain for nearly 18 years, infact since the day I was born, and I've always been quite negative of the country. That is not to say that there is nothing positive to say about Britain, because there is. I am lucky enough to live in one of the richest countries in the world which is also a democracy (however, both of those could be easily argued against). The country has a great education system, a health system which entitles everyone to free treatment (to an extent) and has a rich and vibrant history which includes playing numerous key roles in world changing events, like 9/11.
If you are lucky enough to be able to get out of the polluted cities, you are welcomed by the smell of horse manure in the country, and despite its smell, is a beautiful and colourful place with plastic bags and burnt Ford Fiesta's. Yes, Britain has lots of positive, but it has far too many negatives which out-weigh these dwindling positives. Of course, I would love to throw away my education to spend all my time naming and describing every negative about Britain, but instead I have created the top 10 Reasons Why Life In Britain Is Depressing.

10. Channel 4 Showing The Simpsons
We all remember the time many years ago when BBC 2 stopped showing The Simpson's and Fresh Prince Of Bell-Air. It was horrendous. Was a terrible moment for any Simpson fan that was not lucky enough to have Sky. Millions of people had nothing to do in that 45 minute slot. Then Channel 4 came and saved us all. A compromise was that we had to put up with, was adverts, but we soon adjusted and loved the fact that The Simpsons were now back on our televisions at 6pm. However, I think it is time we rebelled. I cannot be the only one who is sick of seeing the same Simpson episode every month. Sure, they're good, but a bit of variety would be lovely. Why can't they show The Simpsons like they show Friends and Scrubs: Start from the very beginning and work their way through every series. It would be fantastic. It has been years since I have seen some of the episodes, and anything from series 14 onwards I've not seen. This is one reason why life in Britain is depressing - so much repetitiveness of popular things. Sort it out please Channel 4 - I beg you!

9. Our Country And Technology
You are probably more than aware that recently the whole world went into shutdown as flights got cancelled by a natural phenomenon. The news spent 6 days constantly reporting about how Britain was facing big problems because of this, like Chris Moyles being stranded in New York. However, Britain is bad for living without technology. A small power cut can close all the shops in the high street because people can't pay by card. We moan when we have a slow Internet connection and have to update our Facebook status to tell everyone; well once the page loads anyway. People have also become so addicted to their phones that should they leave their phone at home, the entire's day conversation is devoted to mentioning it. 10 years ago not many people had Mobile Phones and had to use those ancient and now rare red boxes. You have to admit, slightly pathetic that people in Britain cannot survive like their ancestors did, just for an hour.
Our country also seems to be very reluctant to repair anything. Over a week ago my camera lens broke and I thought it quite a basic thing to get repaired. No, I'd have to spend at least £60 to send it to China to be repaired and then pay for parts. It would also take at least 6 weeks. CHINA! We complain about unemployment levels and I have to send my camera to CHINA to get repaired. It eventually works out cheaper to just buy a new one. However, then we complain that we throw away too much plastic and other un-biodegradable products. If we fixed things, it wouldn't happen. Then of course, you cannot fix anything yourself because that then cancels the warranty, so instead you have to pay a fat block in a jumpsuit £70 an hour to look at the broken nut in the Washing Machine, before he tut's and announces he cannot replace the nut.
What is with our country, technology and fixing nothing. It is a poor state of affairs that separates our generations. If anything goes wrong, my Grandad will take the product into his garage and tinker with everything until he finally sorts the problem. Usually, he'll cause other problems in the process, but he tries to repair things and gets his hands dirty. His mind knows how to fix things. You take a twenty-something now and give them the task of repairing a dishwasher, they'll just go to Comet and buy another one. I have gotten into the great habit of taking things apart myself and repairing them before consulting a professional. People will never learn, so Britain - please at least try and make an effort to replace a broken bolt before spending £300 on a new Washing Machine.

8. Complaining About EVERYTHING
No-one is perfect, and this is something that we as human beings have evolved to accept and work around. However, us Brits have developed a reputation for always complaining, drinking tea constantly and wearing suits and bowler hats. Well, I'm British, don't like tea, not worn many suits and only warn bowler hats as a joke. However, as this blog reiterates, I like to complain. You usually cannot go more than a day or so without being behind a woman in a shop complaining that the cheap shoes she brought were not very good. Then everyone complains about the Government. Everything in our society is their faults if idiots are to be believed - and they should not be believed. You can't blame Gordon Brown for the potholes. He is not responsible for the weather which caused it or the bad workmanship. Sure, he's far from perfect, but still.
Everything costs too much, no-one can get a job, a natural phenomenon meaning people cannot travel for a few days, people work too many hours, the police do their job too well, the police do not do their job well enough, there is nothing good on telly and life just being generally unfair are some of the complaints I have heard this week. To be honest, get over it. That is life, and complaining will not do any good. Neither will writing a scarcely read blog, but that is my own problem. I just think we complain far too much and do not realise how lucky we are. You have to admit, they are pretty mundane things. When someone starts complaining they're living on the street, with no food or money then I will let them. Otherwise, would all be kind enough to tone down the complaints?

7. British Entertainment
We live in a country where BBC 3 rules if you're under 27; a channel where awful and utterly unhilarious comedy is shown (with the occasional exception). Coming Of Age - How awful! It is a show with unimaginative characters which all conform to a stereotype of 'typical' teenage life with awful storylines. Do not get me started on their bad innuendo's and sex jokes either. I like to think myself pretty good at those sorts of jokes and also think I could write much better and funnier jokes (and have). Snog, Marry, Avoid is also an awful show in which they get some slapper to stand infront of the camera and look disgusting before they are tidied up to look respectable and cleared their face of plaster. Essentially, it is what you would get if you crossed Gok Wan and Frankie Boyle together or something like that. Then of course you have ITV 2, ITV's answer to BBC 3 where they try to appeal to the younger adults/teenagers by showcasing their stupid and pathetic humour. Keith Lemon? Well I've seen dog poo funnier than him. Then well, the less said about ITV 2 showing Katie Price’s life on TV, the better I think.
Over The Rainbow is quite an awful show too. Obviously trying to compete against Simon Cowell, Andrew Lloyd-Webber has developed a knack for shouting at the girls and putting them down at every opportunity. Also, what is with the man and hugging their shoes when they get evicted as well? Someone go to Oxfam and buy him some second hand shoes - this man clearly has a fetish. I do not quite get how getting a group of girls to sing Robbie Williams songs will help in casting the perfect person for the part of Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz.
Films and everything else now, have to be in 3D. To be honest, I spend my entire life in the three dimensional world, what if I enjoy escaping to a 2D world where Dragons do not coming flying past me? Also, what if I do not want to put glasses on every time I want to watch a film? Everything is classed as 'the best film released so far this year'. By that logic, you would expect a film being released in December to be better than one released in January, but really, they're just as crap as the next. I am not a film fan, due to having a short attention span. I get bored. I want to play with my phone or talk half way through. However, it is hard to go to the cinema to watch a British film, because they are not very common. The American's rule the roost and every British film is classed as an independent movie and it just makes it sound crap before you even read the title of the movie.
Then music. That too is pretty awful. Thanks to shows like Pop Idol and X-Factor, and the social networking site MySpace, we now live in a world where anyone can record music. As long as you have access to some form of recording equipment, you can record your music and put it on the Internet in the vain hope that some big music producer stumbles upon it. Due to this, the radio is now full of new music which is exactly the same and badly produced. There is even a song with electronic whistling. What the heck is with that, could they not find anyone with the ability to whistle in the entire building? Then you have the latest trend of new artists covering old songs, and ruining them. Let's take Don't Stop Believin' by Journey as an example. A song very unpopular when originally released, but thanks to Glee and Joe McElderry it became a modern popular hit. However, the song has been ruined. Glee is an American TV series, in which they try to see how many classic songs they can murder in one hour, whilst scattering the show with a complicated plot. Songs they have killed include Somebody To Love - Queen, Don't Stand So Close To Me - The Police, Imagine - John Lennon, Hello - Lionel Richie, Give You Hell - All American Rejects and so many more. This is a show that should come with warning before every episode: "This program is not suitable for people who like music". I get on my knees and beg Britain, please stop watching these awful shows, seeing these movies with the same plotline and listening to modern music. If people stop consuming them, people will stop making them and the circle of crap will be stopped.

6. Love

Yet again I am mentioning in a blog that I remain single, and have ever since I started this blog. I have witnessed many people fall in and out, and then back into love before you have even had the chance to say 'There are plenty more fish in the sea'. Infact, it seems to be all I do; watch people fall in and out of love. It gets annoying. I get fed up of girls saying 'Men are such pricks' or something along those lines. One might point out, no they are not, and it’s just the ones you choose. Going back to my earlier point of us living in a disposable world, love in Britain seems to be one of them. If it's too hard to fix, then give up, throw it away and start again. Love is not really love. Love has become to mean infatuated, and now love is no longer a strong enough word to explain the strong emotions that are associated with marriage and growing old together.

Then there is an obsession to always be in a relationship amongst the younger adults. I don't like to fit into this mould (or is the excuse I use) of switching from relationship to relationship. Relationships in this country seem to be a fashion accessory, and if you don't have one then you do not fit in. I unfortunately have been forced into the cynical opinion and no longer seem to have the ability to 'like' people in that way, and this was all started because of this modern culture we find ourselves in, in Britain. If you have marriage problems, the answer now seems to be to have an affair then go on Jeremy Kyle. So please people of Britain, stop having a new relationship every other day and also, would you mind not rubbing it in my face that you're in love and I'm not - I'm getting slightly jealous of you all and my depression is slowly increasing as a result.

And so you have it, the first five reasons why life in Britain is so depressing. It mainly escalates from my own personal opinions of everything and personal experiences. I looked forward to my daily dose of Simpson's but now I feel like I'm suffering from Déjà vu every time I put on Channel Four at 6PM. I weep when I look at my old camera and think of all the memories we had together and remember that we live in country which no longer fixes anything. I get angry every time I complain about being angry, and thus a paradox has been created, which all started because Jade Goody and Katie Price annoying me a few years ago. I feel sorrow when I put the TV on to get distracted from my depressing day in Britain and try to escape for a few hours of entertainment, to find such a thing no longer exists on our island. The less said about how I feel about love the better I think. Let's just say - I'm getting none of it and it has become tiring and depressing.

Hopefully the second part of this blog, containing the top 5 reasons why life in Britain can be depressing, will be posted towards the end of the week.

The New Regeneration Of Doctor Who

Not only has the Doctor himself regenerated, but so has the entire show with a completely new cast, new sets, a new theme tune, and a new writer. This blog is hardly anything original, as already the Internet is filled with thousands of people wanting to share their thoughts and feelings about the first episode the new series of Doctor Who, with Matt Smith. I, like many, thought that the new series would be rubbish and unsuccessful. It is essentially a completely different program now seeing as everything has changed from the last series, and it had a lot to achieve and live up to in the first 64 minute program. However, did it achieve this?

It most certainly did, and I think I may even say that it is better. David Tennant was a great Doctor and was possibly one of the most popular Doctors yet, but in my opinion he became too emotional. You watch the old episodes of Doctor Who with Tom Baker, Peter Davidson, Jon Pertwee or whoever, you will never see them in emotional scenes which break the audience’s hearts. Some will argue that was a good thing, others will insist it was a bad thing. In keeping with Doctor Who tradition, it was a bad thing, but for appealing to the modern audience, it was a good thing. Matt Smith, on the basis of his one episode, looks like a traditional, old fashioned Doctor.
He has the ideal appearance. He is the youngest actor to play The Doctor, but his unique appearance certainly makes him perfect for the role. He is a man, who looks young, but also, intriguingly, looks old. Now, seeing as he is playing a 900-something year old Time Lord, it just seems perfect. He has the right level madness too and looks like he could easily fit into Wallace And Gromit. Okay, his appearance doesn't include a random vegetable in the top pocket of his jacket (which I must say, I want), but he just seems brilliantly mad and funny. He seems to have the perfect mixture for any brilliant Doctor. Lines such as 'You're Scottish. Fry Something' made me warm to him instantly.

There are those people who will be missing David Tennant greatly, and upset that the show can carry on without him and are refusing to watch the new episodes. However, that is the spirit of Doctor Who that even after an actor has had enough and wants to move onto different projects, they can just carry on with someone else. That is why the trick of regeneration was invented, and it is quite an easy cheat to explain why someone else is playing the role. When you think about how they do it in soaps; it is much better. If an actor no longer wants to play a role in a soap, the character will usually go on holiday for 6 months and return with someone who is of a different height and looks completely different - yet everyone just accepts this.

Doctor Who also has a new writer and producer - Steven Moffat. Now, this is a man who had written and produced numerous other shows including sitcoms, and a few episodes under the reign of Russell T Davis. Also, he wrote the Comic Relief Doctor Who Special of 1999 in which Rowan Atkinson, Richard E. Grant, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant and Joanna Lumley all play The Doctor (It is very funny and you will find a link to it at end of the blog). All this experience makes him perfect for his new writing job as it clearly shows he can do comedy with Doctor Who. Judging by the first episode, he will be a good writer, and some of his previous episodes from previous series have been some of the most popular.

The theme tune is different too, but still keeps the main structure of all previous Doctor Who theme tunes. All the theme tunes have the four beat structure, which symbolises the Time Lords heartbeat. The theme tunes from the old days, which seem to send a tingle down your spine of remembrance as the ear-piercing screeching starts, are actually very similar to today's theme tune. Sure, the last theme tune didn't evoke the same emotions, but then the new theme tune for Matt Smith, seems to go back to its roots of being dramatic and soul-churning, and personally I think that it is brilliant - and still it includes the ear-piercing sound which seems to go right through you and for some reason has become iconic of Doctor Who theme tunes - to deafen the viewer for a few moments.

Then there is a new TARDIS and Sonic Screwdriver. How brilliant they both look. Sure, the sonic screwdriver is bigger and slightly reminiscent of the toys you find in Ann Summers, but (without trying to sound like I am describing of those said toys) this new one has green lights and looks more mechanical. As for the TARDIS, well that is a thing of mechanical beauty also. It is what I would imagine a Kwik Fit would look like in Narnia. It has to be one of best interior designs the TARDIS has seen before. The TARDIS looks more mechanical than ever before, and that is exactly what it is suppose to look like, but with different levels as well just makes it look even better. Also, we may be treated to seeing the library and the swimming pool which were shown in the older episodes - a bigger TARDIS with my more rooms - promises to be a good 13 episodes.
However, with any Doctor, there has to be an assistant, and the new one is a beauty. Amy Pond is her name and on second impressions (because the first impression was of her as a brave little girl) we can conclude she has very nice legs. You have to admit that is quite the entrance for a new assistant - wearing a kissogram police uniform as she hits the Doctor over the head with a baseball bat, which she continued to wear for a majority of the show. She is played by Karen Gillan, a 22 year old Scottish girl whose only previous TV acting role was in a previous Doctor Who episode. It does seem that the younger the Doctor gets, the younger his assistants seem to get and I honestly think it won't be long before the Doctor is played by a 13 year old boy with a female companion of 8 years old; and then I'll no longer be able to say things like 'nice legs' without being questioned by the police.

Anyway, I have written quite a hefty blog so far about the new Doctor Who episode and there has been no real mention of the actual episode itself. The episode started with the TARDIS crashing through the skies of London, and was rather successful in showing how mental Matt Smith's Doctor will be. Then the scene with him eating Fish Fingers and Custard - a disgusting combination, but I'm sure it is a combination which many children have tried during their Easter Holidays and probably made them sick. I haven't tried it, but I assure you if we had Fish Fingers and Custard in the house - I probably would have been curious also.

Then you have all the Doctor’s funny, witty one liners which are again usually associated with all the legendary Doctors. The alien was quite a simple one and seemed to be so the viewer could be eased into the introductory episode. Matt Smith seemed to ease straight into his new role by jumping around and uttering the trademark gobbledegook as if he knew what it actually meant. He even used the trademark cheeky grin which both Eccleston and Tennant had. It was a brilliant Doctor Who episode and I think it promises to be a brilliant series and Smith promises to be a fantastic Doctor.

The best moment of the episode for me was on the top of the hospital towards the end when he summons back the aliens to confront them. The alien then trolls through the history of the Earth, and in the process images of all the past Doctors appeared and then at the end Matt Smith walks through, wearing what will now become his trademark smoking jacket and bow-tie. I think that was a brilliant moment of recollection and seemed like he was being officially christened and accepted into the role.
Like a lot of people, I was ready to write off the new series and I am glad I didn't because just by watching that one episode, I felt like a 10 year old child again, which is something I never felt while watching David Tennant - who was more of a serious Doctor in his final episodes. It is just this persona which Matt Smith has created for himself instantly which makes me feel this way - something which I have felt previously while watching the older episodes of Doctor Who, particularly with Tom Baker and Peter Davidson.

I feel guilty for previously thinking that Matt Smith would go into Doctor Who history like Paul McGann as a rubbish Doctor who ruined it, before seeing hardly any of his acting. I had not seen him in any previous shows to judge his acting skills, and you certainly could not do it by judging by the last minute of Tennant's final episode. However, I do honestly feel that Matt Smith has the potential to be a great Doctor, so let us hope and pray that the remaining episodes are just as good - if not better - and that I have not just given the new series all this praise falsely. If I feel I have, then be sure I'll be ready to blog my anger and disgust.

Here is to hoping that series 5 of Doctor Who will continue to be fantastically brilliant.

Click Here For The 1999 Comic Relief Episode Of Doctor Who

What Happened In March?

Not a lot really if I'm honest and I have struggled to find subjects to write about. There were no major events that will change the world in which we live in (unless you count me passing my driving test, but then that only really effects me) and it has just generally been a very slow month for news, which is why we have yet again heard so much about Katie Price and Alex Reid. Luckily in March, I completely ignored everything that was said to me about her. Like I said, nothing worth writing about has happened, so sorry if this gets slightly boring - hopefully April will be better.
Sports relief ruined our lives for a week, forcing people to do lots of sporting activities and watching hours upon hours of fundraising programs, in order to raise £31,633,091. I was ‘lucky’ as that was the week I became very ill, so I spent two days in bed for sports relief and raised sod all, whereas, across the country people made fools of themselves by dressing up or hula-hooping and done sponsored runs. You have to admire the people who did go 'the extra mile' to raise money, whether they were a celebrity or not. Whether it was a group of celebrities cycling from one side of the country to the other, Eddie Izzard running 43 marathons in 51 days, or some fat, balding presenter from The One Show shaving his beard off, they are all examples of different extremes achieved to raise money, but all worked.
I watched a huge majority of the Sports Relief coverage (purely because I was ill) and like all BBC charity shows, it was pretty rubbish and the same. The main show includes two presenters (usually an annoying pair of 'celebrities' who try very hard to have a bit of funny banter but fail, while constantly saying the number that has been on screen for 5 hours and still someone gets it wrong) in between the videos of famous people pointing at poor people why crying and the little sketches from shows that are popular at the time to neutralise the sadness. More often than not, you will find that these little sketches are rubbish, and you find yourself sitting their feeling more sympathy for those poor actors being forced to suffer like that, than the starving, dying, African with HIV. We had that again this year, for example the Ashes To Ashes sketch. However, there was one sketch, which however, was 15 minutes long and was possibly the funniest bit of telly I have seen so far this year. Of course, I am referring to James Corden's 'Smithy' sketch with various sportsmen and women.
I am not much of a fan of James Corden, and I never really got into Gavin And Stacey but even someone without a sense of humour would have to confess that his sketch was very good. Okay, it wasn't really funny because of the writing, purely for the outrageous scenes. James Corden and David Beckham in a bath - How Outrageous. James Corden training the England football team and singing with Wayne Rooney - How Outrageous. James Corden and Jenson Button celebrating together by hugging - How Outrageous. James Corden and Tom Daley diving into a swimming pool together - How Outrageous. James Corden shouting at a stadium of sports stars and telling them they need to sort themselves out - How Outrageous. It was funny because of how unbelievable the scenarios were, not for any other reason.

Also on TV towards the end of the month was 'Ask The Chancellors'. This, incase you did not watch it because you either have a life or were busy watching Coronation Street, was a program in which the Chancellors from the three major political parties stood at podiums for an hour and answered questions. The questions were asked by members of the public who sat in the audience. The suspicious people amongst us might think that Channel Four stole this format from the BBC's Question Time but I suppose that does not matter as it was quite an interesting program. I was surprised that when the show finished, I thought to myself (however, I tweeted it, so I didn’t exactly keep it to myself) that Vince Cable, from the Liberal Democrats, seemed to have the best attitude to pull us out of this economic depression.
We have more of these sorts of TV debates to come over the next month, with the election soon looming, and it is pretty obvious that the Liberal Democrats will not get into power, but Vince Cable really did not do a bad job at increasing their chances. George Osborne (Conservatives) done a pretty rubbish job, and if the show was longer than an hour, I imagine that there would be a high chance of him slipping on the pool of sweat that dripped off his face. As for Alistair Darling, well he may as well have said nothing. Infact, him and Gordon Brown might as well go on holiday for a month because any attempt they have at becoming popular seems to work the opposite way to what they intended.
Gordon Brown is expected to announce in the next few days that the election will be held on the 6th May, and because of this fact I actually do not care about the election anymore. Before, I was interested and was taking it seriously, but now I have realised that it will take place 21 days before I am 18 and allowed to vote - I could not give a crap anymore, and I was looking forward to voting as well...
The new season of Formula 1 started in March as well, and along with its return came a lot of major changes. I understand that a lot of people do not actually like it and find it very boring, but I have always found it thrilling and the highlight of my weekends. However, thus far I am disappointed. New regulations mean they have to carry a full tank of fuel and are no longer able to re-fuel during the race, and this has absolutely ruined it. One of the best times of the race used to be the pit stops and would be exciting to see whether the strategy would work for them and if so-and-so get out in front of whoever. Now it's just boring with them casually going in for a few seconds whenever they please for new tyres - they have ruined it.
Then Michael Schumacher, well I made a bet that he wouldn't win the first race (I'm £5 up), but I never realised how badly he would do. This is a man who was the greatest driver in the world, and now because he had a few years off, he is doing pretty rubbish. He should not have come back, and that is what I said when I heard he was returning. He has now pretty much ruined the persona he had before this return. He is ruined. Other than those things, it is promising to be an interesting year, but hopefully next year they will revert back to being able to re-fuel. I shall grit my teeth and bear it for now though. So far, I'm disappointed with the season.

I say not much happened during March, but rumours from the Catholic Church about priests that sexually abuse choir boys is hardly something new. However, this escalated during March with the Catholic community having to dig their way out of this rather big hole they have found themselves in. It got so bad that even the Pope had to get dressed and talk about it. Really, there are so many jokes that can be made about this subject, but none of them would be original, so I will not even bother trying. The Times did have a crack at making a joke of the whole thing. Think about it, you have a major news story about Child Sex Abuse and a journalist called 'Roger Boyes', how tempting must that have been?
Very, because the journalist who covered this news story for The Times was 'Roger Boyes'. You would have thought that someone must have thought that inappropriate in the offices, but clearly not. If it was not for that, I would have paid no attention to this story because it’s nothing new; just because German choir boys have decided to finally start telling people does not make it new news. If it was not for Twitter telling me about this, I would be ignorant to the fact The Times tried to be funny.

Then finally, Jade Goody. I was happy, yet disappointed with the media coverage she got. I wrote my usual blog slagging her and everyone who loved her off, only to find no-one really paid much notice to her anniversary. It was not that much of a big deal to the tabloid papers and ITV news paid no attention. All she got was a show on Living TV and her mum swearing on This Morning. Maybe it is just me who obsesses over her still? Either way, I'm cutting back on the Jade Goody moaning. It will no longer be something in which the name ‘Stuart Collyer’ will be associated with. I will try my very best (but of course sometimes it just is unavoidable) to not mention her name in one of my blogs again... There is no point keep crusading against someone no-one cares about anymore and doesn't actually bother people.

And on that bombshell, it is time to end.