My TV Hell Has Come True Twice Now

In my idea of hell, there would be Jordan and Piers Morgan being played constantly on giant televisions everywhere. A few months ago on Piers Morgan's chat show, that came true, and they spoke to each other for an hour, talking about things I didn't care about (and in fact never watched because I never cared) but gave everyone the perfect reason to blow up their televisions. And last night, it came true again. Piers Morgan got two chairs and put them in Jordan's house, as well as a giant film crew to record another interview with Jordan, or Katie Price as she likes to be called, to talk about her extremely biased view of her break-up with Peter Andre.

The show started with an extract from their previous interview, of her saying hypocritically, that she was still in love Peter and would be together forever. Piers Morgan was quick to point this out in the interview and kept mentioning it to Katie. He kept doing a voice over in a stern; cuntish (is that a word? Well it is now) voice, where he summed up what the page 3 stripper had said in a language only a twat could fully understand. He even mentioned how she was hogging the headlines in the newspapers.

So, we go to a short ad break and come back to the 'Interview of the Year' and we get told all about the picture which apparently caused Pete to divorce Katie. It wasn't her fault at all apparently. I don't know who divorced who, and in fact I don't particularly care, but this was going to be a very biased interview from the start. We were only going to get one side of this argument. We have been told time and time again that Pete was the bastard in this story, and that Katie was the princess in this story. Piers even said that he had sympathy for Pete, even he could tell that this was actually her fault a bit.

We went back to Katie being a stupid hypocrite. One minute she hated Pete, the next she loved him. One minute she was saying she wanted privacy, which considering she is doing a TV interview about her private life, is extremely hard to believe. One minute she was saying she had left her Jordan life style behind her and wanted to be called Katie Price, just before she said that there will always be a bit of Jordan in her - she can't resist taking her clothes off when she was drunk. Okay, so half way through, and it seems we are talking to someone with a split personality. Just before going to a second break, we are left with her saying, in stronger language, that she didn't care what Pete thought, ringing in our ears.

Part three now, and we get onto the discussion about their latest reality show, with them in America, and Piers, with his eagle eyes, spots that they kept arguing, and asks why. Because they were with each other constantly and never had any private time apart apparently. Then an emotional, sympathetic bombshell is dropped on the Interview, where she calmly announced she was pregnant and the baby died, just before she cried, for about 10 seconds and goes back to calmly discussing it all, and saying again how much of a twat Pete was before crying again and saying that Pete dumped her just after the baby died. Then we get told about how she found out the baby had died, and continues to try and cry through her Botox. She then tells the story about how she triumphantly runs the London Marathon days after the miscarriage and bled the way through. Lovely image there.

She could have very easily have kept that to herself, there was absolutely no need to announce that to the world, so when she says that she didn't say that for the sympathy, it's very hard to believe. As you can tell, by the end of part three, I have grown absolutely no sympathy for her, and if anything have increased my dislike of her. She did however say that this Interview with Piers would be the only one she does on the subject of her divorce, so we can at least find solace in the fact that we haven't got to keep reading interviews with her, saying how hard life has been for the single parent with millions in the bank and giant boobs. But then who believes anything she says? I sure don't.

Welcome to part 4 and we are shown a few clips of Katie wearing hardly anything and showing off her 'assets'. To which Piers Morgan calls her a slapper. Now, this nearly made me walk out in the garden and hit myself over the head with a shovel again and again and again until I either died or luckily lost all my memory, because I have just agreed with something that Piers Morgan has said. I didn't however and I stayed to watch this interview.

Katie then goes on to state the obvious by saying 'I have a chest'. May have taken her over 10 years to work that out. She then flashed them at Piers Morgan. To which he said about a minute later 'Is there a chance of a new man in your life', and if you look, at this point his hands have actually moved to his private area, to which I think we all know was to cover an erection. He may be a twat, but he is still a man, and there aren't many straight men that wouldn't get a little excited at them being shoved in your face. So Katie then announces that she is now on the market, and thus this interview is finally ended.

My opinion is that they did break up for publicity reasons, but then I also believe they got married for publicity reasons, and I also believe they had children for the publicity as well as when they have an argument, it's for publicity. And there you go, my opinion is that their whole relationship was publicity based, and that they only broke up because ITV 2 wouldn't renew their contract for another series.

Anyway, to make up for this hour of hell, which was watched by 4.5 million other people, I watched Sean Lock Live on channel four, so it was evened out lovely.

Toodles m’dearys
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