Moving, Just Keep Moving...

Two months ago we had a flat which overlooked the Thames, in one of the busiest cities in the World. Now, I'm in Hythe with a distant view of the sea, and in one of the most old fashioned towns in the country. The shops still all shut on a Sunday, and the only danger is being run over by a blind old lady pushing a shopping trolley.

We've now been in our quaint little flat for nearly three weeks, but there was a point when I thought we would never find somewhere to live. In London, we were lucky and the flat we lived in was the first flat we liked and saw. Down here, we saw four, but liked many more. The 'experience' was full of disappointment, as well as meeting many letting agents who were Satan's children, and a couple who were lovely. It took six weeks, but we finally got a place we could live.

But then the next issue was that we had no furniture. Thus, too much money was spent. And then, too much time was spent by me putting it all together. I was in flat pack hell. I like putting things together more than most, but that was just a week-long binge of different shades of oak. However, by some divine intervention, not a thing was broken and nothing was missing. Even if I made a few silly mistakes...

And we had spent a week laying on a multitude of beds, in a variety of shops, watched by an array of shop assistants, who seemed to always have one hand on my wallet. The whole time, you sound like a spoilt Goldilocks going "This bed's very soft… Oh, this one is far too hard for my liking… This is just right… HOW MUCH?" Then, when you finally settle on a bed you can live with, which is only a little above your budget, you're told it's a month's wait. At which point, I would thank the man for his time, and walk out.

In the end, we gave up and brought a bed from Argos which we couldn't try on for size, just for the sheer convenience of not having to lay awkwardly on beds in public view. And you know what? It was the best decision possible, and it was cheaper. And it was the exact same process for our sofa too. You know what children? Internet shopping is the future.

The problem then though, is that you have to sit by the window for a week, waiting for the two minutes when the delivery man comes, dumps a load of cardboard by the front door, and leaves you carry a box containing an unassembled dining table and four chairs, indoors all by yourself. Two weeks on and my big toe is still bruised. And once everything was assembled, we were left with a mountain of boxes in the hallway. Stepping on the wrong floorboard could easily result in an avalanche.

Thankfully, we have a small garden we can retreat too. Well, I had to spend two days chopping my way through brambles and other weeds, and being covered in scratches so deep one could be forgiven for thinking I had started a new job as a lion tamer, and was awful at it.

Speaking of which, I am still unemployed. If one forgets the fact I'm spending money, when I have none coming in, I'm a little bit thankful for that. Imagine the stress of starting a new job amongst all of that? The dining table would probably still be on the doorstep, brambles would be smashing their way through the windows, and we'd be sleeping on cardboard boxes.

However, now that's all done, I need to need to get a job so I don't become too attached to our brilliant YouView box, and don't put too much of a dent in our sofa. I've never had Sky channels before, and I'm still not over the novelty of Simpson episodes that aren't at least 10 years old; I watched one from 2013 yesterday! This truly a beautiful time to be alive.

I have learnt over the past few months, that unemployment doesn't mean you have to sit watching people who have been subjected to bad dentistry, shout at each other on Jeremy Kyle. I have done something every day. Today is the first for a good few weeks where I've actually had the time to write a blog post. I can't remember the last time I even took a photograph. It's not only because I've been busy making this flat a home, but because I'm using the time to help those closest to me. Partly to be a decent human being, but also in a bid to fight off boredom.

I'm about to make an observation which is enlightening, positive and a cliché, for which I apologise for. Normal misanthropy will resume shortly, I'm sure… But life is what you make it. If you've sat in your bedroom who two years solely playing video games, then you must have the mental capacity of a peanut. Getting a job isn't as easy as most people think it is, but it doesn't mean you have to do nothing. Put some clothes on, stop hibernating and go and do something in the big, beautiful world. Not having a job doesn't mean you don't have a life. You're a disgrace to humanity; and peanuts.

P.S. A Misathrope's Guide to Folkestone and Hythe... Is that to be the sequel of A Misathrope's Guide to London?