Amateur Misanthrope

If you ask me what my ideal job would be, I would reply by saying 'I want to get paid for writing about my detestation for mankind, and for being a bastard - just like Charlie Brooker'. I love him, which is a hard thing for a fellow misanthrope to admit. Some young men love women in magazines who show off their perfectly shaped mammary glands. I love an angry man in his 40's who doesn't suffer fools gladly.

Charlie Brooker's most recent book is called 'I Can Make You Hate', which is certainly true, as he is the person who opened my eyes to how shit our world is. His writings are a mix of hilarity and wit, along with disdain and a lot of sneering. Thanks to him, I now realise that humans are nothing more than walking, talking, flatulent haircuts. I am no longer deluded, and share his outlook on life.

He has shaped me into the writer - nay person - I am today. Some might say that all I do is moan like an old woman. I like to think of myself as more of a Victor Meldrew Junior. He is also the person I blame for all my ranting over the past few years, which ranges from hating new-born babies to pondering whether Gok Wan is a serial rapist.

However, Charlie Brooker is a much cleverer man than I. He has the marvellous ability to take a complex news story, and satirise it in such a way that even the most pudding headed of people can gain a basic understanding (so long as they understand sarcasm). His articles were one of the only reasons I spent £1.40 buying the Guardian newspaper on a Monday morning; his moanings brightened my days. He is one of the only people who makes me 'lol', in the most literal of terms.

One of my first exposures to his hate-filled rants were in YouTube clips of his Screenwipe series in 2006. This warmed my heart to him, and I soon began watching all of his Wipe series as they came out. I love them because at the time they were unlike anything else on television, where he satirises and critics everything from that week. Much like his Guardian column, everything is done humorously and informatively.

The format for his Wipe series is delighfully down to earth; making it some of the most engaging half hours on television. He shares his funny observations over a clip of what he is discussing, with it occasionally cutting back to him sat on a sofa talking to you. It is almost like he is sat in the room with you, incessantly making you laugh as he mocks both what you are watching, and you for watching it.

Everything on television is at risk of being cut on his sharp wit. Reality shows are mocked, dramas are torn apart and adverts metaphorically have shit poured all over them. One of his best features on his shows was '10 Biggest Cocks and She-Cocks in Advertising'.

This works because he has an in-depth knowledge of how television works, which he regularly demonstrates by features on his Wipe shows which reveal the behind-the-scenes production television shows

That is why his Zombie drama series, Dead Set, was so popular in 2008. It saw a Zombie apocalypse, in which the only people to remain uninfected were the residents of the Big Brother house. Unsurprisingly, anything that has Davina McCall as a Zombie who feasts on people, before being killed by evicted housemates, is bound to receive critical acclaim.

Back when my love for Charlie Brooker was fresh, he was not very well known with his shows being hidden away at 11pm on BBC 4. Now, he is a sell-out and has shows on BBC 2 and Channel 4, with him sometimes appearing on BBC 1 panel shows. However, this has only given him the opportunity to get some of his even more obscure ideas out into the public domain.

His more recent TV Drama is the Black Mirror series. The series essentially turned a mirror at society. However, it's a trick mirror that contorts your body. The society that is reflected in the 'Black Mirror' is recognisable, but it now looks even uglier than before because of how warped it now looks. All you can do is either cry at how horrible it is, or laugh and hope the world doesn't get any worse. I choose the latter.

Black Mirror is one the best dramas of the past few years, with it forcing you to think about contemporary issues, such as our insatiable need to be distracted by reality TV, having our lives micro chipped, synthetic bodies, public justice, blue cartoon bears becoming MP's and the Prime Minister having sex with a pig because of public outcry. It's so good it causes nightmares, and it is alarming to think how dark and twisted Charlie Brooker's genius is.

As I have shown, he is rude, misanthropic and clearly mentally unbalanced, but I want to be just like him. However, this is obviously a persona he has, as a man who is married to, and has a child with, Konnie Huq, cannot be that much of an awful person. I now want to be a Charlie Brooker, writing reviews, books and columns in the voice of an eloquent, humorous bastard.

I don't want to be someone who just trolls over the internet, insensitively spreading hatred for easy targets like Justin Bieber. I want to be clever and funny. He hates without being nasty, and in return gets loved. That's what I desire, thanks to him. It's his fault I love writing, and his fault I hate almost everything else.