Jade Goody: What A Smashing Year It Has Been Without Her!

It was a year ago today that Jade Goody went through those fiery gates of hell, with the molten lava flooding past her and the aroma of burnt sausages wafting around the place. I have a visual image of Hitler and Suddam Hussien holding a banner which says 'Welcome Jade Goody' at the entrance to hell, with the devil there himself, to personally welcome in his newest member to his community. With it being a Sunday, he would usually be taking a well-deserved break after a week of torturing, but after hearing about the work that this 'Goody' person had done above on Earth, he just had to meet her and congratulate her for her lifetime commitment to being annoying, loud-mouthed, media-attention-seeking, money hungry, bitch.

It seems time is not a healer, as a year later I still have this strong, and some might say 'negative' opinion towards the woman I affectionately call 'ARG, not her again'. The last week or so has been quite confusing and painful for me, thanks to her. The 22nd of March 2009 has been burnt onto my mind forever as one of the happiest days of my life and I also remember it as Mothers Day, so imagine my surprise when I found out just days before that Mothers day this year was a week earlier, on the 14th of March. I had to rush to Tesco's to buy my Mum a card and flowers, all because of that Jade Goody. I thought I was safe in the knowledge that Mothers Day would be the 21st, and that's not all.

Beyond the grave, I swear Jade Goody has not only attempted to make my Mum angry at me, but also to crash my car by cursing me with a bad leg, and also making me vomit myself to death by putting me under the spell of a virus which left me bid ridden for nearly three full days. All I suspect to stop me writing and publishing yet another anti-Goody blog. Maybe I am paranoid, but better luck next time.


I am glad Michael Jackson died last year as well, but not because I disliked him, because I didn't, but purely because it took the hype from Jade Goody. If it wasn't for him, 2009 would be the year that the people of Britain would remember as the year Jade Goody died, but thanks to his doctor killing him, he has become the big death of 2009. I bet Max Clifford was absolutely livid about it, and it is because of that image, I go to sleep happy, every single night.

There is a part in mind which is very suspicious of her whole death really, because who knows what lengths she would go to be famous and popular. Maybe she is dead, or maybe she is alive and living somewhere no-one knows of her and wouldn't recognise her (how I envy them). You may be reading this thinking 'That's a stupid idea; she isn't that idiotic and it wouldn't work'. Well, let me just remind you that this is a woman who pronounced East Anglia as 'East Angular' and thought that to be abroad. As for 'she would never get away with it', never underestimate the power that Max Clifford has.

Again, here is my paranoia (and my hatred) shinning through again, but I think it to be quite a coincidence that at the peak of her unpopularity for being a racist, she gets cancer, gains sympathy, becomes loved then dies before she can ruin it by saying yet another stupid thing. Maybe the reason I am suspicious that she could still be alive is that I miss her and want her to still be alive, because I do. I loved the days when all my Tweets were about how she had annoyed me, when all my blogs seemed to mention her and call her names and when I would come up with a new joke when I saw her face in a gossip magazine or newspaper which would either make my friends laugh or tell me 'that was harsh'. If she came back, imagine all the fun I could have with that.

Instead I have to live with Jade Goody being mentioned every single time Cervical Cancer is mentioned. Every time I read a newspaper or magazine article which is about Cervical Cancer, you can bet that her name is mentioned. Okay, I am aware that I have said this numerous times in many of my blogs and I am going to have to say it again: She done absolutely nothing of any worth. At no point during her illness did she campaign for young girls to get themselves checked out. Essentially, her dying was the best thing that could ever happen, because A) It cheered me up and B) It shocked people into getting themselves checked. All these girls only get themselves checked as a consequence of her dying, not because she tirelessly campaigned. It distresses and provokes me when people almost thank her for girls getting checked out.

Again, I should just reiterate, I am not glad she got cancer; as the cliché goes: I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I have gone yet another year of witnessing the effects that cancer has upon people, with yet another relative biting the dust as a result of it. However, another relative has had cancer and is now perfectly healthy; it really is unpredictable. I have also seen friends deal with relatives that have cancer, and it is not a good thing, and hopefully soon they will find the cure AND not making it so expensive that no-one can actually afford to be cured, as is so often the case. However, I should reiterate one more thing, I still really, absolutely dislike Jade Goody; I'm not heartless and I am actually quite a genuinely nice person, but I nether had sympathy for her!


Last night on television, there was a tribute show to someone who died last year, which I enjoyed greatly and thought it very emotional and tastefully done. That was Boyzone's Tribute To Steven Gately (R.I.P). However, on last night at the same time was 'Jade: A Year Without Her' on Living TV. I found it funny that numerous people told me about this for weeks previous. I had people Tweeting me, sending me texts, I had an email and also people telling me when they saw me in person. I think it is a great tribute to how much I hated her and how much of an impression I made upon people by doing this. I almost feel pressured into writing this blog; like I am expected to insult her by everyone because of this persona I have created, and this makes me happy. I’ve got to be good at something.

Going back to the tribute, and I could not watch it. Not just because I risked being a hypocrite if I did as it would mean not living by my own values, but for technical reasons: I don't have Sky or Virgin Media so therefore couldn't watch it due lack of the actually channel. I did read the immediate reviews of it afterwards however and also read Tweets while the show was on, and from what I gathered it was what I would call 'Poppycock' and 'Balderdash'! It was apparently a very emotional program in which many people were in or nearly in tears at. I can't help but think these people are very pathetic. Also, she was portrayed as a brilliant person from what I could gather; shown as a fantastic parent to her two children and many people fell in love with her. Essentially, Max Clifford did a good job at achieving his aim.

Obviously, a tribute show of someone's life is not going to catalogue all the persons failings in chronological order, so this was expected, but I just find it amazing how easily people forget the bad things a person done when the media pretend they didn't happen. They clearly have taken all the positive stuff from her life, such as her kids, and based the majority of the show around them for ultimate sympathy from the audience. All-of-a-sudden, all the racism and stupidity is forgotten. A parallel to this happening to a person who is actually alive is Cheryl Cole, being portrayed as this princess of modern times and the role model for millions of girls and women; yet only a few years ago a toilet attendant in a club got beaten up by her. It is blooming annoying.

I am glad that is how they made the show; I think it to be quite fitting of how she lived her life really - a liar. Anyway, I know I will have to get over her death soon and just move on with my life. I know I will have to stop using her as my 'go-to-guy' when I need an easy target to insult in conversations, Tweets and blog posts, but it is just so very hard to move on. I have tried my best, what with Katie Price being an ideal and even easier target for my insults, especially with her not knowing who her husband was last week during her interview on This Morning (Thank Goody I was ill to see that), but it just is not the same. I have all these memories of when life was great and care free. The days when I could insult a women who was dying of cancer, and still get laugh, but now I just look desperate.

There are just three other things which fill me with joy about Jade Goody’s death and also about the anniversary. The first being that my lucky number has always been the number 27, and this was proved by the fact that Jade Goody died at the age of 27. Now, to me it is more than a lucky number - it is a holy, saintly number which will bring joy to me throughout my life.

The second is sweet taste I have in my mouth while typing this very sentence. In the news yesterday was that Jackiey Budden, the mother of Jade Goody, spent the days before her daughter's memorial service yesterday on a drink and drug-induced binge in Tenerife. It is all explained how Jade became such an awful human being, and proof that the entire family are just awful human beings and should be dropped into a giant crater and left to die, like that scene in the BFG at the end.

The third is that Jade Goody being dead essentially proves that - I won. I hated her and now she is dead. I win. Maybe I'll get lucky and Katie Price's left breast will implode and kill her. For now: Stuart 1, Pop Culture 0.

Stuart's In-Car Entertainment Conundrum

What am I suppose to do for in-car entertainment when I have a dodgy radio with a tape deck that does not work and cannot afford to buy a new radio? Well, I probably could afford to buy a radio for my car, but it would mean I'd have no money for petrol to actually drive the car. This means I am left with only the radio in my car seeing, but which radio station to choose? I have absolutely no idea what to listen to in my car. I have the choice of the local Heart station, KMFM, Classic FM, Radio 1, Radio 2 and something French which only works occasionally.

Now, I cannot decide which station to tune my car radio too. Heart actually gets the best signal while driving around, so this is a positive. However, I have more than two brain cells. I am not stupid enough to listen to Heart. I have 12 GCSE's and I'm attempting A-levels. I don't plan on lowering my intelligence by listening to the same 15 songs over and over again. We can unanimously agree that the station that prides itself on having 'The Best Music Variety' actually plays some of the worst songs from the same genre. I don't like Sugababes, I've listened to so much Leona Lewis that I'm becoming paranoid that Simon Cowell is trying to brainwash me, been turned almost insane by Lady Gaga's Pokerface and I am losing my patience of Take That's song 'Patience' always being played.
My Dad has always had Heart (or Invicta as our local station used to be called) playing in the car, and I know far too much about James Hemming's personal life from listening every morning that I can't help but think I'm stalking him. You can understand that I don't want to have Heart playing every time I get in the car, and the fact that Geri Halliwell has a show on it, makes me more determined to never be associated with it. I find one of the joys of driving being that I can pick the radio station to listen too. Sure the independence is good, but I can now choose the music, and if I put Heart, it will make all that time learning to drive, wasted. So, it seems I won't be 'having a Heart' any time soon. And as for the other local station KMFM, well the same reasons apply to that, just insert different and lesser known names.

Listening to Radio 1 just makes me feel old, despite the fact I am only 17. I really am not 'hip-hop' enough to listen to that station. It does have good points about it though, with it having Chris Moyles in the morning and Scott Mills in the afternoon, both people I could easily listen to all day. Over the past few days I have had my car radio tuned to Radio 1, purely because I have enjoyed listening to Chris Moyles and the rest of the entourage while stuck in traffic on the way to school. I can even put up with a majority of the music he plays in the middle of his waffling, and I even found myself singing along to McFly - Stargirl on Friday as I parked my car. Then if I'm late driving home (like I have been most days recently) I get to listen to Scott Mills as I drive home, and usually time it just right so I listen to the news - not the most interesting thing to listen to, but better than hearing JLS's new song.
However, when I drive my car in the middle of the day, I am forced to listen to Fearne Cotton. I used to like her, but I now just find her whining blondness irritating. Her taste in music, I don't like either. This is why I cannot have Radio 1 permanently on in my car. I seem to be one of the only people who get road rage at the radio instead of other drivers. The annoying thing with Radio 1 is that they can play a song that I actually really like, then follow it with Madcon's new release - two completely different genres. It annoys me that this station is allowed to keep going while BBC 6 Music faces closure. I fully understand that the point of paying the license fee is that a greater variety can be given to the public, whether it is the banter and great music of BBC 6 Music or the just plain idiocy of Radio 1, but why get rid of one and not the other? Anyway, I digress...

I would listen to Radio 2 if my car radio could actually find a decent signal which didn't cut off every few seconds. Maybe the target audience is for people in their thirties and forties, but they play much better music that Radio 1 and their playlist seems to be longer than that of Heart. The recent departure of Terry Wogan is sad, but I think maybe he has been doing the job for far too long, and handing over to Chris Evans was good. Sure, it has divided people in their opinions, with some thinking that Evans could not replace Wogan's raconteur skills, and others thinking that Evans in the morning 'brightens up their day'. Despite the BBC being worried that the target age range of Radio 2 is slipping, it is still rather a good radio station, and one could ask 'Why does it matter?' As long as people are listening, why does it matter what age range are listening?
The other station that actually works properly is Classic FM. I'm not cultured enough to listen to that station. Maybe if I feel I have listened to Radio 1 too much and that my intellect is slowly dropping, I'll listen to 20 minutes of classical music just to top it up again. However, as a radio station to listen to on the drive to school every day? Well, let's just say it doesn't appeal to me. Infact, driving down to Dover and going straight over the cliffs seems more appealing.

What am I to do between now and being about to afford a brand new radio for my car with a CD player and a place to plug my iPod into? Shall I just drive around in silence with my own thoughts? Should I listen to Heart and risk my brain blowing up after hearing Cheryl Cole’s new song for the 175,867th time, just in case they play a Kings of Leon or Snow Patrol track in the time I'm in the car? Do I listen to Radio 1 and try to be 'down wiv da kidz' and being entertained by the likes of Moyles and Mills but annoyed by the stupidness of Cotton? Maybe I could listen to Radio 2 and have a good mix of songs and DJ-ing but lose the signal every other minute? Or should I just put Classic FM on while driving down to Dover?

I really have no idea, and it is annoying me. I think I may have to give up soon and borrow some money off a Dad who no longer has to drive me everywhere (somehow, I very much doubt that). I suppose I could just go without petrol for a few weeks and push the car everywhere I go, but put the volume up loud so I can hear it while I push it down the dual carriageway every morning. Either way, I don't think I am going to be able to last much longer before I go mad with my own thoughts while I drive everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being able to drive everywhere, go where ever and do it at whatever time I please, but some decent music would be appreciated.
Maybe I should set up my own personal radio station in which I give them my iTunes collection and ask them to play through them. However, I'm thinking it will probably be cheaper to buy a new car. Any advice you have for me would be great, as it is 'driving' me mad. Budum Tshh.

A whole blog just to make that terrible pun...

Ant & Dec Push the Self Destruct Button on Their Careers

Last week I watched 'Ant & Dec's Push the Button' late at night while suffering from lack of sleep, and even in this state I could tell how utterly awful the show was. It is a show which is on Saturday Nights for next six weeks I believe, fronted obviously by Ant & Dec. From what I gathered, the general gist of the show is for two families to go head-to-head against each other to win some money; nothing really unusual there. However, the twist is that both families start on £100,000 and the longer they take to complete a task or the worst they do at the task, the more the money counts down. The money they have at the end, they try to win. The losers? Well they get salt and pepper shakers. The reason for it being called 'Push The Button' is because each task is ended by pressing a giant button.

The thing with Ant & Dec is that they are brilliant presenters. The chemistry they have with the audience and the nation, as well as with each other, is what makes them so good at presenting shows like 'I'm A Celebrity...' and 'Saturday Night Takeaway'. The problem is, they are too good. This new show of theirs is as bad as the show they done for Boxing Day last year. They are good at presenting the unusual shows, but when it comes to them actually hosting another knock-off show, they are just crap. I honestly used to love Ant & Dec, but now they just seem like a fantastic version of 'Jedward' - and that is no compliment!
The show to me seemed like a very bad format of Family Fortunes; and infact every other game show that has ever been on television. Two families competing against each other; it is not exactly an original format is it? The show seems to have average, normal day people from housing estates, who all either have bad hair, bad teeth or bad acne. In one case, one contestant had all three – the poor boy. The families however, are introduced in a montage of clips of Ant & Dec going to their houses and workplaces to tell them that they have been selected. This was not a good move in my opinion. The introductions were horrific and very mad. It is what I would imagine Jeremy Kyle to be like if happy gas was being pumped into the studio. Not a good combination.

The tasks themselves were totally stupid as well. I actually could not believe how awful and plain stupid each game was. One of the tasks had a giant Simon Cowell head, which came forward onto the stage in a fashion which was reminiscent of someone coming through the glittery doors of 'Stars In Their Eyes'. The idea of this game was to count how many teeth appeared in the giant head, and there were three rounds. Essentially, they may as well have sung '10 Green Bottles Sitting On A Wall...' This I thought to be not only boring, but idiotic, pointless and overall, yet another stupid task. 'Why a giant Simon Cowell head?' someone must have asked during the production, and I hope they had a bloody good reason for it. If humour was the reason, then they failed dramatically. This wasn't the only stupid task though; other ones consisted of putting shapes through corresponding holes, giant cake building and Yodelling.
Another annoying factor which I think helps to prove how bad the show was, is that Peter Dickson did not do the voice over. We now live in an age where if Peter Dickson is doing the voice over for a show, it must be good! Clearly he was either too expensive or he refused to be associated with this show, as his voice was nowhere to be heard. Instead the voice of Ronnie Corbett did the job instead. I am a fan of him, I think he is a good example of classic comedy from the days when it was funny, but I don't think this was really the right gig for him to put his name to. You almost felt sorry for him when you heard his voice being forced to read the script.

Then along came the Americanism. Something which is rather popular with American shows is that they do mini-sketches half way through a show. Unfortunately, this show also consisted of one performed by the duo. It wasn't even original; this is something that wasn't even that original when a similar thing happened in Mr Bean. It was a sketch in a Dentist's room with Dec playing the naive character and acting like a complete idiot for 'laughs'. It actually was not very unfunny. You couldn't even call it 'So Bad It Was Good'. It was that bad. Clearly, ITV have yet again lowered their comedy standards to BBC 3, to the level of shows such as 'Coming of Age': making very bad, stupid jokes which are more embarrassing than they are funny.

I find this a big shame as I was prepared to like the show. After hearing that this show could potentially be a permanent replacement for 'Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway', I wanted it to be good and worthy of taking over the Saturday Night Primetime reigns. Unfortunately, it was not, and I hope that ITV do not keep this as a replacement, and in fact bring back 'Saturday Night Takeaway'. The reason why that show worked and this didn't purely is because it was THEM competing. It was different to all these shows in which members of the public compete against each other. We liked the format of them competing. Also, the fact that it was the 'Only show on telly in which you could win the contents of the Ads' was brilliant. Three cars, a grand in the bank, and new television and toilet cleaner, this is what everyone dreamed of winning.

There is also a reason why they are good at hosting 'I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' but absolutely rubbish at hosting their own show 'Ant & Dec's Christmas Show'. They are brilliant at hosting the former, purely because they are not the main feature of the show. When it comes to them being the main structure of the show, it begins to collapse. They are possibly the best presenters in modern television at hosting other people’s ideas, but when it comes to hosting their own ideas, they are as good as rubbish.

Now, I want to plea with Ant & Dec's agent to not let them make yet another mistake by putting their name to another awful show. I don't think they would be able to survive another piece of crap. They have come a long way from the days of acting in Grange Hill and presenting SM:TV Live with Cat Deeley, do not let them digress to such awful pieces of television again. Thank you.

An Unconventional Driving Test - Ye Second

Wednesday was the day of my second driving test and you (like I am) will be glad to hear that this will be the blog about me and my driving lessons/driving tests. Yes, I did pass my driving test. My theory is that only the best drivers pass second time. It is a relief that I have to no longer sit next to either my driving instructor or my dad whenever I want a drive. Now I can either drive by myself or with one of my friends sitting in the passenger seat. It makes a lovely change!
I could write about my driving lessons prior to my test, but I fear it would get very repetitive and boring, not only for me to type but for you to have to sit and read. The general gist of my 6 driving lessons after failing my first one and before passing my second is that I'd drive around the same old roads for an hour. Occasionally I would do a three point turn or reversing around a corner, maybe do a parallel, possibly reverse into a bay, or if my instructor felt like 'throwing caution to the wind' we would do an emergency stop.
I am not going to say that they were a waste of time, because I do believe that I am a better driver than I was 2 months ago thanks to the lessons, but it is a tad bit tedious paying a guy over £20 a week for the pleasure of driving his car for an hour and ending up in the same place he picked you up. It's like an indecisive person hiring a lazy taxi driver.

The Test
Well things started off well with me having the same instructor as last time - the one that failed me. Now, I liked him last time and I liked him this time still. He was quite a chatty guy who made for good banter. I think that suits me; driving while having a joke with the person next to me. I even told him that I loved him when he told me I passed and I hadn't even been drinking. It is not every day I tell older men that I love them.
I did have 5 minors during my test though. One was for not checking my mirrors before changing speed and another for not looking in my mirrors before indicating. The other three I gained while doing my two manoeuvres. One minor I gained while doing a three point turn as I just tapped the curb. The remaining two I gained within seconds of each other while doing a parallel park. I yet again tapped the curb, so to correct my error I moved forward without doing my blind spot check. Really, I wasn’t that bad though. All that means is that if I am about to do a manoeuvre, then don't walk on the pathment.

The overall driving during my test was pretty good I felt. I achieved the roundabouts well, stopped at the appropriate times, drove at the correct speeds and swerved to miss a majority of the potholes. I think I deserved that pass really, but then with the amount of money I've spent on driving lessons alone (I have worked out it comes to nearly £800) I think the system has received enough of my money. Anyone who thinks driving is a cheap hobby was clearly born before 1950 when driving lessons where only 'five shillings'. It will be cheaper now I've passed; unless the cost of petrol goes up, there is no danger of me spending more on petrol than I did on lessons weekly.
My first day of driving solo was quite fun I thought and it was quite adventurous; I done nearly 20 miles of driving and achieved it much quicker than it would have taken if I walked. There was so much traffic on the way to school, that despite my journey taking me down a dual carriageway, I failed to get to 50MPH before joining the back of a miles worth of traffic. Chris Moyles and his team saw me there safely though, and a journey which would take about 15 minutes with no traffic took over half hour. Then after school, I took a few friends home and yet again I was met with traffic and potholes. I am not an angry person, but I do suffer from slight road rage it has to be said. I don't know why, but something about being in a terracotta car makes me feel ''ard'. The way home was met with less traffic, but bigger potholes and also the traffic lights near my house not working. It is quite fun really.

There are many Facebook groups which share a similar opinion to me about potholes. 'I've Paid My Car Tax, Now Go Fix Some F***cking Potholes' and 'I'm Not Drunk, I've Avoiding Potholes' are both correct. The roads around Canterbury seem to have more the holes than there are craters on the moon, and I'm sure there are many places which are similar across the country, if not worse. Even when they do fix these potholes though, they don't do it properly. My car has enough dents in it already (none of which were caused by me, honest. It was the previous owner, I swear) so I don't want them to be added to.

At some point soon, I will need to do a Pass Plus course so that I will hopefully be able to get some money off of my driving insurance when it comes to renewing it in May. If they think I'm paying £1,800 again, then Churchill have another thing coming. Just because I have tesicles, a car and live in an area renowned for attacks on cars doesn't necessarily mean I'm any more of a liability. Then, while I was on the phone to them to change my insurance so I was classed as a guy with a Full License, they tried to con more money out of me. No, I don't want to increase my annual mileage nor upgrade my breakdown cover so you can have more of my money. That is after I was on hold for ten minutes while they played depressing music to me. Call centres must cancel out phone lines like 'The Samaritans'. Do you think you're too happy and in danger of smiling, then just spend 5 minutes waiting to be put through to an advisor, that should do it.

Anyway, thank-you to people who have already congratulated me, and to the people who haven't, I still love you because this means you have read my entire blog without pressing the giant X button on the top right-hand (or if you are a Mac user, the red bubble on the left-hand) corner of your screen. I wish for a long and safe driving career. Hopefully I've not just jinxed myself so I crash my car next week...

February: Love Month (Apparently)

The shortest month of the year has been and gone confined to the history books as the second snowy month of 2010. February consists of Pancake Day, a day which everyone eats Pancakes surprisingly. Why only on this day, I don't know. Then February also has 'Valaween' hidden in the middle of it. Just in case you were wondering, I got no late Valentine's Cards, so that is another year of receiving (and sending) none. I look forward to yet another year of having my Facebook Status set to 'Single'.

Snow played yet another big part in this the month of February as it did in January, and yet again every moaned about it. They say we had the coldest winter since 1979 and the news was quick to show us yet more images of our nation suffering. Whether it was of monkeys sitting in the snow in a zoo or a tractor ironically being stuck in the snow after trying to pull a car out of a ditch, we had to be constantly told how much devastation this is causing us Brits. Last year, experts predicted Swine Flu to be the worst thing to affect us this winter, with it potentially killing millions, but instead it was the snow. Who could've seen that coming? Well, you would have thought the people at the Met Office.
Would you believe that it is the job of people at the Met Office to predict the weather so we can prepare ourselves? Yet, every time they seem to fail. A good use of money I think - paying people to do a job wrong. Mind you, if we pay our bankers millions of pounds for losing our money, why shouldn't we pay them to not do their job properly either. It seems our country is full of failures, and yet the Daily Mail still wonder why we have foreigners doing our jobs. Maybe it is because they are more competent - just a guess.
While I am on the subject of competence, let’s go back a few weeks ago (To Valentine's Day infact) when there was a smashing interview between a twatting tit and an unpopular growth. Yes, I am referring to the Piers Morgan/Gordon Brown interview on ITV 1. Now I am sure that you are aware of my dislike of Piers Morgan, so you can imagine my surprise after watching an hour long show with him in it that I 'enjoyed'. Well, maybe 'enjoy' is a bit of an overstatement, but I did think it was very interesting. I believe that Mr Brown came across very well in the interview. Granted, I did spend a majority of the interview just being mesmerised by the skin of Gordon Brown's neck and maybe that is what hypnotised me into liking him.
I think the Scot answered all the questions exactly right, despite Piers Morgan asking him really inappropriate questions which no-one wants to know the answer to. Why should I want to know 'How many girls Gordon Brown slept with while at University’? This was a political interview, not Loose Women! The overall interview was near on 3 hours, so it makes you wonder how awful the other 2 hours of stuff was, but that is the positive of editing I suppose. Alistair Campbell (Incidentally, I met his wife at the beginning of February - Fiona Millar - Thanks Mr Karnavas!) and Gordon Brown must be very happy with the outcome of the interview, and I do truly believe that the interview has actually helped Brown's election chances. However, if I'm 18 before the elections, I will still vote Conservative, but at least he tried.
The Winter Olympics happened in Vancouver, Canada during February as well. It became slightly hard for me to watch after that guy died while practicing for the Luge, so I didn't watch much after the first few days. However, I was pretty addicted to it before that happened and I did become quite the expert in Short Hill Ski Jumping as well as the Speed Skiing. How well did Britain do? Shockingly bad as usual. You would have thought with all the snow we have had, we could have done better. The medal we did though was a gold one.
That medal was one for us by a Miss Amy Williams. She competed in the 'Bob Skelton' which is essentially laying front first on a toboggan while going around a bobsleigh track head-first. It seems like quite scary stuff, and luckily I did actually watch this. A positive of them laying front first is that you can see their rear ends very well. The comment I made while watching her being hurtled around the track by the G-Forces for her winning run was that she had a very nice arse. I am not lying either, it is a VERY nice arse that Amy Williams has.
I think we all know that John Terry would have liked it also. Just in case you are not aware due to being trapped on a desert island with no contact to civilisation, he has been accused of sleeping with his best friend’s girlfriend. Yes, it does seem like something that would be found on the Jeremy Kyle show. John Terry cheated on his own wife with the girlfriend of his former best friend and England Teammate. For some reason, Wayne Bridge has pulled out of the England Football team due to it. I wonder why?
Then of course you have the Cheryl Cole/Ashley Cole saga. What is it with footballers and their ability to 'score away from home' (a nice football based pun for you)? My theory is that they get paid too much to do sod all. They train in the morning and nothing the rest of the day. They have all that money, all that fame and the ball skill (two in one paragraph; look at me go). They have the ability to seduce any woman, so they do, despite how utterly gorgeous their 'WAG's are.
However, you can't talk about failing marriages without mentioning Katie Price, or whatever she is calling herself these days. It was only a few weeks since I wrote a blog about Katie Price's latest gossip and already it seems to be out dated. She and Alex got married in Las Vegas. Then there was talk they were getting divorced. Then talk of him wanting to adopt Peter Andre's children. Then talk that he gets no say in the marriage and that Katie 'wears' the trousers in the house. Then more talk about them getting divorced. Then I am being told that they are happily in love.
I am just confused. I try to use as little brain power as possible when it comes to trying to solve what is happening in modern pop culture because I have better and more important things to waste my time thinking about, like whether I want Cheese or Egg Sandwiches for lunch. However, trying to figure out Katie Price's love life is just confusing. However, this does trigger the question - why do we as a nation care?

Now, I apologise for being a day late in posting this blog 'End of the Month' blog. The reason for this is that I had a mad spasm of a social life. I was actually out and having fun which meant I had no time to write the blog. My weekend consisted of sleeping on a bed with more people than the bed was originally designed for then a sofa, as well as drinking alcohol (I am part of the statistic of underage drinkers, but then who isn't?) and eating far too much cake. However, I would describe the weekend as 'Brilliant', 'Much Needed', 'Extraordinary Fun' and also 'One Of My Best Yet'. If I may be slightly cheesy and ruin this angry persona I seem to have going, Thanks Guys for a great couple of days, and I hope you had a great time Emily.

Anyway, onwards with March. I predict that this month will bring more devastation, more marital conflict, more crap telly, and also the celebration of a year without an unloved celebrity...