Nearly There - Unconventionally Of Course

Hello blog fans or people who have nothing better to do; here is a blog about my recent driving lessons. I've now started doing six lessons to a blog, so here is a hefty blog for you to read. Hopefully, I shouldn't have to do too many more blogs on this subject as I am nearing the end of lessons and taking the sprint to a driving test instead.

So, let’s start where we left off - Lesson 17. The lesson started well, but it eventually went into disaster and my worst lesson ever. Disaster (maybe slightly exaggerated) started at traffic lights, waiting to go off onto a dual carriageway. As soon as the lights went green, a bloke with a caravan blocked the entrance and when he moved, the lights had gone red again. My instructor was not happy. Anywho, the dual carriageway took me to roads I've never been on ever; as a passenger nor a driver, and for 30 seconds I done absolutely nothing right. I didn't read the signs, so I didn't know immediately after the corner there was a roundabout. As I didn't know, I didn't slow down, thus panicked when I got there and went way too fast the wrong way around the roundabout and took the wrong turning. There was no-one on the roundabout at the time so there was no accident. Anyway, confidence took a bit of a shock but went on to do a three-point turn, reversing around a corner and parallel parking.

Lesson 18 wasn't as exciting. It was meant to be in the dark, but due to him getting a puncture, got changed to the next morning - in daylight. Nothing went drastically wrong, done the usual reversing around a corner, a three-point turn and a parallel park. With it being a Friday morning, there was rather a lot of traffic about, so a lot of the lesson was at 5MPH. Good practice though.

Lesson 19 was again around Canterbury, and was again in lots of traffic. I made one major mistake, when I drove past my Grandad in his car; I paid more attention to him than where I was driving. Luckily no-one died as a result though. This won't come as much as a surprise to you, but I done a three-point turn, reversing around a corner and parallel park. There was one surprise though, which was slightly disturbing. When waiting at traffic lights, a woman walked across the road and my instructor commented on how sexy she looked. It did distract me slightly from the lights changing colour.

Lesson 20, and I'd love to tell you how well it went, but honestly - I don't remember any of it what so ever. I expect we done a three point turn, reversing around a corner and a parallel park. However, seeing as I don't remember it, we can conclude from that fact, the lesson went smoothly, with nothing extraordinary happening, there can't have been any big mistakes and no-one could've died as a result of my driving.

Now onto Lesson 21. It was just around Canterbury again making silly little mistakes and I am no longer making any big major mistakes. We did the usual reversing around a corner, parallel parking, three-point turning and reversing into a parking space. It was a morning and therefore lots of traffic as usual. I saw a train though! Had to stop at a crossing and a steam engine went past. Now that's something you don't usually see in Canterbury.

And Lesson 22, which went very well. We took the same route as was planned for Lesson 17 (the first one in this blog post) and seeing as I knew what was around the corner, I slowed down properly, went the right way around and also took the correct exit, so that done my confidence a lot of good. Infact, this lesson was my first lesson where nothing went wrong, and it was in the early evening and having to use light. Also, I did reversing around a corner, into a parking space, parallel parking and also a three-point turn unsurprisingly.

Thanks to me having a few good lessons in a row and nothing too silly going on, next week I shall be booking my driving test. Next week my instructor will tell me how to book it and then I shall come home and book a test. With any luck I could be driving by Christmas and I may have even taken my test by the next time I post a blog. Obviously, I'm not about to get really big headed and say I'm going to pass first time - that'd be absurd, but I am confident about it, so with luck I will pass.

One thing I need to stop doing is as we drive past girls, I tend to take my line of vision away from the road and towards the pathment, so this is something I need to stop myself doing so much. My instructor keeps commenting on this as well. I suppose it's one of the curses of being single - having wandering eyes...

ANYWHO, that's the end. Wish me luck for my test!

Bully Nick Griffin Time

'What's so special about Question Time this week?' a friend asked me and when I said because Nick Griffin from the BNP was on it, they replied with 'Oh, is he that racist guy everyone hates and calls Hitler?' which I think is a good way of summing him up really. Just as Question Time started on BBC 1, a storm was going over my house, and just as the title sequence started, a huge bolt of lightning went across the sky... Coincidence? Probably, but it could also mean God was rather pissed like a majority of people.

Was Question Time a fair and unbiased program? Of course it bloody wasn't, it's only the BBC. No it turned out to be a competition on who hates Nick Griffin more. Was it the audience who laughed at every point that could be taken as slightly hypocritical and sneered at reasonable responses? Was it Bonnie Greer the black female writer who sat next to him constantly asking what he defines as British? Was it Jack Straw who seemed surprised when he was asked a question about his cock-up in immigration? Maybe it was Baroness Warsi (the Conservative spokeswomen for community cohesion (whatever that is)) who hated every answer Nick Griffin gave? Or possibly it was Chris Huhne, a Liberal Democrat who just hated Nick Griffin purely because he lost out to Mr Griffin in the elections? It's hard to tell.
A huge majority of the show was purely people asking Nick Griffin questions and then calling him a blatant liar. Unsurprisingly, there were a lot of people from ethnic backgrounds in the audience and the camera would be quick to cut to one if they pulled a face which could be interpreted as disgust. Is Nick Griffin really racist though? And I think the answer is no, it's just all been taken way out of context by the media, and everytime he said this - guess what - He'd get laughed at and called a liar. Someone even called him 'Dick Griffin' which is such an original insult. I think that member of the audience came up with it all by himself - such a clever boy. To be honest, if this happened at school, it'd be classed as 'Bullying' and with them filming it, and metaphorically slapping him and laughing; it can also be classed as 'Happy Slapping'. Yes, David Dimbleby and his friends where happy slapping Nick Griffin on BBC 1, and on Friday, everyone seemed surprised that Nick Griffin was making a formal complaint to the BBC about the episode. He too (and rightly so) believed he was bullied on BBC 1 on Thursday evening.

I personally think Nick Griffin came across as a very professional politician, which is something not usually said about politicians. Through all the grief he got, in my opinion he coped with it very well and took it in a light-hearted way infront of the cameras. When asked what his view on Islam was, Mr Griffin gave an answer which is correct. He basically said that he disagreed with the opinions of Islam and certain things in the Qur'an, for example their treatment of women. Now, had that question been asked by a law student from Essex and answered exactly the same way by David Cameron, it would have been expectable; seeing as it was asked by a Muslim and directed at Nick Griffin, it wasn't seen as an unexpectable answer.

Anyway, eventually the subject changed to Jan Moir's article about Steven Gately. Every member of the panel all said that she had the right to say those things and The Daily Mail to print the article, so that was repeated 5 times. As you can guess, once the subject changed to homosexuals, Nick Griffin was dragged back into the centre for yet another bashing by the rest of panel and the audience.

I am intrigued by the voting system and freedom of speech at the moment. Members of the public voted for Nick Griffin, which meant he had made it so far up the metaphorical ladder of politics, that he now completed the entry requirements for Question Time, and the BBC where completely right to allow him to have an appearance on Question Time because of this. We're also constantly reminded that we have freedom of speech, so therefore why are people against him talking? It does seem that we're only allowed this basic human right as long as we don't offend anyone and the comment passing out of our lips if Politically Correct. If no-one likes him, then who voted for him? It is very much like John and Edward on X-Factor at the moment; no-one likes them, but someone keeps voting for them. Granted, that's the only time Griffin is going to be compared to two 18 year old lads, but I like uniqueness.

One thing which was constantly said, was that it was the 'BNP's Christmas come early' them appearing on Question Time. And it was, but not for the reasons in which they insinuated. It was more because the BNP have come across as more vulnerable during this bullying, and have therefore come across in a more positive light. Mr Griffin only lowered himself once in below-the-belt punches. A comment about his father fighting in the war, and Jack Straw's father being arrested for refusal to fight, in some way meant that Nick Griffin could not possibly be the love-child of Adolf Hitler.
This point has been proven, with a new poll out today. 1 in 7 people would back the BNP, all thanks to the episode. Now that's a real kick in the mouth for everyone who spent that hour 'Happy Slapping' him in hope of degrading him. Yet everyone is now raging about this; it seems no-one is going to own up to answering yes on this poll.

On Friday morning just as I walked out of the bathroom, the TV was on, and guess who was on GMTV... No it wasn't Nick Griffin, it was Chris Huhne. You remember him surely; I only just told he was a Liberal Democrat. Anyway, he was on there spreading his message of hatred and giving his view on how successful he felt the show was and how it made Nick Griffin and the BNP look. I don't know what he said because I was using the hair dryer while staring at the television, but it didn't look positive.

Just incase you are part of the huge majority who would 'happily pay for him to be deported to the Antarctic where everything is white' and find Nick Griffin 'repulsive' (they're quotes from Question Time, not from me) then here is a bit of material for you; What's with Nick Griffin's wafty eye? He could look at the audience and at David Dimbleby's neon green tie at the same time.
If that didn't please you, here is a link to a website where you can endless hours of repetitive fun.
http://www.slapnickgriffin.co.uk/

A Goody, Jackson And Gately Special

Okay, I had planned to do a Jade Goody special to remind ourselves of the times Jade Goody has been mentioned in my blogs, but with the recent death of Mr Steven Gately, I've decided to slightly alter the subject for this blog. It's now become a 'homage' to Jade Goody, Michael Jackson and Steven Gately, and guess what - Jade Goody still doesn't come across as a popular character.

My obsession with Jade Goody all started when she got cancer really. Before that she remained below my radar of annoyance, and I had apathetic feelings about her. Like I said though, this changed and I made it known. "She is getting no sympathy from me. She is no different to the thousands, probably millions of people are diagnosed with cancer, which is terminal. So why should she be treated any different, just because she was on Big Brother in 2002." That's been my main argument against her really.

I'm quite the angry person when I'm given a free hour or two, a laptop and a subject to write about, which I think has come spilling out whenever my mind has clicked onto 'Jade Goody Rant Mode'. It can be on a subject which is in no way related to her, but I can find a link if I want to, and I'll be sure to use that link! A majority of people have someone like that though, who they absolutely, 100%, categorically, hate - and Jade Goody was my equivalent to that. She just really irritated me while she had cancer - the one opportunity she had to gain sympathy, she ignored and just grabbed lots and lots of lovely money before she died.

After she died, she still irritated me. Like all celebrity deaths, the media manages to keep dragging on and on. Michael Parkinson's very negative comment a few weeks after she died was one way. The main reason Jade Goody’s death has been dragged on, was, and still is, her now widowed husband. First he was seen being upset, then getting angry and going to court then with young, attractive girls. Every time the words 'Jack Tweed' are written by a reporter or muttered by someone reading the news, it isn't long before Jade Goody is mentioned and we're reminded of images of flowers outside her house when she died and images of the bald women in a wheelchair, with tubes up her nose and children on her knee to squeeze a bit more sympathy out of us - the gullible public.

We've had the death of Michael Jackson which has dragged on and on and on and on and on and on. Jermain Jackson is creating a reality show in which he is in search of a young boy who can dance like MJ, and will soon be beamed onto our television sets. I'm not sure what he plans to do with this child, but that's an issue for NSPCC to deal with. We've also have the release of MJ's new song called 'This Is It', and isn't really that brilliant. It's like Man In The Mirror - really, it's what you'd call a classic Michael Jackson song, but because it's by Michael Jackson, as soon as it's released it'll be number one.
Then, more recently, the death of Steven Gately. He died just as surprisingly as MJ did, and caused many Irish women to cry. How many people do you think listened to Boyzone songs that day? Rather a lot I expect. First it was suspected of foul play with Gately and his partner being seen going home accompanied by a third man. What for, we don't know, and don't really want to know. It was later found out after an autopsy that he died of natural causes. We saw images of fans crying, we've seen Ronan Keating crying and we've seen Louis Walsh's chair left empty on the X-factor the past two weeks. We've also started to see a nation unite to complain against a journalist's article in Friday's 'Daily Mail'.

Jan Moir is the women who caused The Press Complaints Commission Website to crash due to the volume of people furious over the article. The article was so bad, it caused Charlie Brooker to write an article, slating her - and on a Friday as well! Having only skimmed through the article, and not read it properly, I can make out she's not fond of homosexuals. She seems to almost think that Gately's sexuality was the cause of him dying. A natural death she seems to think not. How she would know that, I don't know. I've looked on Wikipedia, and she's neither a doctor nor a pathologist. This article is so bad that it's become a police matter - somehow.

She links the recent death of ex-civil partner to Matt Lucas, Kevin McGee to Steven Gately’s surprise death, when really the only link is their sexuality and that they're now dead. According to her, gay people can't live a long and happy life and that it's almost inevitable that the homosexuals of the world will either die of unnatural causes - she isn't very specific of how - or commit suicide. I don't think she's going to be campaigning for gay rights any time soon or indeed be invited to any Boyzone gigs and will spat on by Irish women in the street.

It's this sort of thing though, which will make me grow bored of the story and slowly but surely, the hatred will grow. Just like Jade Goody and Michael Jackson, this story is going to continue on for a while. He's now 6 feet underground, and that should be the end, but because of this 'Journalist' Jan Moir, it's going to rage on for a few more weeks. It essentially, is going to become a printed form of the Ross and Brand fiasco with Andrew Sachs. People who have never read the article, are complaining saying they are offended they should here of such a thing. So well done Ms Moir, look what you've started! Mind you, it's this sort of thing which will turn her from a relatively unknown Journalist, to a well known one.
I'm making note on how to become a well known and famous Journalist - Just call everyone a bastard and complain about every little insignificant thing and eventually I'll be a house-hold name. So, technically I'm right on track, all I need now is to start working...

The Shame Of Britain Awards

Just to start, this in no way is mocking The Pride Of Britain Awards, just merely an idea which I've had, in which we can name and shame some of Britain's more shocking people. It can be made as a follow-up to Crimewatch if we wanted. It'd also be just as popular (if not more) than the Pride Of Britain Awards because it'd appeal to the Jeremy Kyle audience who like to watch dysfunctional people be humiliated infront of a national audience.

It would still be a very similar format, with Carol Vorderman wearing a skin tight dress, and he celebrity element would still be there; all sitting around tables with bottles of wine and piles of used tissues, which I assume where used for tears. Gordon Brown would still sit at the front trying to grin, Mr Twat (A.K.A. Piers Morgan) would still try and get in every camera shot he possibly could and Simon Cowell would still be there for everyone to make snide comments about. The event wouldn't be opened by a Dance group called Diversity, but instead a Dance group called Intolerance.

The idea would not to give them awards and hailing them a 'Hero' of our time, but would instead be given an envelope. Within the envelope, would be their jail sentence written on a piece of card. The card wouldn't be given to them by celebrities, and would instead be 'given' to them by footballers. Maybe not 'given', more tied around footballs and the footballers kick the ball in their face.

Now these people have done bad things, I'm not going to ask footballers to kick balls as hard as they can in the faces of normal people. People who have stolen handbags from old ladies, murders of single mums and hit and run drivers are smacked in the face with a ball inviting them to do N number of years inside a prison at Her Majesties Pleasure. These people are locked in cages at the side of the stage and are not allowed to look at the celebrities otherwise they get tasered in the eyes. Cruel, I know.
There would still be tears, so if you want a good cry, you could still watch this show. However, you wouldn't be crying with happiness and pride, but instead disgust and because you’ll find the tales repulsive, even if you have only got a small amount of morals. The good outcome of this idea would be that the criminals would be punished, and crime wouldn't be glamorised, and only the criminal minds who want a peak of Carol Vordermen's cleavage would commit crimes. Or at least that's what the idea is anyway.

This version would also make all the people who have done remarkable things, like rescuing families from over turned cars, campaigning for Cancer charities and being constantly selfless, look even better and make them more inspirational to people to be nicer and live in a world of harmony, or we can at least hope. Anyway, that's enough on the Shame Of Britain Awards, and now onto something much more positive, The Pride Of Britain Awards.

In a time where everyone is down and depressed, these kind of inspirational stories are heart-warming that people can actually be nice; someone doing the selfless act of running across a Motorway to save a family from their crashed car and a young boy who since getting extreme Leukaemia, has become very confident and is now a main campaigner for Great Ormonds Street Hospital. It's these kinds of stories that make you forget the bad, and hammer in the good points of humanity. Selfless teenagers are quite common also, which is surprising because from what the Media has told us, all teenagers are drunk and drugged up, and if they're female - pregnant.

Being my cynical self, I always think up negative points, and I like to play a game called 'Spot The Irony'. Naomi Cambell giving an ex-convict an award for turning his life around? Surely not! A bit of favouritism for Cheryl Cole aswell from the producers -not only did she give an award to someone with some of the other Girls Aloud members, but she also gave another award with the X-Factor entourage - I think she's after Vorderman's job.

Now I'm off too contact some TV Executives, and hope no-one has taken any offence to anything.

P.S. How can Gordon Brown still look like such a mug when he gives the inventor of the MRI machine an award?

P.P.S. Blog special coming soon.