Katie Hopkins Eats The Souls Of Disabled Children

I figured that Katie Hopkins wouldn't mind me writing that about her. It might even give her an idea for her next topic to be outraged on. You see, her diet actually consists of outrage directed at her. She is a monster who feeds on incandescent fury, and it makes her grow bigger, stronger and more opinionated, until one day she will defeat Holly Willoughby.

The media attention surrounding her has grown since the start of 2013, but particularly in the past few weeks. She is arguably one of the most famous Apprentices to come out of the show after causing much controversy and finally quitting the show. Since then, she's not really had a proper job, as far as I can see from Googling her name. Her career highlights include going into the I'm A Celebrity jungle, appearing on Question Time, appearing on This Morning, taking Alan Sugar to court and having her name trend on Twitter.

Three Years Blogging; Now I'm A Sell-Out

I wrote my very first blog post on 27th September 2009. Now, 152 blogs, 166,214 words (including this blog), and three years (and a day) later, things are very different. In that space of time I've started driving lessons and passed my tests. I have begun and completed my A-levels. I have had many adventures which I shared with this blog, such as my car's first breakdown, my car's first clamp, my laptops demise, me getting chicken pox and my attendances to great comedians such as Lee Mack, Sean Lock and Milton Jones. I have shared my thoughts about some of my favourite albums, films and television series, as well as sharing my thoughts on my least favourite ones too. I have also blogged throughout the slow, public death of a tabloid sweetheart: Jade Goody. Me, and my blog, have been through a lot, which I have shared with you; a random Internet user who comes across my blog through random Google searches and, sometimes, the odd loyal reader comes and goes.

Now, at the end of a third year of average blogging success, everything changes. One of the two big, recent, changes in my life, which will undoubtedly make an impact on my blogs from here onwards, is moving to London and being in attendance at a University. The University of East London, for the next few years, will be attempting to make me into a successful Writer/Journalist, thanks to the pompously named course 'Journalism Studies with Creative and Professional Writing'. This is going to give me many opportunities in both the short and long term. One would assume that you should be able to track my improvement in lexis choice and combination, throughout the next three years. However, with me spending all my time writing thousands and thousands of words in an attempt to get some sort of degree at the end of the three years, so I can wave it in the faces of potential bosses; chances are the frequency of writings for this blog will be heavily impacted. Mind you, I am a University student now, so chances are I'll use this blog as a way of procrastination instead of work.

Lucky for me, some modules of work are not a million miles away from what I have been doing for this blogs. I have a module at some point, in which I have to critic the media for its celebrity obsession and thinking us all mindless lap dogs, and its impact upon society. I've been doing blogs like that for years! Take any blog about Jade Goody or Katie Price, or the blog about Jan Moir and her slur on homosexuals. Take my recent News of The World blog, or a blog about a large, life changing event, such as the Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami, or the blog about the Cumbrian Shootings. They all comment on how the media sexes up the news, to make it grabbing and interesting in order to get the readership, and therefore the money, they want. They comment on how Journalists all want that prime front-page story, so they can make a name, and therefore money, for themselves. Some also, metaphorically, spit on the grave of Jade Goody, but I'm not sure if that will feature quite so heavily in my University work.

The content of my blog might change slightly too, with some posts being more topic-based on the World of Journalism. Assuming my application was successful, I will soon have a press card. I can walk up to a police cordon, present my card to them, and then get the low down. I'm almost one step away from saying "The names Collyer; Stuart Collyer". I could, should I get the break, start writing for small, mundane publications about uninteresting topics, which I will inevitably be proud of, due to the fact they will be my first, printed words for the public domain. I will also be able to attend press events, such as the one I am attending soon, hosted by The Guardian newspaper, in which people will debate about the recent hacking scandal and how the press can restore trust. These might seem boring to you, but to me, they are interesting. They are exciting. They are my life now.

For the second big change in my life, which will have a large impact upon the subject of blogs, is what makes me a sell-out. Throughout my blogging career, I have been single (over three years I think you will find). This has, therefore, made a large impact upon the subjects I occasionally choose to write about. I have had numerous blogs bemoaning the fact that I am single. Bemoaning other people in relationships and how open they are about the fact they have another pair of lips to passionately kiss all the time. I just generally bemoan other people who seem to be generally happy in front of me. However, due to recent events (well, events that happened a little while ago now), I suspect that I will no longer be moaning about the abstract noun of love, and its effects. Yes, if you haven't already guessed, or don't already know; my Facebook relationship status no longer says 'Single'. It doesn't even say 'It's Complicated'. My Facebook relationship status now states that I am in fact in a relationship.

The tale of our love is a lovely little fairy story; but minus the dragons, castles, suits of armour and any real sense of romance. We have known each other years, with the odd spark of chemistry here and there. People told us we should be together. Feeling grew. People told us we should be together. Circumstances brought us closer together. People told us we should be together. We got depressed and lonely because we convinced ourselves it couldn't happen. People told us we should be together. I wrote a blog about Unrequited Love and even made a playlist of songs which made me think about her. People told us we should be together. We made plans to make sure we went to the same University together. People told us we should be together. We spent all our time with each other. People thought we were together. In my car, on a wet evening, I told her my feelings, with not much response. I organised an evening out for us, which I messed up and also got a parking fine. Then we got together, and yeah, now we're no longer 'Single Pringles'.

Just a note to anyone reading this and thinking 'I knew it' or 'I told you so'… Shut up! You may think you're some sort of 'Cupid', but you're not. I knew you were right. Even you knew you were probably right at the time, but you didn't actually help push the 'true course of love', so you have no high ground in this debate. I don't think anyone actually believed me when I said I didn't like her…

I have now become the person I hated as a result of this changing relationship status, but I love it. In fact, I love her. I used to take it as a personal insult when people held hands walking towards me. I hated strangers locking lips next to me. I disliked friends who were all over their partner in my presence. Due to my cynical disposition, I could not see why people couldn't just be all loved up in private. However, circumstances have changed my view because I walk towards lots of people holding the hand of the other half. I kiss her in view of many people. To save it for when we're in private, now seems impossible. I know, you're allowed to puke if you want; I would have if I was reading this in my single state.

I'm somewhat of a different person now. Most would say for the better, but I'm sure others would not agree. I don't hate hearing abstract nouns. In fact, I use them very frequently these days: 'I love you'. I am not as much of a cynical misanthrope as I used to be. Depression has been at a bare minimum, and happiness has been the dominate emotion I have been feeling, since we became fully affiliated with each other. I think I am also a nicer person since we created a stronger bond between us, in that I am more tolerant and less angry than I used to be. These have, unfortunately, led to a decrease in the amount of blogs I produce. If I am angry about nothing, then how can I write an angry, extravagant blog bemoaning the topic? That is a question I am yet to answer; but I'm sure when the time comes, normal blogging service will resume. And if not? Well, you'll have to put up with blogs about flowers, sunshine and bunny rabbits.

Who knows when I might blog next. I might blog soon about the Guardian debate I'm attending. I might blog about the finale of Doctor Who. Or, I might not blog again for weeks. I don't know, but all I know that I am now starting my fourth year of blogging. Who would have thought that a small project for ICT would turn into something which defines me and gave me the drive to pursue a career in Journalism?

In one of my first lectures, we were asked if any of us blog. A few put their hands up. I was asked what I blog about, after a girl who was asked responded with "My gap-year experiences". It made me realise just how insignificant and pointless my blogs can be. But hey, who cares! I'm going to keep writing them regardless, AND I'm at University in London with my beautiful girlfriend. Screw you!

The Other Way Is Sussex

Television isn't in a great place at the moment. There are moments when brilliance peers through, like the sun shining through occasional holes in the dark, rain-filled clouds of idiocy, but overall, only taboo language can successfully describe the light emitted from everyone's televisions. Dramas are, for the most part, relatively predictable and usually pretty boring these days. Comedy's are, for the most part, aimed at the stereotypically stupid and mentally disabled. Talent shows are, for the most part, fixed to give Simon Cowell media coverage and money. And documentaries; they seem to be choreographed to show the 'real lives' of the stereotypically stupid and horny, shown on ITV 2 and E4.

With television being mostly repeats, it's not so much a bother that the output is mainly crap, than it would have been 15 years ago before we had a huge selection of TV to choose from, but it is. With there being very little output of new shows, we need those shows to be brilliant, fantastic, sensational, inspiring and many other buzz words. Let's take comedies as an example. It's all a matter of opinion, I know, but comedy isn't funny.

I can think of three sitcoms in recent years, that have come from British television, which are reliably funny; Outnumbered (BBC 1), The IT Crowd (C4) and Not Going Out (BBC 1). The former is a great, part improvised, comedy with child actors to be jealous of and wish were your own children. It is the younger, funnier brother of My Family, in that most people can relate to it in one way or another. The IT Crowd is just written by one of our greatest comedy writers in current times; Graham Lineham, who created characters people emphasis with whilst laughing at, and has storylines that take the strangest of turns and can have a house of people cackling madly. The latter, Not Going Out, has those brilliant one lines that resonate and make you laugh louder the more you think about it and stay with you for a long time. The acting may not be anything special, but those lines make up for it. The BBC made a good choice when they decided to 'uncancel' it. Also, take Horrible Histories (CBBC), highly amusing and possibly one of the greatest current comedies, with it mixing intellect with witty sketches. The kids have it so good these days. I had an idea that they should create an adult version for a prime-time BBC 2 slot, but you know what, I think if they showed the CBBC episodes in the evening, it would be just as successful. Plus, people might actually learn something about the Romans, The Tudors and more importantly, The Stuarts! I loved those books when I was child, and turning it into a television show, albeit 10 years late, was a great idea.

The other sitcoms that keep spewing out are not reliably funny and can sometimes make you cringe and want to eat your own eyes and ears so you don't have to withstand another second of it. Anything on BBC 3 usually ticks that box. Lee Nelson's Well Good Show, which I hope is ironically named, is awful, disgusting and utterly vile. Coming of Age seems to think it has cleverly exaggerated the teenage stereotype with humorous consequences, but has instead created glaringly wretched characters with storylines so weak an Ant could beat it in a fight. We Are Klang, from 2009, with Greg Davies had some great ideas, but they were tearfully mistreated, and in the true style of BBC 3, unfunny and utterly cringe worthy.

My Family (BBC 1) should have been cancelled years ago. I used to really enjoy it when I was younger, but now I'm older, the show is older and the family are older, it just doesn't work anymore. Most people will agree that it went downhill when Nick (you know, the man from the BT Ads. He recently became a father and got married. We're all happy for the BT couple…) left the show. Now the children aren't children, it has failed to continue to be a family sitcom, which is were Outnumbered steps in and takes the reins. Everyone wave goodbye to the Harper family. Go on, wave! It's the final series. Toodles!

I come from the era of Ben Elton and Richard Curtis. Back in the days when they wrote comedy and when comedy was great. How can I watch comedy from 30 years ago and laugh harder than what I do at current sitcoms? Blackadder: Sarcastic brilliance. Fawlty Towers: Unbelievably angry humour. Monty Python: Mind-blowingly, erratically random, superbness. Not The Nine O'clock News: Fantastically satirical sketch show. One Foot In The Grave: Belly laughter with a dash of sentimentality. Anything with Ronnie Barker: Well he was just a linguistic genius. There are so, so, so many more. Why can't we make shows like them anymore? Who the bloody hell thought Mrs Brown's Boys (BBC 1) was funny? The audience laughed at the word 'Willy'. That is how bad comedy is; people found that show so funny, it's been commissioned a second series. The BBC 1 controller is robbing ME and YOU of brilliant, clever, witty, laugh out loud humour. How dare him! I will soon be paying my TV license to fund television atrocity such as that.

The God of our dear English language!

Soaps used to represent the real lives of real people. Sure, they exaggerated it a bit to make it more entertaining than mundane, but it still had the ingredients of real life. Now, they seem to have lost the recipe and are now just experimenting to try and give it a bit of a kick; and they ruined it. Coronation Street is the main culprit. A tram crash. Numerous explosions within the past year. Dead bodies buried and hidden everywhere. The placentas of illegitimate children cover the cobbles. Murderer's hide everywhere. What kind of street is this? The crime statistics of Coronation Street must be awful. Its surprising people move there. The writers need to be strung up and shot. The story lines are awful. Then, they're about to destroy the Rovers Return in a huge riot. These aren't stories to entertain, infuse and grab the viewers’ attentions while helping them forget their problems. It's not that anymore. Coronation Street used to be funny. Now, they're trying to turn the soap into a huge production; like they're The Bourne Ultimatum or something. It's ridiculous I tells ya!

Talent shows are now so unbearable to watch. Sure, they were not exactly the most entertaining or morally right shows on the box a few years ago, but now they're just ridiculous. I think Simon Cowell should now just go and live with his metaphorical mistress (America) and leave us (Britain) to move on and carry on life without him. He's either with us, or with those slutty Yanks. The same goes for Piers Morgan while we're on that topic. Keep them, we don't want them back. They're your problems now! Anyway, talent shows are on the way out, and they should just leave respectfully instead of kicking up an undignified fuss. Britain's Got Talent (ITV) is over, you don't need to import David Hasslehoff for us to realise that. Britain has very little talent, and dancing dogs are not part of it. The X Factor too has gone. It can never recover now the peoples' princess, Cheryl Cole, has had her public image tarnished in such a disrespectful way. A show with Gary Barlow, Kelly Rowland and Tulisa? Please, that sounds worse than an American chat show hosted by scared-ferret-in-a-suit, Piers Morgan.

Yet, for some reason, they won't let Big Brother die. Last year, it finished. This year, Channel 5 and that bastard Richard Desmond, have brought it back. Now, I also think reality television is, even if very slowly, dying. We all know that comebacks usually don't work. Take the band Blue; they came back and we still hate them. Take Michael Schumacher; he was World F1 champion, but since he returned last year, he hasn't even won a podium. There should be a general rule, which means should you chuck in the towel, you can never come back. That's the one positive thing about Jade Goody; she isn’t coming back! We don't seriously need Big Brother do we? It's always the same every year; a few gay, very bitchy men, in a house with a few idiotic slutty blonde men and women, a hip black man, a middle aged man trying to impress their child and a few people who resemble house plants and vacuums with gormless faces drawn on. Exactly, we don't need Big Brother!

Now, reality television shows are being replaced by ‘reality documentaries’. Big Fat Gypsy Weddings (C4) seemed to be the first to kick it off with its huge popularity. You know those novelty toilet brush covers from the 90's? The women in the show look just like them. It's just a way of making people who work hard all their life think 'How the hell can they do nothing with their lives and afford that wedding, when I work 5 days a week and think buying a pizza on a Friday is pushing the boat out!' It made you resent Gypsies even more; but not as much as the Gypsies you see in town forcing heather in tinfoil down people’s throats for £1.

The popular reality documentaries now, are The Only Way is Essex (ITV 2) and Made In Chelsea (E4), with a new show Geordie Shore (MTV) slowly gaining popularity. These three shows are the tackiest shows on British television, possibly ever.  I haven't watched them, but from the adverts and from what I've heard, these are the stupidest, sluttish, glamed-up freaks that we have ever seen. Big breasts, hair extensions and more make-up than the Avon catalogue; it's like Katie Price has been cloned, and then, they’ve spread them across the country and sent TV crews to film their integration into society. THEN, The Only Way Is Essex won a bloody BAFTA! This is the evidence that television is going down the drain. Society is going down with it, and we're drowning in that dirty bath water, urine, excrement and the stubble from the legs of females, and it'll get in your throat and, it just doesn’t bare thinking about.

So, a conclusion. There is very little comedy that is actually funny. Documentaries are not very informative. Dramas are very little in way of dramatic, apart from occasional glimpses of greatness on BBC 1. Reality hasn't shown the real lives of anyone recently. Soaps are competing with Hollywood films. Talent shows are just a way of showcases Simon Cowell's new facelift. And Gypsies; since when did they become popular?

Two Years Of Cynical, Angry Blogs

It is now one year since I celebrated my blog reaching its first birthday, which therefore means that I have now been blogging for two years. First of all; I would like to apologise for me spewing this out all over the Internet for such a long time. Not bad for something that started out as an ICT coursework project. Mind you, I am still doing my ICT coursework, but it will be finished by Christmas, I promise!

Two fingers, happily celebrating the second birthday of The Blog Of Stuart

It is fair to say that in the past year my blog has certainly increased in popularity. It may be due to the fact my Headteacher mentioned it in an awards ceremony at school to a few hundred people, but I doubt that somehow. It may because I have a lot more followers on Twitter and every time I post my blog they look at it; possible. The most likely option in my opinion seems to be my increasing Internet presence. Did you know that a lot of my views come from people Googleing 'Depressing Britain' or things similar? I love that really; the reputation of my blog that I complain about British life.

Out of all my 108 blogs (so far), it is easy to distinguish which ones are the most popular and least. All of my driving blogs about my driving lessons and tests were completely huge failures. I regret doing them, and if given the choice again, I would have at least created a different blog to put them on. That is my biggest mistake in my blogging career so far. My more popular blogs seem to be my television reviews. My Doctor Who reviews have proved a huge success, as did my review of Sherlock on BBC 1 and Ant and Dec's disastrous show at the start of the year. They are my most read, which I am proud of.

My Internet presence is showing to have grown. I am actually receiving Emails in reply to my blogs. I will just point out now; I never reply to Emails - I don't like the thought of talking to a complete stranger who I cannot see. However, feel free to Email me, I do like to read them and they do tend to put a smile of my face. I have received two notable Emails. An Email a few weeks ago asked me to help contribute to an American video website in which you create videos explaining how to do things. It’s not really my thing as A) I wouldn't be able to rant and swear and B) It is American, and I doubt they would understand half of my ramblings.

My other notable Email was a few months ago in reply to my '10 Reasons Why Britain Is Depressing' post. I hope they won't mind me sharing what they said, because I am going to. Not only is it my only proper review, but it is sparking with praise:

"Hi, is this the guy who wrote that blog - "10 Reasons why life in Britain is depressing"? Well first of all - Great article. It was so good I honestly thought someone had hacked into my brain and stolen some of the things I find depressing and made it into a top 10 list. Yeah, you pretty much summed up all the major and minor inconveniences no-one bothers to talk about because they're either too shy or too damn lazy. Good on you! If you hadn't have done this I would have. I hate Facebook, every single "Celebrity", mobile phones and Channel 4 ruined the Simpsons..."

I feel sort of guilty for not replying, but I'm sure he didn't cry about it. This put me on a massive high for days. To think that I am actually appealing to other people, all over the Internet, is mind boggling. It's also nice to know that I'm not the only cynical teenager alive who seems to have a strong dislike for everything and pretty much agrees with all my points.

To be honest, I wasn't even expecting to still be blogging. Well, to be honest, if I went to University, I'm not sure I would have carried on. I in fact think, had I gone to University this year, today I would be posting my very last blog. So, to any regular readers out there - you should be grateful I got Chicken Pox. My target for the next year is to instead get my career sorted. Try and turn my blogging skills into a job in Journalism; even if it is just making coffee and tea for a few years. I hope not though, purely because I'm rubbish at making drinks and I would never get a promotion.

I read my very first blogs, and I am still quite happy with them. I seem to have the same, cynical mindset and hatred of the same things in society. Comparing them to my newer blogs, then you can honestly see an evolution in my writing ability. Obviously, that is at least partly due to the fact I have done A-level English Literature for two year, but I don't think that it the main reason. The more you write and practice, the better you get and that is exactly what regular blogging does. I make mistakes (quite regularly really, if I'm honest) and I realise them, or other people do, and that is exactly how you learn - by making mistakes. If you don't write, you can't make mistakes and you can't improve. Simples!

Another reason for my evolution is probably Charlie Brooker. The man is a God to me and certainly an idol and inspiration. I read his articles regularly and constantly reading every one of his Tweets. That has certainly impacted on my own writing. Now, I am reading his books which contain his best articles written for The Guardian. Reading them, I see a faint likeness to my own blogging these days. Even some of the metaphors are things that I would think up. I have slowly gained Charlie Brooker's mindset; and I'm not sure that is a healthy thing to do... Mind you, if he can be engaged to Konnie Huq, then it gives other Socially Inept people, like me, hope that we too can find a girl willing to love us.

I thoroughly enjoy blogging. I now have enough free time to allow me to always be blogging due to me being not very busy. The beginning half of the year didn't allow me to blog much, what with the impending A-level exams, so free time was little, and I missed blogging. It is a way of letting frustration out. Ranting about something, anything, seems to help. I find some of my better blogs are written when I'm in the worse moods. Anyway, blogging is free so therefore cheaper than physiatrists, so I'll stick with what I'm doing as it seems to work.

I love finding out Statistics about my blog. Last year, I done a word count of how many words I had written over the course of the year, and the end number was 46,587 words. Very impressive! However, in this second year, I smashed that record, despite writing fewer blogs. The magic number is 64,747 (including this blog); A rather high and unexpected number. Those of you good at maths or with access to a calculator, will know that means that over the course of two years I have written 111,334 words. How amazing. Granted it shows that I kind of need to develop a life and get out more rather than sitting in my room and hitting my keyboard with a red mist, trying to express my feelings, but who cares.

The past year has been mainly reviews of things I have (or in the case of Big Brother, haven't) watched on TV or at the cinema. It is also filled with comments on world events like The World Cup or it is me giving my view on a news story and pretending to have a good awareness of politics. I know nothing really about Politics, but I like to pretend. I am glad to announce that the next year will much of the same. The next two blogs will be reviews of my favourite albums of the year. I have other blogs in the planning stage. I will, at some point, be doing a special about Advertising and how much they lie or annoy in order to sell their kitchen roll or service.

I also have other blogs scheduled for the end of the year. I plan on doing my usual Review Of My Year and also this year’s Stuart Awards, in which no-one wins a real award. There will also be a return of my blog reviewing My Comedy Nights. Hopefully they will all go well. Who knows what else is in store for the next year? I'm sure any disastrous world events will get their media coverage scrutinised and I'm long overdue a rant about the News and Gossip Magazines in general. I'm sure there will be more mundane blogs about my uninteresting life. We shall have to just see what the year has in store for me and the world.

You may have noticed the Jade Goody rants are becoming rare in my blogs. You see, the thing is, she's dead. She is failing to find new ways to annoy me in the media spotlight anymore, and what-with Big Brother dead, mentions of her will probably soon end. I don't want it to end, but I don't think I have a choice. I think it's the end of an era for Jade and my rants. However, my blogs will try and continue. I'll just have to rant about other things.

And on that sad bombshell, it's time to end...

Bye-Bye Big Brother

I don't want Big Brother to 'Rest In Peace'. I want it to burn in hell... With Jade Goody!

We have now entered a new, better stage in human civilisation, and have been in it for over a week now because Big Brother, the reality show which brought us 'notable' 'celebrities' such as Jade Goody, Brian Dowling and Chantelle Houghton, finally finished last Friday after 11 long, excruciating years. I would say that I find it a real shame that it has finished, but I figure that would be called a lie; and lying is bad.

At the turn of the new millennium, a new television genre shot to popularity, and it was named 'Reality Television'. In comparison to dramas and documentaries, these types of shows are less intellectual and aspiring, but the main reason for their surge was their price. A show like Big Brother will take up hours upon hours of television scheduling, meaning less shows are needed to be created for a start. Also, once you stack up the costs of a normal television show and compare them to costs of a reality, there would be a substantial difference.

A drama would require paying for: Actors and actresses, writers, editors, directors, producers, locations, set designs, costumes, camera men, lighting, music, sound dubbing, special effects, make-up artists, food, health and safety reports, numerous other members of the crew and filming of a scene multiple times in order to get different angles. If it was hugely popular, they might make a bit of money back from DVD sales.

A reality show requires paying for: Presenters, an award to the winner, numerous editors, a producer and director of sorts, building a set, feeding the contestants, someone who can maintain electrical equipment and then making lumps of money back by charging for voting lines.

Television companies, especially during these tough economical times, are looking to cut money where possible, so filling schedules with endless crap is cheaper than making something of worth. That is why Big Brother lasted so long. The only reason it has stopped is because of the constantly falling popularity. If just carried on it, there would only be Davina and a few misguided teenagers left watching it.

Big Brother was a good show for creating controversy. The words 'Jade' and 'Goody' will remind everyone of her first appearance on Big Brother when she was a mouthy, stupid bitch, to put it politely. People will also remember her appearance on the 'Celebrity' version, where she came across as a bit racist towards the Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty. Of course, things like that were good for Big Brother. The more it was covered by the news and the media in general, the more people watched it; because people love controversy. If everyone is happy and getting along fine, then it's boring.

Shilpa and Jade having a lovely conversation... Or maybe directing traffic

That is where editing came in handy for the show. Anything can be misconstrued with help from editing. The producers can choose to only show the public when two people are arguing, and decide not to show the moments when the two people may apologise to each other and get along nicely. Everyone says things in the heat moment; and it's easy to show heated moments and chuck the cooler moments in the bin. A healthy debate between two friends could be made out to be an argument, just by editing it with a moment when one of them gives the other a dirty look.

A show like Big Brother is active for 24 hours a day, and more often than not, the 24 hours are highlighted into a show which is barely an hour long, once you include adverts and mindless babble from Davina.

However as much I dislike Big Brother, I do like Davina. I think you will find it hard to find people that actually loath her. Sure, she can be a bit too overly excited at times which can be a bit annoying, but as a presenter, she is lovely and a perfect choice of presenter to front a big show format like Big Brother. I hope she will now go on and present something much less annoying, now she can escape from the clutches of BB.

Davina in Zombie form for Charlie Brooker's spoof Big Brother horror 'Dead Set'

Ultimate Big Brother was filled with people that had proved to be popular over the past 11 years. Uncle Bulgaria, who is always compared to John McCririck was one, along with Nadia - the first and last transsexual BB winner, Rapping hard man 'Coolio', Ullrika 'Ka Ka' Jonsson, useless singer Preston with his pointless, blonde and annoying ex-wife Chantelle Haughton, the woman who isn't even the nations favourite jewish, gastric band patient aged 48 - Vanessa Feltz, a few other mundane characters and also eventual winner: Brian Dowling.

Out of the 275 Big Brother contestants; Brian Dowling is considered the best of them all. That to me just seems as heroic and poignant as being awarded on of the following: 'Jewish Pork Supplier Of The Year', 'Best Actor In Hollyoaks', 'Most Sane Inmate In A Mental Asylum', 'Least Gay Member Of JLS', 'Favourite Member Of Jedward', 'Most Mature Pregnant 13 Year Old', 'Horse Manure Supplier Of The Year', 'Cheapest Hooker' or 'Most Intellectual Porn Star'.

I can't tell you much about it all really because I didn't watch it. Well, I watched the final few minutes in which Davina cried and kissed Brian Dowling while watching her best bits. I can't tell you anything else other than that. Oh, and I can tell you one other thing about Ultimate Big Brother. One of the mundane characters was called Michelle, who during her first appearance, had a relationship with a long-haired person called Stuart (Now it becomes apparent why I know this fact - for names sake).

I forgot about that, and now I have remembered, I'm in a pickle. I named my car Michelle. When I found out it was a link to Big Brother, I decided I wanted to change the name. I thought about renaming it after an ex-girlfriend, but I then realised that would just start to lie about how much petrol it had, in order to not have to spend more time with me than necessary. I have now decided I stick with name Michelle and forget the Big Brother unpleasantness.

This final series had a circus theme to it; and this is very apt. People gather around and watch these people make fools of themselves. Davina is the Ring Leader standing outside shouting excitedly "Roll up, Roll up! Come and see some fame hungery twits dance around and argue for your enjoyment." Big Brother is often compared to 'a human form of bear batting'; and that is certainly true. The house is filled with opposite personalities which are guaranteed to collide and cause a giant argument at some point in the series. The obvious one being putting in a blonde idiot; let's say Jade Goody for example. The opposite to her is a cultured, famous person from a different ethnic background; let's say Shilpa Shetty. You cannot tell me that was not a little contrived by the Big Brother dictators. The aftermath of those racist comments lead to Jade Goody's popularity downfall; with her career high point being her actually death - and she even milked that for more than it was worth...

I may be pleased that Big Brother has left our British Television, but it has not died yet. The Big Brother format has proved popular in nearly 70 other countries. Big Brother is not evidence that Britain has morally declined in the past decade or so; it is proof that the entire world has gone into moral decline. How depressing is the thought that one of the most popular, worldwide franchises of our age is based around locking 15 people in a house for a few months, and watching their mental decline in a daily, primetime 'highlights' show.

One of the more disturbing highlights. This picture is in favour of the complete destruction of television.

At least it has now finished on our little island. And if they bring it back, the whole 'Ultimate Big Brother' thing would have been a lie. There should now be law banning it ever being reproduced in the UK. If only I where is Government...

Why Tweeting? Why Not Meowing, Woofing, Bleating Or Mooing?

In the 20 months I have now been on Twitter that is something I keep thinking about. Why name it Twitter? However, after a bit of research I found the answer. I found out they very nearly called it 'Twitch', but after searching similarly spelt words in the dictionary, found 'Twitter'.

"We came across the word "twitter," and it was just perfect. The definition was "a short burst of inconsequential information," and "chirps from birds." And that’s exactly what the product was." - Jack Dorsey.

 Imagine that though; we could have all been 'Twitching' and sending each other 'Spasms'.

I am sure most people are aware of what Twitter actually is by now, but for those who don't, I would describe it as 'A website primarily for people to share and read useless babble with millions of other people, which has to fit into 140 characters or less.' That description is a perfect example with it being exactly 140 characters in length. My one problem with that fact, is that it was not intentional 140 characters, and I'm now worried that I am indeed addicted and obsessed. My own mental state aside, Twitter is the best, most pointless thing ever.

I will happily stand up and admit that I am in fact an addict. I Tweet too much. Rarely a day goes by where I have done under three Tweets. In the 20 months since I joined, I have shared over 3,500 thoughts with the world. In that time, I have become barely a speckle on the giant bird that is Twitter. I am currently circulating around the 100 followers mark, which is still rather impressive. This is 100 people, in numerous locations around the globe, reading my cynical thoughts about life and society. Not bad. That is the equivalent of 100 people following me around where ever I go, asking me what I'm thinking every so often. Now that is slightly worrying.

I refuse to become one of these Twitter's that share: their boring thoughts, their boring daily activities, their mental state, and just generally - their boring lives. I do not see why anyone would care about what I am doing that day, unless it was interesting. 'Being at home bored' nor 'Watching TV' are things which I would consider to be Twitter worthy. 'I'm happy' nor 'Feeling depressed' are snippets of your life which I consider Twitter worthy either.

The topic of conversation which annoys me most on Twitter is the weather. This is what we would consider to be small talk in the outside world; or a 'Phatic Utterance' if you've done A Level English for two years. A lot of Tweets are just moaning about the weather. In the winter, people either moan on Twitter about the lack of snow or the amount of snow and also how cold it is. During the summer, people either moan about it being too hot, too cold or rain. It irritates me that in real life people moan about a yearly cycle, like it's never happened before, so imagine how irate I become when I read it on Twitter.

I like to use Twitter to share interesting and, maybe even occasionally, humorous thoughts or things I find that intrigue me in general life. If I'm going to share something about my life, like what I am doing, I feel I have to add an observation which may make someone, somewhere, smile slightly. I'm not going to lie and say everything that I put on Twitter isn't boring. I am guilty of sharing my mental state occasional and being uninteresting, but I don't like doing it. If I have nothing of any worth to say, I won't say anything. Some days I'll put 4 things on Twitter. Other days I'll put 20 things of Twitter. I barely care about my crap life, so why would I expect someone else to care about it? And likewise, if I barely care about my crap life, why the hell would I care about a complete stranger’s even crappier life?

People use Twitter in the way they use Facebook to update their status. The reason I don't update my Facebook status very often is because I don't want to share every little detail about my life with my Facebook 'friends', and that is what I feel Facebook is for because only friends and family, who care about you, can read it. What you put on Twitter is open to the entire world to read, so you need to impress, and you don't do that by telling strangers you’re miserable or giddy with joy.

Make humorous observations. Share your own jokes. Say interesting things about your life. Share something humorous that happened to you today. Moan about things you hate on TV or in general society. Share funny things you find on the Internet. Discuss news events. Just be interesting. Don't put on Twitter that you're depressed for umpteenth time in one day. We heard you the first time, you miserable bastard!

If you do want to follow me, I'm @MrStuy

Another thing a lot of people do on Twitter is moan about their lack of followers and request more. This is something else that annoys me. Why would someone want to listen to you constantly moan about your lack of followers? It doesn't bother me how many followers I have. If I had 20, I'd say exactly the same things that I do now, and I would continue to say the same things if I had 2000. I admit I got a bit excited when I had 100 followers the first time, but that was just my OCD for numbers shining through. I get excited every time my Tweet counter hits a multiple of a 100. There is even a scheme for the desperate people on Twitter called 'Follow Back', where people will follow each other, in order to have more followers. The problem I foresee here is that you will eventually have hundreds of people sharing their shit lives with you (see previous 5 paragraphs for more details).

If you look at the 38 people who I follow on Twitter, it is a mixture of a few family and friends, a couple celebrities, a few news feeds of local and humorous types and lots of comedians. I like to laugh, so if you don't make me laugh and I don't like you in real life, don't expect me to follow you. I love my timeline being filled with interesting thoughts, funny jokes and weird Internet links. I don't like boring.

There is also a thing on Twitter called 'Trending Topics', which allows you to see what the most talked about topics on Twitter are. Usually, when X-Factor or Football are on, it will all be related to that or when a major world even happens, like Michael Jackson dying, that topic will be trending. On normal, boring days, weird topics will be trending. The problem with Trending Topics is that you never actually know why a topic is trending, so most of the Tweets on topics are asking why that topic is trending, and the more people the ask, the more popular that topic becomes and then become stuck in an annoying paradox.

Twitter is full of spam as well. If you thought it was annoying getting sporadic emails about your small penis size, wait until you use Twitter. I mentioned the word 'Golf' in a Tweet a few weeks ago; I got two replies from companies advertising their golf products, another reply about the Volkswagen Golf GTi and also gained two followers, who were also advertising their golf products. I also mentioned the words 'Single Parent' in a Tweet and I got a reply offering me a subscription to a dating website for single parents. The madness of it! Twitter has become a tool for people to advertise, in amongst all the useless babble.

The main problem I have with Twitter, is me. People don't use Twitter how I would like Twitter to be used. Twitter gives people the freedom of speech, to say whatever they want; and as soon as you start saying you can't do that, you have yourself a website which is run like a dictatorship; and we can all agree that isn't what we want. Twitter is used how individuals choose to use it, and if they want to keep saying they're depressed, you cannot stop them, and so I control it in the only what I can - by following a very select group of people.

Twitter is great for keeping up to date on what your favourite celebrity is up to. Charlie Brooker is my main one. By following him on Twitter, I know exactly when he is on TV and when he has written a new article for me to read. I love that and in fact it was one of the only reasons I got Twitter in the first place - to stalk.

Charlie Brooker's Twitter display picture. A world class scowl!

That is one of the main purposes of Twitter - to stalk people. I can stalk my favourite celebrities without them even knowing and getting a restraining order on me. I know precisely what members of my family are doing without even having to ask them; and likewise for me. People know what I'm doing. People often know when I'm doing it. People even known what kind of car I'm driving, which makes it even easier for them to stalk me. Twitter is a very scary device.

That is another problem with Twitter, as soon as you say anything it goes on the Internet, forever. You have to be careful with what you say, because things can come back and bite you on the derrière. You cannot copyright a Tweet either. You have no way of stopping other people saying it; which is what regularly happens with things I say I've found out. Either people have exactly the same thoughts after me, or they steal them and don't give me credit. Keith Chegwin is a big culprit of this and recently erupted into a 'scandal'. Regularly he will Tweet other peoples jokes. Milton Jones and Tim Vine seem to be his favourites to steal from. You have no way of knowing who the true author of a Tweet is.

And finally, I have to mention Jade Goody. I haven't mentioned her in a blog for nearly 5 months I think, which is brilliant, but now it's time to break that record. When I joined Twitter 20 months ago, it was in the midst of Jade Goody being ill and dying and me disliking her very much. I started to get into regular disputes on Twitter with people about it. Other Twitterer's were very quick to respond when I said something negative about her, so I quickly developed a reputation on Twitter for having very strong opinions about everything and Jade Goody. That has slowly faded away, but my first experiences with Twitter were debating with Jade Goody fans. Something which I am very proud of and I wouldn't have been able to do that without Twitter.

One of the many pictures of Jade Goody leaving hospital and going home to die...

I love Twitter. I adore Twitter. I heart Twitter. There is no hiding that, despite this long, ranting blog about Twitter. I Tweet a lot. I Tweet too much. I spend a lot of time on Twitter. I will Tweet anywhere thanks to being able to Tweet from my phone. I expect I will continue to Tweet for a long time to come. And why? I love blogging, and Twitter is essentially a way of writing lots of mini blogs. It allows me to share my strong views with whoever wants to read them, just like I do with this blog. Also, I advertise my blogs on Twitter, which makes more people, read them.

Now, I better go and advertise this blog to my 99 followers...

10 Reasons Why Life In Britain Is Depressing (Reasons 5-1)

Now we find ourselves at my final 5 reasons as to why life in Britain is so depressing. To recap, we had Simpson Repeats, Dependency of Technology, Complaining, Entertainment and the young people’s version of 'love'. Yes, these are not very typically depressing subjects and they do not have a big effect in Britain's level of depression. That is why they were lower down the list. These next and final five are bad. They will have you sitting at your computer screen making your blood boil at the realisation that these things are terrible and happen far too often in our culture; or at the very list, make me more of a cynic. Either way...

5. Get Off Facebook
The whole world seems to spend far too much time on Facebook, especially on Facebook. Everything has to be Facebooked. You have to share your current activity or thought with your friends. You have to create group so you can share your values and ideals with other people worldwide. Share pictures from the night before, and then moan when everyone sees them. Even relationships only become properly official when Facebook says so. People live in houses which have gardens covered in weeds because they spend too much time on Farmville growing Strawberries and the real dog goes unfed because the virtual one needs feeding. It seems that Facebook has ruined and taken over our lives. I am guilty of this too, but I'm not happy about it.
Living a country in which no-one goes outside and spends their life talking to 'friends' on Facebook can have its advantages with it meaning that all the people no-one likes have something to do. My Facebook gets rarely updated and I spend very little time on it now these days, but it seems to always be in the back of my mind. I feel sorry for all the people of our country that are addicted to Facebook for getting no sunlight. However, I envy the homeless guy in the underpass that has not got a Facebook page, he has not got to worry about the mundane things like us more fortunate people have to, like what to update our status to. Anyway, please British Facebooker’s go out and get a drink with some real friends and help stop the recession instead of paying AOL £15 a month to sit on Facebook.

4. Our Life Being Controlled By Machines
Self Checkout Machines. These were sold to us an easier and quicker way for paying for our shopping. What a lie that turned out to be. You scan your shopping yourself. Sounds simple enough. You have numerous attempts at scanning a pint of milk before it finally realises you are trying to scan something. You have to make sure you put it in exactly the right place in the bagging area otherwise it'll moan at you. Inevitably something will not work properly, then it starts shouting for assistance like a rape alarm made by Steven Hawking. You find that the amount of staff used to attend all the cries for help by these robots would be the same number needed to run the equivalent number of proper checkouts. Then you have to pay. If you pay by card, they're nice to you. Should you pay with cash/coins, then you are in big trouble. The machines will never accept it on your first or second attempt. You'll be lucky if it accepts the money on the third, but more likely on the fourth go. You then have to stand there for a minute while the machine seems to count the change out. QUICKER? You're having a joke are you not?
Then you have those parking machines. Rarely a simple thing, and yet another machine which tries to ruin my life and makes my blood boil. I've been driving not even two months and numerous times I have just stood and shouted at the machine. First it won't accept the coins. Then it swallows the coins and you lose them. Then it spits them out at you just as you start putting more money in. All this for a couple of hours parking. I won't even get started at the price. We moan about unemployment, so why could we not employ people. Sure, they'll probably just get moody and we would still moan, but at least it would be more efficient - however, probably more expensive as the case is. I think the next Government should start the abolishment of machines and go back to using people. Hint Hint...

3. Grasp Of The English Language
A well-known pet hate of mine is people using text speak and slang. I don't understand why it is used. It takes me longer to work out what half the abbreviations mean than it would take to type the actual words. Slang, I can live with, as that is just our language evolving to become a more bastardised form. Text speak is just pointless. Since when has 'yoo' been easier than typing 'you'? Is there much effort to move your finger a few centimetres left? 'KK' is shorter of 'OK'. Again, since when has it been so hard to move your finger a centimetre higher? Then the worst of the lot - 'Iz'. Why are people trying to shorten short words? It just makes no sense. Text speak is purely just the language of the stupid and lazy.
Then you have words that have changed meaning over time. 'Epic' is a new favourite commonly used. A word that once meant heroic or impressively great now seems to be 'epically' overused to mean absolutely anything. You can have an 'epic fail', maybe an 'epic win' or just possibly an 'epic haircut'. The word 'Epic' has now been bastardised. Like I said in the previous blog, Love also has changed meanings with it now meaning to just be infatuated with another person mostly. Then you have new words. The new word which bugs me the most is 'lol'. I have got used to it being used on the Internet, and that no longer bugs me. What bugs me is people saying 'lol' in real every day-to-day life. I miss the days when people used to laugh. Anywho, maybe you lot should start writing and talking properly.

2. 'Celebrities'
It no secret. I hate 'Celebrities'. I hate Katie Price. I hated Jade Goody (and still technically do). I hate Piers Morgan. I hate Miley Cyrus. I hate Peter Andre. I hate Lindsey Lohan. I hate Gerard Butler. I hate Britney Spears. I hate Jack Tweed. I hate Zac Efron. I hate Paris Hilton. I hate John Terry. I hate Cheryl Cole. I hate Alex Reid. I hate Chris Brown. I hate Kerry Katona. I hate 'Jedward'. I hate Russel Brand. I hate Fearne Cotton. I hate Christiano Ronaldo. I hate Susan Boyle. I hate Heather Mills. I hate Kanye West. I hate Geri Halliwell. I hate Peaches Geldoff. I hate Vanessa Hugdens. I hate Myleene Klass. I hate David Van Day. I hate Esther Rantzen. I hate Vernon Kay. I hate Gordon Ramsey. I hate Alexandra Burke. I hate Amy Winehouse. I hate Judy Finnigan. I hate both Liam and Noel Gallagher. I hate Kate Moss. I hate Jack Osbourne.
I hate a lot of celebrities. Infact, it probably would have been easier to just say I hate all celebrities and save the hassle of writing that long list. Anywho, shall I tell you whose fault it is we have to hear about them all the day? Yours! You keep buying these gossip magazines that fuel celebrity culture and all the people mentioned in the above list. These people that buy the magazines are also the ones that moan about constantly hearing about Katie Price's new marriage. Well, if you don't care, don't buy the magazine that pays her to tell you about it. It's like people moaning about Child Labour in poor countries - while wearing their brand new shoes, made in a poor country by a child. Members of the public (well, not you all, but a majority of you), could you please stop buying these magazines!

Which leads me on nicely to Number One...

1. The Media
Have you watched ITV News since they renovated themselves a few months ago? It is essentially The Sun being read out with moving pictures. The young journalists always seem to be too excited when they have been sent out with a Microphone and a Camera. Using younger presenters, instead of the experienced ones, appeals to the younger audience, ideally, people of a similar age to me. It was all part of a plan to get young people interested in the news. If anything, it has put me off the news. I don't watch Sky News for the same reason. I now only watch BBC news. Is it because they are the best? No, it is because I want the news told to me by experienced journalists, not young ones who have more spots than I do. This depresses me that they have to have a target audience. It is the news. Just read the news out properly, and people who are interested will find it and watch it.
The newspapers as always are keen to jump on any tiny, insignificant story and blow it way out of proportion or just completely change the story to make it more glamorised. An example of this in a local paper recently was it telling its readers that 'An old man was involved in a vehicle accident with a lorry and was seriously injured'. The real story was actually 'An old woman lost control of her car after getting a puncture, but only received minor injuries'. Stories like these can be found in every newspaper across the country. The famous story which was blown completely out of proportion by the newspapers is the Ross/Brand fiasco. Not many people complained initially. Then, the papers took it out of proportion and context, and then thousands of people complained, despite only reading about. The same could be said for Tiger Woods affairs towards the end of last year. The newspapers were not content on just saying that he had an affair, but they had to find the woman and interview her. Then, report on every other affair that was revealed. Why should we care about a man’s private life? Because the media tell us we should.
Another pet hate of mine in the media, which has the main objective of shaming and depressing Britain as a nation, is coming up with percentages and averages which compare us to other countries in negative things such as teenage pregnancy, unemployment or gang violence. It seems to be reported on a weekly bases that Britain has the highest teenage pregnancy rates. I see no reason for them to need to do this. You cannot stop teenagers having sex, so why keep telling us we have the horniest teenagers in the world. I never see the point in comparing us to other countries. If anything, you're just convincing more people to migrate to other countries.
The media always seems intent on comparing celebrities as well. Complaining when they look slightly fat: 'Is that very tiny bulge over her bikini bottoms? It is! Zoom in as far as you can, put it in Photoshop and add some stretch marks, and then put it in this week’s Hello magazine.' I do not quite see how pointing out everyone's small and highly unimportant flaws to the world is classed as entertainment. However, when the same celebrity is seen a few weeks later with a slightly smaller bulge over her bikini bottoms, the media might as well start shouting the accusations of a diet or plastic surgery from a very tall building in London with a megaphone, without any evidence of course. The hypercritical journalists found in the media are very annoying and after a while of reading these stories, just gets tiring and boring.
I have chosen the media as my preferred sector to have a career in. Why, I am not quite sure, seeing as it annoys me the most. I'm not going into the business to try and change it, because that will never happen. The fact that I have chosen a profession which annoys me, just proves that I love to moan, and also highly depresses me; thus why it is found at the number one spot.

There you have it, the top ten reasons why life on this Island which people call 'Britain' is depressing. There will be people who disagree with my ratings, and there will be those who will completely agree and congratulate me in summarising British life into two blogs. However, a majority of those people will never read this blog, but people who do read this. Please give me your thoughts.

I have decided that in years time, when I have spent far too long living in Britain and I have begun to lose my marbles as a result of Britain angering me so much, I'm going to get a welcome bath mat, just to keep me guessing.

Seeing as people seem to fail to find the first half; here are Reasons 10 - 5.

What Happened In March?

Not a lot really if I'm honest and I have struggled to find subjects to write about. There were no major events that will change the world in which we live in (unless you count me passing my driving test, but then that only really effects me) and it has just generally been a very slow month for news, which is why we have yet again heard so much about Katie Price and Alex Reid. Luckily in March, I completely ignored everything that was said to me about her. Like I said, nothing worth writing about has happened, so sorry if this gets slightly boring - hopefully April will be better.
Sports relief ruined our lives for a week, forcing people to do lots of sporting activities and watching hours upon hours of fundraising programs, in order to raise £31,633,091. I was ‘lucky’ as that was the week I became very ill, so I spent two days in bed for sports relief and raised sod all, whereas, across the country people made fools of themselves by dressing up or hula-hooping and done sponsored runs. You have to admire the people who did go 'the extra mile' to raise money, whether they were a celebrity or not. Whether it was a group of celebrities cycling from one side of the country to the other, Eddie Izzard running 43 marathons in 51 days, or some fat, balding presenter from The One Show shaving his beard off, they are all examples of different extremes achieved to raise money, but all worked.
I watched a huge majority of the Sports Relief coverage (purely because I was ill) and like all BBC charity shows, it was pretty rubbish and the same. The main show includes two presenters (usually an annoying pair of 'celebrities' who try very hard to have a bit of funny banter but fail, while constantly saying the number that has been on screen for 5 hours and still someone gets it wrong) in between the videos of famous people pointing at poor people why crying and the little sketches from shows that are popular at the time to neutralise the sadness. More often than not, you will find that these little sketches are rubbish, and you find yourself sitting their feeling more sympathy for those poor actors being forced to suffer like that, than the starving, dying, African with HIV. We had that again this year, for example the Ashes To Ashes sketch. However, there was one sketch, which however, was 15 minutes long and was possibly the funniest bit of telly I have seen so far this year. Of course, I am referring to James Corden's 'Smithy' sketch with various sportsmen and women.
I am not much of a fan of James Corden, and I never really got into Gavin And Stacey but even someone without a sense of humour would have to confess that his sketch was very good. Okay, it wasn't really funny because of the writing, purely for the outrageous scenes. James Corden and David Beckham in a bath - How Outrageous. James Corden training the England football team and singing with Wayne Rooney - How Outrageous. James Corden and Jenson Button celebrating together by hugging - How Outrageous. James Corden and Tom Daley diving into a swimming pool together - How Outrageous. James Corden shouting at a stadium of sports stars and telling them they need to sort themselves out - How Outrageous. It was funny because of how unbelievable the scenarios were, not for any other reason.

Also on TV towards the end of the month was 'Ask The Chancellors'. This, incase you did not watch it because you either have a life or were busy watching Coronation Street, was a program in which the Chancellors from the three major political parties stood at podiums for an hour and answered questions. The questions were asked by members of the public who sat in the audience. The suspicious people amongst us might think that Channel Four stole this format from the BBC's Question Time but I suppose that does not matter as it was quite an interesting program. I was surprised that when the show finished, I thought to myself (however, I tweeted it, so I didn’t exactly keep it to myself) that Vince Cable, from the Liberal Democrats, seemed to have the best attitude to pull us out of this economic depression.
We have more of these sorts of TV debates to come over the next month, with the election soon looming, and it is pretty obvious that the Liberal Democrats will not get into power, but Vince Cable really did not do a bad job at increasing their chances. George Osborne (Conservatives) done a pretty rubbish job, and if the show was longer than an hour, I imagine that there would be a high chance of him slipping on the pool of sweat that dripped off his face. As for Alistair Darling, well he may as well have said nothing. Infact, him and Gordon Brown might as well go on holiday for a month because any attempt they have at becoming popular seems to work the opposite way to what they intended.
Gordon Brown is expected to announce in the next few days that the election will be held on the 6th May, and because of this fact I actually do not care about the election anymore. Before, I was interested and was taking it seriously, but now I have realised that it will take place 21 days before I am 18 and allowed to vote - I could not give a crap anymore, and I was looking forward to voting as well...
The new season of Formula 1 started in March as well, and along with its return came a lot of major changes. I understand that a lot of people do not actually like it and find it very boring, but I have always found it thrilling and the highlight of my weekends. However, thus far I am disappointed. New regulations mean they have to carry a full tank of fuel and are no longer able to re-fuel during the race, and this has absolutely ruined it. One of the best times of the race used to be the pit stops and would be exciting to see whether the strategy would work for them and if so-and-so get out in front of whoever. Now it's just boring with them casually going in for a few seconds whenever they please for new tyres - they have ruined it.
Then Michael Schumacher, well I made a bet that he wouldn't win the first race (I'm £5 up), but I never realised how badly he would do. This is a man who was the greatest driver in the world, and now because he had a few years off, he is doing pretty rubbish. He should not have come back, and that is what I said when I heard he was returning. He has now pretty much ruined the persona he had before this return. He is ruined. Other than those things, it is promising to be an interesting year, but hopefully next year they will revert back to being able to re-fuel. I shall grit my teeth and bear it for now though. So far, I'm disappointed with the season.

I say not much happened during March, but rumours from the Catholic Church about priests that sexually abuse choir boys is hardly something new. However, this escalated during March with the Catholic community having to dig their way out of this rather big hole they have found themselves in. It got so bad that even the Pope had to get dressed and talk about it. Really, there are so many jokes that can be made about this subject, but none of them would be original, so I will not even bother trying. The Times did have a crack at making a joke of the whole thing. Think about it, you have a major news story about Child Sex Abuse and a journalist called 'Roger Boyes', how tempting must that have been?
Very, because the journalist who covered this news story for The Times was 'Roger Boyes'. You would have thought that someone must have thought that inappropriate in the offices, but clearly not. If it was not for that, I would have paid no attention to this story because it’s nothing new; just because German choir boys have decided to finally start telling people does not make it new news. If it was not for Twitter telling me about this, I would be ignorant to the fact The Times tried to be funny.

Then finally, Jade Goody. I was happy, yet disappointed with the media coverage she got. I wrote my usual blog slagging her and everyone who loved her off, only to find no-one really paid much notice to her anniversary. It was not that much of a big deal to the tabloid papers and ITV news paid no attention. All she got was a show on Living TV and her mum swearing on This Morning. Maybe it is just me who obsesses over her still? Either way, I'm cutting back on the Jade Goody moaning. It will no longer be something in which the name ‘Stuart Collyer’ will be associated with. I will try my very best (but of course sometimes it just is unavoidable) to not mention her name in one of my blogs again... There is no point keep crusading against someone no-one cares about anymore and doesn't actually bother people.

And on that bombshell, it is time to end.