Apologising to Companies

I think most of us will agree that social media is a great addition to our lives. Thousands of people moan about television programs in unison, discuss a common love, or try to make their mundane life sound a lot more exciting. For companies, it's a brilliant tool, as it allows them to connect with their customers individually, and making themselves seem a lot more human than they otherwise did.

However, for companies, it is also something which allows their customers to rant at them directly, about a personal gripe they have. I've done this many-a-time. I've moaned to BT about their customer service, and how long they made me wait to be connected up to their service. I've got employees of a local The Range store in trouble, for closing early without reason. Over Christmas, I told UberSocial that I had grown weary of their in-app advertising, and was therefore uninstalling them. Yesterday, I told my bank that their website was spam-ridden.

What was I to think? I had spent the morning perusing social media without issue. Then, as soon as I went onto their website, I was swamped by spam advertisement, which meant whatever I clicked on, I was taken to unwanted websites. I refreshed, and the website had been blocked. So, I took to social media, and told them my thoughts.

Went on Lloyds Bank website, and got swamped by spam websites. I don't really feel safe using their online banking now. @AskLloydsBank?
— Stuart Collyer (@MrStuy) February 12, 2015

While I waited for a reply, I did some investigation. Google started coming up with unusual results. I then tried Halifax and Nationwide websites, and they too seemed to be infected. Then I went onto this blog. This too was 'infected'. So, the same hackers who had targeted the big banking websites, were also infiltrating my little blog, in the corner of the internet. That seemed slightly implausible, and the likelihood was that the issue was actually me end. Then Lloyds Bank Tweeted me back, trying to resolve my issue. I had to grovel.

.@AskLloydsBank I do apologise; This seems to be a problem my end. Every banking website I go on, I get spam pop-ups. Sorry for confusion.
— Stuart Collyer (@MrStuy) February 12, 2015

Never before have I apologised to a company, and it never actually occurred to me that I ever would. It's a strange result of this immediate and social world we live in. Thanks to social media, we can call a company up on its mistakes. But we can be wrong too, and thus, incidents like this happen. Thankfully, they were good about the charade, and I went quiet.

@MrStuy No problem! I hope you're able to get this resolved. ^TC

— Lloyds Bank (@AskLloydsBank) February 12, 2015

It turned out that malware had sneaked its way onto my computer, and had proceeded to spread itself about. It's called Positive Finds, and when I downloaded something a few days earlier, it was obviously sellotaped onto it. However, it wasn't just as simple as uninstalling the program, and it was corrupting the system restore. A quick Google, on an uninfected device, told me that it was stubborn, and I needed to install something to remove it. So, I took to my laptop again, typed in the link, and pressed download.

The clever malware had over-ridden my choice, and proceeded to download something else. Thankfully, I noticed in time. So, after some considerable effort trying find a work-around, I finally did it. Internet Explorer was safe. Google Chrome though, was still infected, and the malware was hidden somewhere amongst the program files. An uninstall and reinstall later, and now I'm finally free.

After a little bit of research, it's an interesting piece of malware. Its purpose isn't to steal your money, or to destroy your personal files. It is purely to make itself money. Every time one of the advertisements is clicked, it is paid money by the recipient of the extra visitor. For example, BET123 are paying them money, to get their website more views. But, of course, they are also paid money to send people to a link, which automatically downloads a virus. I was attacked by four Trojans.

Social media is a beautiful baby of the Internet. The Internet has resulted in a lot of good since its' own conception. However, the Internet is getting a more dangerous place to reside, as we are all aware. Only a few weeks ago, I was on a council website, and when I downloaded a seemingly safe file, I again had a Trojan hurtling towards me. It's worrying, and incredibly scary. Both my parents and girlfriend have been victims of ransom viruses, which try to blackmail you into giving money. This only going to get worse.

So, what are my final thoughts? Be careful what you download, and think everything through before you start to mouth-off at worldwide, corporate company.

Don’t have nightmares.

#RiseOfTheHashtags

#It #seems #every #word #on #the #Internet #now #has #to #have #a #hashtag #in #front #of #it.

Failing that, at the end of a normally-written sentence, people will put a series of hashtags after it, in an attempt to summaries it; and then confuse. #lol #satire #observation #hashtag #blog #twitter #pizza #sexy #YOLO #watermelon

If David Cameron were himself a hashtag, he would be the most popular prime minister of all time, and there would be no doubt of him getting a second, and third term in power, as well as going down in history as more popular and successful than Churchill. But he's not; he's just a man who dreams of being a hashtag. #justsayin #talkincrap

Why Tweeting? Why Not Meowing, Woofing, Bleating Or Mooing?

In the 20 months I have now been on Twitter that is something I keep thinking about. Why name it Twitter? However, after a bit of research I found the answer. I found out they very nearly called it 'Twitch', but after searching similarly spelt words in the dictionary, found 'Twitter'.

"We came across the word "twitter," and it was just perfect. The definition was "a short burst of inconsequential information," and "chirps from birds." And that’s exactly what the product was." - Jack Dorsey.

 Imagine that though; we could have all been 'Twitching' and sending each other 'Spasms'.

I am sure most people are aware of what Twitter actually is by now, but for those who don't, I would describe it as 'A website primarily for people to share and read useless babble with millions of other people, which has to fit into 140 characters or less.' That description is a perfect example with it being exactly 140 characters in length. My one problem with that fact, is that it was not intentional 140 characters, and I'm now worried that I am indeed addicted and obsessed. My own mental state aside, Twitter is the best, most pointless thing ever.

I will happily stand up and admit that I am in fact an addict. I Tweet too much. Rarely a day goes by where I have done under three Tweets. In the 20 months since I joined, I have shared over 3,500 thoughts with the world. In that time, I have become barely a speckle on the giant bird that is Twitter. I am currently circulating around the 100 followers mark, which is still rather impressive. This is 100 people, in numerous locations around the globe, reading my cynical thoughts about life and society. Not bad. That is the equivalent of 100 people following me around where ever I go, asking me what I'm thinking every so often. Now that is slightly worrying.

I refuse to become one of these Twitter's that share: their boring thoughts, their boring daily activities, their mental state, and just generally - their boring lives. I do not see why anyone would care about what I am doing that day, unless it was interesting. 'Being at home bored' nor 'Watching TV' are things which I would consider to be Twitter worthy. 'I'm happy' nor 'Feeling depressed' are snippets of your life which I consider Twitter worthy either.

The topic of conversation which annoys me most on Twitter is the weather. This is what we would consider to be small talk in the outside world; or a 'Phatic Utterance' if you've done A Level English for two years. A lot of Tweets are just moaning about the weather. In the winter, people either moan on Twitter about the lack of snow or the amount of snow and also how cold it is. During the summer, people either moan about it being too hot, too cold or rain. It irritates me that in real life people moan about a yearly cycle, like it's never happened before, so imagine how irate I become when I read it on Twitter.

I like to use Twitter to share interesting and, maybe even occasionally, humorous thoughts or things I find that intrigue me in general life. If I'm going to share something about my life, like what I am doing, I feel I have to add an observation which may make someone, somewhere, smile slightly. I'm not going to lie and say everything that I put on Twitter isn't boring. I am guilty of sharing my mental state occasional and being uninteresting, but I don't like doing it. If I have nothing of any worth to say, I won't say anything. Some days I'll put 4 things on Twitter. Other days I'll put 20 things of Twitter. I barely care about my crap life, so why would I expect someone else to care about it? And likewise, if I barely care about my crap life, why the hell would I care about a complete stranger’s even crappier life?

People use Twitter in the way they use Facebook to update their status. The reason I don't update my Facebook status very often is because I don't want to share every little detail about my life with my Facebook 'friends', and that is what I feel Facebook is for because only friends and family, who care about you, can read it. What you put on Twitter is open to the entire world to read, so you need to impress, and you don't do that by telling strangers you’re miserable or giddy with joy.

Make humorous observations. Share your own jokes. Say interesting things about your life. Share something humorous that happened to you today. Moan about things you hate on TV or in general society. Share funny things you find on the Internet. Discuss news events. Just be interesting. Don't put on Twitter that you're depressed for umpteenth time in one day. We heard you the first time, you miserable bastard!

If you do want to follow me, I'm @MrStuy

Another thing a lot of people do on Twitter is moan about their lack of followers and request more. This is something else that annoys me. Why would someone want to listen to you constantly moan about your lack of followers? It doesn't bother me how many followers I have. If I had 20, I'd say exactly the same things that I do now, and I would continue to say the same things if I had 2000. I admit I got a bit excited when I had 100 followers the first time, but that was just my OCD for numbers shining through. I get excited every time my Tweet counter hits a multiple of a 100. There is even a scheme for the desperate people on Twitter called 'Follow Back', where people will follow each other, in order to have more followers. The problem I foresee here is that you will eventually have hundreds of people sharing their shit lives with you (see previous 5 paragraphs for more details).

If you look at the 38 people who I follow on Twitter, it is a mixture of a few family and friends, a couple celebrities, a few news feeds of local and humorous types and lots of comedians. I like to laugh, so if you don't make me laugh and I don't like you in real life, don't expect me to follow you. I love my timeline being filled with interesting thoughts, funny jokes and weird Internet links. I don't like boring.

There is also a thing on Twitter called 'Trending Topics', which allows you to see what the most talked about topics on Twitter are. Usually, when X-Factor or Football are on, it will all be related to that or when a major world even happens, like Michael Jackson dying, that topic will be trending. On normal, boring days, weird topics will be trending. The problem with Trending Topics is that you never actually know why a topic is trending, so most of the Tweets on topics are asking why that topic is trending, and the more people the ask, the more popular that topic becomes and then become stuck in an annoying paradox.

Twitter is full of spam as well. If you thought it was annoying getting sporadic emails about your small penis size, wait until you use Twitter. I mentioned the word 'Golf' in a Tweet a few weeks ago; I got two replies from companies advertising their golf products, another reply about the Volkswagen Golf GTi and also gained two followers, who were also advertising their golf products. I also mentioned the words 'Single Parent' in a Tweet and I got a reply offering me a subscription to a dating website for single parents. The madness of it! Twitter has become a tool for people to advertise, in amongst all the useless babble.

The main problem I have with Twitter, is me. People don't use Twitter how I would like Twitter to be used. Twitter gives people the freedom of speech, to say whatever they want; and as soon as you start saying you can't do that, you have yourself a website which is run like a dictatorship; and we can all agree that isn't what we want. Twitter is used how individuals choose to use it, and if they want to keep saying they're depressed, you cannot stop them, and so I control it in the only what I can - by following a very select group of people.

Twitter is great for keeping up to date on what your favourite celebrity is up to. Charlie Brooker is my main one. By following him on Twitter, I know exactly when he is on TV and when he has written a new article for me to read. I love that and in fact it was one of the only reasons I got Twitter in the first place - to stalk.

Charlie Brooker's Twitter display picture. A world class scowl!

That is one of the main purposes of Twitter - to stalk people. I can stalk my favourite celebrities without them even knowing and getting a restraining order on me. I know precisely what members of my family are doing without even having to ask them; and likewise for me. People know what I'm doing. People often know when I'm doing it. People even known what kind of car I'm driving, which makes it even easier for them to stalk me. Twitter is a very scary device.

That is another problem with Twitter, as soon as you say anything it goes on the Internet, forever. You have to be careful with what you say, because things can come back and bite you on the derrière. You cannot copyright a Tweet either. You have no way of stopping other people saying it; which is what regularly happens with things I say I've found out. Either people have exactly the same thoughts after me, or they steal them and don't give me credit. Keith Chegwin is a big culprit of this and recently erupted into a 'scandal'. Regularly he will Tweet other peoples jokes. Milton Jones and Tim Vine seem to be his favourites to steal from. You have no way of knowing who the true author of a Tweet is.

And finally, I have to mention Jade Goody. I haven't mentioned her in a blog for nearly 5 months I think, which is brilliant, but now it's time to break that record. When I joined Twitter 20 months ago, it was in the midst of Jade Goody being ill and dying and me disliking her very much. I started to get into regular disputes on Twitter with people about it. Other Twitterer's were very quick to respond when I said something negative about her, so I quickly developed a reputation on Twitter for having very strong opinions about everything and Jade Goody. That has slowly faded away, but my first experiences with Twitter were debating with Jade Goody fans. Something which I am very proud of and I wouldn't have been able to do that without Twitter.

One of the many pictures of Jade Goody leaving hospital and going home to die...

I love Twitter. I adore Twitter. I heart Twitter. There is no hiding that, despite this long, ranting blog about Twitter. I Tweet a lot. I Tweet too much. I spend a lot of time on Twitter. I will Tweet anywhere thanks to being able to Tweet from my phone. I expect I will continue to Tweet for a long time to come. And why? I love blogging, and Twitter is essentially a way of writing lots of mini blogs. It allows me to share my strong views with whoever wants to read them, just like I do with this blog. Also, I advertise my blogs on Twitter, which makes more people, read them.

Now, I better go and advertise this blog to my 99 followers...

Stuart's Review Of The Noughties

Wave bye-bye to 2009 and to the Noughties. 2010 has arrived, bringing with it a new decade which is inappropriately named 'The Teens'. As a lot of people have commented, it shouldn't technically be called 'The Teens' until 2013, so I don't know what the official name for this decade will be. Also, what are we calling this year? Twenty Ten or Two Thousand and Ten? I personally prefer the former because it sounds quite futuristic, but it is an Americanism, which is a downside. The latter is quite a boring, British way of saying it. I expect I'll call it Twenty Ten because it is shorter, but no-one listens to me.

Anyway, back on with the subject, 'The Noughties' - the years 2000 to 2009. This is the decade of the Internet. Every decade has a 'thing' and the previous was the Internet; the marvellous invention that allows you to watch people getting hurt when You've Been Framed isn't on. It also allows people to communicate with each other, as well as looking at free porn and sharing pointless thoughts with the world on Twitter. The Internet also allows people to be very angry. The amount of comments you see on forums and YouTube which are an exchange of insults is phenomenal. People surely were not that angry before the Internet. Essentially, they're just 12 year old boys who like to act hard by calling everyone a 'Dickhead' under the alias of 'RudeBoi98'. If you met them in real life, they would run away at the mere thought of a fight. I've had a few of them comments on my Blog, which I think is evidence that I've made it.
The Internet has had an incredible amount of bad press also however. Only the other year some scientist said that 'Using Facebook could raise the risk of your child having cancer' and crying that 'It could ruin the brains of children effecting our future generation'. Well, I've been on Facebook a few years now and I'm no more stupid than I was before. Also, apparently, a rise in paedophilia has been recorded because a 42 year old man can pose as 15 year old girl of MSN or MySpace. No one said 70 years ago that 'Chimney sweeps could be a predator on your innocent teenage daughter' did they though. Anyway, I know I'm safe because if anyone wanted me, they'd have to be pretty darn desperate.

This has also been the decade of terror for other reasons. Ever since 11/9 (it's the right way around because I'm not American. They're the only country who writes the date the other way around - idiots) the Governments have drummed into us that we're living in a 'climate of fear' which they themselves created anyway. The planes crashing into the Twin Towers surely was a horrific moment of the decade, and is one thing it will be remembered for, but I don't think going to war with Afghanistan and Iraq has helped the situation. Overall, 6,255 people died in the Noughties because of the war. Then you have the bomb attack on a Spanish train, then the London Underground/Bus, Glasgow Airport and a Russian Train; as well as all the suicide attacks in the war-torn countries. Okay, not as bad as the World Wars, but still something a majority of people will remember about the decade.

The reality show boom. Yes, a lot of negative things happened during the Noughties. The popularity of these shows started at the dawn of decade, with Big Brother being the main one and then shows such as Pop Idol, X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. Then shows like I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here, Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing On Ice. This is what tarred the basic fabric of humanity apart during the decade, with 95% of conversations linking to Reality TV in one way or another. Don't even get me started on the stars that have been born from this obsession. People like Chantelle from Big Brother, Cheryl Cole from Pop Stars: The Rivals and recently Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent. The most annoyingly famous one of the lot however is Jade Goody. You may be surprised that I mentioned her name, but in 45 years time when some poor sods have to learn about Culture in the Noughties, she'll be one of the people mentioned to your Grandchildren or Great Grandchildren. Now who wants that? I sure don't! The history of the decade has been soiled because of Reality TV and Jade Goody.
Simon Cowell has been a giant influence upon the decade as well. At the turn of the decade he was relatively unknown and now he is better known than the Queen according to a recent study. This is the man who brought us the treats of Pop Idol, X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. This is the man who has helped to escalate our nations hunger to be a celebrity. This is a man who makes millions from making people look like complete and utter idiots on national telly in front of 10 Million people on a weekly basis. This is a man who at one point was more well known for being an angry, white-teethed, trousers-around-the-neck annoyance with terrible hair. Now he has far too much respect, money and ego as a result of the Noughties.

Journalism. Now remember I want a career in Journalism so this is a profession I'm suppose to admire and constantly dream about. Infact, only the other day I received a conditional offer to study Journalism at University. Well believe it or not I hate a majority of Journalists. Since the death of our dear Princess Diana, press has been given a bad name; in much the same way as one of Bon Jovi's ex's gave love a bad name. Piers Morgan was a twat during the 90's but he's even worse now - he's on TV. The news seems to only focus on the pointless moments in life like celebrity love lives. "Forget Australia being completely destroyed by a nuclear bomb, did you say Wayne and Coleen Rooney may be getting divorced?" That's what it would be like anyway. I'm sure most Journalist's are lovely in real-life, but the persona created by most in the papers is quite an unpleasant one.

Then you also have the recession, which looms over us still as we pass into another decade. This brought an increase of Shoplifting into the decade and a rise in unemployment. The decade will be known for bankers pissing our money away so they can go fancy yachts with cheesy names such as 'Bay Dream' and 'Fishin' Impossible'. People in years to come will talk about a ‘Northern Rock’ which once stood in high streets and raconteurs will share stories of the time when they stood in lines for hours on end to enter this 'Northern Rock'.

Something else that has come out of the decade and the Internet is the ability to watch TV without turning the actual television on. Yes, iPlayer was born, meaning that people can watch something a week later after it was originally shown on their laptops, iPods and phones. Phones are another invention which has really excelled during the Noughties. At the turn of the decade people hadn't even started playing Snake on their mobiles with them being the size of an actual brick with giant buttons. Remember them? Well why don't you go on the Internet via your phone and have a look on Google images if you don't.

Apples played a big part in the decade. No, not the edible ones which keep the doctor away, I mean the company. The idea that someone could play a few songs without using a CD player or tape deck was revolutionary. Now we think nothing of having an entire music collection in our pocket to listen to when we want, where we want. Now that my friends, this is what geeks are for: coming up with absolutely fantastic inventions. I love my iPod. I love mine so much I've named him Oscar and surprisingly he has the exact same taste in music as I do.

Twitter is a micro-blogging site which really made it big in the final year of the decade, and I have to stand up and say "Yes, I am a Twitterholic". I find it absolutely fantastic. What did we do before Twitter? Did we shout short messages of 140 characters in length out the window at people innocently walking past? No, it is such a pointless invention and is why I adore it. Essentially Twitter is a legalised form of stalking. I now know whenever my friends are having a shower and I can even tell you when Chris Moyles is going for 5 mile run so you can pop around his house and burgle him. Just brilliant.

This was the decade in which people stopped talking and spelling properly too (or should I say 2?). It’s a pet peeve of mine. I think you will find ‘U’ is an inappropriate way of spelling ‘you’. Even meaningful sentiments like ‘I love you’ have been destroyed. You’re lucky if someone goes to the effort of putting ‘luv u’ really because people very commonly go ‘ily’. The English language is slowly being destroyed. Even laughter has been destroyed. People have actually started saying ‘LOL’ instead of laughing. It’s the most common piece of gobbledegook used in society these days, and I hate it; a generation of people who can only communicate if they’re typing or using acronyms.

Games have had a huge impact in the previous decade. Years ago we sat infront of silly 2D animation with repetitive hypnotising music. Now at the end of the decade people have realistic games in which you feel part of the experience. Whether you're running people over in a stolen car on Grand Theft Auto or playing tennis in your living rooms, you are living in a realistic revolutionary game. You can play on your own while eating a packet of Doritos's or on the Internet against a thousand people eating Doritos's. If someone said to you in 1999 that in 2009 you could flapping like a bird to 'exercise' on your games console or pretending you're in a war zone with real blood effects and talking to someone in Australia, you probably would have already called the local mental institution claiming they were insane.

Then we have pop culture. This is something I am not going to say I 'adore' or find 'fantastic' because I actually detest it. As I mention far too many times in my blogs; Jade Goody was pretty the face of everything I despise. Amy Winehouse constantly being in and out of rehab so many times I can't remember when I first lost interest in her. Naomi Campbell has hit so many cleaners that her house now looks like a pig sty. Heather Mills has crushed so many Beatles that she has been named a threat to the environment. Victoria and David Beckham have moved country so many times that they themselves have contributed to 10% of all pollution. That leaves Katie Price; well she alone caused the great 2005 shortage of plastic and has been spread over so many papers that I can't be bothered to think up another metaphor for her. These are people we're supposed to idealise? These are role models to the next generation of adults? Celebrity Pop Culture was possibly the worst part of the Noughties. The sad thing is as well, that it shows no signs of stopping during the Teens. Even if we perfect space travel in the decade, we wouldn't be able to hide from it. How I wish I was a hermit sometimes.

Much more happened in the previous decade however, but I don’t want to make this blog so incredibly long no-one reads it so I’ve decreased it the bigger moments. What wonders do we expect from the Teens though? Maybe Jonathan Ross will leave the BBC to go onto more exciting projects? Maybe Big Brother will come to an end? Maybe we will learn how to cope with snow? Maybe big football teams like Manchester United and Liverpool will be squashed by teams like Leeds and Reading? Maybe the cure for cancer will be found? Maybe the British public will stop moaning about every little thing which could be portrayed as 'insulting' on the BBC? Maybe I will be able to text from my phone without pressing the camera button by accident? Maybe my blog will be found by the editor from The Guardian and I'll be found and become a renowned famous Journalist (I'm allowed to dream)? It's even possible that Katie Price may find the perfect man.

We shall have to wait and see.

Social Networking Has Ended Socialising

Sorry for rudely taking a three week break from writing blogs, (I'm sure no-one missed me) but I am back and intend to crack on with writing a few blogs, and I shall start with this blog, about Socialising on this modern, technological advancement, invented by Mankind, yet not very well known, and it's called 'The Internet'. The Internet, which is also known as the World Wide Web, can offer the user many things, such as watching Monkeys masturbate on YouTube, illegally share music, buy Viagra discreetly, look at the roof of their house on Google Maps, edit history on Wikipedia, watch porn, express their opinion which no-one cares about on blogs such as this and socialise.

Social Networking sites now mean that we can keep in contact with all our friends and family, when at home on the laptop or on a train, playing with ones iPhone, which from a certain perspective, is great. However, teenagers like myself, have become dependent on this and some now don't feel the need to meet friends, as people used to do a generation ago, because sitting at home, watching telly and keeping up-to-date with the latest gossip with friends is somewhat more attractive to some than walking down a busy high street while it's raining and frantically trying to find something to do.

There are different areas of social networking. You have Twitter, which this year has grown a lot in popularity with more and more celebrities using it, and as well as allowing a user to keep up to date with what friends are doing and thinking, it also allows people to see what their favourite celebrities are up to. Windows Live Messenger (more often called MSN) focuses on the basic skill used by a majority to communicate, which is having a conversation with one or more people. Websites like Facebook, MySpace, and Bebo are more general social networking sites, in which you can talk to friends, share images and videos, play games, and many other things, and these are probably the most popular forms of social networking the Internet has to offer.

You could probably call me a social networking addict, however, like most things I like, I find that lots of little things annoy me. Mainly on Facebook and MSN. You see, I no longer use Bebo and MySpace. You could call it an addiction I have overcome. Twitter, I am addicted to, but doesn't really annoy me to great lengths, like Facebook and MSN - or in other words, the things I use the most.

The first thing is Friendship. I have 130 friends on my Facebook and in comparison to a lot of peoples profiles, I look very unpopular, but a lot of people on my friends list, I hardly know and wouldn't really call them a friend in the real world, more an acquaintance I once went to school with, or someone I met through a friends friend once or twice. Some of these people, I have never spoken to in the real world. Another thing is that once they've added you as a friend, and you've accepted it, you both ignore each other. Don't talk to each other, if anything, it's just so they can nose into your profile and look at embarrassing images of me wearing a face mask... For example. Something else that doesn't annoy me, more than it depresses me, is that people will always put kisses at an end of a message (xxxx) and yet, in the real world, I'd be lucky for them to look at me. Hardly anyone kisses me on the cheek, unless they're drunk, so why pretend? If people are going to put a kisses on a message to me, I expect them to actually kiss me in the real world. It's the little things in life, so they say anyway.

Politicians and the police are wondering why there is some much violence in teenagers these days, but I think I have discovered the reason for this: Virtual Violence. I don't mean people playing violent games on their Playstation 3's and whatnot; it's all this nudging and poking you can do. Granted, probably not the most violent of things, but it can escalate out of control. It won't be long before you can 'Slap My Face' and a box pops up saying "Do you want video this and post on YouTube" and an animation with your friend's head on it is slapped, then punched and kicked, all in the name of fun and socialising. Possibly a bit extreme actually, but stranger things have happened.

Then you have all these application on Facebook, which can get irritating after a while. You have YoVille and FarmVille (both things I'm getting slightly addicted to for reasons I don't understand), in which you can have a little virtual life. The former allows you to work, earn money just so you can buy food and decorate your apartment. The latter is a bit more obvious, where your virtual life can grow and harvest Corn, Strawberry's, Plums and many other things, as well as milking cows and collecting eggs. The only bit of socialising you can do on these particular applications is looking at friend’s apartments and farms.
Another application is Friends Facts, in which people answer questions about their friends, and in return, can find out what their friends think about them. An example is "Do You Think John Has Ever Had A Crush On You?" Very simple. Mind you, if you put all my answers together they make no sense. According to one friend, I am a virgin, yet another friend believes I have had a threesome. Some answers are also very soul crushing. "Is Stuart Attractive? - No", "Do You Think Stuart Is Charismatic? - No" and many more along those lines.
Then you have the online quizzes which come with these websites. "Find Out When You Will Meet The Love of Your Life" and "What Michael Jackson Song Are You?" (I'm Man In The Mirror apparently) which are all just a waste of everyone's time - including mine. I can't see any point in them. I don't understand why that's considered part of socialising myself, it all just gets on my tits a little bit.

THEN, you have people becoming fans of every single thing that they can think of. People become fans of 'Kicking squirrels in the face', 'God', 'Big Brother' and during her media hype earlier in the year, 'Jade Goody'. You should have known she'd be mentioned sooner or later. Anyway, people becoming fans of stupid things like that, gives a good indication as to what kind of person they are, whether it's cruel, pissed, idiotic, a slut, or maybe even nice. Some people do become fans laughter and flowers, but why people feel the need to become fans of everything and anything, I have no idea.

Also, you have the option to 'Like' something which another friend has said or done. This is something which people use to the extreme, liking anything and everything. I could change my status to 'Stuart Collyer is contemplating suicide' and in the box underneath it'd have '2 People Like This' and someone would have commented saying 'Lol'. I must come across as a moody old bloke (despite being a happy 17 year old) because I refuse to like or comment on anything unless I really do like it, but mostly, things on Facebook make me apathetic. I would like them to have a dislike option though, not because I'd go around disliking everything on Facebook, just purely in the interest of fairness.

Facebook and Twitter has however, taken away our privacy and freedom of speech (in a certain respect) because secrets can't kept, as someone will have an image of you being drunk, dancing on the coffee table, despite you telling Mummy you wouldn't drink or phoning in sick at work, and being tagging in a photo of you on the beach, smiling and doing a thumbs up to the camera, dated the day you apparently had diarrhoea.

Twitter and Facebook, have allowed the everyday person, to document their day and turn it into a ‘Big Brother’ of their life. People change their statuses in order to tell everyone else what they are doing. It can be anything from 'I'm bored at home' to 'I'm going into town'. Maybe they should change the format of Big Brother next year, where they lock everyone in the house for 3 months as usual, but instead of having camera, they set up Facebook and Twitter accounts and then they update their status every so-often and every night on Channel 4, instead of showing the best clips from the day, the Geordie bloke (called Marcus) reads out the best profile updates of the day. It combines two pointless inventions of Mankind, into one, easier to handle annoyance.

Anyway, a majority of my blog readers, actually read this on my Facebook profile, because (to get technical for just a minute) I set up an RSS feed which automatically posts my blog onto Facebook every time I add a new one. That means that probably someone will ‘like’ this blog and thus continuing the circle of liking everything and anything on Facebook. For those of you reading on Facebook though, this is the address for my blog, in case you wanted to know what it looks like. www.im-called-stuart.blogspot.com

Toodles m’dearys
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