Quarter Of A Life Blogging

Today, 5 years ago, I made my first post to this blog when I was a spotty-faced sixteen year old. I am an almost spotless twenty-one year old, which means I have spent nearly a quarter of my life sharing my ranting through the medium of writing. It was a bit depressing when I realised that fact, and makes me feel old.

However, I am glad I started and glad to have carried on. It has shaped me into the type of writer I am. I feel I now do reasonably well at taking a sly look at the news stories and general things that happen or exist. My particular favourite this year has to be Major Congestion Reported Getting Into SimCity from March. One of a number of blogs that I posted this year for dual purpose: University and this blog.

Four Years Blogging; Now It's Becoming Neglected

And so, another year has passed in the age of my blog; now having just 'celebrated' its 4th birthday. However, over the past year I have been busy getting a degree and therefore my blog has suffered. Once upon a time, I used to get annoyed if I hadn't blogged for over a week, but those days are long gone. Now, I can post anything for six weeks, and I only find it slightly frustrating.

So why have I become so neglectful of my digital baby in recent times? There are a few factors:

Three Years Blogging; Now I'm A Sell-Out

I wrote my very first blog post on 27th September 2009. Now, 152 blogs, 166,214 words (including this blog), and three years (and a day) later, things are very different. In that space of time I've started driving lessons and passed my tests. I have begun and completed my A-levels. I have had many adventures which I shared with this blog, such as my car's first breakdown, my car's first clamp, my laptops demise, me getting chicken pox and my attendances to great comedians such as Lee Mack, Sean Lock and Milton Jones. I have shared my thoughts about some of my favourite albums, films and television series, as well as sharing my thoughts on my least favourite ones too. I have also blogged throughout the slow, public death of a tabloid sweetheart: Jade Goody. Me, and my blog, have been through a lot, which I have shared with you; a random Internet user who comes across my blog through random Google searches and, sometimes, the odd loyal reader comes and goes.

Now, at the end of a third year of average blogging success, everything changes. One of the two big, recent, changes in my life, which will undoubtedly make an impact on my blogs from here onwards, is moving to London and being in attendance at a University. The University of East London, for the next few years, will be attempting to make me into a successful Writer/Journalist, thanks to the pompously named course 'Journalism Studies with Creative and Professional Writing'. This is going to give me many opportunities in both the short and long term. One would assume that you should be able to track my improvement in lexis choice and combination, throughout the next three years. However, with me spending all my time writing thousands and thousands of words in an attempt to get some sort of degree at the end of the three years, so I can wave it in the faces of potential bosses; chances are the frequency of writings for this blog will be heavily impacted. Mind you, I am a University student now, so chances are I'll use this blog as a way of procrastination instead of work.

Lucky for me, some modules of work are not a million miles away from what I have been doing for this blogs. I have a module at some point, in which I have to critic the media for its celebrity obsession and thinking us all mindless lap dogs, and its impact upon society. I've been doing blogs like that for years! Take any blog about Jade Goody or Katie Price, or the blog about Jan Moir and her slur on homosexuals. Take my recent News of The World blog, or a blog about a large, life changing event, such as the Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami, or the blog about the Cumbrian Shootings. They all comment on how the media sexes up the news, to make it grabbing and interesting in order to get the readership, and therefore the money, they want. They comment on how Journalists all want that prime front-page story, so they can make a name, and therefore money, for themselves. Some also, metaphorically, spit on the grave of Jade Goody, but I'm not sure if that will feature quite so heavily in my University work.

The content of my blog might change slightly too, with some posts being more topic-based on the World of Journalism. Assuming my application was successful, I will soon have a press card. I can walk up to a police cordon, present my card to them, and then get the low down. I'm almost one step away from saying "The names Collyer; Stuart Collyer". I could, should I get the break, start writing for small, mundane publications about uninteresting topics, which I will inevitably be proud of, due to the fact they will be my first, printed words for the public domain. I will also be able to attend press events, such as the one I am attending soon, hosted by The Guardian newspaper, in which people will debate about the recent hacking scandal and how the press can restore trust. These might seem boring to you, but to me, they are interesting. They are exciting. They are my life now.

For the second big change in my life, which will have a large impact upon the subject of blogs, is what makes me a sell-out. Throughout my blogging career, I have been single (over three years I think you will find). This has, therefore, made a large impact upon the subjects I occasionally choose to write about. I have had numerous blogs bemoaning the fact that I am single. Bemoaning other people in relationships and how open they are about the fact they have another pair of lips to passionately kiss all the time. I just generally bemoan other people who seem to be generally happy in front of me. However, due to recent events (well, events that happened a little while ago now), I suspect that I will no longer be moaning about the abstract noun of love, and its effects. Yes, if you haven't already guessed, or don't already know; my Facebook relationship status no longer says 'Single'. It doesn't even say 'It's Complicated'. My Facebook relationship status now states that I am in fact in a relationship.

The tale of our love is a lovely little fairy story; but minus the dragons, castles, suits of armour and any real sense of romance. We have known each other years, with the odd spark of chemistry here and there. People told us we should be together. Feeling grew. People told us we should be together. Circumstances brought us closer together. People told us we should be together. We got depressed and lonely because we convinced ourselves it couldn't happen. People told us we should be together. I wrote a blog about Unrequited Love and even made a playlist of songs which made me think about her. People told us we should be together. We made plans to make sure we went to the same University together. People told us we should be together. We spent all our time with each other. People thought we were together. In my car, on a wet evening, I told her my feelings, with not much response. I organised an evening out for us, which I messed up and also got a parking fine. Then we got together, and yeah, now we're no longer 'Single Pringles'.

Just a note to anyone reading this and thinking 'I knew it' or 'I told you so'… Shut up! You may think you're some sort of 'Cupid', but you're not. I knew you were right. Even you knew you were probably right at the time, but you didn't actually help push the 'true course of love', so you have no high ground in this debate. I don't think anyone actually believed me when I said I didn't like her…

I have now become the person I hated as a result of this changing relationship status, but I love it. In fact, I love her. I used to take it as a personal insult when people held hands walking towards me. I hated strangers locking lips next to me. I disliked friends who were all over their partner in my presence. Due to my cynical disposition, I could not see why people couldn't just be all loved up in private. However, circumstances have changed my view because I walk towards lots of people holding the hand of the other half. I kiss her in view of many people. To save it for when we're in private, now seems impossible. I know, you're allowed to puke if you want; I would have if I was reading this in my single state.

I'm somewhat of a different person now. Most would say for the better, but I'm sure others would not agree. I don't hate hearing abstract nouns. In fact, I use them very frequently these days: 'I love you'. I am not as much of a cynical misanthrope as I used to be. Depression has been at a bare minimum, and happiness has been the dominate emotion I have been feeling, since we became fully affiliated with each other. I think I am also a nicer person since we created a stronger bond between us, in that I am more tolerant and less angry than I used to be. These have, unfortunately, led to a decrease in the amount of blogs I produce. If I am angry about nothing, then how can I write an angry, extravagant blog bemoaning the topic? That is a question I am yet to answer; but I'm sure when the time comes, normal blogging service will resume. And if not? Well, you'll have to put up with blogs about flowers, sunshine and bunny rabbits.

Who knows when I might blog next. I might blog soon about the Guardian debate I'm attending. I might blog about the finale of Doctor Who. Or, I might not blog again for weeks. I don't know, but all I know that I am now starting my fourth year of blogging. Who would have thought that a small project for ICT would turn into something which defines me and gave me the drive to pursue a career in Journalism?

In one of my first lectures, we were asked if any of us blog. A few put their hands up. I was asked what I blog about, after a girl who was asked responded with "My gap-year experiences". It made me realise just how insignificant and pointless my blogs can be. But hey, who cares! I'm going to keep writing them regardless, AND I'm at University in London with my beautiful girlfriend. Screw you!

Two Years Of Cynical, Angry Blogs

It is now one year since I celebrated my blog reaching its first birthday, which therefore means that I have now been blogging for two years. First of all; I would like to apologise for me spewing this out all over the Internet for such a long time. Not bad for something that started out as an ICT coursework project. Mind you, I am still doing my ICT coursework, but it will be finished by Christmas, I promise!

Two fingers, happily celebrating the second birthday of The Blog Of Stuart

It is fair to say that in the past year my blog has certainly increased in popularity. It may be due to the fact my Headteacher mentioned it in an awards ceremony at school to a few hundred people, but I doubt that somehow. It may because I have a lot more followers on Twitter and every time I post my blog they look at it; possible. The most likely option in my opinion seems to be my increasing Internet presence. Did you know that a lot of my views come from people Googleing 'Depressing Britain' or things similar? I love that really; the reputation of my blog that I complain about British life.

Out of all my 108 blogs (so far), it is easy to distinguish which ones are the most popular and least. All of my driving blogs about my driving lessons and tests were completely huge failures. I regret doing them, and if given the choice again, I would have at least created a different blog to put them on. That is my biggest mistake in my blogging career so far. My more popular blogs seem to be my television reviews. My Doctor Who reviews have proved a huge success, as did my review of Sherlock on BBC 1 and Ant and Dec's disastrous show at the start of the year. They are my most read, which I am proud of.

My Internet presence is showing to have grown. I am actually receiving Emails in reply to my blogs. I will just point out now; I never reply to Emails - I don't like the thought of talking to a complete stranger who I cannot see. However, feel free to Email me, I do like to read them and they do tend to put a smile of my face. I have received two notable Emails. An Email a few weeks ago asked me to help contribute to an American video website in which you create videos explaining how to do things. It’s not really my thing as A) I wouldn't be able to rant and swear and B) It is American, and I doubt they would understand half of my ramblings.

My other notable Email was a few months ago in reply to my '10 Reasons Why Britain Is Depressing' post. I hope they won't mind me sharing what they said, because I am going to. Not only is it my only proper review, but it is sparking with praise:

"Hi, is this the guy who wrote that blog - "10 Reasons why life in Britain is depressing"? Well first of all - Great article. It was so good I honestly thought someone had hacked into my brain and stolen some of the things I find depressing and made it into a top 10 list. Yeah, you pretty much summed up all the major and minor inconveniences no-one bothers to talk about because they're either too shy or too damn lazy. Good on you! If you hadn't have done this I would have. I hate Facebook, every single "Celebrity", mobile phones and Channel 4 ruined the Simpsons..."

I feel sort of guilty for not replying, but I'm sure he didn't cry about it. This put me on a massive high for days. To think that I am actually appealing to other people, all over the Internet, is mind boggling. It's also nice to know that I'm not the only cynical teenager alive who seems to have a strong dislike for everything and pretty much agrees with all my points.

To be honest, I wasn't even expecting to still be blogging. Well, to be honest, if I went to University, I'm not sure I would have carried on. I in fact think, had I gone to University this year, today I would be posting my very last blog. So, to any regular readers out there - you should be grateful I got Chicken Pox. My target for the next year is to instead get my career sorted. Try and turn my blogging skills into a job in Journalism; even if it is just making coffee and tea for a few years. I hope not though, purely because I'm rubbish at making drinks and I would never get a promotion.

I read my very first blogs, and I am still quite happy with them. I seem to have the same, cynical mindset and hatred of the same things in society. Comparing them to my newer blogs, then you can honestly see an evolution in my writing ability. Obviously, that is at least partly due to the fact I have done A-level English Literature for two year, but I don't think that it the main reason. The more you write and practice, the better you get and that is exactly what regular blogging does. I make mistakes (quite regularly really, if I'm honest) and I realise them, or other people do, and that is exactly how you learn - by making mistakes. If you don't write, you can't make mistakes and you can't improve. Simples!

Another reason for my evolution is probably Charlie Brooker. The man is a God to me and certainly an idol and inspiration. I read his articles regularly and constantly reading every one of his Tweets. That has certainly impacted on my own writing. Now, I am reading his books which contain his best articles written for The Guardian. Reading them, I see a faint likeness to my own blogging these days. Even some of the metaphors are things that I would think up. I have slowly gained Charlie Brooker's mindset; and I'm not sure that is a healthy thing to do... Mind you, if he can be engaged to Konnie Huq, then it gives other Socially Inept people, like me, hope that we too can find a girl willing to love us.

I thoroughly enjoy blogging. I now have enough free time to allow me to always be blogging due to me being not very busy. The beginning half of the year didn't allow me to blog much, what with the impending A-level exams, so free time was little, and I missed blogging. It is a way of letting frustration out. Ranting about something, anything, seems to help. I find some of my better blogs are written when I'm in the worse moods. Anyway, blogging is free so therefore cheaper than physiatrists, so I'll stick with what I'm doing as it seems to work.

I love finding out Statistics about my blog. Last year, I done a word count of how many words I had written over the course of the year, and the end number was 46,587 words. Very impressive! However, in this second year, I smashed that record, despite writing fewer blogs. The magic number is 64,747 (including this blog); A rather high and unexpected number. Those of you good at maths or with access to a calculator, will know that means that over the course of two years I have written 111,334 words. How amazing. Granted it shows that I kind of need to develop a life and get out more rather than sitting in my room and hitting my keyboard with a red mist, trying to express my feelings, but who cares.

The past year has been mainly reviews of things I have (or in the case of Big Brother, haven't) watched on TV or at the cinema. It is also filled with comments on world events like The World Cup or it is me giving my view on a news story and pretending to have a good awareness of politics. I know nothing really about Politics, but I like to pretend. I am glad to announce that the next year will much of the same. The next two blogs will be reviews of my favourite albums of the year. I have other blogs in the planning stage. I will, at some point, be doing a special about Advertising and how much they lie or annoy in order to sell their kitchen roll or service.

I also have other blogs scheduled for the end of the year. I plan on doing my usual Review Of My Year and also this year’s Stuart Awards, in which no-one wins a real award. There will also be a return of my blog reviewing My Comedy Nights. Hopefully they will all go well. Who knows what else is in store for the next year? I'm sure any disastrous world events will get their media coverage scrutinised and I'm long overdue a rant about the News and Gossip Magazines in general. I'm sure there will be more mundane blogs about my uninteresting life. We shall have to just see what the year has in store for me and the world.

You may have noticed the Jade Goody rants are becoming rare in my blogs. You see, the thing is, she's dead. She is failing to find new ways to annoy me in the media spotlight anymore, and what-with Big Brother dead, mentions of her will probably soon end. I don't want it to end, but I don't think I have a choice. I think it's the end of an era for Jade and my rants. However, my blogs will try and continue. I'll just have to rant about other things.

And on that sad bombshell, it's time to end...

Celebration Of One Year Of My Blog Part 2

Part Two of the celebrations is here (a day late), and this part is more about peoples responses. Not many responses really, I grant you, but enough to squeeze a blog out of. I am aware that these few blogs are not the most thrilling of all time, but I will learn from my mistakes and make the year two (should it survive that long) celebrations much more fun.

"This is the first time I've read one of your blogs and it’s actually really funny". People always seem surprised that I can be funny, and I'm never sure whether to take it as a compliment or not. Okay, I've not exactly go Paul Merton's wit, Frankie Boyle's anger, David Mitchell's ranting skills or Ross Noble's randomness, but I can be funny. I suppose a lot of people only see the sensible side of me, which can come across as boring, but I'm actually not.

I always quite like it when people agree with me and it means I don't come across as a highly opinionated freak. "I like this... Alot! 'my opinion is that their whole relationship was publicity based, and that they only broke up because ITV 2 wouldn't renew their contract for another series.' LMAO agreed lol Good job!" This was about my blog on the Katie/Peter split, and it's not often I get given a LMAO or an LOL, so even though I dislike the abbreviations, their message does warm my heart - kinda. Anyway, a person liking things is good!

You have to bear in mind, that up until a few months ago, I was a Media student, and I still really would like to get into a media career. This has been noticed; "For someone studying the media, you seem very against it Stu." It does seem rather odd that I seem dislike all aspects of media, and still consider it as a career path to walk down. If I wanted to go all Martin Luther King-esk, I could say 'I want to become a Journalist, because I have a dream of changing it - for the better!' I'd be lying though, because it isn't going to change anytime soon, and I don't have the motivation to campaign for a useless cause.

I get quite simple comments as well, which I just ignore really. Someone simply just write "very nice and funny good one" due to simple punctuation not being used. How can you read a piece of writing with near perfect punctuation, and then comment using none, and it making no sense. I suppose The Sun is there to meet the needs of that target audience with pictures, and simple words and such. I do also occasionally get messages that I'm not sure why they bothered with it really, due to it bearing very little relevance to what the subject of the blog was. Oh well.

Something that does happen a lot, is that people will read my blog and then just re-write it in their own words to show they understand what I was saying, in less words and adding their point of view. If they really wanted to do that, then surely writing their own blog would do the same thing. Anyway, I have no problem with that, it obviously means that they took in what I mentioned in the blog.
This happened a few times with my Jade Goody blogs, in which people put across their own opinion of the matter. I actually deleted most of them, because a lot of them where saying how I should show more sympathy for her and her family and saying she 'saved a generation of young women from cervical cancer.' Did she heck! I did get one comment which has become my favourite comment on one of my blogs about Jade Goody. "She didn't fight very hard. Got cancer > went bald > died. Seems a bit like rolling over and accepting it to me". I think this perfectly summed it up, and I want more comments like that! Anyway, this blog isn't about her, for once!

I do get some comments which are more just ego boosters than anything else. Getting comments like "I find you utterly hilarious", "You have a nasty wee sense of humour. So funny! I love it!" and "You have SUCH strong views on things, it's utterly hilarious!" fall into that category, and no, I didn't make any of them up! There are some people that do find me 'hilarious' and appreciate my strong views of things. I like them comments, so do feel free to leave more them as well; infact, please do leave comments, because I do like reading them, whether they annoy me slightly, make me chuckle or just make me smile.

Anywho, one more blog coming up in a few days, and it’s a special!

Celebration Of One Year Of My Blog Part 1

It's been a year. 27th September 2008 was when I posted my first blog, about reality television and having a good rant about it, and a year later, I'm still ranting about it. It started out as an ICT project, to update a blog over a period of six weeks, but it seems I got quite into it and here I am. Okay, I'm the only person on this world that actually cares about 'celebrating' the age of a blog. I suppose there aren't many people that would be sad enough to celebrate a website lasting a year.

In that year of ranting about various things and people, moaning about my non-existent love life and boring you with a lesson-by-lesson account of my driving lessons, it's accounted to 59 blogs (not including this one). 11 of those blogs have mentioned the words Jade Goody and included at least a few lines ranting about her time in the media spotlight and not being very sympathetic of her being dead. Within those 59 I have also clocked up 46, 587 words, a number of which were probably words you probably couldn't repeat to a 10 year old child.

Doing these blogs isn't just a way for me to vent my anger in a way in which no-one gets hurt and that can occasionally contain the odd bit of mild humour. It's actually a way (if only to myself) proving my writing ability, especially after a knock to my confidence with getting an E in AS English. It's a way for me improve myself, and if you compare my more recent blogs to my first blogs, you can see a change in my sophistication, or at least that's what I see.

Something that I think comes across in my blogs a lot is that I can be slightly cynical. I say slightly cynical, I am actually very cynical. Infact, I'm so cynical that I actually think that Captain Birdseye was only invented to give old fat men with a white beard who were too drunk to play Father Christmas, something to do and that Global Warming would be happening even if Jeremy Clarkson was never born. I also have moments where I think I've just had a stroke of Comedy genius, but turns out it wasn't that funny. An example of this is when I thought up the Captain Birdseye comment a few days ago; I actually had to walk away from my laptop for a few minutes to calm down as I was laughing so much. Turns out, it's not actually that funny a comment.

Something that unfortunately seems to come out in my blog is that I'm a bastard. In the technical sense of the word, I am, but in the modern sense of the word, I'm not. I am actually a rather nice person, honestly. Why I come across as a bit of a bastard is probably because it's hard to be negative about everything and having strong opinions against the silliest of things and still come across as 'an okay guy'.

Every so often in a blog, I write something which I quite like, and makes me laugh. One of my favourites is in a blog which I moaning about the climate of fear we find ourselves in, with constant worry from the possibility of a terrorist attack. "Once upon a time, the Wolf went to extreme lengths to see what was in Little Red Ridding Hoods basket, but now he has to call the Bomb Disposal Unit..." in an attempt to put a mirror up to society and show them how paranoid they are. That's now a line I try and mention at any convenient point.

Assuming you're reading this on my blog, and not on Facebook, you probably would have noticed slight changes with me now having a banner, a slight change in layout and in colour schemes, and now looking more professional than before. A new feature which is available on the blog is a kind of rating system at the bottom of each blog post. You have the option to mark the blog as Funny, Interesting or Boring, but be nice please.
Anyway, for my Facebook readers, here's a link for you to look at the new look. www.im-called-stuart.blogspot.com

Another blog shall come tomorrow, a part two of the 'celebration', and then after that there will be a special blog before returning to normal service with plenty of rants for another year - hopefully!

P.S That's a new thing too, just to add the more 'personal' touch.

Unconventional

The word unconventional is used a lot, you could say it's used an unconventional number of times, but that would be an unconventional thing to say really, and very unconventional to keep saying the word unconventional in a paragraph about the word unconventional. Sometimes the word unconventional is used in unconventional places (like here) and other times it is conventional to use the word unconventional; possibly to describe my unconventional driving instructor.

I have been seventeen for two weeks and I have just completed my third driving lesson, which I must say are very frightening and how I've not hit anything yet is somewhat of a miracle. I had my first lesson on my birthday, but not under the best of conditions. The night before did include some drinking of alcohol in excessive amounts, not a great deal of sleep... And Mamma Mia three times (not my choice, that's for sure). So with my driving lesson I wasn't exactly the most alert I've ever been. It didn't really help that my driving instructor is unconventional.

Driving lesson one - Very simple really. It included a hill start, two roundabout, dual carriageways, and fourth gear hitting just over 50MPH. Just to break me into the act of driving softly. He claims it was a good way of building confidence, and it was really. However at the time I was totally and utterly nervous and a heart attack was only one more roundabout away. I got out of the car drenched in sweat and took me a few hours for my heart to return to what is considered to be a normal and healthy pace. I won't get bored though, and it is considerably better than just driving around a car park for an hour to practice using the clutch and break.

Driving lesson two - Again, very simple really. It included a hill start, dual carriageways and fourth gear hitting 50MPH. However it also included 5 roundabouts, a lot of country roads and I later worked out it was a 20 mile trip around East Kent. Not quite as terrifying as the first though. For a start, I got an early night sleep, hadn't touched a drop of alcohol for a few days and it had been a week since I last watched Mamma Mia. However, I did stall the car at the very start and at the very end, but the distance in between was rather successful. To be honest, this lesson was rather fun, even if I did get out of the car, drenched in sweat again and a heart that only took a matter of minutes to return to its normal state this time.

Driving lesson three – It was much simpler than the first two. It included the normal dual carriageways and fourth gear, not far away from 60 MPH and only 2 roundabouts. Also, I did a three point turn, something which is generally done after a few more lessons. Obviously I couldn't just attempt it and hope for the best, we had to have a chat first. But about the history of the introduction of the first driving test and World War II? You wouldn't think so, but yes, it is true and it did work. I knocked over no lamp posts and squashed no passing dogs; in fact it was rather successful. Well, the result was that the car was pointing in the opposite direction anyway. I got picked up from school and an hour later I was at home, so you could call it a £21 taxi ride, in which I chauffeured myself, ended up drenched in sweat again, but for the first time, got out with a smile on my face.

To be honest, the amount of times he keeps pushing me to go faster and faster makes me wonder if he is training me to drive fast so we can make a quick escape after he has robbed a bank; although I'm not saying he is. I am beginning to quite enjoy these lessons now with my confidence increasing as well as my skill. I have now nearly mastered the pedals and gear changing and the steering and general stuff that involves the car moving and not crashing.
He could be a heck of a lot worse though, because at no point does he shout when I make a stupid mistake, and he even adds a few laughs in between the serious business of teaching me drive. After walking 3/4 miles in the pouring rain the other day, I am even more focused on passing my driving test and driving my Orange Nissan Micra to school, or maybe even work by then. The day I have dreamt about.
I do feel guilty though because in my three lessons behind the wheel of a car, I seemed to have progressed the same as friends who have been learning to drive for months, and in one case, learning for over a year now. Am I just brilliant? I doubt it. Is it because the instructor is forever pushing me and thus growing my confidence? More than likely. Am I just delusional? Possibly.

Anyway, if you fancy going with this guy contact me because there is a free driving lesson in it for me!! And now the reason for the blog is apparent, I'm trying to persuade people living in the local area to me to drive with him so I can save £21. They never thought of that on Dragons Den did they!

Toodles m’dearys.
xXXx