Failing
that, at the end of a normally-written sentence, people will put a series of
hashtags after it, in an attempt to summaries it; and then confuse. #lol
#satire #observation #hashtag #blog #twitter #pizza #sexy #YOLO #watermelon
If
David Cameron were himself a hashtag, he would be the most popular prime
minister of all time, and there would be no doubt of him getting a second, and third
term in power, as well as going down in history as more popular and successful
than Churchill. But he's not; he's just a man who dreams of being a hashtag.
#justsayin #talkincrap
Think
of a sexy uniform. If you're a man, you are stereotypically thinking of a
nurse, a maid or an air hostess. If you're a woman, it might be a fireman, a
mechanic or a builder. An initial analysis shows that men like women who do
stuff for them, such as look after, clean or fetch drinks for them. Women like
men who do dangerous jobs and get filthy doing them; maybe so they can clean
them after.
However,
the uniforms you are probably thinking are not the uniforms people actually
wear doing that job. Chances are you're thinking of the sort of costume a
strip-o-gram might wear, or what one might find at the back of Ann Summers.
In
reality, nurses, maids and air hostesses don't wear dresses that only just
cover their bum, so that when they bend down to pick up a needle, feather
duster or napkin, they flaunt their red thong in your face like a baboon. Also
in reality, firemen don't attend fires topless for very obvious reasons; they'd
singe their chest hair. And chances are, if you're a woman lucky enough to have
a mechanic or builder who works topless, you're unlucky enough to have a
mechanic or builder who has larger breasts than you.
Adverts
have a lot of influence on our every day behaviour. They can change the way we
talk, make us perform little squeak noises, give us topics of conversation, and
not to mention make us buy over-priced goods we don’t need. It now almost seems
like we have started watching television programs in between watching a series
of 30 second dramas which have the ability to invoke emotion in viewers. It's
about time someone released a television channel that showed nothing but
adverts day and night… Someone has created a website, tellyAds, which
has archives of adverts, with their slogan actually being 'TV Without The
Boring Bits: The Programmes'. A channel isn't far away, surely.
This
probably is not the blog someone who is a few days away from becoming a Godfather
should be writing, but hey, here I am about to complain about babies. They may
look cute, but they hold the potential to clear a room within seconds. First
the loud crying begins which pierces through the ears of everyone in a 500 yard
radius like someone blowing a vuvuzela in your ear for about 7 minutes,
stopping only for a quick breath. Then follows the next step: Why are they
crying? Well, it could be for a number of reasons, but if it's due to a number
two in a nappy, the smell will linger in the nose of everyone in whiffing
distance for six to eight weeks after.
I always thought Christmas was in December. The 25th to be precise actually. The night before I always believed to be the time when Jolly Saint Nick would deliver presents to all the children of the world. I always believed that it was bad luck to put Christmas decorations to be put up before the start of December. I always believed that the classic Christmas Coca Cola advert would mark the start of Christmas celebrations in December. The previous 17 Christmases have therefore all been lies.
Card shops had huge sections dedicated to Christmas in mid-August. AUGUST! AUGUST!! AUGUST!!! What the bloody hell!? August is still technically summer, despite what the weather is like. I got very angry when I walked in a shop to be greated by a shop half-filled with festive joy. IN AUGUST! I'm surprised I wasn't escorted out of the shop for keep shouting 'It's bloody August!' in the middle of the store. It was just outrageous. I soon recovered and ignored the unpleasantness. Until a few weeks later.
We've barely reached September before I am pestered by friend and family 'What would I like for Christmas'. No! I refuse to tell anyone until mid-November what I want for Christmas, which is usually nothing now I have reached an age where being cynical has triumphed over naive excitement. September! SEPTEMBER! I am a much organised person, but not that organised. I won't even start buying presents before December. During September, people felt the need to keep changing their Facebook statuses to saying how they have already started buying presents, or in one case: "Wow, I've finally finished buying every [ones] presents. Now to start wrapping them". That is an even scarier prospect; wrapping Christmas presents in Christmas wrapping paper in September. Of course, thanks to the shops stocked full of Christmas paper by August, it is possible.
Now in October, I am driving around, and houses are covered in Christmas lights. Christmas lights! October! I suppose I should be thankful they weren't actually turned on. These people are ridiculously prepared. I bet these are the kind of people that are prepared for Christmas early, but still have a huge pile of dirty laundry and their kids are going to school in smelly, dirty clothes because their parents are busy on the roof putting up flashing lights that they won't even turn on for another month or so. Sure, usually our house is covered in fairy lights of some flashing variety, but never before December; well some years we may start on the 30th of November, but I think that is acceptable.
Then the adverts. In September there were brief mentions of Christmas in the adverts, with Argos slowly starting to mention them and the sofa companies promising delivery before Christmas. Now we're in October, they are slowly increasing - as they do every year. I don't like that fact, but I am getting used to it. Now Argos has released their Christmas catalogue and more and more adverts are getting festive. They are slowly trickling through onto our televisions. However, and this is no word of a lie, I have honestly seen the Coca Cola advert on television.
A terrestrial channel. Getting late at night. I had to make sure I didn't dream the fact. I wasn't dreaming. The minute long advert with the Coca Cola trucks going through the snow to deliver the tooth-decaying goodness was on television. In October! The Coca Cola advert! IN OCTOBER!
Then I come to my final point. Pringles. Everyone likes Pringles. I actually love them. Well, loved them. They have just started selling their new festively decorated tubes. In October. IN OCTOBER! Let me just make sure you understand what I am saying. Pringles crisps now have snow on them. They have a Pringle wearing a Santa hat on them. They even have the words ‘Merry Pringle’, in some failed attempt at humour. IT’S OCTOBER! Of course, I am sure other companies are doing the same, or at least nearing the point when they do; but festively decorated packets of food in shops, in October are just morally wrong in my books.
Just to prove I haven't gone mad. IN OCTOBER DAMMIT!
So, I just ask, why is Christmas becoming more and more commercial, and therefore getting earlier and earlier each sodding year?
Everyone has their own opinion, but my answer would be 'True'. Final answer. Think back to your favourite program which is made in Britain. Think what your current, British favourite is. Now, think to what corporation made them. A few of you may answer 'Channel 4'. A fewer amount may say 'ITV'. An even fewer (and stupider) amount of people may even say 'Sky'. However, I bet the vast majority of people would actually answer with 'Yes Stuart, the corporation I am thinking of is The BBC', or something along those lines - depending on how eloquently you like to put things.
The instantly recognisable logo for The BBC
The BBC has infuriated me just the same amount of times as is has to the next man; what with the handling of 'SachsGate' (as it is now referred to as) being one of the BBC's worst mistakes. We all remember when the Media metaphorically bullied the BBC, Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross by kicking them repeatedly from their occasional moral higher-ground, just because of a series of out-of-taste answer phone messages left on the phone of Manuel from Fawlty Towers about his Granddaughter. A comedy back-fire, which instead of the BBC just shrugging it off as a mistake, decided to sack or reprimand numerous people, including Brand and Ross. All this because the stupid public believe they have a say in a huge, world-wide corporation, just because they currently have to play £145 a year, by law, to watch colour TV.
That is a lot of money, but as an 18 year old who currently lives at home with his parents, I do not have to pay that, yet. I've had 18 years of watching colour television for free. What right to I have to possess an opinion then? None really, but that has never stopped me.
The other day, I tried to think of a popular comedy sitcoms made in previous decades that have stood the test of time and remained popular for generations, that were shown and created by the BBC. I thought of lots. Only Fools And Horses, Fawlty Towers, One Foot In The Grave, Open All Hours, Blackadder, Porridge, Dad's Army, Last Of The Summer Wine, Red Dwarf, 'Allo 'Allo!, Steptoe And Son, The Royle Family, The Vicar Of Dibley, Men Behaving Badly and more, I know. Then I thought about popular sitcoms made in previous decades that have stood the test of time and remained popular for generations, which were not shown nor created by the BBC. Father Ted is the only one that really stuck out for me. ITV had George And Mildred and Rising Damp, but who watches them these days?
That story may not be as relevant in recent years, with Channel 4 now making Sitcoms as notably good as the BBC, during the 00's. Channel Four have brought us Peep Show, The IT Crowd, Phoenix Nights, Black Books, Spaced and The Inbetweeners. ITV have done nothing worth cheering about. In fact, should you think about it too much, you will soon start crying. The BBC recently have had Outnumbered, The Mighty Boosh, The Office, Gavin And Stacy, My Family, Not Going Out and The Thick Of It, to name the most popular.
The BBC does lots more. Whether you like them or not, they constantly bring us brand new dramas which are just as gripping. They capture the audience whether they are a small child or a person knocking on the gates of heaven. I will just say two words: 'Doctor' and 'Who'. A program which is basically set around an alien, who looks exactly like a human man, moving around the Universe in a blue box with a light on it, and defeats other, nastier aliens with help of people who represent British culture of the time.
Vintage Doctor Who Logo
You can say whatever you like about the BBC, but just remember who still continues to create the longest serving, most popular drama which has the power to grip people across the globe, and still keep it fresh. Doctor Who is a significant part of British popular culture, and has inspired and gripped countless numbers of people and is the big must-see television favourite, and has lasted 769 episodes, with lots more upcoming. Name another British Television Corporation that has done that. Exactly, you can't, can you? Would any other channel even attempt to do something to that scale? Do you still want to argue that the BBC isn't value for money?
Fine. I will name two more television shows which are on the BBC. Have I Got News For You and Qi. Just between those two shows, the BBC achieves its three main goals to: Entertain, Inform and Educate. The Government says it has to do those three things for it to receive its public funding; and it does that easily. Also, to Inform and Educate people while Entertaining the audience and making them laugh, is quite challenge. No other British channel really has shows which can do that. Well, apart from Dave, but that’s only because they’re showing BBC shows. Think about it - without the BBC, the channel Dave would not be able to exist. Without the existence of Top Gear alone, the schedules on Dave would be empty.
Still not convinced? CBBC and Cbeebies. Without those two channels, Children would be stuck with Disney, Boomerang and Nickelodeon, and our children would grow up being stupid and stuck with American values. Trust me - we do NOT want that. I know the BBC show American Children's shows like Arthur and Scooby Doo, but they vary their range. There are those programs which are just really fun with no hidden motive to educate, then you have the ones which do. My prime example is Horrible Histories; a program which teaches children about history in a very funny way. I watch it. I consider it be of a better quality to many comedy shows on TV now. As a BBC 2 Sketch show, it would work well.
Vintage logo for what is now 'CBBC'
CBBC shaped me to be the person I am today. Some may say an angry, cynical teenage boy isn't a good thing to be, but that is beside the point. Watching Arthur everyday made me who I am. Enjoying Postman Pat made me who I am. Fireman Sam made me the person I am today. Even Pingu has made me the person I am. Blue Peter has made me the person I am today. Thanks to that show and their constant appeals, I have learned that if I don't do anything, other people will and charity still wins. It made the lazy man I have become.
Still not convinced aye? Radio. The BBC spurts out 12 different radio stations, all transmitting different genres of music, interesting facts, amusing shows and high-brow debates amongst the middle classes, through the airways of both the analogue and digital type. You cannot get that type of varied entertainment anywhere else. I can switch between Chris Moyles or Chris Evans in the car of a morning and I can listen to these high-brow debates amongst the middle classes on Radio 2 during my travels in the day. I can then come home and listen to the laugh-out-loud 'I'm Sorry I Haven't Got A Clue’ on Radio 4's iPlayer. You cannot tell me all that variety, plus all their TV channels and excellent shows, their news coverage, website and iPlayer systems are not worth the money we pay them. Well, you can try, but I will brand you an ignorant, naive liar!
Just a side note on the business of Chris Moyles having a rant about his pay on his breakfast show: I believe he is more than entitled to do so. That is partly because I believe people should rant more in the mornings as it is a way of engaging and stimulating the brain, but that isn't the main reason. He hadn't been paid for a few months due to a technical error. Now, it doesn't matter how much you earn, you still deserve to be paid for the job you do. I don't think there are many people who would wake up early in the morning and go to work - every single day still, despite not receiving a wage for months. I think he should be praised for his loyalty, and if it takes a rant to sort it out, then let him. Anyway, back on topic.
Not on my side yet? Fine - two words. 'Monty Python'. Maybe it requires a slightly acquired taste of humour, but one of the greatest comedy sketch shows to come out. Their jokes have remained popular and overly quoted for some 40 years. This isn't the only great comedy sketch show to come out of the BBC. The Two Ronnies is another great example. Yet again their sketches remain popular and relevant today. Other comedy acts like Eric And Ernie or Vic And Bob have come from the BBC, all popular and well liked and watched during their popularity hype. You cannot say that the BBC are of no worth, when they are pretty much the only producers of decent comedy on the television, for our nation.
Still not agreeing with me? The charity work they do - the BBC use hours upon hours of their scheduling for charity-related shows. Sport Relief, Red Nose Day and Children In Need are all things you will see on television annually. Without questioning, they have top celebrities helping out. They will always have the number in the corner of the screen, urging people to donate money. They raise absolutely millions of pounds of charity - in just the one evening. Granted, that money comes from us the general public, but I doubt us idiots would even contemplate it without any of that charade sometimes. Remember all the charity events you have watched on the BBC. Now, if that doesn't sway you - then God will hate you. And if you don't believe in God - Cheryl Cole won't believe in you; and if she doesn't believe in you - you know you're in trouble...
The slightly older logo for Children In Need
You can live with God hating and Cheryl Cole not believing in you, can you? You still don't believe the BBC is worth the money? I'll pull out my top trump then. Adverts. Everyone complains about adverts. Just as a show gets to a good bit; they cut to an advert. The adverts are full complete rubbish, all advertising their cosmetic lies and poisonous chemicals that only kill 99.9% of bacteria. The BBC, have none; apart from a minute between shows, to advertise their own shows. They have no adverts. What would Chris Tarrant do if Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was a BBC show? He would never be able to say the words everyone hates 'We'll find out in a minute'. Well, he could I suppose, but he'd have to get up and dance to fill the time - and if he done that every week, we'd hate him. A lot.
You see, by paying the BBC this £145 a year, we have no adverts. We have top quality programming. We have a range of formats from Radio, to Internet, to TV. We have a range in shows from Classical music to the ridiculous BBC 3 documentaries of the absurd. It doesn't matter about your opinions of one particular show, because with this huge range they have on all of their media formats, everyone is bound to find shows they love on the BBC. I mean - Doctor Who. It’s a top quality show with some truly awe-inspiring special effects and some mostly great writing. That can be said for so many of their shows.
All the other channels in the UK only exist by paying top talents like Ant and Dec millions of pounds annually to front their shows or by showing American shows. They don't really create anything that can stand the test of time and that can set a person’s imagination running wild. The BBC do. Sure, they do show American shows, but they level it out with their ability to create this top class, popular, well created shows which do inspire people everywhere, and indeed inspire me.
So, next time you want to complain about the BBC and the money they receive, and the next time you read in a tabloid newspaper that the BBC are a waste of tax-payers money, remember all the things they have given you; either present of many years ago in the golden age of comedy. Think for yourselves you idiots! You don't have to have the same opinion that the Newspapers tell you to have - or in fact what I tell you to say. You don’t have to listen (read) to a word I have said (typed). However, I do fell I stated a very strong case for the BBC and how they are worth every penny, and don't deserve to have millions of pounds cut from their budget by the Conservative Party.
Also, remember to pay your license fee!
P.S. If you wanted to listen to a catchy musical version of this blog, listing reasons to be proud of the BBC, then you should probably listen to this if you haven't done so already: Mitch Benn - Proud Of The BBC.
I expect even the Amish are aware that there has recently been a small competition called 'The World Cup'. This year it was in South Africa in which the main talk of the World Cup wasn't in anyway football related. It was the new word the whole world learnt: 'Vuvuzela'. Surprisingly, no spell check recognises it as a word... Anyway, most people spent the four weeks complaining about the incredibly irritating sound caused by them and how it meant we could no longer hear the chanting (or booing) from the crowds. For the first few matches there should have been a sign at the bottom of the screen saying 'Do not adjust your sets'. The Vuvuzela, to me, made it sound as if an apocalyptic-sized swarm of angry bees had been set upon South Africa.
I will now join in the millions of English people in criticising the England Football Team. Well, what a ridiculous display that was; a whole nation setting their hopes upon a bunch of over-paid men. Every four years we chant that we will win the World Cup, just like the squad did in 1966. I'm not sure how we developed this naivety towards how rubbish we are. Everyone expected fantastic things from the foot of Wayne Rooney (apparently, he has now just been house trained). Everyone expected great things from the Italian who looked like Postman Pat, Fabio Capello. Everyone even expected us to sail through the group stage with relative ease. How wrong we were.
Every fat man sitting in a pub drinking his third glass of bitter, will claim that they could do a better than the England Team, even though he barely manages to co-ordinate his right hand holding the glass to his open mouth. Well, I feel I should join in on this national pass time. “I reckon me and my ageing family would have done a better job than the England team did against Germany. My blind Nan would obviously be in goal, with the defensive line being covered by all the old female relatives with their handbags and moaning. Midfield would consist of selected Aunts and Uncles and upfront would be my Dad and Grandad, grumbling about their aches and pains. This team, in my idiotic, uncared for, naive, and arrogant opinion, would have done better..."
However, in all honesty, competing in the World Cup was just a waste of money for us Brit's really. We drew 1-1 against the USA, a country who have no interest in our football, but only when it comes to trying to win something. Also, what a ridiculous display by Rob Green in goal; I mean, I know girls who would never let go of a ball that easily... We then drew 0-0 against Algeria and then finally, won 1-0 against Slovenia. This was just about enough for us to get through the Group Stages. However, up until this point, we had done awfully, so I vowed to not watch the game against Germany, and how right I was (even if I was the only person in England to get sunburnt during that game). It was awful as far as I can tell. We lost that 1-4, and yet, everyone made a huge fuss over Lampard's goal being disallowed. What difference would that have made? We still would have lost badly, but not by quite as many goals... How stupid can English people be when it comes to football?
I actually watched a majority of the football games, either the entire way through or at least one half. Nothing exciting really happened, apart from quite a few goals being scored (145) and even more yellow cards given (260). That's only in a space of 64 games. To bring maths into this blog for just a few seconds, that is an average of about 2 goals and 4 yellow cards in each match. Anyway, as I said, I watched a majority of the games but, and this may just only be me that thinks this, a majority of the games were not that entertaining.
The second to last match (the battle for third place between Uruguay and Germany) was possibly my favourite game of the lot. Many goals were scored and it was rather close. I don't see the point of games were teams just pass the ball around to each other. Surely the main purpose of a football match is to score as many goals as possible and stop the other team from scoring more.... This nicely brings me onto the subject of the final match between the Netherlands and Spain. That was possibly one of the most boring matches of the World Cup. Spain eventually scored just before the end of extra time, but by then everyone had stopped caring who won and just wanted the football to finish. I personally think Germany deserved the World Cup more than Spain. Oh well.
I do have one thought: Does the fact that Switzerland was the only country to beat Spain during the World Cup, mean that they are infact the better team?
The World Cup was shown on both the BBC or on ITV. Both had different ways of handling the coverage. The BBC opted for Gary Lineker (a majority of the time), with a row of various pundits such as Alan Shearer and 'Motty', professionally reviewing the match. ITV opted with Adrian Chiles being almost as ignorant as me towards Football, with a team of pundits not as well known as the BBC's. Also, both sides had a South African sat in the middle, occasionally giving their opinions which no-one understood at all. Both Lineker and Chiles would sit their nodding quietly until they thought he'd finished and turned to one of the other pundits and said 'Do you agree?' It was a pointless accessory to the coverage.
ITV also had James Cordon as a key part of their coverage. After every evening football match that ITV showed, he would do a half-hour show, in which he would talk to random celebrities who foolishly put forth their uncared for opinions, in front of a studio audience and the British public. I didn't care much for the show. He then even recorded a World Cup single with Dizzee Rascal, which was a football adaptation of Tears For Fears song - Shout. I didn't care much for the song either. Essentially, I was going to write a concluding joke about James Cordon for this paragraph of the blog, but all I came up with was a big fat nothing...
The worst thing about the World Cup was the adverts. Thanks to them, I was sick of the World Cup before it even started frankly. The nation full of false patriotism became even worse when American brands, such as Mars, began supporting England team on their packaging. Some companies will do absolutely anything to sell their products. Pringles even had Peter Crouch on the front while they imaginatively changed their name to 'Pringooooals'.
Almost every advert included some form of mention of the World Cup. The Nike advert was possibly one of the worse, with them paying numerous footballers lots of money for them to appear in their television advert. Wayne Rooney in a caravan with a beard (however, an attractive prospect) and Ronaldo in The Simpson's were just two examples of the pointless 3 minute advert wasting my time and their money.
The television companies were the best at using the World Cup for fraud. Sony spent a lot of their advertising campaign for their new 3D televisions, saying how YOU, the British public should buy THEIR 3D television in order to watch the World Cup in spectacular 3 dimensions. Carefully forgetting to point out that no coverage of the World Cup in the UK would actually be broadcast in 3D; but that is only a minor problem in their plan - right?
Anyway, feel free to correct me on any information I may have got wrong. I do actually only have limited knowledge of football. I have enough to get through life, but not enough to have a substantial conversation on the topic.
P.S. What is with Football and awarding cutlery as a prize? The World Cup... The Super Bowl...
Actually, that's a lie, I don't like the idea of suicide, and within one sentence I've criticised myself, but that's beside the point - Television is really quite depressing these days. The Summer Holidays have come to an end, and I've not done much, apart from watch TV. We don't have Sky in our house (because apparently I watch too much TV already) so we only have Freeview, but it still offers me plenty of things to watch during the day, and during the night. I'm not used to watching TV during the day, or late at night and it's a very odd experience.
This will be my first two-part blog since April, and the first addition will be on night time telly, which seems to go all very odd once the clock strikes Midnight. Some channels just repeat what was shown during the evening like BBC 3, and Dave do. BBC 1 entertains the deaf with sign language, and they must think deaf people don't need to sleep, or that they are nocturnal. BBC 2 just shows 'The Wire' which everyone raves about, but I've never watched and is followed by hour after hour of news. ITV shows a program called Nightwatch, which I've failed to see the point of. One episode will be of red arrows, and the next will be talking to rape victims. Channel 4, as well as E4 (and Channel 4+1 and E4+1) show constant footage throughout the night of the Big Brother Housemates sleeping - However that'll change tonight, seeing as today is the last day this year’s Big Brother. I heard the best news last week, which is that we only have to cope with one more year of the insufferable Big Brother. I wasn't sure how to celebrate. I can't help but feel it was thanks to me, if only slightly, because of my blog moaning about Big Brother a few weeks ago, and my numerous blogs complaining about Jade Goody. Feel free to thank me. I must say thank-you, to you I suppose, for making Big Brother less popular and making Channel 4 executives realise that it’s shit. Next year will be the eleventh year, and that's far too long for it to have carried on.
Anyway, back to night time telly. Five do a show called 'Quiz Call', when it's not showing American sports for some reason, which seems to be a theme of a lot channels during the early hours of the day. There are channels which are dedicated to them, and they allow people who are even too stupid to understand the rules of ‘Deal or no Deal’ to win small amounts of cash. It offers questions like 'Name something you'd find in a woman's handbag'. One answer was 'Raw plugs' and another was 'A Bandana'. I suppose you never know when you could be asked to sneak into a building site without being seen to put a shelf up on a brick wall. You can also play Roulette on the Telly, which is something which is shown on numerous channels. All these quizzes are hosted by stupid, blonde girls and boys. I say host, they actually just work as a call operator while being filmed by a TV camera. All they do is ask what the callers answer is and tell them if it's right or wrong. Mind you, it's a step higher in Television land than working on a 'Male Entertainment Channel' as I believe they're called.
Channels like 'BabeSation' and 'Partyland' are part of this category, where a women lays provocatively in front of a camera for a few hours, while they talk to people (I can guarantee you, they're mostly men) on the phone, while thrusting their hips as if their pelvis is somehow having an epileptic fit, while wear tongs and maybe even bra if they're a bit self-conscious. You're probably sitting there thinking that this appeals to me, seeing as I am a single, male teenager, but you know what, you're wrong. I actually find it rather repulsive, especially when they occasionally talk - they're not exactly the most educated of people, but then that's probably made obvious by their job. The writing at the bottom of the screen always makes me laugh when it says 'Call now, for a chat' which reminds of a Lee Evans joke, and I find myself in hysterics watching what is essentially, a porn channel. In the words of Lee Evans, 'Who's calling her for a chat, why don't they just say it - Call now, FOR A WANK!'
Adverts during the night are also very odd. They're always trying to sell you a JML product which will in some way improve your life and trick you into thinking 'I do need a vacuum cleaner which I can carry on my back, just like a backpack' and even 'You know, I've always wanted a mop that can steam clean hard floor surfaces’. These are things which we've lived without quiet happily, but for some reason, we now require. If they're not doing that, they're sex related. Whether it's for a sex chat line, or a dating text service, they're odd adverts. Sex chat lines are just like the channels I've just spoken about, but you can't see them, and they're probably a 50-something, overweight women walking around the house cleaning, while pretending to be an 20 year old, slender, busty blonde. The dating text services can manipulate just as easily. Think you're texting a local women, who sounds like the woman of your dreams and is apparently outgoing, yet no-one actually knows of her? It's probably a computer. Maybe I'm too cynical, and it is all real and people have found true love with real people, but then at least if I'm cynical, I am less likely to want to try and I can save myself £1.50 every time I text the comput - I mean an attractive female.
Something I watched for the first time a few weeks ago is the Kerry Katona documentary about her 'normal' life on TMF. I say I watched it, I don't think being mesmerised and intrigued by it for five minutes before changing the channel and being ashamed with myself, is really watching it. I seemed to be more ashamed of myself for watching a few moments of Kerry Katona than I was after watching a few minutes of Babestation, but then I'm weird like that. The bit I saw was Kerry moaning about something in which was printed in the newspaper about her and laying on the bed, paying no attention to her child or her husband and talking to the camera. I've been assured that is the basis of every episode apart from the occasional time where she goes to a physiatrist for some reason I couldn't care less about. At least I now know I've not been missing anything of any slight interest.
I've come to the conclusion, that if I want to watch something which is slightly more interesting that what is on the television after Midnight, I could just switch my Lava Lamp on, and watch it for hour upon hour, while simultaneously waiting for white paint to dry and constantly boiling a kettle, just for the sake of it while flicking through a catalogue of women's clothing. Or in other words, it's very dull and tedious but can deliver the occasional bit of excitement.
I'm pleased with that analogy; I'm getting in practice. Anyway, I shall end the blog on that slightly humorous point and I'll be back tomorrow with a blog on daytime television.
For once, I've not written a blog to moan about the ignorance of people or point out the faults in today's society and brand everyone an idiot again - This blog to actually applaud something, in a positive way.
I'm sure most people are aware of the new 118-247 Yell advertising campaign, made by Weebl, with its catchy little tune and its fun, old school animation. You may be aware that it's a copy of Magical Trevor, and he even features in the advert as one of people waiting for the curry, which was there in a hurry.
It's good to start appealing to the 'YouTube' generation, who have a short attention spans because with YouTube being full of 'hilarious' clips which are 10 seconds long, adverts which explain the new science of shampoo, toothpaste, face creams and drinks are not the thrilling things you can watch. Also, the advert appeals to old people, because the catchy tune gets stuck in your head, and therefore, theoretically, old people should be able to remember the six digit number - 118-247.
Weebl have created many 'virals' as they're called which have become quite popular ways for bored people to pass the time with videos such as 'Badger, Badger, Badger' and 'Weebl and Bob.' The adverts on TV and Radio both reflect the success of their random video website, and I hope more adverts emerge soon which go along the same lines.
Below are two videos. The first one is one of the ‘Magical Trevor’ videos, and the other is Yell 118/247 advert. Enjoy.
A nice short blog, with two video’s. Makes a change doesn’t it. Toodles M’dearys xXXx
You may have noticed those things between programs and during the program, called adverts. They’ve been around for a while, advertising double glazing by shouting at you, spot creams with Vanessa Hudgen’s telling you she’s stressed, Piers Morgan being a twat and saying M&S food is okay, and the latest trend – rock stars and big Hollywood stars advertising insurance.
Namely two insurance companies; Norwich Union (which if you didn’t know is changing its name to Aviva), and Swift Cover. During these times of an economic downturn with banks queuing up to be bailed out by the government, it’s good to know that the insurance companies can still afford big names to advertise them.
Norwich Union have a whole cast of big names, costing them £9 million, with Alice Cooper, Bruce Willis, Dame Edna Everage, Ringo Star and Elle Macpherson. They all asked themselves what would have happened if they hadn’t changed their name. Dame Edna Everage is a bit random though don’t you think? Oh, and just so you know, Norwich Union is not changing their name to get international fame, but purely because they’ve been brought by a company abroad, who have no idea where Norwich is.
Swift Cover responds with a grotesque advert where we join Iggy Pop, with a bear torso, telling me that he is concerned about his insurance, Swift Cover are the best, and therefore we should all run to the phone and change our insurance to Swift Cover. Isn’t is good to know that rock stars have moved on from the times they rebelled, and now make sure they have full comprehensive insurance on their mansions, tour buses and 19 year old girlfriends.
Then Direct Line come along and go, ‘We don’t need a big star to advertise us’, then turned on Dave, and chose two people at random. The lucky fellows chosen were the comic geniuses, Paul Merton and Stephen Fry. I personally prefer this advert, maybe because it’s not so ‘in your face’ and maybe because they’re two of my favorite comedians. You’ll never know.
The point is though, do we really need a host of giant names to get our attention, or will two normal folks have the same effect? Well, we have our own opinions.
