When Actually Is Christmas?

I always thought Christmas was in December. The 25th to be precise actually. The night before I always believed to be the time when Jolly Saint Nick would deliver presents to all the children of the world. I always believed that it was bad luck to put Christmas decorations to be put up before the start of December. I always believed that the classic Christmas Coca Cola advert would mark the start of Christmas celebrations in December. The previous 17 Christmases have therefore all been lies.

Card shops had huge sections dedicated to Christmas in mid-August. AUGUST! AUGUST!! AUGUST!!! What the bloody hell!? August is still technically summer, despite what the weather is like. I got very angry when I walked in a shop to be greated by a shop half-filled with festive joy. IN AUGUST! I'm surprised I wasn't escorted out of the shop for keep shouting 'It's bloody August!' in the middle of the store. It was just outrageous. I soon recovered and ignored the unpleasantness. Until a few weeks later.

We've barely reached September before I am pestered by friend and family 'What would I like for Christmas'. No! I refuse to tell anyone until mid-November what I want for Christmas, which is usually nothing now I have reached an age where being cynical has triumphed over naive excitement. September! SEPTEMBER! I am a much organised person, but not that organised. I won't even start buying presents before December. During September, people felt the need to keep changing their Facebook statuses to saying how they have already started buying presents, or in one case: "Wow, I've finally finished buying every [ones] presents. Now to start wrapping them". That is an even scarier prospect; wrapping Christmas presents in Christmas wrapping paper in September. Of course, thanks to the shops stocked full of Christmas paper by August, it is possible.

Now in October, I am driving around, and houses are covered in Christmas lights. Christmas lights! October! I suppose I should be thankful they weren't actually turned on. These people are ridiculously prepared. I bet these are the kind of people that are prepared for Christmas early, but still have a huge pile of dirty laundry and their kids are going to school in smelly, dirty clothes because their parents are busy on the roof putting up flashing lights that they won't even turn on for another month or so. Sure, usually our house is covered in fairy lights of some flashing variety, but never before December; well some years we may start on the 30th of November, but I think that is acceptable.

Then the adverts. In September there were brief mentions of Christmas in the adverts, with Argos slowly starting to mention them and the sofa companies promising delivery before Christmas. Now we're in October, they are slowly increasing - as they do every year. I don't like that fact, but I am getting used to it. Now Argos has released their Christmas catalogue and more and more adverts are getting festive. They are slowly trickling through onto our televisions. However, and this is no word of a lie, I have honestly seen the Coca Cola advert on television.

A terrestrial channel. Getting late at night. I had to make sure I didn't dream the fact. I wasn't dreaming. The minute long advert with the Coca Cola trucks going through the snow to deliver the tooth-decaying goodness was on television. In October! The Coca Cola advert! IN OCTOBER!

Then I come to my final point. Pringles. Everyone likes Pringles. I actually love them. Well, loved them. They have just started selling their new festively decorated tubes. In October. IN OCTOBER! Let me just make sure you understand what I am saying. Pringles crisps now have snow on them. They have a Pringle wearing a Santa hat on them. They even have the words ‘Merry Pringle’, in some failed attempt at humour. IT’S OCTOBER! Of course, I am sure other companies are doing the same, or at least nearing the point when they do; but festively decorated packets of food in shops, in October are just morally wrong in my books.

Just to prove I haven't gone mad. IN OCTOBER DAMMIT!

So, I just ask, why is Christmas becoming more and more commercial, and therefore getting earlier and earlier each sodding year?