To women, Gok Wan is the greatest thing since sliced bread, seeing how it meant they didn't have to cut it themselves every time they made their man a sandwich. To men, Gok Wan is the most insufferable thing since Sex And The City. Men have to sit and watch a skimpy man of Chinese heritage, go around referring to the shape of women by various fruits, and watch him fondle the same woman, whilst screaming bangers enthusiastically, like a spoilt, northern toddler who wants a sausage…
We all know of Gok Wan as a 'fashion expert'. Essentially, he can just tell what clothes and colours complement each other best, and the best colours and clothes are suitable for different woman. I can do that. I always walk down the street judging the clothes woman wear, and bitching about how tight they look, commenting on how they make someone look 5 months pregnant or just plainly having a sense of disgust for anyone wearing a jumpsuit or 'harem trousers'. If someone were to wear harem trousers over a jumpsuit, they would look like a Genie taking a break from attempting to change the oil filter on their car. Not the greatest of looks, I'm sure you will agree.
I think the arrogance that Gok Wan has about his 'talent' is actually very shocking, but that is the fault of thousands of under-confident women and the media, for making him seem like a God-like figure in the fashion World. He is not considered as a personal shopper, which is essentially what he is sometimes, but in fact someone who has the power to positively change a life. He is Channel 4's answer to Nick Knowles and D.I.Y S.O.S. Friends and relatives of a D.I.Y fashion victim will contact him, and he will look judgingly at them, during a montage of the person being miserable, depressed and fading into the background of a crowd of better dressed, happier people. We look at the 30-something, blonde, mother of three in jeans and a cardigan, and feel sympathy. Then, by the end, we have a montage of clips of the person looking happy and chipper, with her new hairstyle and brighter, make-up laden face, walking down the street, with a camera focus that specifically draws your eye to her, all because she is wearing a dress instead. 'She feels like a woman again', or some similar sound bite to the same effect, is played over the top. We are all happy for her, as well as being depressed that we wasted an hour of our life.
He has elements of a serial rapist/killer to him I think too, and it is all part of the process of making a woman 'more confident' and 'beautiful'. Personally, I think otherwise. He puts a female, in a large, white room, placing her in front of the only object in the room; a mirror. He then tells them to strip down to nothing, and they do it, because every woman does what Gok Wan tells them too. This is a woman who hates her body. He then tells them to stare at it. 'Go on, stare at yourself! Look at every wrinkle. Look at every flabby bit. Go on, shake it about a bit. Stare at your sagging cleavage, go on; STARE! Look at the veins in your legs. You think you're revolting, don't you?' He then stands behind the woman, pinching their flabby arms, and then breathing down their neck, sniggering, while he man handles their breasts, he whispers how 'fabulous' they are, in her ear. If he were to then offer them a suicide pill, most women would probably take it at that point. However, surprisingly, he doesn't rape and kill them. He tells them how they should show their body off more and be proud of it.
Women will believe anything that falls from the lips of Gok Wan. If he said on one of his shows, that aubergine shaped women would look better if they dived head-first into a pool of purple paint every morning, and then dressed themselves in something from the Asda cleaning products isle, such as a dustbin bag and a bucket, they would believe him. That very isle in Asda would have been cleared within hours, as well as every single purple paint tin in every B&Q and Homebase being purchased within minutes of the stores opening. Within a week, 80% of the aubergine-shaped women of Britain would be on public transport and walking down the high street, in different shades of purple and wearing mops, dust pans and brushes, all being held in place with green washing line wire.
Gok Wan is the perfect person to advertise to woman, purely for that reason. If an advertising company is looking for someone to get women buying clothes from a high-street brand, he should do it. If an advertising company is looking for someone to get women to buy a particular brand of make-up or other beauty products, they should get him to do it. If an advertising company are looking to sell a particular make of vehicle, they should get him to do so, even if he does know sod all about cars. If an advertising agency wants to sell tin foil to women, they should get him to do so. Want to sell an acidic shampoo that will not only burn away the hair, but will also dissolve the scalp? He is their man. You could probably be advertising euthanasia of all women-folk, and if he done it, all women would happily march into the gas chambers to their death, with their purple skin and clothesline cover dress, happy because Gok Wan said they should.
Personally, I think he is either a complete genius and perverted man, or a very sincere and lovely person. Chances are, it's the latter, but let me just plant the seed of suspicion about him being a perverted genius, into your mind. Is it really beyond possibility that a man would pretend to be gay, just to be able to spend lots of time with lots of women, in order to see them naked and furiously grope their breasts whenever he sees fit? He has the power to make thousands of women wear low cut tops which show off inches of cleavage. How do you know he isn't high up in some London building, and with binoculars, watching them all walk past? Are you a woman who has ever been in London, wearing a low cut blouse, and heard a voice from afar shout 'Bangers!'? It could have been a straight Gok Wan, sitting with a tissue, watching YOU!
Just saying, how do we really know he is gay? Is it just because Wikipedia says so and he mentioned it in a self-centred documentary about being fat? Hmmm, how sure are you?
P.S. The scene from Monty Python's Life Of Brian, where everyone, ironically, states 'Yes, we're all individual' and 'Yes, we are all different', springs to mind...
We all now live in a time where swearing isn't considered to be some exotic, taboo language, but instead to be something which we hear in everyday life in the street, on television or having quiet conversations in a coffee shop. The word 'fuck' now slips from the lips of almost everyone without intention and with no apology. It is just as much a normal word as 'dog', 'hat', 'sweet' or 'handkerchief'.
The King of sweary shouting: Gordon Ramsay. He's probably shouting at some poor bloke at this very minute...
Things are always described as being shit. Annoyance is almost always greeted with fuck. Disagreement comes with bollocks. Directed anger may even provoke a cunt, a bitch, a bitchy cunt or maybe even a bastard. I'm swearing a lot now. I suppose I should really be putting asterisks in replacement for vowels in the swear words, but what difference would that make. Is it then okay to swear is you put 'F*ck' then? No, I know what that says, and so do you. A swear word is still a swear word, with or without the asterisks.
I remember being younger and not saying the word 'crap' for fear of being told off. When I was younger, if a peer were to swear, they would be considered to be rebellious and maybe even cool. Now I'm older, everyone swears. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck off. You get the gist. To swear has no real meaning. Years ago, if someone swore, you knew they were expressing a very strong emotion; most probably anger or frustration. It won't be long before it will considered okay to swear in coursework because it would have just lost all its meaning.
Swear words are uttered so much in society today, that to hear the word 'fuck' means nothing. I've so far said the word 'fuck' seven times, and I suspect only a small percentage will read that and flinch. Those are the people who will kid themselves into thinking they have some kind of moral high ground over the rest of us swearing people. This point has been proven by the South Park creators, who in one episode said the word 'shit' 160-odd times, to prove that when a swear word is repeated over and over again, it loses all of its impact and becomes another normal, boring word.
Either way, the progression of the word 'shit' intrigues me.
In literal terms, shit was considered to be a vulgar term for 'fecal matter' or excrement. It then became a slang term for something which was nonsense or to reflect someone's stupidity and is a word which is also used to reflect someone's surprise or anger. Someone who 'talks shit' is usually someone who is just very boastful or lies. They are rather negative terms. Now, there seems to have been some sort of turnaround in the meaning of 'shit'. I have regularly heard the word 'shit' to describe something positively. If someone describes to you something as being 'The Shit', then they are referring to it in a positive way and describing it as 'the greatest'. The term 'fucking shit' could probably mean anything these days.
An interesting titbit though: One of the first known use of the word 'shit' on British television comes from John Cleese in Monty Python. I hope he is proud of himself; he has given us this very versatile word which describes anything conceivable to the human mind.
Swearing is pretty much a constant thing on TV these days. The classic 'beep' on a television program also seems to carry just as much offense with it these days, with it being completely synonymise with a swear word. If you were watching some debate on the BBC between Andrew Marr and David Cameron, you would be offended that Cameron said something worth bleeping, despite what the word might have been. A beep brings more attention to it as well. As I have said, swearing has lost all meaning, so chances are if it wasn't bleeped, half the people wouldn't even notice it.
Swearing in pop music is also rather common place amongst the younger performers. In the radio edits of songs which contain swearing, the offending word is just usually replaced with a split second silence, which sticks out like a Fathers For Justice Protestor at a funeral. You can be not paying much attention, and then there is this short silence which captures your attention and yet again drags attention to the obscenity. Whereas, if they had just left the swear word in, we would have probably not paid the slightest bit of attention, and not been offended in the slightest way.
I think there is still a hint of immaturity amongst people who swear all the time, in that they think they are impressing and being fun. Much like the people who use Comic Sans 14, because they think not swearing, or using Time New Roman 12, is boring. I think using the font Comic San 14 just tells people you've given up trying to impress. What, you mean we're actually supposed to find you humorous now you're using Comic Sans? You do realise people who make posters for Church Fêtes use Comic Sans, don't you? Yeah, you're just as much fun as they are!
So what is my personal opinion of swearing? Well, not that you care, but I'm apathetic towards it all really. I disagree with people using swear words the entire time, because there just really is no need for it. However, I think swearing is an important part of the English language for being able to convey a strong emotion or opinion that one might have. It creates versatility from having to just say 'really' or ‘very’ all the time. Maybe there needs to be a cap on swearing; twice a day? I mean, how many times a day do you really need to convey your anger? If you need to do it more than a few times a day, you have major problems and should consult a psychiatrist.
I know I swear a bit too much. Nowhere near as much as a lot of people do, but I do it too much. I have made active steps towards stopping this though. One of my favourite words was 'bullshit', so I have now replaced that with 'Horse Manure'; something a bit different and lightens the mood. For any other word, I now just say 'Profanity'. To call someone a name, I would know call them a 'complete and utter profanity' for example. I'm hoping to better myself.
Everyone has their own opinion, but my answer would be 'True'. Final answer. Think back to your favourite program which is made in Britain. Think what your current, British favourite is. Now, think to what corporation made them. A few of you may answer 'Channel 4'. A fewer amount may say 'ITV'. An even fewer (and stupider) amount of people may even say 'Sky'. However, I bet the vast majority of people would actually answer with 'Yes Stuart, the corporation I am thinking of is The BBC', or something along those lines - depending on how eloquently you like to put things.
The instantly recognisable logo for The BBC
The BBC has infuriated me just the same amount of times as is has to the next man; what with the handling of 'SachsGate' (as it is now referred to as) being one of the BBC's worst mistakes. We all remember when the Media metaphorically bullied the BBC, Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross by kicking them repeatedly from their occasional moral higher-ground, just because of a series of out-of-taste answer phone messages left on the phone of Manuel from Fawlty Towers about his Granddaughter. A comedy back-fire, which instead of the BBC just shrugging it off as a mistake, decided to sack or reprimand numerous people, including Brand and Ross. All this because the stupid public believe they have a say in a huge, world-wide corporation, just because they currently have to play £145 a year, by law, to watch colour TV.
That is a lot of money, but as an 18 year old who currently lives at home with his parents, I do not have to pay that, yet. I've had 18 years of watching colour television for free. What right to I have to possess an opinion then? None really, but that has never stopped me.
The other day, I tried to think of a popular comedy sitcoms made in previous decades that have stood the test of time and remained popular for generations, that were shown and created by the BBC. I thought of lots. Only Fools And Horses, Fawlty Towers, One Foot In The Grave, Open All Hours, Blackadder, Porridge, Dad's Army, Last Of The Summer Wine, Red Dwarf, 'Allo 'Allo!, Steptoe And Son, The Royle Family, The Vicar Of Dibley, Men Behaving Badly and more, I know. Then I thought about popular sitcoms made in previous decades that have stood the test of time and remained popular for generations, which were not shown nor created by the BBC. Father Ted is the only one that really stuck out for me. ITV had George And Mildred and Rising Damp, but who watches them these days?
That story may not be as relevant in recent years, with Channel 4 now making Sitcoms as notably good as the BBC, during the 00's. Channel Four have brought us Peep Show, The IT Crowd, Phoenix Nights, Black Books, Spaced and The Inbetweeners. ITV have done nothing worth cheering about. In fact, should you think about it too much, you will soon start crying. The BBC recently have had Outnumbered, The Mighty Boosh, The Office, Gavin And Stacy, My Family, Not Going Out and The Thick Of It, to name the most popular.
The BBC does lots more. Whether you like them or not, they constantly bring us brand new dramas which are just as gripping. They capture the audience whether they are a small child or a person knocking on the gates of heaven. I will just say two words: 'Doctor' and 'Who'. A program which is basically set around an alien, who looks exactly like a human man, moving around the Universe in a blue box with a light on it, and defeats other, nastier aliens with help of people who represent British culture of the time.
Vintage Doctor Who Logo
You can say whatever you like about the BBC, but just remember who still continues to create the longest serving, most popular drama which has the power to grip people across the globe, and still keep it fresh. Doctor Who is a significant part of British popular culture, and has inspired and gripped countless numbers of people and is the big must-see television favourite, and has lasted 769 episodes, with lots more upcoming. Name another British Television Corporation that has done that. Exactly, you can't, can you? Would any other channel even attempt to do something to that scale? Do you still want to argue that the BBC isn't value for money?
Fine. I will name two more television shows which are on the BBC. Have I Got News For You and Qi. Just between those two shows, the BBC achieves its three main goals to: Entertain, Inform and Educate. The Government says it has to do those three things for it to receive its public funding; and it does that easily. Also, to Inform and Educate people while Entertaining the audience and making them laugh, is quite challenge. No other British channel really has shows which can do that. Well, apart from Dave, but that’s only because they’re showing BBC shows. Think about it - without the BBC, the channel Dave would not be able to exist. Without the existence of Top Gear alone, the schedules on Dave would be empty.
Still not convinced? CBBC and Cbeebies. Without those two channels, Children would be stuck with Disney, Boomerang and Nickelodeon, and our children would grow up being stupid and stuck with American values. Trust me - we do NOT want that. I know the BBC show American Children's shows like Arthur and Scooby Doo, but they vary their range. There are those programs which are just really fun with no hidden motive to educate, then you have the ones which do. My prime example is Horrible Histories; a program which teaches children about history in a very funny way. I watch it. I consider it be of a better quality to many comedy shows on TV now. As a BBC 2 Sketch show, it would work well.
Vintage logo for what is now 'CBBC'
CBBC shaped me to be the person I am today. Some may say an angry, cynical teenage boy isn't a good thing to be, but that is beside the point. Watching Arthur everyday made me who I am. Enjoying Postman Pat made me who I am. Fireman Sam made me the person I am today. Even Pingu has made me the person I am. Blue Peter has made me the person I am today. Thanks to that show and their constant appeals, I have learned that if I don't do anything, other people will and charity still wins. It made the lazy man I have become.
Still not convinced aye? Radio. The BBC spurts out 12 different radio stations, all transmitting different genres of music, interesting facts, amusing shows and high-brow debates amongst the middle classes, through the airways of both the analogue and digital type. You cannot get that type of varied entertainment anywhere else. I can switch between Chris Moyles or Chris Evans in the car of a morning and I can listen to these high-brow debates amongst the middle classes on Radio 2 during my travels in the day. I can then come home and listen to the laugh-out-loud 'I'm Sorry I Haven't Got A Clue’ on Radio 4's iPlayer. You cannot tell me all that variety, plus all their TV channels and excellent shows, their news coverage, website and iPlayer systems are not worth the money we pay them. Well, you can try, but I will brand you an ignorant, naive liar!
Just a side note on the business of Chris Moyles having a rant about his pay on his breakfast show: I believe he is more than entitled to do so. That is partly because I believe people should rant more in the mornings as it is a way of engaging and stimulating the brain, but that isn't the main reason. He hadn't been paid for a few months due to a technical error. Now, it doesn't matter how much you earn, you still deserve to be paid for the job you do. I don't think there are many people who would wake up early in the morning and go to work - every single day still, despite not receiving a wage for months. I think he should be praised for his loyalty, and if it takes a rant to sort it out, then let him. Anyway, back on topic.
Not on my side yet? Fine - two words. 'Monty Python'. Maybe it requires a slightly acquired taste of humour, but one of the greatest comedy sketch shows to come out. Their jokes have remained popular and overly quoted for some 40 years. This isn't the only great comedy sketch show to come out of the BBC. The Two Ronnies is another great example. Yet again their sketches remain popular and relevant today. Other comedy acts like Eric And Ernie or Vic And Bob have come from the BBC, all popular and well liked and watched during their popularity hype. You cannot say that the BBC are of no worth, when they are pretty much the only producers of decent comedy on the television, for our nation.
Still not agreeing with me? The charity work they do - the BBC use hours upon hours of their scheduling for charity-related shows. Sport Relief, Red Nose Day and Children In Need are all things you will see on television annually. Without questioning, they have top celebrities helping out. They will always have the number in the corner of the screen, urging people to donate money. They raise absolutely millions of pounds of charity - in just the one evening. Granted, that money comes from us the general public, but I doubt us idiots would even contemplate it without any of that charade sometimes. Remember all the charity events you have watched on the BBC. Now, if that doesn't sway you - then God will hate you. And if you don't believe in God - Cheryl Cole won't believe in you; and if she doesn't believe in you - you know you're in trouble...
The slightly older logo for Children In Need
You can live with God hating and Cheryl Cole not believing in you, can you? You still don't believe the BBC is worth the money? I'll pull out my top trump then. Adverts. Everyone complains about adverts. Just as a show gets to a good bit; they cut to an advert. The adverts are full complete rubbish, all advertising their cosmetic lies and poisonous chemicals that only kill 99.9% of bacteria. The BBC, have none; apart from a minute between shows, to advertise their own shows. They have no adverts. What would Chris Tarrant do if Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was a BBC show? He would never be able to say the words everyone hates 'We'll find out in a minute'. Well, he could I suppose, but he'd have to get up and dance to fill the time - and if he done that every week, we'd hate him. A lot.
You see, by paying the BBC this £145 a year, we have no adverts. We have top quality programming. We have a range of formats from Radio, to Internet, to TV. We have a range in shows from Classical music to the ridiculous BBC 3 documentaries of the absurd. It doesn't matter about your opinions of one particular show, because with this huge range they have on all of their media formats, everyone is bound to find shows they love on the BBC. I mean - Doctor Who. It’s a top quality show with some truly awe-inspiring special effects and some mostly great writing. That can be said for so many of their shows.
All the other channels in the UK only exist by paying top talents like Ant and Dec millions of pounds annually to front their shows or by showing American shows. They don't really create anything that can stand the test of time and that can set a person’s imagination running wild. The BBC do. Sure, they do show American shows, but they level it out with their ability to create this top class, popular, well created shows which do inspire people everywhere, and indeed inspire me.
So, next time you want to complain about the BBC and the money they receive, and the next time you read in a tabloid newspaper that the BBC are a waste of tax-payers money, remember all the things they have given you; either present of many years ago in the golden age of comedy. Think for yourselves you idiots! You don't have to have the same opinion that the Newspapers tell you to have - or in fact what I tell you to say. You don’t have to listen (read) to a word I have said (typed). However, I do fell I stated a very strong case for the BBC and how they are worth every penny, and don't deserve to have millions of pounds cut from their budget by the Conservative Party.
Also, remember to pay your license fee!
P.S. If you wanted to listen to a catchy musical version of this blog, listing reasons to be proud of the BBC, then you should probably listen to this if you haven't done so already: Mitch Benn - Proud Of The BBC.
