50 – There’s Something Disturbing About Children Chanting 'We Are Coming'

Welcome to my 50th blog, and the chosen subject for today is Torchwood. I have a habit of only doing blogs on things I dislike, people I'm not keen on, the media and how it's run and finding the negative points in human nature, such as love. I thought, for a bit of a change, this cynic would do a blog on something I did rather like, thus why Torchwood is the chosen subject.

Last week Torchwood did a week long story line for Series 3. Monday's episode was entitled 'Children of Earth - Day One', Tuesday's episode was 'Children of Earth - Day Two' and so on, until Friday with 'Children of Earth - Day 5' being the finale. I really wanted the voice of the Geordie guy who does the Big Brother voiceover, or Marcus as his mother named him, to come on say the title of each episode. That would have made me chuckle, but he didn't so I had to do an impression of him saying that myself, everyday.

The story line was, to put it simply, the children of Earth being controlled by drug-dealing aliens in an attempt to scare the world into giving them 10% of the child population of Earth in return for not killing everyone and Captain Jack Harkness being killed and resurrected many a time. This is his party trick really, someone will shoot him, and then he'll come back to life. Essentially his life would be a real-life version of Grand Theft Auto, if he was real, which he isn't.

I actually don't like this. I think everyone who watches Torchwood or Doctor Who, knows that Jack can't be permanently killed, and he will always come back to life, so we don't need to keep having it demonstrated to us. I didn't count how many time he was killed last week, and I wish I had, because to me, it seems that the writers are not the most imaginative bunch; keep using the same bit time and time again. They would kill him off for the suspense of 'Would he come back to life?' which we all knew he would. It just gets boring. It ended up very similar to this - "Oh Jack's Dead, Alive again, he's dead again, no wait, he's alive, oops he's died again - clumsy fellow, what a surprise, alive again" and so on and so forth.

Anyway, forgetting that, I did actually thoroughly enjoy the short but sweet series. The story line was actually very good, apart from the occasional boring bit which just dragged on for too long. The series also gave the viewers a chance to practice a whole range of emotions from disgust to sadness and confusion to shitting ourselves. Pretty much everyone can agree that the scenes in day two, after Jack had been blown apart and his body started to grow back, was rather shockingly, confusingly disgusting.
After that the viewing girls were giving a treat as some would call it, and got to see his penis, if only for a few seconds. Every woman with Sky+ would surely have used it.

I think everyone can also conclude that the finale was a very emotionally based episode, and I'm not afraid to admit, I actually got a bit tearful. For me, I think the most emotional bit was when John Frobisher (The Secretary to the Home Office) got a gun and shot his family then himself, to stop them from having to suffer being taken by these Aliens. Other emotional bits in the series finale were when the army were taking the kids and the parents screaming, as well as when Jack's Grandson died, as a result of Jack saving the world again.
That's right, in this series; we also found out that Jack had a daughter and also a Grandson, just to make the series that bit more emotional. And as if that wasn't enough, Ianto dies in the arms of Jack, before Jack dies again that is, but don't worry, he did come back to life, but Ianto didn't.

There really wasn't much Alien action in those five episodes, which was a bit of let down really. For a sci-fi drama, there really wasn't. A lot of emotion, that makes it a drama yes, but otherwise it was just a lot of people sitting around tables talking, talking to silhouette of an Alien in a glass container, people with Welsh accents running and Jack dying. You see, I find it really hard to like anything on TV these days because I'm just too cynical about everything. I read too much into everything, and I'm very good at 'Knit-picking'; picking holes in everything.

I even found a continuity error, albeit a small one, but towards the end of episode 3, Mr Dekker, or the guy who was always wearing the brown coat as he may be more commonly known, was in one camera angle counting on his hands, but in another angle, he wasn't.

It seems the credit crunch has hit the big BBC dramas. With Doctor Who being put down to 3 episodes this year and Torchwood being put down to 5, without a huge amount of special effects. That's why it's been more emotion based rather than the normal action-packed episodes where they run around shooting Aliens or having sex with them as the previous 2 series have been. If you think about it that way, it was a bit of a cheapskate really, but hey, nether-the-less, it wasn't too bad.

That was blog 50 then m’lovelys, but blog 51 shall come soon.
Toodles m’dearys
xXXx

The Hot, Economic Climate of Fear

Is it just me that is bored of turning on the news at the moment and hearing about climate change, the money problems everyone has, and the increased risk of everyone being killed by a nuclear bomb from Iran? Of course, you only hear that after you hear all about Jade Goody, and her funeral, which I’m sure I’ll mention in another blog, sometime.

I’m one of these people who do not believe that climate change is a myth, and I think it is happening, but I also think it’s not caused by us. I’m sure people who are quite good with their world history will know that this tends to be a cycle that ‘Mother Earth’ has. Just like most women, one day she’ll moan she’s cold, then so many millions of years later, will complain it’s too hot. You can’t really go longer than a week (if that), without hearing that the ice caps are melting, a species of fish has died or that we’re having ‘freak’ whether.
Whenever it snows now, it seems to be caused by global warming, but you go up to an old person, and they will tell you happy all about the snow in their days, when it was so cold, they couldn’t even ride their bike to school because it was frozen. Or they would be delighted to inform of when they had a big drought one summer. It’s something that been around for a long time, and not something caused by driving a Land Rover or by having a bath. Also, if we decide we’re all going to drive everywhere in Peugeot 107’s and take showers, it isn’t going to stop global warming.

Another thing I’m sure you would have heard about is the money troubles a few people seem to be having over the past year or so, caused by a banker giving a couple of people mortgages they couldn’t afford in America. Well, maybe on a larger scale than that, but still the point stands.

People are not going to Spain in the summer, and instead have to go to the Lake District. I have no sympathy for those people as I am someone who hasn’t had the pleasure of leaving good old Blighty. People are not buying bottled water from the Scottish Highlands and have realised that water comes out of things called ‘Taps’. I don’t think the Credit Crunch is a bad thing really. People have managed to have a look at the money they waste on stuff they don’t need, and everyone’s learning how to count down from 5, as the interest rates tumble.
There are bad things to this of course, as people are losing their jobs, which then means more people are stuck at home watching telly and using electricity, which is apparently causing global warming which now gets us into a continuous loop. With the loss of coastline, we won’t need so many coastguards which means more jobs lost.
Another bad thing, of course, is that bank managers will now have to go bankrupt, as they won’t be receiving a bonus this year, which means they can’t afford their fancy yachts, big cars and houses that come with their own village.

So, as well as the world heating up causing ‘freak’ snow storms and bad credit, crunching giant holes in people wallets, we move onto the world governments scaremongering us into believing that anyone carrying a rucksack, wearing a turban and looking at ceilings in building, supposedly searching for cameras, is a terrorist which will kill EVERYONE! Either that or they’re a Muslim tourist in the Sistine chapel. In that case, maybe they are a terrorist, as I don’t think you find many Muslims in there, and if you do meet one in there, then I would be quite suspicious of them.
Anyway, the latest news is that Britain is apparently a ‘hot spot’ for terrorist to target, and attack us with their chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear and explosive plots to KILL US ALL! We also now have to report everyone who looks or act suspiciously, which if you think about it, is a great majority of people in Great Britain.
Also, I think we’re going to be disappointed next time al Qaida strike, because if they go for a suicide bomber again, all this hype would have been for nothing, so we now have great expectations for them to fulfil. And there is no point in hijacking a plane again, because pilots seem quite capable of crashing their own planes these days, without their help.

I don’t like that we’re being made to be fearful of everything. Once upon a time, the Wolf went to extreme lengths to see what was in Little Red Ridding Hoods basket, but now he has to call the Bomb Disposal Unit, just in case. I also don’t like the fact that we can’t walk into Woolworths anymore to pass the time of day, just because some Americans couldn’t handle their money and gave it to anyone who wanted to buy a house. Another thing I don’t like is that I have to pay £2.90 to catch a bus, which will apparently save the lives of my none-existent grandchildren and because I favour baths to showers, I am seen as an offspring of Satan.

But then again, there aren’t many things I do like, apart from milk, hugs, friends, and Sloths.

So anyway, that’s it, and I hope I haven’t scared you so much that you’ll need to sleep with a nightlight on tonight, because that will make global warming much worse.
Toodles m’dearys.

xXXx

Oh, You Rebels!

You may have noticed those things between programs and during the program, called adverts. They’ve been around for a while, advertising double glazing by shouting at you, spot creams with Vanessa Hudgen’s telling you she’s stressed, Piers Morgan being a twat and saying M&S food is okay, and the latest trend – rock stars and big Hollywood stars advertising insurance.

Namely two insurance companies; Norwich Union (which if you didn’t know is changing its name to Aviva), and Swift Cover. During these times of an economic downturn with banks queuing up to be bailed out by the government, it’s good to know that the insurance companies can still afford big names to advertise them.

Norwich Union have a whole cast of big names, costing them £9 million, with Alice Cooper, Bruce Willis, Dame Edna Everage, Ringo Star and Elle Macpherson. They all asked themselves what would have happened if they hadn’t changed their name. Dame Edna Everage is a bit random though don’t you think? Oh, and just so you know, Norwich Union is not changing their name to get international fame, but purely because they’ve been brought by a company abroad, who have no idea where Norwich is.

Swift Cover responds with a grotesque advert where we join Iggy Pop, with a bear torso, telling me that he is concerned about his insurance, Swift Cover are the best, and therefore we should all run to the phone and change our insurance to Swift Cover. Isn’t is good to know that rock stars have moved on from the times they rebelled, and now make sure they have full comprehensive insurance on their mansions, tour buses and 19 year old girlfriends.

Then Direct Line come along and go, ‘We don’t need a big star to advertise us’, then turned on Dave, and chose two people at random. The lucky fellows chosen were the comic geniuses, Paul Merton and Stephen Fry. I personally prefer this advert, maybe because it’s not so ‘in your face’ and maybe because they’re two of my favorite comedians. You’ll never know.

The point is though, do we really need a host of giant names to get our attention, or will two normal folks have the same effect? Well, we have our own opinions.

Woolworth-less and the End to the MFI Sale

The credit crunch has killed many businesses, mainly the smaller ones, but now the big, well known are falling fowl of the money problems we are facing and the two latest ones are Woolworths (one of the best loved and most known retail stores in Britain) and MFI (that furniture store). Woolworths have been around nearly a century and is the one company you’d least expect to go in administration. You would have thought it would be a safe company in invest in, but it just shows anything can happen.

If I had enough money I would make so much money out of all of this though. I would buy the two companies, and then sell all the stock at low prices, then sell all the property. Woolworths have over 800 stores, so that’s a good few million I could make out of that. If anyone wants to help me with my business venture, then you’re more than welcome. Although I know how we could save Woolworths. We should keep the ‘pick ‘n mix’, but put it up really high so that little children can’t steal the sweats. Also, they should rename it and call it ‘Pick one, and don’t mix!’ Well that’s my idea. I don’t suppose they’ll take my plan on board though.

MFI have also had to go into administration. Now that is their own fault if you ask me. Like other furniture stores, they constantly have sales on, and you can’t help but think, if they weren’t constantly doing sales they may actually have made some money, and stopped this from happening. Mind you, they have lots of huge stores and nice furniture so could make quite a bit of money out of them too. If only I was older and richer!

So the question is who will be next? We’ll have to wait and find out, it won’t be a long wait though, that I can promise you. Gordon Browns big idea to cut VAT and numerous other ideas may work when they are put into place, but I doubt it. Labour have really messed everything up haven’t they?

OAP's In Need

Isn’t it ironic, that a show that is meant to better the lives of children from poor families or disabled children or whatever is presented by an old man who has no idea what he’s doing – Terry Wogan. And then when they came to our local area every hour I think it was, which was co-presented by Tony Blackburn, who seemed to have lost his hearing-aid.
So I think we shouldn’t be thanking the general public, but the care homes that let old people loose for an evening, once a year to spend it will a giant yellow teddy.

Children in Need isn’t as good as it used to be, in my opinion at least. I’ve always preferred Red Nose Day (Comic Relief) since I was little, but my memories of Children in Need were having fun and laughing, but for the past few years it hasn’t been. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, maybe it’s because it is getting worse. Who knows?

And, correct me if I’m wrong here, but aren’t we in financial turmoil with the credit crunch that’s causing the collapse of the British Pound? If we are, then how come Children in Need raised around £20 million from us last night? It proves that although the general public are idiots like I’ve said many a time, but we’re also quite a generous bunch when it comes to charity.

The little sketches they done were to short as well, which hindered them pointless in my opinion. They gave us a sneak peak of the Christmas Doctor Who which I couldn’t see the point of, the Merlin snippet and numerous other things. Gok Wan in Coronation Street was possibly the most annoying of the lot.

Another blog to come soon m’darlings.