April: The Month Stuff Happened

Well, I suppose April 2013 will be written in quite a few history books over the years. Some might say that it hasn't exactly been a slow news month. This month has seen my Godson turn 1, the upgrading of our Broadband package and me getting a few articles published in a local newspaper. As important as these things are to me, they are not events that are going to make it into the history books.

One of the most devastating stories was the Boston bombs on the 15th of April. The tragic scenes were shared around the world within minutes, and thanks to the Internet, I had pictures filling up my Twitter feed. I love being on Twitter to watch stories like this develop, however, it is never long before people start making inappropriate jokes and flexing their Photoshop skills. Things inevitably begin to turn ugly, and soon you can't believe anything. As someone else rather eloquently put it:

Twitter does its best work in the first five minutes after a disaster, and its worst in the twelve hours after that.
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) April 15, 2013

Ashamed To Be Human

I have concluded I don't suit the human race. I think I would be much more comfortable at being part of another species on planet Earth, such as a rabbit or a tortoise. They always seem quite happy and contented and unbothered by what is happening in the news. A rabbit’s hutch will be lined with newspaper, but being a rabbit I wouldn't be able to read the text nor really be able to understand the context of the pictures. And even if I could understand it, I'd either eat or poo on the offending article. It's easy as a rabbit. I can even wiggle my nose and ears like a rabbit. Maybe I was meant to be a rabbit? Or if you believe in reincarnation, maybe I was once a rabbit. I wish I had a simple life like a rabbit, where I couldn't get offended.

Why am I considering the rabbit’s life? Well, the news the past two days has completely depressed, revolted and ashamed me. I am part of a species that murders. I know it's hardly a news flash: “Human Race Murder”. I'm thinking more about a specific murder carried out yesterday; a murder of a bad man. A terrible man. A man most would agree didn't deserve to live in the first place. However, what has bothered me more is not the murder itself, but the aftermath. His death has been glorified, and that is what I have a problem with.

Almost every newspaper carried a picture, on the front page, of Colonel Gadaffi. His lifeless face, covered with blood and a bullet hole in his head, is a picture which can be seen everywhere today. The Mirror had the worst, most disgusting picture and The Sun had a headline, which seemed to be full of pride at his death: "That's For Lockerbie", with the sub-heading "And for Yvonne Fletcher. And IRA Semtex Bomb victims." That headline is typical of The Sun, and its approach to anything done by, or as a result of, our Army. They are often blinded by a sense of pride. Morality doesn't come into their field of approach to news stories like this.

I hate myself for having to put his picture in my blog, but I just wanted to share the front cover. You can hate me and call me hypocritical if you like...

It comes to something when the human race uses technology to spread footage of a man being tortured and killed, all done within minutes of the event happening. Within an hour of hearing about the capture and possible death of Gadaffi, I was seeing pictures on the BBC Website, and video footage on their news channel, of his dead, bloodied and beaten body. The BBC defended it, by stating that they used the video to convey the scale of the "dramatic and gruesome" events. This is the same for every international news outlet in the country. To me, that is just seems wrong. It seems inhuman to put the face of a dead man everywhere; we wouldn't even treat an animal in that way.

Of course, we have to appreciate that as a nation, we are cynical enough to take the opinion that we won't believe something until we have seen it, and studied it for ourselves. Seeing as we can't all fly to Libya and poke the body ourselves; video footage is the next best thing. Saying to news outlets that they cannot show the pictures in their papers, and websites and news channels would be censorship, and I am against censorship. I just believe that we don't need to see these pictures over and over and over and over again. He isn't a very attractive man in the first place, let alone dead, bruised and bloodied. Why couldn't it just be confined to the Internet and after the watershed on TV? It seems wrong to have this man, who has essentially been 'happy slapped', in this state, as a picture to symbolise Thursday 20th October 2011.

To take an extreme view; we wouldn't do this to a victim. If Gadaffi had captured, then beaten and killed an innocent person in public and filmed it and uploaded the video to the Internet, the media would handle the whole event with moral decency. The same was done with Osama Bin Laden in May. We had a blurry, inconspicuous picture of a body said to be him, which was plastered everywhere. It seems revolting to do this, time after time. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

It seems the newspapers have become the medieval equivalent to putting heads of bad people, on spikes for others to treat as they will. It dehumanised them. Now, the papers print the picture of a lifeless head on the front page instead.

There is also the argument of whether he should have been killed in the first place, and even the circumstances of the death are hazy. We have a video of Gadaffi in a bad way, being dragged through the streets of his home town, after been beaten up and having blood pouring off of his face. Then the next video we have is of him lying dead with a small bullet hole. Apparently it was cross fire. However, chances are, it was an emotional person, who probably knew some victims of Gadaffi's regime, and then, consumed with hate, put a gun to his head and blew his brains out (metaphorically).

However, now he is dead, people will never know the truth. People will never know his darkest secrets (which is possibly a relief for Western countries, who were heavily affiliated with him). He can never be tried in court, and can never be punished in the humanly correct way. Many questions will remain unanswered. How can a 'new Libya' claim to be any better than Gadaffi, when they begin like this? But then again, his trial was expected to have taken 10 year. It could be said to have been a waste of money and time. I know I will still disagree with his death, and especially how our media have dealt with it.

If God existed, and I was him, I would be putting the human race on the naughty step. No, don't argue and sulk, you done a bad thing, now sit there quietly until I say so; especially you media bastards!

The End Of A Blogging Era

I don’t want people to get upset at this, but I have some sad news that I feel I need to inform you about. A death, very close to my heart has occurred of a very close friend. In fact, my greatest ally when it came to writing rants about varying topics in usually over a thousand words. I now have to face a future in blogging without the help of this friend. I will continue, but it will be difficult for a long while. I miss having this companion by my side. The death happened Tuesday the 5th April 2011 late in the evening. It was sudden and unexpected. Attempts at resuscitation were futile. For once, turning it off and on again did not work. The cause of death was the failure of a vital organ: The graphics card. Yes my loyal reader, my laptop, imaginatively named ‘Laptopo’, has died.

Just weeks before his third birthday, the dreaded blue screen appeared. It’s like watching the life drain from the eyes of a loved one as they look at you for the final time, before collapsing in front of your very eyes. You become over whelmed by emotion. It happened so quickly you just don’t know what to do. You rush over and hold them in your arms, turn them off and on again in a vain attampt to rescue them, but it was too late: upon the reboot, it was obvious The Grim Reaper has taken his latest victim.

Evidence upon the reboot that Laptopo has died.

Tuesday was a normal day. That evening I had come home and switched on my laptop like I do every single day. I had sat on Facebook and Twitter reading boring update after boring update after boring update, while doing little bits of writing here and there for various projects. Like every evening, I also spent time bemoaning the slow streaming of videos on YouTube. I had watched my current favourite song (Patrick Wolf – The City) in staggered moments. Then, I began watching Stewart Lee clips for some comic relief, when, while Stewart Lee slatted Russell Brand on my screen, Laptopo died. I had a tear in my eye.

That tear was partly due to the untimely death of my friend, but also for the inappropriate timing of my friend’s death. Just when you need them the most, they bugger off it seems. As many teenagers of my age doing their A-levels will know, exam season is fast approaching. Therefore it is handy when your laptop, with all your work saved on, dies and takes it all with him. Some will cry ‘Well, you should have backed up’. Well, Mr Hindsight, I have been backing up. Once a month, I back up. A back up was due, so the past months work was lost. Not a lot, but enough to be a big pain up the royal arse.

The next day, I drove to PC World with the corpse of my fellow comrade on the passenger’s seat, to beg of them to save the memory of the deceased friend.

 Now, this were my blog changes tone from being a compassionate epilogue about the death of a loved one, to a rage against the machine.

 Bloody PC World! Like every corporate machine, they want money to even look you in eye.

This particular corporate machine back it’s customers into a corner, so they have no choice but to either be a computer expert themselves with all the correct gizmos, or to pay a PC World employee to do it for you. It cost £30 to get my stuff, which I created myself, back in my accessible hands. This was my own writing and my own photography. If you spent a week building a lovely shelving unit, then you had to pay a stranger for it, you would be fuming. Mind you, if the Coalition had its own way, they would start taxing people as freely as that.

The people at PC World were rather lovely, if not unnaturally obsessed with watching Loose Women and Janet Street-Porter’s lazy right eye. I still wouldn’t say the experience was worth the £30. All he did was dock my Hard Drive (If that isn’t a euphemism, I don’t know what is…) and put various bits of its contents on a DVD disc. £30! Pah! If I were a Gypsy, I’d put a curse on them; or sell them some lucky heather in an attempt to earn my money back.

Now, my computing life is very scattered. I have my music and pictures of an external Hard Drive. I have my current work on a number of memory stick. I’m borrowing a laptop to allow me onto the Internet for a few weeks (and indeed writing this very blog from). Then, I’m using my old laptop to do work on, such as using Photoshop. I was using my old laptop for the Internet, but then I remembered why it became my old laptop. Every 5 minutes, the Internet cuts out because the laptop stupidly decides to change the network password. I never named my old laptop because we never really ‘hit it off’, and now you understand why: he was a bastard!

Now, I’m going to have to spend hours pouring over websites to determine what laptop will be a sufficient replacement. You can’t replace love like what I and Laptopo had, but he was soon reaching retirement age. He became easily confused and was very slow to do anything; much like a senile old man you have to keep waking up whenever you want to have a conversation with him.

It looks like I will soon be entering the Windows 7 generation, and from what I have experienced on this laptop I have borrowed, it is exactly the same as Vista, just a bit more transparent and the use of any lexis is kept to a minimum. Obviously Microsoft spent billions of dollars on redesigning their new Operating System. I would get a Mac however if I had the money, but bloody Apple with their desirable, white, products, have to make everything so sodding expensive.

Now, please join me in a moments silence to remember my great friend. Rest In Peace Laptopo; you were one in a few hundred thousand!

Jade Goody: What A Smashing Year It Has Been Without Her!

It was a year ago today that Jade Goody went through those fiery gates of hell, with the molten lava flooding past her and the aroma of burnt sausages wafting around the place. I have a visual image of Hitler and Suddam Hussien holding a banner which says 'Welcome Jade Goody' at the entrance to hell, with the devil there himself, to personally welcome in his newest member to his community. With it being a Sunday, he would usually be taking a well-deserved break after a week of torturing, but after hearing about the work that this 'Goody' person had done above on Earth, he just had to meet her and congratulate her for her lifetime commitment to being annoying, loud-mouthed, media-attention-seeking, money hungry, bitch.

It seems time is not a healer, as a year later I still have this strong, and some might say 'negative' opinion towards the woman I affectionately call 'ARG, not her again'. The last week or so has been quite confusing and painful for me, thanks to her. The 22nd of March 2009 has been burnt onto my mind forever as one of the happiest days of my life and I also remember it as Mothers Day, so imagine my surprise when I found out just days before that Mothers day this year was a week earlier, on the 14th of March. I had to rush to Tesco's to buy my Mum a card and flowers, all because of that Jade Goody. I thought I was safe in the knowledge that Mothers Day would be the 21st, and that's not all.

Beyond the grave, I swear Jade Goody has not only attempted to make my Mum angry at me, but also to crash my car by cursing me with a bad leg, and also making me vomit myself to death by putting me under the spell of a virus which left me bid ridden for nearly three full days. All I suspect to stop me writing and publishing yet another anti-Goody blog. Maybe I am paranoid, but better luck next time.


I am glad Michael Jackson died last year as well, but not because I disliked him, because I didn't, but purely because it took the hype from Jade Goody. If it wasn't for him, 2009 would be the year that the people of Britain would remember as the year Jade Goody died, but thanks to his doctor killing him, he has become the big death of 2009. I bet Max Clifford was absolutely livid about it, and it is because of that image, I go to sleep happy, every single night.

There is a part in mind which is very suspicious of her whole death really, because who knows what lengths she would go to be famous and popular. Maybe she is dead, or maybe she is alive and living somewhere no-one knows of her and wouldn't recognise her (how I envy them). You may be reading this thinking 'That's a stupid idea; she isn't that idiotic and it wouldn't work'. Well, let me just remind you that this is a woman who pronounced East Anglia as 'East Angular' and thought that to be abroad. As for 'she would never get away with it', never underestimate the power that Max Clifford has.

Again, here is my paranoia (and my hatred) shinning through again, but I think it to be quite a coincidence that at the peak of her unpopularity for being a racist, she gets cancer, gains sympathy, becomes loved then dies before she can ruin it by saying yet another stupid thing. Maybe the reason I am suspicious that she could still be alive is that I miss her and want her to still be alive, because I do. I loved the days when all my Tweets were about how she had annoyed me, when all my blogs seemed to mention her and call her names and when I would come up with a new joke when I saw her face in a gossip magazine or newspaper which would either make my friends laugh or tell me 'that was harsh'. If she came back, imagine all the fun I could have with that.

Instead I have to live with Jade Goody being mentioned every single time Cervical Cancer is mentioned. Every time I read a newspaper or magazine article which is about Cervical Cancer, you can bet that her name is mentioned. Okay, I am aware that I have said this numerous times in many of my blogs and I am going to have to say it again: She done absolutely nothing of any worth. At no point during her illness did she campaign for young girls to get themselves checked out. Essentially, her dying was the best thing that could ever happen, because A) It cheered me up and B) It shocked people into getting themselves checked. All these girls only get themselves checked as a consequence of her dying, not because she tirelessly campaigned. It distresses and provokes me when people almost thank her for girls getting checked out.

Again, I should just reiterate, I am not glad she got cancer; as the cliché goes: I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I have gone yet another year of witnessing the effects that cancer has upon people, with yet another relative biting the dust as a result of it. However, another relative has had cancer and is now perfectly healthy; it really is unpredictable. I have also seen friends deal with relatives that have cancer, and it is not a good thing, and hopefully soon they will find the cure AND not making it so expensive that no-one can actually afford to be cured, as is so often the case. However, I should reiterate one more thing, I still really, absolutely dislike Jade Goody; I'm not heartless and I am actually quite a genuinely nice person, but I nether had sympathy for her!


Last night on television, there was a tribute show to someone who died last year, which I enjoyed greatly and thought it very emotional and tastefully done. That was Boyzone's Tribute To Steven Gately (R.I.P). However, on last night at the same time was 'Jade: A Year Without Her' on Living TV. I found it funny that numerous people told me about this for weeks previous. I had people Tweeting me, sending me texts, I had an email and also people telling me when they saw me in person. I think it is a great tribute to how much I hated her and how much of an impression I made upon people by doing this. I almost feel pressured into writing this blog; like I am expected to insult her by everyone because of this persona I have created, and this makes me happy. I’ve got to be good at something.

Going back to the tribute, and I could not watch it. Not just because I risked being a hypocrite if I did as it would mean not living by my own values, but for technical reasons: I don't have Sky or Virgin Media so therefore couldn't watch it due lack of the actually channel. I did read the immediate reviews of it afterwards however and also read Tweets while the show was on, and from what I gathered it was what I would call 'Poppycock' and 'Balderdash'! It was apparently a very emotional program in which many people were in or nearly in tears at. I can't help but think these people are very pathetic. Also, she was portrayed as a brilliant person from what I could gather; shown as a fantastic parent to her two children and many people fell in love with her. Essentially, Max Clifford did a good job at achieving his aim.

Obviously, a tribute show of someone's life is not going to catalogue all the persons failings in chronological order, so this was expected, but I just find it amazing how easily people forget the bad things a person done when the media pretend they didn't happen. They clearly have taken all the positive stuff from her life, such as her kids, and based the majority of the show around them for ultimate sympathy from the audience. All-of-a-sudden, all the racism and stupidity is forgotten. A parallel to this happening to a person who is actually alive is Cheryl Cole, being portrayed as this princess of modern times and the role model for millions of girls and women; yet only a few years ago a toilet attendant in a club got beaten up by her. It is blooming annoying.

I am glad that is how they made the show; I think it to be quite fitting of how she lived her life really - a liar. Anyway, I know I will have to get over her death soon and just move on with my life. I know I will have to stop using her as my 'go-to-guy' when I need an easy target to insult in conversations, Tweets and blog posts, but it is just so very hard to move on. I have tried my best, what with Katie Price being an ideal and even easier target for my insults, especially with her not knowing who her husband was last week during her interview on This Morning (Thank Goody I was ill to see that), but it just is not the same. I have all these memories of when life was great and care free. The days when I could insult a women who was dying of cancer, and still get laugh, but now I just look desperate.

There are just three other things which fill me with joy about Jade Goody’s death and also about the anniversary. The first being that my lucky number has always been the number 27, and this was proved by the fact that Jade Goody died at the age of 27. Now, to me it is more than a lucky number - it is a holy, saintly number which will bring joy to me throughout my life.

The second is sweet taste I have in my mouth while typing this very sentence. In the news yesterday was that Jackiey Budden, the mother of Jade Goody, spent the days before her daughter's memorial service yesterday on a drink and drug-induced binge in Tenerife. It is all explained how Jade became such an awful human being, and proof that the entire family are just awful human beings and should be dropped into a giant crater and left to die, like that scene in the BFG at the end.

The third is that Jade Goody being dead essentially proves that - I won. I hated her and now she is dead. I win. Maybe I'll get lucky and Katie Price's left breast will implode and kill her. For now: Stuart 1, Pop Culture 0.

A Goody, Jackson And Gately Special

Okay, I had planned to do a Jade Goody special to remind ourselves of the times Jade Goody has been mentioned in my blogs, but with the recent death of Mr Steven Gately, I've decided to slightly alter the subject for this blog. It's now become a 'homage' to Jade Goody, Michael Jackson and Steven Gately, and guess what - Jade Goody still doesn't come across as a popular character.

My obsession with Jade Goody all started when she got cancer really. Before that she remained below my radar of annoyance, and I had apathetic feelings about her. Like I said though, this changed and I made it known. "She is getting no sympathy from me. She is no different to the thousands, probably millions of people are diagnosed with cancer, which is terminal. So why should she be treated any different, just because she was on Big Brother in 2002." That's been my main argument against her really.

I'm quite the angry person when I'm given a free hour or two, a laptop and a subject to write about, which I think has come spilling out whenever my mind has clicked onto 'Jade Goody Rant Mode'. It can be on a subject which is in no way related to her, but I can find a link if I want to, and I'll be sure to use that link! A majority of people have someone like that though, who they absolutely, 100%, categorically, hate - and Jade Goody was my equivalent to that. She just really irritated me while she had cancer - the one opportunity she had to gain sympathy, she ignored and just grabbed lots and lots of lovely money before she died.

After she died, she still irritated me. Like all celebrity deaths, the media manages to keep dragging on and on. Michael Parkinson's very negative comment a few weeks after she died was one way. The main reason Jade Goody’s death has been dragged on, was, and still is, her now widowed husband. First he was seen being upset, then getting angry and going to court then with young, attractive girls. Every time the words 'Jack Tweed' are written by a reporter or muttered by someone reading the news, it isn't long before Jade Goody is mentioned and we're reminded of images of flowers outside her house when she died and images of the bald women in a wheelchair, with tubes up her nose and children on her knee to squeeze a bit more sympathy out of us - the gullible public.

We've had the death of Michael Jackson which has dragged on and on and on and on and on and on. Jermain Jackson is creating a reality show in which he is in search of a young boy who can dance like MJ, and will soon be beamed onto our television sets. I'm not sure what he plans to do with this child, but that's an issue for NSPCC to deal with. We've also have the release of MJ's new song called 'This Is It', and isn't really that brilliant. It's like Man In The Mirror - really, it's what you'd call a classic Michael Jackson song, but because it's by Michael Jackson, as soon as it's released it'll be number one.
Then, more recently, the death of Steven Gately. He died just as surprisingly as MJ did, and caused many Irish women to cry. How many people do you think listened to Boyzone songs that day? Rather a lot I expect. First it was suspected of foul play with Gately and his partner being seen going home accompanied by a third man. What for, we don't know, and don't really want to know. It was later found out after an autopsy that he died of natural causes. We saw images of fans crying, we've seen Ronan Keating crying and we've seen Louis Walsh's chair left empty on the X-factor the past two weeks. We've also started to see a nation unite to complain against a journalist's article in Friday's 'Daily Mail'.

Jan Moir is the women who caused The Press Complaints Commission Website to crash due to the volume of people furious over the article. The article was so bad, it caused Charlie Brooker to write an article, slating her - and on a Friday as well! Having only skimmed through the article, and not read it properly, I can make out she's not fond of homosexuals. She seems to almost think that Gately's sexuality was the cause of him dying. A natural death she seems to think not. How she would know that, I don't know. I've looked on Wikipedia, and she's neither a doctor nor a pathologist. This article is so bad that it's become a police matter - somehow.

She links the recent death of ex-civil partner to Matt Lucas, Kevin McGee to Steven Gately’s surprise death, when really the only link is their sexuality and that they're now dead. According to her, gay people can't live a long and happy life and that it's almost inevitable that the homosexuals of the world will either die of unnatural causes - she isn't very specific of how - or commit suicide. I don't think she's going to be campaigning for gay rights any time soon or indeed be invited to any Boyzone gigs and will spat on by Irish women in the street.

It's this sort of thing though, which will make me grow bored of the story and slowly but surely, the hatred will grow. Just like Jade Goody and Michael Jackson, this story is going to continue on for a while. He's now 6 feet underground, and that should be the end, but because of this 'Journalist' Jan Moir, it's going to rage on for a few more weeks. It essentially, is going to become a printed form of the Ross and Brand fiasco with Andrew Sachs. People who have never read the article, are complaining saying they are offended they should here of such a thing. So well done Ms Moir, look what you've started! Mind you, it's this sort of thing which will turn her from a relatively unknown Journalist, to a well known one.
I'm making note on how to become a well known and famous Journalist - Just call everyone a bastard and complain about every little insignificant thing and eventually I'll be a house-hold name. So, technically I'm right on track, all I need now is to start working...

BBC News 24 Say 'He Touched All Generations'

Have you heard? Well, there's this little rumour going around that Michael Jackson may have died from a Cardiac Arrest. There are so many jokes which I could say about Michael Jackson's life and subsequent death, but a majority of which are very inappropriate, and I won't lower myself to saying them, as a lot of people have done and instead I'm writing a blog to show a little bit of respect. I have decided that I am not going mention his recent history in the media, but shall stick to the good points about him and how he has been conveyed in the past 18 hours; well I will try my best anyway.

Let me just draw your attention to a blog I wrote in February entitled "'Z-lebrities' In Need (of Sympathy)" in which I moan about two people. Jade Goody and Michael Jackson, moaning about how they both try and get sympathy from the public through their health situations and now within 4 months both have died. It's only a coincidence, but it did seem I had created a hit list, or a list of people Max Clifford advisees.
Max Clifford was on BBC News 24 talking about MJ's death, and he managed to bring the conversation around to saying how brilliant Jade Goody was. When will people shut up about her? Anyway, I digress.

Everyone knows Michael Jackson, and a lot of people like his music, whether it's in the times of The Jackson 5 or whether he was black or white at the time of recording. He is an icon of pop music as the news keep telling us, and of course that is true. He has the biggest selling album, meaning he had a huge amount of money, but how to spend it? Numerous operations. He went from looking incredibly normal in his early days when he was still black in his Billie Jean and Thriller music videos, to looking like a complete and utter freak.

Some 18 hours later after the news first broke on Sky News and BBC News 24, it was still considered to be breaking news by the news channels and Sky's headline throughout has been very blunt - 'MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD'. There is only so much these news channels can say though, and it wasn't long before they started repeating themselves, and constantly telling us that he was dead and just showing helicopter footage of the hospital and a small crowd of people outside it, why the newsreaders kept saying how tragic this sudden death was and how it will affect millions across the world and Interviewing irrelevant people.
Both BBC and Sky News managed to get footage of the ambulance reversing out of the Jackson residence and then the dead body being put in a van and taken to a coroner. During the night they had interviews with people who vaguely knew him and had met him once or twice to tell their memories of him. Then it was time to round up the sobbing American idiots to ask how they felt of this tragic event. Most of them were crying and saying how they loved him so much. He seems to have some rather hardcore fans, that has to be said.

Since the news was first told to us about the death of Michael Jackson, that is all we have heard. News reports on the radio just simply say 'Michael Jackson has died from a cardiac arrest.' Forgetting the conflict in Iraq about the election results, or the babysitter who murdered a child and not paying any notice that Swine Flu outbreaks have increased substantially in the past 24 hours. Michael Jackson dying is the only piece of news we need to here, and has been compared to the likes of Elvis and John Lennon by the media. They were all icons of their times and all died early. Comparisons have even been found to Diana, and now you can't compare anything to Diana without comparing it to Jade Goody also - The peoples princess of the 21st Century so I keep being reminded. Anyway, I've digressed again.

Another thing that annoys me is the Americans and that they can be manipulated to feel anything. Should the media tell them to feel angry towards someone, then my goodness, they'll go around with a rather angry expression upon their faces. If the media tells them that to feel sad and cry over the death of a pop star, then they will go out into the streets and cry, then the media will capture them crying, and the most distressed looking one will be put on TV to show the emotions in an exaggerated form. Rather ridiculous looking, well from the point of view of a cynical man anyway.

Gordon Brown can never resist commenting on events like these, so he comes along and says it's upsetting news, and then in a bid to outdo him, David Cameron comments on it saying that he grew up listening to Michael Jackson, to make his connection to the public and make him seem like a normal guy. Then we get introduced to a face we haven't seen since he appeared on I'm A Celebrity... Good friend, Uri Geller. Telling us how Michael Jackson was a misunderstood soul and reminding us that he was upset, with a smile on his face. Probably because he hasn't been on TV for such a long time. In between all these pointless interviews with pointless people giving their pointless opinions, the news channels kept spontaneously changing to a music channel, who seemed to have Michael Jackson's songs on repeat, which again, the newsreader would speak over this and tell us something we already knew, for example that Michael Jackson was dead.

And every part of the media has been affected by this. News channels have had to find things to fill the time when nothing was happening, TV shows like Loose Women were gossiping about this loss of life. Journalists have been relying on Twitter, and not everything is real on Twitter, so they then put false information upon their newspaper's website. Telling us that David Miliband was upset, or at one point that Harrison Ford had died. The Internet was nearly broken by everyone logging in to find out whether Jackson was really dead. Twitter failed for 20 minutes, as did Google and Facebook reported an increase in status changes. 'Bob Bobson iz upset dat Michael Jackson iz dead. R.I.P. What a legend!'

His last tour was due to start in a few weeks also, entitled 'This Is It', and now they've all been cancelled would you believe it. A lot of people have said that the stress of doing these tours is what has caused him to die suddenly. Well I'm quite happy sitting at home listening to his music on my iPod. Admittedly, I only have 18 songs, and I'm not exactly a hardcore fan, but it has been a way of killing an hour and 20 minutes of my time listening to a selection of great tunes and has kept me entertained doing little dances as I sit here and write this blog.

I'm glad that no-one has really been mentioning all the allegations of Jackson's alleged paedophilia, because that isn't what I want him remembered for. He should be remembered as an icon of pop who created music that will live forever and remembered by most for his classic songs as Billie Jean, Thriller, Bad, Smooth Criminal, Beat It, Black Or White, Way You Make Me Feel and more than I can't be arse to name. Should you meet a person that makes a joke, making light of his death, you have permission to give them a good slap.
However, I still haven't found the answer to my question which I asked at the end on the blog I mentioned at the start of this blog. I am rather intrigued by this, as I'm sure you are:
What colour is Michael Jackson's penis? Black or White?
Or actually, does he even have a penis?

Try not to be to upset about it.
Toodles m’dearys
xXXx

Oh, and here is a link to a video on Youtube that Michael Jackson and Britain’s Got Talent fans may enjoy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2YEX60XNJ0

YOU SWINES... How Could You Give Us The Flu!!

Yup, so we're all going to die again it seems. So far this millennium (so 9 years) we have managed to survive Mad Cow Disease twice, Bird Flu so far, and SARS and this year’s new threat seems to be 'Swine Flu', which isn't caused by swine's as the name leads us to believe, but it's originated from pigs - and Mexicans I suppose.

It's cause? Well nature got bored like usual. Every 80 years or so on, there is a pandemic which kills maybe a few million people, we cry a little and blame God for being such a bastard, and carry on like usual again, until the next flu pandemic. Except now we have better medicines, so chances are, hardly anyone will die as a direct cause of swine's. Why people are panicking so much I don’t know (apart from us keep being told by the media that we’re ALL GOING TO DIE), because drugs are so good these days, we can keep anyone alive, excluding annoying reality TV stars that are famous for having a mouth wider than the M1.

The media are also sure to mention that over a hundred people have died from it in Mexico in the last week, but carefully forgetting thousands of people die every day in places like Africa, and somehow it's more important because it's happening in a richer country. And now (at the time posting), only one person has died outside the Mexican border, and that was in America. Even then, the person had only just escaped from Mexico, so I don't think that should really count. And there were 4, I repeat 4, confirmed cases of Swine Flu in the United Kingdom, which now means death is imitate for us all.

I've mentioned many-a-time how the media likes to throw everything out of proportion, and this is no exception. We're constantly seeing images of people wearing masks, which panics us and words are constantly being thrown at us too. 'Dead', 'Apocalypse', 'Pandemic', 'Outbreak', 'Warning' and many more. It's only natural that we're all shitting ourselves. And now the headlines all say that '40% of Britain's will be hit by the Virus', which are just scaremongering us to duck tape all our doors and windows shut. The stories carefully forget to mention that it's only a prediction and it's all if's and could's and no-one sensible has actually said that it WILL happen.
It's also times like this you realise how easy it is to scare people these days, especially on Twitter. I love sitting comfortably and watching people Tweet things about Swine Flu. I spent a lot of my Monday reading things on there, as I did on Wednesday morning, and I must say, there are a lot of scared people. Obviously, there are a lot of people who are making a joke about it, like most of the people I'm following, but there about a million other users, and a majority are shitting themselves. An example is someone eating a Bacon roll, then sneezing some minutes later, but having time to Tweet it before they collapsed and died, which is a definite sign of Swine Flu...

I must say though, that I am getting bored of this dying lark though, how I've managed to last as long as I have I will never know. But you can't turn on the telly or open a newspaper without being told that you're going to die. You die from having bacteria on your chopping bored, and you'll die every time you use the loo because the amount of bacteria there too. You'll die if you bath, not because of the chances of drowning, but because you're using water. Every time someone coughs in a crowded area, suddenly everyone in a 5 mile radius will die. Then when you finally relax in your bacteria free home, you get told you'll die from sitting in front of the telly, or spending more than 5 minutes a day on Facebook.
Unlike most other diseases and flu's, Swine Flu mainly attacks the young and healthy. Yes, if you're a teenager or younger adult, who drinks a lot of Yakult, then you're more likely to get Swine Flu that a smoking, drinking Grandad of 89, who was a prisoner of war and worked in the mines for a majority of their life.
So, if this is my last blog, then you know why... I came into contact with a sombrero that someone, who walked past a pig farm whilst wearing the sombrero in Mexico, brought home many years ago from their holiday.

So Toodles M’deary
xXXx

P.S. Remember to cover your mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze and wash your hands as frequent as physically possible. In fact, why not just pour acid over yourself?

And here is a song which I think is quite appropriate for the situation. It's Devine Comedy - Die A Virgin...