Jade Goody: What A Smashing Year It Has Been Without Her!

It was a year ago today that Jade Goody went through those fiery gates of hell, with the molten lava flooding past her and the aroma of burnt sausages wafting around the place. I have a visual image of Hitler and Suddam Hussien holding a banner which says 'Welcome Jade Goody' at the entrance to hell, with the devil there himself, to personally welcome in his newest member to his community. With it being a Sunday, he would usually be taking a well-deserved break after a week of torturing, but after hearing about the work that this 'Goody' person had done above on Earth, he just had to meet her and congratulate her for her lifetime commitment to being annoying, loud-mouthed, media-attention-seeking, money hungry, bitch.

It seems time is not a healer, as a year later I still have this strong, and some might say 'negative' opinion towards the woman I affectionately call 'ARG, not her again'. The last week or so has been quite confusing and painful for me, thanks to her. The 22nd of March 2009 has been burnt onto my mind forever as one of the happiest days of my life and I also remember it as Mothers Day, so imagine my surprise when I found out just days before that Mothers day this year was a week earlier, on the 14th of March. I had to rush to Tesco's to buy my Mum a card and flowers, all because of that Jade Goody. I thought I was safe in the knowledge that Mothers Day would be the 21st, and that's not all.

Beyond the grave, I swear Jade Goody has not only attempted to make my Mum angry at me, but also to crash my car by cursing me with a bad leg, and also making me vomit myself to death by putting me under the spell of a virus which left me bid ridden for nearly three full days. All I suspect to stop me writing and publishing yet another anti-Goody blog. Maybe I am paranoid, but better luck next time.


I am glad Michael Jackson died last year as well, but not because I disliked him, because I didn't, but purely because it took the hype from Jade Goody. If it wasn't for him, 2009 would be the year that the people of Britain would remember as the year Jade Goody died, but thanks to his doctor killing him, he has become the big death of 2009. I bet Max Clifford was absolutely livid about it, and it is because of that image, I go to sleep happy, every single night.

There is a part in mind which is very suspicious of her whole death really, because who knows what lengths she would go to be famous and popular. Maybe she is dead, or maybe she is alive and living somewhere no-one knows of her and wouldn't recognise her (how I envy them). You may be reading this thinking 'That's a stupid idea; she isn't that idiotic and it wouldn't work'. Well, let me just remind you that this is a woman who pronounced East Anglia as 'East Angular' and thought that to be abroad. As for 'she would never get away with it', never underestimate the power that Max Clifford has.

Again, here is my paranoia (and my hatred) shinning through again, but I think it to be quite a coincidence that at the peak of her unpopularity for being a racist, she gets cancer, gains sympathy, becomes loved then dies before she can ruin it by saying yet another stupid thing. Maybe the reason I am suspicious that she could still be alive is that I miss her and want her to still be alive, because I do. I loved the days when all my Tweets were about how she had annoyed me, when all my blogs seemed to mention her and call her names and when I would come up with a new joke when I saw her face in a gossip magazine or newspaper which would either make my friends laugh or tell me 'that was harsh'. If she came back, imagine all the fun I could have with that.

Instead I have to live with Jade Goody being mentioned every single time Cervical Cancer is mentioned. Every time I read a newspaper or magazine article which is about Cervical Cancer, you can bet that her name is mentioned. Okay, I am aware that I have said this numerous times in many of my blogs and I am going to have to say it again: She done absolutely nothing of any worth. At no point during her illness did she campaign for young girls to get themselves checked out. Essentially, her dying was the best thing that could ever happen, because A) It cheered me up and B) It shocked people into getting themselves checked. All these girls only get themselves checked as a consequence of her dying, not because she tirelessly campaigned. It distresses and provokes me when people almost thank her for girls getting checked out.

Again, I should just reiterate, I am not glad she got cancer; as the cliché goes: I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I have gone yet another year of witnessing the effects that cancer has upon people, with yet another relative biting the dust as a result of it. However, another relative has had cancer and is now perfectly healthy; it really is unpredictable. I have also seen friends deal with relatives that have cancer, and it is not a good thing, and hopefully soon they will find the cure AND not making it so expensive that no-one can actually afford to be cured, as is so often the case. However, I should reiterate one more thing, I still really, absolutely dislike Jade Goody; I'm not heartless and I am actually quite a genuinely nice person, but I nether had sympathy for her!


Last night on television, there was a tribute show to someone who died last year, which I enjoyed greatly and thought it very emotional and tastefully done. That was Boyzone's Tribute To Steven Gately (R.I.P). However, on last night at the same time was 'Jade: A Year Without Her' on Living TV. I found it funny that numerous people told me about this for weeks previous. I had people Tweeting me, sending me texts, I had an email and also people telling me when they saw me in person. I think it is a great tribute to how much I hated her and how much of an impression I made upon people by doing this. I almost feel pressured into writing this blog; like I am expected to insult her by everyone because of this persona I have created, and this makes me happy. I’ve got to be good at something.

Going back to the tribute, and I could not watch it. Not just because I risked being a hypocrite if I did as it would mean not living by my own values, but for technical reasons: I don't have Sky or Virgin Media so therefore couldn't watch it due lack of the actually channel. I did read the immediate reviews of it afterwards however and also read Tweets while the show was on, and from what I gathered it was what I would call 'Poppycock' and 'Balderdash'! It was apparently a very emotional program in which many people were in or nearly in tears at. I can't help but think these people are very pathetic. Also, she was portrayed as a brilliant person from what I could gather; shown as a fantastic parent to her two children and many people fell in love with her. Essentially, Max Clifford did a good job at achieving his aim.

Obviously, a tribute show of someone's life is not going to catalogue all the persons failings in chronological order, so this was expected, but I just find it amazing how easily people forget the bad things a person done when the media pretend they didn't happen. They clearly have taken all the positive stuff from her life, such as her kids, and based the majority of the show around them for ultimate sympathy from the audience. All-of-a-sudden, all the racism and stupidity is forgotten. A parallel to this happening to a person who is actually alive is Cheryl Cole, being portrayed as this princess of modern times and the role model for millions of girls and women; yet only a few years ago a toilet attendant in a club got beaten up by her. It is blooming annoying.

I am glad that is how they made the show; I think it to be quite fitting of how she lived her life really - a liar. Anyway, I know I will have to get over her death soon and just move on with my life. I know I will have to stop using her as my 'go-to-guy' when I need an easy target to insult in conversations, Tweets and blog posts, but it is just so very hard to move on. I have tried my best, what with Katie Price being an ideal and even easier target for my insults, especially with her not knowing who her husband was last week during her interview on This Morning (Thank Goody I was ill to see that), but it just is not the same. I have all these memories of when life was great and care free. The days when I could insult a women who was dying of cancer, and still get laugh, but now I just look desperate.

There are just three other things which fill me with joy about Jade Goody’s death and also about the anniversary. The first being that my lucky number has always been the number 27, and this was proved by the fact that Jade Goody died at the age of 27. Now, to me it is more than a lucky number - it is a holy, saintly number which will bring joy to me throughout my life.

The second is sweet taste I have in my mouth while typing this very sentence. In the news yesterday was that Jackiey Budden, the mother of Jade Goody, spent the days before her daughter's memorial service yesterday on a drink and drug-induced binge in Tenerife. It is all explained how Jade became such an awful human being, and proof that the entire family are just awful human beings and should be dropped into a giant crater and left to die, like that scene in the BFG at the end.

The third is that Jade Goody being dead essentially proves that - I won. I hated her and now she is dead. I win. Maybe I'll get lucky and Katie Price's left breast will implode and kill her. For now: Stuart 1, Pop Culture 0.

Bully Nick Griffin Time

'What's so special about Question Time this week?' a friend asked me and when I said because Nick Griffin from the BNP was on it, they replied with 'Oh, is he that racist guy everyone hates and calls Hitler?' which I think is a good way of summing him up really. Just as Question Time started on BBC 1, a storm was going over my house, and just as the title sequence started, a huge bolt of lightning went across the sky... Coincidence? Probably, but it could also mean God was rather pissed like a majority of people.

Was Question Time a fair and unbiased program? Of course it bloody wasn't, it's only the BBC. No it turned out to be a competition on who hates Nick Griffin more. Was it the audience who laughed at every point that could be taken as slightly hypocritical and sneered at reasonable responses? Was it Bonnie Greer the black female writer who sat next to him constantly asking what he defines as British? Was it Jack Straw who seemed surprised when he was asked a question about his cock-up in immigration? Maybe it was Baroness Warsi (the Conservative spokeswomen for community cohesion (whatever that is)) who hated every answer Nick Griffin gave? Or possibly it was Chris Huhne, a Liberal Democrat who just hated Nick Griffin purely because he lost out to Mr Griffin in the elections? It's hard to tell.
A huge majority of the show was purely people asking Nick Griffin questions and then calling him a blatant liar. Unsurprisingly, there were a lot of people from ethnic backgrounds in the audience and the camera would be quick to cut to one if they pulled a face which could be interpreted as disgust. Is Nick Griffin really racist though? And I think the answer is no, it's just all been taken way out of context by the media, and everytime he said this - guess what - He'd get laughed at and called a liar. Someone even called him 'Dick Griffin' which is such an original insult. I think that member of the audience came up with it all by himself - such a clever boy. To be honest, if this happened at school, it'd be classed as 'Bullying' and with them filming it, and metaphorically slapping him and laughing; it can also be classed as 'Happy Slapping'. Yes, David Dimbleby and his friends where happy slapping Nick Griffin on BBC 1, and on Friday, everyone seemed surprised that Nick Griffin was making a formal complaint to the BBC about the episode. He too (and rightly so) believed he was bullied on BBC 1 on Thursday evening.

I personally think Nick Griffin came across as a very professional politician, which is something not usually said about politicians. Through all the grief he got, in my opinion he coped with it very well and took it in a light-hearted way infront of the cameras. When asked what his view on Islam was, Mr Griffin gave an answer which is correct. He basically said that he disagreed with the opinions of Islam and certain things in the Qur'an, for example their treatment of women. Now, had that question been asked by a law student from Essex and answered exactly the same way by David Cameron, it would have been expectable; seeing as it was asked by a Muslim and directed at Nick Griffin, it wasn't seen as an unexpectable answer.

Anyway, eventually the subject changed to Jan Moir's article about Steven Gately. Every member of the panel all said that she had the right to say those things and The Daily Mail to print the article, so that was repeated 5 times. As you can guess, once the subject changed to homosexuals, Nick Griffin was dragged back into the centre for yet another bashing by the rest of panel and the audience.

I am intrigued by the voting system and freedom of speech at the moment. Members of the public voted for Nick Griffin, which meant he had made it so far up the metaphorical ladder of politics, that he now completed the entry requirements for Question Time, and the BBC where completely right to allow him to have an appearance on Question Time because of this. We're also constantly reminded that we have freedom of speech, so therefore why are people against him talking? It does seem that we're only allowed this basic human right as long as we don't offend anyone and the comment passing out of our lips if Politically Correct. If no-one likes him, then who voted for him? It is very much like John and Edward on X-Factor at the moment; no-one likes them, but someone keeps voting for them. Granted, that's the only time Griffin is going to be compared to two 18 year old lads, but I like uniqueness.

One thing which was constantly said, was that it was the 'BNP's Christmas come early' them appearing on Question Time. And it was, but not for the reasons in which they insinuated. It was more because the BNP have come across as more vulnerable during this bullying, and have therefore come across in a more positive light. Mr Griffin only lowered himself once in below-the-belt punches. A comment about his father fighting in the war, and Jack Straw's father being arrested for refusal to fight, in some way meant that Nick Griffin could not possibly be the love-child of Adolf Hitler.
This point has been proven, with a new poll out today. 1 in 7 people would back the BNP, all thanks to the episode. Now that's a real kick in the mouth for everyone who spent that hour 'Happy Slapping' him in hope of degrading him. Yet everyone is now raging about this; it seems no-one is going to own up to answering yes on this poll.

On Friday morning just as I walked out of the bathroom, the TV was on, and guess who was on GMTV... No it wasn't Nick Griffin, it was Chris Huhne. You remember him surely; I only just told he was a Liberal Democrat. Anyway, he was on there spreading his message of hatred and giving his view on how successful he felt the show was and how it made Nick Griffin and the BNP look. I don't know what he said because I was using the hair dryer while staring at the television, but it didn't look positive.

Just incase you are part of the huge majority who would 'happily pay for him to be deported to the Antarctic where everything is white' and find Nick Griffin 'repulsive' (they're quotes from Question Time, not from me) then here is a bit of material for you; What's with Nick Griffin's wafty eye? He could look at the audience and at David Dimbleby's neon green tie at the same time.
If that didn't please you, here is a link to a website where you can endless hours of repetitive fun.
http://www.slapnickgriffin.co.uk/

A Goody, Jackson And Gately Special

Okay, I had planned to do a Jade Goody special to remind ourselves of the times Jade Goody has been mentioned in my blogs, but with the recent death of Mr Steven Gately, I've decided to slightly alter the subject for this blog. It's now become a 'homage' to Jade Goody, Michael Jackson and Steven Gately, and guess what - Jade Goody still doesn't come across as a popular character.

My obsession with Jade Goody all started when she got cancer really. Before that she remained below my radar of annoyance, and I had apathetic feelings about her. Like I said though, this changed and I made it known. "She is getting no sympathy from me. She is no different to the thousands, probably millions of people are diagnosed with cancer, which is terminal. So why should she be treated any different, just because she was on Big Brother in 2002." That's been my main argument against her really.

I'm quite the angry person when I'm given a free hour or two, a laptop and a subject to write about, which I think has come spilling out whenever my mind has clicked onto 'Jade Goody Rant Mode'. It can be on a subject which is in no way related to her, but I can find a link if I want to, and I'll be sure to use that link! A majority of people have someone like that though, who they absolutely, 100%, categorically, hate - and Jade Goody was my equivalent to that. She just really irritated me while she had cancer - the one opportunity she had to gain sympathy, she ignored and just grabbed lots and lots of lovely money before she died.

After she died, she still irritated me. Like all celebrity deaths, the media manages to keep dragging on and on. Michael Parkinson's very negative comment a few weeks after she died was one way. The main reason Jade Goody’s death has been dragged on, was, and still is, her now widowed husband. First he was seen being upset, then getting angry and going to court then with young, attractive girls. Every time the words 'Jack Tweed' are written by a reporter or muttered by someone reading the news, it isn't long before Jade Goody is mentioned and we're reminded of images of flowers outside her house when she died and images of the bald women in a wheelchair, with tubes up her nose and children on her knee to squeeze a bit more sympathy out of us - the gullible public.

We've had the death of Michael Jackson which has dragged on and on and on and on and on and on. Jermain Jackson is creating a reality show in which he is in search of a young boy who can dance like MJ, and will soon be beamed onto our television sets. I'm not sure what he plans to do with this child, but that's an issue for NSPCC to deal with. We've also have the release of MJ's new song called 'This Is It', and isn't really that brilliant. It's like Man In The Mirror - really, it's what you'd call a classic Michael Jackson song, but because it's by Michael Jackson, as soon as it's released it'll be number one.
Then, more recently, the death of Steven Gately. He died just as surprisingly as MJ did, and caused many Irish women to cry. How many people do you think listened to Boyzone songs that day? Rather a lot I expect. First it was suspected of foul play with Gately and his partner being seen going home accompanied by a third man. What for, we don't know, and don't really want to know. It was later found out after an autopsy that he died of natural causes. We saw images of fans crying, we've seen Ronan Keating crying and we've seen Louis Walsh's chair left empty on the X-factor the past two weeks. We've also started to see a nation unite to complain against a journalist's article in Friday's 'Daily Mail'.

Jan Moir is the women who caused The Press Complaints Commission Website to crash due to the volume of people furious over the article. The article was so bad, it caused Charlie Brooker to write an article, slating her - and on a Friday as well! Having only skimmed through the article, and not read it properly, I can make out she's not fond of homosexuals. She seems to almost think that Gately's sexuality was the cause of him dying. A natural death she seems to think not. How she would know that, I don't know. I've looked on Wikipedia, and she's neither a doctor nor a pathologist. This article is so bad that it's become a police matter - somehow.

She links the recent death of ex-civil partner to Matt Lucas, Kevin McGee to Steven Gately’s surprise death, when really the only link is their sexuality and that they're now dead. According to her, gay people can't live a long and happy life and that it's almost inevitable that the homosexuals of the world will either die of unnatural causes - she isn't very specific of how - or commit suicide. I don't think she's going to be campaigning for gay rights any time soon or indeed be invited to any Boyzone gigs and will spat on by Irish women in the street.

It's this sort of thing though, which will make me grow bored of the story and slowly but surely, the hatred will grow. Just like Jade Goody and Michael Jackson, this story is going to continue on for a while. He's now 6 feet underground, and that should be the end, but because of this 'Journalist' Jan Moir, it's going to rage on for a few more weeks. It essentially, is going to become a printed form of the Ross and Brand fiasco with Andrew Sachs. People who have never read the article, are complaining saying they are offended they should here of such a thing. So well done Ms Moir, look what you've started! Mind you, it's this sort of thing which will turn her from a relatively unknown Journalist, to a well known one.
I'm making note on how to become a well known and famous Journalist - Just call everyone a bastard and complain about every little insignificant thing and eventually I'll be a house-hold name. So, technically I'm right on track, all I need now is to start working...