The Stuart Awards 2011

The biggest and least exciting annual awards ceremony is here. Welcome, to The Stuart Awards 2011. For the fourth year running now, I give out awards for the best and worse things to happen in the world for that year. The recipient of each award has been through lots of consultation, in which I had the one and only say in who gets the award. As you may be aware, the award is only imaginary, and generally the recipient of each award is completely ignorant to the fact that they have won it. So, let us commence with the first category:

Music

Most Annoying Song Of The Year: Most will probably disagree with this first winner, as most claim it to be a beautiful piece of music in which any person can 'emotionally connect' with. Horse Manure! Adele - Someone Like You, has won this award. In part, because it has been massively overplayed and overrated, but it is mostly because it is just drivel. The only way I would be likely to enjoy this piece of music, is if it were sung by a choir of dogs being castrated while having cats dangled in front of them.

Disappointing Song Of The Year: Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger is surprisingly awarded this. Now, let me just clarify: I love Maroon 5, and they are my favourite band. I really liked this song to start. However, now it has been over played, I feel has failed to stand the test time within just 6 months. To me, they have a lot of making up to do…

Song Of The Year: Again, rather surprisingly, Coldplay - Paradise win this award. It has just been caught on my mind since I first heard it. I'm not the greatest Coldplay fan, but it just seems a brilliant piece of music to me. I love the build-up to the song, and I love the burst of 'Para… Para… Paradise'. How great it is.

Song Of A Few Years Ago Which I Began To Like This Year: He is gay and was a competitor on American Idol: Adam Lambert - Fever. This was a song I found in a long twisted way which I will not divulge into, but all I say is find him singing it live on YouTube (so long as you're not homophobic). It's very good. Also, I would actually recommend his album too.

Album Of The Year: He's an Englishman living in France, and he had produced one of the happiest and cheerful albums I have possibly ever heard, with every song being catchier than the common cold: Julian Perretta - Stitch Me Up. Technically, it was released last year, but I can't help if I found it this year. It is a brilliant album which I actually do recommend to everyone. It has what I call a 'messy beat', but that adds to its charm, and I just love it.

Most Disappointing Album Of The Year: This honour goes to an album which I didn't buy or download, and I didn't even manage to force myself to listen to all the songs on YouTube. Arctic Monkeys - Suck It And See was liked by a lot of people, but to me it 'Sucked'. They are a band which have slipped into irrelevance and are sinking into a sea of rubbish 'cool' bands. I shall just stick to listening to Favourite Worst Nightmare. They will never top that one again…

Film & TV

Most Irritating And Largely Unnoticed Revival Of The Year: Big Brother on Channel 5. Last year, it won Best TV Moment Of The Year for the fact it had actually ended. This year, I have with no regret, taken the award away from them. It came back to life on another channel, and was on for almost the entire year. However, it seems that no-one really took any notice as I heard very little about it after the few weeks.

Worst Film Remake Of The Year: Wuthering Heights. Simple. I wrote a blog bemoaning how they forgot huge chunks and how it was filmed by art students trying to make some inadvertent point through soft focus and moths. It was just terrible, and the audience at the cinema seemed to agree.

Second Worst Film Remake Of The Year: The runner up to the previous award was almost as bad, and I felt deserving of the award too. The Witches Of Oz was made in the US and released over here on DVD. My girlfriend, being a fan of musicals, brought it, and we watched it; all 167 minutes of it. Basically, Dorothy, through some hurricane-time-travel crap, is living in modern day New York with no memory of the event, but with the help of rubbish acting and dated CGI technology, the worlds collide. Then through some terrible writing and awful acting, you'll regret ever watching it.

Drama Of The Year: Black Mirror. Sceptics might say this is because I am a Charlie Brooker obsessive, but it isn't. That may be why I originally watched it, but all three stories were heart-wrenching, at the same as being disturbing in this alternate, technology revolved universe. Amazing pieces of writing.

Film Of The Year: You may notice a pattern over the few years of these awards, but I am a very large kid. Johnny English: Reborn is very worthy of this tribute. It is just everything I want in a film: It's silly. It's funny. It's serious. It's fast. It's clever. It's a spoof. It has Rowan Atkinson.

US Import Of The Year: The Big Bang Theory, which won a similar award back in 2008. It has the potential to be the next Friends, and I just laugh at every episode with it being clever, original and silly all at the same time. Sure, it has the same formula as all American Sitcoms, but it is just so very funny. It even has a catchphrase: BAZINGA!

Comedy Of The Year: Up until a week or so ago, this award was going to Outnumbered, which would have been its third Stuart Award. However, The Bleak Old Shop Of Stuff, which was on BBC 2 in the build-up to Christmas, had so many perfect comedy performances, from the experienced to the young, that it had me constantly laughing for the entire hour. It was rather remarkable.

Comedy Disgrace Of The Year: Mrs Brown's Boys. If you tell me it's funny, I will personally bang you over the head with a tin serving plate until blood pours from your eyes and see if you are still pissing yourself at how funny it is, with it being done over and over and over and over and over again.

Series Of The Year: I cannot leave Doctor Who out of my awards, so I have made one especially for it to win. The whole series was gripping with its storyline, and it was jammed pack with mystery and intrigue, as well as the usual Doctor Who tomfoolery. As much as I have a chip on my shoulder about Steven Moffat, I have to admit he is great at writing a brilliant story.

Celebrity

Celebrity Death Of The Year: This goes to Amy Winehouse, purely just because I found it how remarkably unapologetic the whole of Twitter was when it was revealed that she did not die as a result of drink nor drugs, after the weeks of shameless judging they threw on her coffin instead of roses.

Original Band Publicity Of The Year: I am quite intrigued by how McFly have achieved this over the past few months, with two of them winning two separate Celebrity shows: I'm A Celebrity… and Strictly Come Dancing. They didn't need to do those shows, but they did, and they won. It's made them rather popular I believe.

'How The Hell Are The Famous' Of The Year: It is hard to choose just one winner for this award, so every single person who has appeared on a 'Fake Documentary' on E4, ITV 2 and MTV win this award. I fail to see how anyone can be a fan of someone who has appeared on The Only Way Is Essex.

Journalism

Scandal Of The Year: Yeah, need I even tell you? Yes, it's the News of the World Phone Hacking scandal. It could be widened to almost all newspapers now, but nothing seems to have quite topped the fact that within a week of the news being released, News of the World were publishing their last ever newspaper.

Phone Hacking Revelation Of The Year: Millie Dowler. The dreadful business of NotW listening to distraught messages of her friends and family trying to get into contact with her is just rather upsetting. But hey, take solace in the fact that they weren't the ones to actually delete the messages…

Revenge Of The Year: This goes to Hugh Grant, in which he 'hacked' a Journalist, Paul McMullan, who revealed all the journalism misdoings, in revenge for the same journalist 'hacking' a conversation they had. Read it, it is quite interesting.

Article Of The Year: Well, it has to go to The Daily Mail's Liz Jones for writing a disturbing article in which she talks about how she stole sperm from her husband in a desperate bid to have a baby: 'The craving for a baby that drives women to the ultimate deception: Liz Jones makes her most shocking confession yet'. Read it, it's just disturbing...

Politics

Political Death Of The Year: Well, I have no idea who to award this too. It could go to one of three 'political enemies': Osama Bin Laden, Gaddafi or Kim Jong-il. All have their reasons for being deserving of this award. In fact, they can share. Their dead anyway… And if I hear one more joke about Team America existing, I will kill that person who utters it.

Useless Currency Of The Year: The Euro. This year, it became more unpopular than Jedward, and just like Jedward, if you see the Euro currency arrive on your doorstep, you'll want to douse it in petrol and flick a lighted match at it.

Uprising Of The Year: The Arab Springs. It went pretty well; as such. The problem is that people got killed amongst it. Terrible business.

General

Over Reaction Of The Year: The uproar following Jeremy Clarkson appearing on The One Show was just disastrous, and utterly pointless with it just being an excuse for the public sector unions to complain that no-one cares about their pensions. Well, you know what: You're right. We pretty much don't.

Royal Wedding Of The Year: The one people cared about. You see there were two royal weddings this year, and basically, people only cared about the Kate/William wedding. Bless that posh lady who married a rugby player…

Pointless Use Of 24 Hours News Of The Year: The London Riots. Almost every news channel became too paranoid to set foot outside, so made general assumptions for over 100 hours about the whole event from their studios, based purely on people calling in and what was being said on Twitter.

Twitterer Of The Year: This goes to, for another year, a comedian and not someone who actually adds anything much positive to the World of Twitter. This year, the comedian being flattered is in a relationship with Sarah Millican. It's Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) and he spews outs lots of awful, one line jokes.

Girlfriend Of The Year: Mine! N’awwww, ain’t I adorable…

And there you have it; the end of the blogging award ceremony in which 30 awards were handed out in my mind, and then written down so you can also join me in imagining the event in your minds. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe by next year, for The Stuart Awards 2012, I would have struck a deal with Ricky Gervais to present the ceremony… Come on Gervais, I will offer you no money: None at all!

The Stuart Awards 2010

We are 'enjoying' our last day of the year 2010, and it is time for the annual and greatly unanticipated Stuart Awards. These are awards which are made out of 100% imagination and 'awarded' to those people, objects and events which were either the most annoying or greatest of their category, during the year of 2010. Here are the final results:

Music

Most Annoying Song Of The Year: This award could go to so many songs. Many songs were close contenders for this song. However, after very little deliberation, I'm decided that Willow Smith - Whip My Hair is the most annoying song. It also is the most repetitive and the worst video of the year. Yes, we understand daughter of Will Smith, you like to whip that hair of yours, backwards and forwards, over and over again. Geez.

Song Of The Year: This is a song that you probably will not have heard of, so I suggest you have a listen. Barenaked Ladies - Four Seconds. It is very catchy with its somewhat random and sporadic beat. It ends too soon with the song only lasting just over two minutes.

My New Favourite Old Song Of The Year: Well, this is a song I heard while wandering around B&Q and became stuck in my head for the following months. Prince - Raspberry Beret is the song in question. A song about a woman wearing a reddish hat is essentially the synopsis of the song. I also rather like the imagery of a woman wearing a raspberry beret and not 'wearing much more'. Yes, anyway...

My Album Of The Year: This will not come as much of a surprise to people who have been regularly reading my blogs or know me reasonably well, but this award goes to Maroon 5 - Hands All Over. It is brilliant. It was closely followed by Barenaked Ladies - All In Good Time, but the fact I only like the first four songs, kind of ruins the point of an album of songs.

Most Disappointing Album Of The Year: This is the fastest selling album of the decade I believe; which I am completely miffed about. Take That - Progress gets this award. If this was their debut album, they would never make another album again; let alone tour. It is a short album, with songs which are dreadful. Underground Machine - What the heck? Letting that egotistical mongrel back into the group was the worst thing Take That have ever done.

Film & TV

Best Sequel Of The Year: This is such an obvious winner really. In fact, so obvious that I was considering not even typing the answer, but you wouldn't get that with the Oscars, would you? Anyway, so the award goes to Toy Story 3. This film also wins numerous other awards;

Best 3D Movie Of The Year: This goes to Toy Story 3, partly because the adverts prior to the movie were really good in 3D, and partly because it is the only ever film I've seen 3D, not only this year, but in my life.

Movie Of The Year: Well, it's Toy Story 3.

Worse Sequel Of The Year: This goes to a television program. An American television program. Most surprising is that this program won My TV Obsession of last Year. It goes to Scrubs Series 9: Med School. I love Scrubs; well the first 8 series. The final one should not have been allowed to be made. It was essentially a very bad tribute act. It still had its occasional humorous moments with Dr. Cox's presence, but nothing comparable to the previous series.

The Film Which Went on Too Long: This went to Harry Potter last year, but not this year due to it being rather enjoyable. Instead, the award goes to Eclipse, from The Twilight Saga. It just failed to capture me and continued to drag on.

Drama Of The Year: Obviously goes to Sherlock on BBC 1. It was disappointingly only three episodes this year, but those three episodes were absolutely fantastic, and a lot of people agree. Anyway, read my blog is you want to know everything I thought about it.

Regeneration Of The Year: This only had one contender, and that was Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor. He had big, cliché shoes to fill in following David Tennant, but I think everyone is amazed at how brilliant he has turned out.

Sitcom Of The Year: Well, this is really hard. There have been no new Sitcoms which have actually captured my attention. Hardly any continuing Sitcoms have lived up to expectation. Only one Sitcom has, and they won the same award in 2008. It is the only consistent Sitcom which offers laughs. Outnumbered.

Most Annoying Program: This is a shocker. I like Ant & Dec, but 'Ant & Dec Push The Button' may have helped them in the direction of their ending career. Such a disappointing show, and the fact that other people liked it, seemed to annoy me the most.

Best TV Moment of the Year: This is also a big shocker. You never thought that this show would win an award. It just has. Big Brother! The best television moment of the year was specifically the final 5 minutes. Davina cried, hugged a few people, credits rolled, and Big Brother has left British Television!

Celebrity

Celebrity Death Of The Year: This goes to an animal who resided in Germany, who came to fame during the World Cup. Yes, Paul the Octopus wins the award due to him being popular for being able to predict football results correctly. He dies just a few months after, and he wins this award because I have never seen such pointless coverage of a death since Jade Goody last year.

Most Annoying Celebrity Couple: This award doesn't go to a couple who are engaged in a relationship, but a pair who share the media attention and have annoyed us this year. Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakey. First they snubbed the BBC for ITV, then their show got record low viewership, and the continued coverage of this charade made them more annoying; especially whenever Adrian spoke.

Most Annoying Celebrity: Lois Spence wins this award, as well as the Annoying 'Celebrity' Newcomer of the Year award. He cannot walk, he has to prance everywhere. He is on every channel and invading nearly every program. He has rather an irritating voice and he has to be the centre of attention; even when he done something for charity. This is a 'man' who should be shoved in a dark cellar and forced to create a dance for an N-Dubz song until he eventually becomes malnourished and dies, alone. He has grated my brain until I can convey nothing but irritation for him and whatever he does.

Christine Bleakey in her Dalek costume...

Politics

Best & Worst Newcomer: Nick Clegg. He spent the first few months of the year being one of the most popular people in politics. Everyone liked him. He was the underdog with a chance of doing quite well in elections. Gordon Brown wanted to be just like him. Then, it all went wrong. He is now one of the most hated faces of politics at the latter end of the year.

Coalition of the Year: I am forced to give this award to PC World and Currys. No-one expected them to win a politics award, but they were owned by the same company, who later decided to have them as one entity. They weren't even a contender for this award, but to give it to our ConDem Government would indirectly praise it.

Budget Cut Of The Year: Well, there were a lot of contenders in this category, what with their being over £80Billion cut this year. It could go to the Police, who were already struggling to cope. However, I think just the resulting protests, it goes to Education; or more specifically, University funding. What does it matter if they don't get as much money? I mean, they're only educating the future generations which will run the country in years to come.

General Awards

My Favourite Twitterer Of The Year: This award goes to Tony Cowards; @TonyCowards. He has been described as 'The Tim Vine of Twitter' and a 'Pun-osaurus', he is brilliantly funny and excessively Tweets, so you are always inundated with some of the best worst jokes.

Cloud Of The Year: For the disruption it done, this award goes to The Icelandic Volcanic Ash Cloud which infiltrated British and European airspace for about a week or so. It left thousands of people stranded in foreign countries, with the only way to get home being to carpool to France then catch a train and get to England. Sounds cheap and simple, but I don't expect it was either.

Most Disruptive Water-Based Element Of The Year: This goes to Snow; that white stuff that falls from the sky mainly during the winter when it is particularly cold outside. This brought the country to a standstill, every single time.

It Doesn't Do What It Says On The Box Of The Year: Sensodyne Whitening Toothpaste wins this much wanted award. Its purpose is to clean teeth, relieve sensitive teeth and continue to whiten them. It does none. My teeth just got dirtier, my teeth got yellower and I still had the same level of pain. Is there actually any point in them filling the tube with toothpaste? They may as well sell it empty.

Pointless Use Of 24 Hours News: This is being awarded to two different occasions. The first being the Raoul Moat coverage. It was a week of portraying a crazed man with a gun as the biggest threat to society since the Taliban. This angered him more. The final day with a seven hour standoff against police was covered. That's seven hours of speculations and interviewing people who knew nothing and phoning scared people near the event to relay details. The second award goes to The Chilean Miners. That was two months of being mentioned every day on the news, until the climax of them being freed, when all 33 miners were shown being released back into the wild. It was like Big Brother in that the news went to great lengths to find out lots of information about them, so we had sympathy. Both were just completely unnecessary.

There you have it. The Stuart Awards for 2010. Some you will agree with, others you will think I am on some kind of drug which has impaired my brain power. Well, I'm taking a lot of Paracetamol at the moment, so you might be correct. Anyway, I hope you agree mostly, and have enjoyed these non-televised awards. I will see you back here next year for The Stuart Awards 2011.

The Stuart Awards 2009

We're fast approaching the end of 2009, and like last year, I am going to give some imaginary awards to those who truly deserve them. It marks the good things of the year, but also rewards the most annoying things of the year. So we shall start like last year with:

Music
The Happiest Song of the Year goes to Paolo Nutini with Pencil Full of Lead. It also wins the awards for 'Stupidest Music Video of the Year' and 'Song Least Likely to Be Found on A Karaoke Machine'. This song cheers me up every time I listen to it.
Most Annoying Song of the Year could go to so many contenders. It could be any N-Dubz song, it could be JLs with 'Put Your Hands Up', possibly it's Sugababes and 'Get Sexy'. For me, it's The Black Eyed Peas for their awful song entitled 'Boom Boom Pow'. Need I explain why?
My New Favourite Old Song award goes to Adam and the Ants with 'Ant Music'. It’s such a classic song, which until this year I actually didn't own. Now I do, and it's a very good song.
My Most Played Song of the Year goes to Sparks with 'I Can't Believe That You Would Fall For The Crap In This Song' because it's got such an addictive beat. Also, it wins the award for having 'The Best Song Title'.
My Most Played Album is 'Either Side of Midnight’ by Jack McManus - it is quite good.
Song of the Year 2009 though goes to Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire. It also wins my award for Song of the Decade as well.

Film
Annoying Film of the Year goes to 17 Again purely because it has Zac Efron in it and because it's a stupid American film which tries to be funny, but isn't. It just beat New Moon.
Film of the Year goes to New Moon however. It may have been one of the most annoying because of all the hype, but the film itself makes up for it, which surprised me because I actually enjoyed it.
The Film That Looks The Most Disappointing award goes to Avatar. The film which promises a fantastic 3D experience for its audience and hailed as the film from the legendary director of The Titanic; looks to me to be a big pile of blue crap. The characters all look like Smurfs on drugs to me and I just think it looks rubbish and will not be watching it.
The Film Which Went on Too Long award goes to this year's Harry Potter film. It may have been a very good film which mixed humour with love and with sadness but my bum hurt for the next few days, which means it wins this prestigious award.

TV
Inaccurate Drama of the Year goes to ITV's interpretation of Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights. A book which I read earlier in the year for my English A-level (and now re-reading), and this means I know the story quite well, so watching ITV's attempt was like watching your neighbour’s dog get cut into tiny pieces; you don't really care, but it's a sad thing to watch. The reason for this was because ITV wanted to make the show appeal to their average audience - Which are idiots...
Sitcom of the Year goes to Miranda. It may have running gags which after a while just get bloody repetitive, but it is the first new Sitcom for a while which is actually funny. Reggie Perrin was a runner up to this award, but like Miranda, it just got repetitive.
My TV Obsession of the Year goes to Scrubs. I only started watching this show at the beginning of the year and in that time I have watched every episode between Series One and Eight at least twice. That is a proper obsession. It's a shame that life can't be more like Scrubs though - I'd be much happier if it was.
Most Annoying Program of the Year has to go to Piers Morgan's interview with Katie Price - surely three tits on one program are far too many!
Best TV Moment of the Year goes to Britain's Got Talent, with the little girl who forgot the words to the song and cried on live TV, before Ant & Dec told her she couldn't sing again and then cried even more. Why is it the Best TV Moment of the Year I hear you ask... Because it was different.

Celebrities
This shouldn't take you long to figure out who has one this award - The Best Celebrity Death of the Year. Many celebrities have died this year, but I think we can almost all agree that the death of Jade Goody is the most worthy. Her annoyance has ceased. A month after her death, she was forgotten - and that's fine with me. She also wins the award for 'Ridiculous Amount of Media Coverage'.
Most Annoying Celebrity Couple goes to Katie Price and Peter Andre. There isn't a lot I can say about this that I haven't already said, but I will say this - Who gives a crap?
Most Annoying Celebrity goes to Katie Price as well. How dare my precious time be wasted by having to listen to her being constantly on the news and reading her everywhere. I don't care about anything she has to say. I think she should be shot through the head every time she says that she is annoyed at the amount of media coverage she gets.
Annoying 'Celebrity' Newcomer of the Year goes to Susan Boyle. Apparently she is classed as a celebrity and deserves this award because: I have no respect for her, the mere mention of her name sends shivers down my spine, she has far too much media coverage and the fact that she looks like the love-child of the Elephant man and a potato.

Twitter
My Favourite Tweet of the Year is "I've got the Mrs putting together an oxygen tent and I've kicked a neighbour's head off for sneezing. #flupocalypse" belonging to Mr603 from April; when Britain was in the full Swine Flu Paranoia.
My Most Popular Tweet of the Year seems to be "You know what's more depressing than being alone and single? Being alone and single while watching 'Love Actually'..." why I don't know, but it's my most ReTweeted Tweet, so it gets the award reluctantly - but the public have decided.
My Favourite Twitterer of the Year goes to greggles1969 whose Tweets almost always have me laughing because of his unique views upon life, TV and the news.

General Awards
The Craziest Claim by a Politician of the Year goes to Lib Dem politician for Feather Dusters. This was a hard award to decide though, so two runner-up awards are also being given out: One goes to Hazel Blears for her Three KitKat Crunchies and the other goes to John Reid and his Glittery Toilet Seat.
Must-Have Flu of the Year goes to Swine. The craze which started in Mexico 9 months ago has spread world-wide with millions of people at some point having the Flu. The Flu promises to carry on infecting the rest of the world and killing many more next year. Fingers crossed!
The Year’s Top Swinger goes to Tiger Woods and not for his golfing abilities. This is a man who doesn't play golf to relieve his sexual frustrations. What else can I say that hasn't already been said?
Unluckiest Person of the Year goes to Gordon Brown. It seems whatever he does he gets abuse for and that's what makes him unlucky. He even writes letters to dead soldiers’ families and he gets heavily criticised for it. Bless him.

That concludes The Stuart Awards for 2009. What wonders will be included in next year’s awards? We shall have to wait and see...

The Stuart Awards for 2008

Well, just to start off, I’m only doing this because I can, and no awards will be given to anyone, due to the credit crunch. That really would have changed the Oscars this year if they had said that.

So, I’ll start with music.
Most annoying song of the year has to be: Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl.I mean get over it. You kissed a girl, then you thought, that wasn’t too bad. The video to her next song ‘Hot and Cold’ is of her getting married to a guy, so we can work out from that, she is in fact bisexual.
Song of the year for me would be Coldplay’s Violet Hill. No particular reason, it’s just the song I’ve listened to the most this year.
Going by that same logic, my Album of the year is Guillemots with their album 'Red'. It has lots of great tracks on it, and different to a lot of music this year. I suggest you buy it.
My favourite song of the year, which was released many years ago, goes to 2 different bands. Until June with Sleepless, and Third Eye Blind with Blinded (When I See You). Neither of which I expect you have heard of, but have a listen if you can. Try YouTube.

Next to Film
Well no awards for guessing who this award goes to – Most annoying film of the year goes to High School Musical 3. For all the joy it has brought to millions of children, and teenagers who are obsessed with Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgins.
My favourite film of the year is a surprise. I’m giving it to ‘The Dark Knight’. Was a truly brilliant film, which I thought I wouldn’t like. Mainly I liked it for Heath Ledger’s turn as the Joker. I would have given it to ‘Wall-E’, but the fact is I enjoyed the little short film with the magician’s rabbit, which was on first, more.

Then there was TV
Sitcom of the year goes to ‘Outnumbered’ on BBC 1. Hilarious performances by Hugh Dennis and Clair Skinner, although out shinned by the child actors, with their genius spontaneity. Mainly though, they get it because the child actors aren’t acting, which gives it that edge of reality.
Overall British comedy show of the year could go anywhere. It could go to Harry Hill’s TV Burp, or to Have I Got News For You, or it could venture to The IT Crowd or numerous other places. Therefore, no-one’s getting it. They can all share!!
American Comedy of the year, has to go to The Big Bang Theory. I don’t know what it is about the show I like, I just find it rather funny. Also they get the award for theme tune of the year, thanks to Barenaked Ladies singing it.
Worst show of the year, like every year, goes to Big Brother. I watched absolutely none of it this year, yet it still annoys me beyond belief with all the hype that has to accompany it.
Reality show of the year goes to The Family, purely for the fact they live near Canterbury, and is the most fame we’re going to get, apart from the Archbishop of Canterbury moaning about something else on the news.
Reality show contestant of the year, undoubtedly goes to George Takei, for coming third in I’m A Celebrity... and of course having his voice!

So onto science awards now
Most pointless scientific discovery goes to the scientist who spoke to a few people who knew Hitler, and came to the conclusion that he did actually only have one ball. Then concluded this could be the reason for him being a bit annoyed with the world.
Scientific scaremongering of the year goes to those in Switzerland, who said they would throw 2 particles at each other, quite fast to see what would happen. Either they would create a black hole or find out what happened at the start of everything. I’ve not heard the results let.

General Awards
Comeback of the year could go to Boyzone for releasing two rather good songs, but instead I think the Cadbury’s Whisper deserves it. How very tasty they are, I’m talking about Whisper’s not Boyzone.
Most idiotic person in Britain of the year goes to no other person than Gordon Brown. Has he actually done anything right yet? No is the answer you’re looking for. How can he bail out all the banks with billions of pounds, but can’t spare any for failing businesses like Woolworths?
Country of the year surprisingly goes to America, for managing to get over racism, and voting a black president into the white house. Well done.
Worst summer of the year goes to this summer. The summer of 2008, for being one of the shortest I can remember. The 3 month season was squashed in a few weeks, and the rest was overcast or raining.

Well that is it for this year, come back next year for The Stuart Awards – 2009.
Have a good one.