The Peasants Are Revolting!

Unless you hadn’t noticed, the lower classes have discovered their voice, even if it is in a slightly more violent way, and they are protesting about the rise in tuition fees. As a future University student myself, I am obviously opposed to this raise. In the space of my lifetime, University has gone from being completely free to being capped at £9,000 a year.

Proving that students can spell...

Everyone over the age of 25 doesn’t particularly care about this raise. Most people over that age have already gone and completed University if they had plans to ever do so. Most people over the age of 39 would have gone to University for free.

I want to put this into perspective to everyone who doesn’t see what the fuss is about. The average age of politicians is way over 40. This means they would have got their degrees for free. Now, I don’t see them offering to pay for it, and they will be earning well over the repayment threshold. To me, this seems just a touch hypocritical, but then of course that is the stereotypical politician.

This new system which will be introduced also makes no sense. Raising the fees to the magic number of £9,000 only means that the Government have to loan each student three times as much, each year. This in a time when money is tight and only recently £80 Billion was cut from the country’s budget. This financial climate we currently find ourselves in began through banks loaning money to people who could not afford to repay the money. Why is this different when the Government do it?

Then the other problem is that the earning threshold when a student has to repay their loan increases to £21,000 a year, when it is currently £15,000. This means that less people will be able to repay the money in the first place, and therefore fewer loans are repaid. Obviously, I’m not Chancellor of the Exchequer so I have not seen the figures, but that would surely put the Government into more debt?

Now, I hear all of you adults who are over a certain age asking: “Well, if the students will apparently have it so good, why are they protesting and why in such a violent way?” I cannot answer the latter question, but how would you like an average debt of about £35,000 hanging over you for the rest of your life, just to get an education which former generations got for free? This is then money that the HM Revenue and Customs will take from every single paycheque that is over a certain amount. I don’t call that particularly fair considering the free education the people in power got.

Of course, I appreciate that times have changed. Education is of course a better quality. We are producing a generation of children which are smarter and regularly slandered by the media. I understand that people are earning more money. I understand that University is no longer necessarily for the smartest people, but for the children of higher income families. Oh wait, that last point doesn’t seem fair, does it? Hmm.

A selection of newspaper headlines from the last Student Protests...

Now, let us discuss the protests.

I wasn’t in the group of people protesting, and in fact I was no where near it. I was busy getting an education and what have you. It seems to me that this is possibly another example of the media slandering the younger generation. This is often the way. Judging by the media, my generation are out getting drunk every night on cheap booze they brought at Tesco’s, and drinking it at bus stops and recreation grounds across the country. Young female teenagers are ‘giving it away’ at the first chance they get and before they reach 20, have a family of three children from different fathers barely old enough to buy a lottery ticket. We are also all out in high streets wearing hoodies and proudly holding our mobile phones to capture the moment when a friend violently attacks a stranger so we can upload it straight to YouTube. Then, when it comes to examination time, our one time to prove that we aren’t all like that stereotype, we get fantastic grades, and of course this ends up being further proof that we’re just idiots. The only reason we could possibly get good grades is because the exams are easier. It couldn’t possibly be because we all study hard.

I’m guessing that on the most part, the student protests of the past few weeks have been largely quiet and calm, and there are only a few actually causing trouble. Of course, the media swarm to these events like flies to cow poo, just to get video footage of a man being violently beaten off his horse. This is one person out of a crowd of thousands. Numerous monuments around the capital vandalised with graffiti. This is a handful of people from a crowd of thousands. The royal limo was attacked with paint and bullet-proof windows smashed. This is a few people from a crowd of thousands. I agree these people should be arrested and the full force of the law slapping sense into them. However, I don’t agree that their out-of-control actions should taint the reputation of an entire generation. It’s always a few people that ruin it for the rest of us law abiding, lovely folk.

People are making a huge fuss over a number of police being hurt. 114 students were injured in Thursday’s protests; and the sad thing is, a majority of those were probably peacefully protesting. You can complain about the violence of students all you like, but the police were quick to retaliate. The police are well train and equipped for this sort of event and they seemed very prepared. To me, it seems like the police caused as much trouble as the students.

I imagine people like him only went to London for a day out. I highly doubt he has the mental capacity to even spell 'University'...

I would never be able to do what the police do; I’m not knocking them down in the slightest bit. They are very brave to go out there and do what it is they do on a daily bases. However, I think they need to review how they act in those situations. Charging at protestors in huge numbers with weapons and horses is not calming the situation.

I don’t understand why people even bother protesting anymore though. Yes, it is to voice our freedom of speech. However, the people in charge don’t listen to our chanting and sign holding. Take the war demonstrations through London opposing the Iraq war. Tony Blair still went to war despite the voice of almost an entire country; the stubborn bastard. Why should David Cameron and his puppy dog Nick Clegg listen to us when we say that we don’t want huge debts?

Maybe the politicians cannot understand our peasant, yobbish voices. Who knows, but the Government never listen to us, the general public, despite what they might say during their election campaigns to win the hearts and minds of us idiots. They just say what they think we want them to say.

One might point out it was worth it just to see Camilla pull this face.

So, let me just say this to all of you who have gone to University and don’t see what all the fuss is about: How would you have felt if you had to have a massive debt of that size? Would you have even considered going to University? And to those who got free University education; before you start judging our generation, why don’t you consider paying a contribution to the Government for your University education? No, I didn’t think so because you’re too busy being some semi-important ‘guy’ at some office, driving a Mercedes Benz and living in a town house with your 2.5 kids and glass conservatory. Well I want a life like that too, but of course if I do, I will have a debt to pay. You don’t realise how lucky you were and how well you had it.

We need more teachers. Do you think that people are going to want to go to University and get the proper training to teach your grandchildren, what with this increasing debt? Everyone will suffer as a result of this; including you.

This ConDem Government could be one of the worse things to happen to our country in some time. These cuts in spending are nothing short of disastrous.

My Comedy Nights Reviewed 2010

Just like last year, I have spent the past few months watching comedy shows and laughing until I forget my problems, instead of concentrating on my A-levels. Every time I have gone to the local, small theatre in Canterbury called 'The Gulbenkian'; a lovely, small place. Where ever you sit, you still feel as if you're too close to guy on stage. I think it is probably the meaning of an 'intimate gig'. This year, I only went on three occasions; Paul Zerdin, Ardal O'Hanlon and Jeremy Hardy.

Firstly, I went to see Paul Zerdin on his Spongefest tour in mid-September with a friend. It is very interesting to think that he is the most popular, active Ventriloquist in the UK currently, and yet, a lot of people don't recognise his name. Every time I told someone that I was going to see him - they would just look at me blankly. I would then go on to explain that he is 'the one who has the baby'. What followed was people going 'Oh yeah, him', but I'm not sure whether that was to just shut me up or not.

Anyway, he had a female magician, Mandy Muden as his warm-up act, and she was brilliant. One reviewer called her 'A sexy Tommy Cooper but without a fez', which is a shame because I think she'd have looked lovely with a fez. Anyway, the reason for the comparison is that she was very good at comedy and pretending to be rubbish at magic. We, as seems to be the norm when I go to see comedy, were sat near a heckler. He was soon put into his place by her and was no longer the 'cocky bastard' everyone thought of him to be.

Paul Zerdin then came on, after being introduced by 'The Voice Of The Balls' (National Lottery) and Nigel Havers (that posh one who left 'I'm A Celebrity...') through recorded sound bites. Impressive start. If I were to be brutally honest, I was slightly disappointed by his lack of new material. However, it didn't matter and he was amazing. He has three puppets. His most popular one seems to be Sam. He also had Sam's Grandfather called Albert and a baby called... Well, Baby. The reason why it was brilliant seeing him live was because of the fact it was an 18+ event. It is one thing to see a ventriloquist, but to see it all X-rated with swearing is truly amazing. One review of him which I read said he were 'A ventriloquist for the South Park generation', which he so definitely is! Seeing an old man puppet shouting "She's gagging for it" is certainly very funny.

Forgetting the puppets; Paul Zerdin is so very talented. He has the ability to use his voice to devastating effects, such as being able to echo the characters voice without his lips moving the slightest millimetre. He also has created great real life scenarios in which he could use his skills; for example to freak people out in a non-speaking elevator, walking past pregnant ladies and while watching Lobsters boil. If you have the chance to see Paul Zerdin and all his sponge friends, I strongly suggest you grab the chance with both your hands. Just a tip though - if you're ugly, don't sit on the front row - he will pick on you, throughout, constantly. I'm just saying...

The second show I saw was just a week later; Ardal O'Hanlon. This is a man who I have admired and watched on TV for many years, since I was young. In fact, it is easy to say that he is one of the four people who probably created the person I am today. Ronan Atkinson, John Cleese, Richard Wilson and Ardal O'Hanlon are those four men. Imagine my excitement at seeing that he would be coming to a theatre near me soon. I had to go and see him. With another friend, I did.

I have his last stand up tour on DVD. I love it. It is one of my favourite stand-up shows I have on DVD. I will just say this; it is a bloody good job that I do love it, because about 60% of the material he does on his latest tour, is material he done on his previous tour. It doesn't change the fact that I loved it and laughed the entire way through. He did change some of the punch lines, so it adds a bit of variety. Mind you, it is a bit like going to see your favourite bands really. You go to see them to hear them perform your favourite songs live, so why should it be any different comedy? I went to see him live, and he done some of my favourite jokes and also some new stuff, which was equally as funny.

The Irishman was very popular with the folk of Canterbury and I in fact saw numerous people I knew, including my favourite primary school and my family doctor. O’Hanlon had the audience eating out of his hands, metaphorically of course. It would be a completely different show if weren't metaphorically. Anyway, at every joke he told, people were howling (or in the case of my primary school teacher, cackling) with laughter.

Whether I had heard them or not, his jokes were fantastic. He is completely different to the likes of Michael McIntyre and more an Irish version of Lee Evans, but less sweaty. His humour is some of the most observant one can hear and is thoroughly enjoyable. If you haven't heard any of his stand up before, then great, fantastic. Go and see him and you will laugh until your lungs hurt. If you have seen his material, and really liked it, then still go and see it, but you don't need someone like me patronising you and telling you what you already know. The man is a genius, even if he may not sound or look it.

Exactly two months later, on the final day of November, I went to see Jeremy Hardy with the same friend. This was slightly new territory for me. Previously I've only really seen comedians that I have watched or listened too and really enjoyed. I've heard him a little bit on Radio 4 and seen him on occasion on Qi. I liked what I'd seen, so I was looking forward to it. Me and my friend did seem to drastically bring down the average age of the audience however. I could easily say I was the youngest person in the audience, being just a mere 18.5 years old.

30th of November was the first day of the 'treacherous' snow in Kent, so it started half hour late due to him being a few hours late. This had put him in a bad mood. His comedy was more just satire. It was as if I had gone to University to do a degree in ranting; two, hour stints of him just standing on stage, lecturing us about the new ConDem Government, social media and lots more. He started off in an unplanned rant about the weather and the state of travel.

Just in case you do go and see him after he's had a miserable journey to your town, be warned, he is asthmatic. Never would I have thought that I would go to a comedy show to see a comedian need to use their asthma pump. Mind you, I never thought I would see a comedian ask the audience for a tissue, but he done that too. It is for those reasons as well as the intimate surroundings and relaxed attitude of the audience that I think this wasn't a stand up show. This was most definitely a man lecturing a group of a few hundred people about his views upon current politics.

Was Jeremy Hardy worth risking my life for to driving home at 11pm in the thick, icy snow on untreated roads? Yeah, I really enjoyed it. He was different to the other comedians purely because it seemed more conversational, albeit coming only from one side. Others do this whole routine that they have done time and time again. I'm sure that is what Jeremy done too, but it is less obvious. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

If you were putting a gun to my head and forcing me to pick one of the comedians I saw as a favourite, I would have to be shot; right in between the eyes. I couldn't pick. They are all completely different and unique in their different ways: Paul Zerdin with his puppets making rude innuendos, Ardal O'Hanlon with observational humour and one of my childhood heroes, and Jeremy Hardy with satirical lecturing. All were brilliant. However, made to choose between all the comedians I've seen in my life, I would still say Lee Mack, who I saw last year and reviewed in last year’s 'My Comedy Nights Reviewed' blog.

I have no idea what next year has install for me comedy wise, but so far, I know I am seeing Milton Jones again in January, so expect another blog reviewing that experience...

Let’s Get A Lil Bit Political

Well everyone seems to be talking about the state of British politics and whether we should even have a parliament, and also everyone seems to be moaning to everyone else about the state of the country, if not the whole entire world, and how they would go about making it better. Well, surprisingly that is now what I am about to do, but without such a biased view - hopefully.

Today is Election Day, well the European and Local elections, where Labour are not exactly set to have record breaking success. Also, as usual, everyone gets into heated discussions about which party they will vote for, and other discussion along those lines. People sharing their opinion of who is to blame for the state of country this year, but I think the general consensus seems to be its Labour's fault.

Is there anything that doesn't result in David Cameron calling for a general election? Rhetorical question that, but he does seem to have said that every week for the past few years, mainly because he is at the top of the polls, showing that he would win, and the Conservatives would again lead us and put the reign of terror from Gordon and the Labour party at an end. However everyone is very against him and Labour for reasons I don't quite understand. Everyone's view is that we didn't vote for Gordon Brown to be leader, but the truth is you vote for the party, not the leader. That's the way British politics works, and that's why he is leader without us having voted for him. Another reason is that he is being blamed for things that aren't his fault, which he has tried his best to fix. This money scandal thing, is being blamed on him, and yet he must be the only one in the Houses of Parliament who hasn't swindled the money of country for his own personal gain, and now this coup business is all very hypocritical because some of the people wanting him out are actually ones who charged the tax payer to feed their cat in their second home.

So yes, the turmoil in The Houses of Parliament, which seems to be the catalysts for a lot of these discussions which are about the state of our country; the economic downturn for example or maybe the Government’s handling of Swine Flu or the current money scandal. People paying taxes for the politicians to spend it on duck islands, and cat food and fancy wood work for the outside of houses and hanging baskets and light bulbs; it's almost as if we've never heard of people taking advantage of their position, who'd have thought such a thing could happen. Honestly - this has been going on for years. Does secretaries stealing pens and mechanics fixing their own cars without all the heavy breathing sound familiar to you? If I'm honest, I don't think people actually appreciate how much hard work it can be for an MP, but they do say ignorance is bliss.

Another 'brilliant idea' is this new car initiative where you can trade in your old car which is 10 years or older for a new one with £2000 taken off the price is all to help the economy and reeve up the car industry, however they haven't exactly thought this through. The car industry isn't just dependant on the manufacture of new cars. It includes garages and the manufacture of spare parts. With less older cars, there will be less going wrong, which will mean the need for spares will decrease, as will the need for garages to fit the said spares, resulting in small business going bust. Plus the Government have to find £2000 for every person who participates in this. One big viscous circle they have found themselves in I think.

Joanna Lumley has defeated the labour party a few times recently, over this Ghurkha business and suddenly everyone thinks she should be Prime Minister, as if it was that simple. Did St. George become Prime Minister when he defeated the dragon? No, I don't believe he did, he just had a day named after him. If everyone became Prime Minister after achieving something we'd have had Jade Goody in number 10 and we would currently be under leadership of the dance group Diversity.
But back onto the politics, and let’s think about the prospect of Gordon Brown being the first Prime Minister to be dumped by e-mail shall we. Assuming they do succeed and we have a new PM by mid July, it really isn't going to go well with the public. As much as everyone seems to hate him, a new Prime Minister wouldn't be tolerated, as voters are already angry about having an unelected PM, so having another would be a disaster for the Labour party, who aren't exactly popular as it is.
Another effect of this coup, should it occur, is that there would be a great deal of pressure for an October election, and it wouldn't end happily for Labour, as they would lose a lot more seats. According to YouGov surveys yesterday, today's election results should leave them third, behind the Conservative party and UKIP, who seem to be increasing in popularity, because of the increasing racism Britain seems to be going through.

Now I face dilemma, do I carry on writing about my opinion of all this gibberish, which I could quite easily and quite happily do, or do I let you nice people go and get some sleep or get back to doing something more useful? I think I shall go for the latter.
So , Toodles m’dearys
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