Let's Reminisce Into My 2012

This blog is an example of how neglectful I have become of my little bit of Internet space. 2012 has been and gone for nearly a month now, and yet I am only just about to write my usual blog on the subject. Anyway, it was another year to remember, which involved a lot mature stuff by me. It has changed me; for example I now own a washing up bowl.

So, the first four months of the year were fairly uneventful, what with it mainly consisting of writing essays and creating a student film. The film involved lots of trekking across London packed with a multitude of different equipment, and then hours of painstaking editing. Luckily, I enjoyed being with the people I done.

The Stuart Awards 2012

Well, it was that time of year where I present, through the power of typing, my awards for some of the best and worse things of the year. However, University work and a dodgy laptop, put the least anticipated awards ceremony back a few weeks. You know, just like the American writer's strike meant they had to postpone The Grammy's...
Anyway, it's time to crack on with the first awards:

The Greatest Show On Earth

I enjoyed the Olympic Opening Ceremony so much, that I think I might just series link them all. I was cynical about the entire thing, but I was wrong to be so because it was an amazing thing to witness - right from the beginning to end, despite the even lasting for nearly four hours.

The opening clip with the animation of the journey down the River Thames was very well done, and was actually quite funny I thought. However, this show wasn't just for us Brit's - it was for the entire World, and like many people have said: I'm not sure they really got most of it.

London 2013

Breaking news! The Olympics are coming to London, and are set to start Friday, 27th of July 2012. So, let's start looking ahead to London 2013; the year which won't be very sporting at all.

There will be no build-up to London 2013; I doubt if it will even affect anyone. It won't cause traffic chaos or lead to the people of London taking two weeks off work. Also, unlike the Olympics, there will be no-one running around carrying ignited fuel, which will travel the country causing disruption where ever it goes. It will be an event which will allow everyone to carry on their lives however they wish.

Let's Hack Into My 2011

Charlie Brooker said that '2011 has been like one big end-of-season finale; a climactic episode in which multiple story arcs come to a head.' This being because of numerous uprisings, a few deaths of bad people, a riot or two, another financial collapse and the death of a national paper after the revelation that it hacked over 5,000 phones. In comparison, my life has been normal for someone of a similar age to me, and has been uneventful. However, as an individual, it has been quite a year.

As year's go, for me, it has been a bag of mixed fortunes. I spent the first six months of 2011 in complete agony. Let me explain how bad this agony was: Most people sleep at night. I used to sleep at night, and thankfully, I do now. However, for those six months of my life, I think I only had an entire night of sleep once a week, and that would usually be because I was so knackered that my brain struggled to comprehend the concept of pain, or maybe just an overdose of extra strong pain killers, I don't remember.

I had toothache. In fact, no: toothache doesn't fully explain the agony I had. I call it 'Toothtorture'. I might as well have thumped a nine inch metal nail into my jaws every 30 seconds for the relief it would have brought me. I went to the Dentist, then the Dentist, then the Doctor, and then the Dentist a few more times before he finally discovered my tooth was dead. Six weeks, over two hours in the Dentist's chair, and a root canal later, I was relieved of the pain and allowed to sleep, every single night, without my synapses interrupting with pain signals.

Mind you, a few weeks later, I didn't get much sleep after I spent five days awake and watching BBC News and Sky News and watching the swarm of rioters smash their way through London. There were two reasons for this: 1. I was only a month away from moving there to spend the next three years of my life, and 2. I was going to London a few days later to be a tourist with my girlfriend. Oh, yeah, in case you were not yet aware (but I'm sure you are), I got a girlfriend in 2011.

To most, this doesn't seem like much of an achievement, but this is for me. People previously knew me as 'Stuart; that guy who is so cynical and angry about the World and people, who hardly ever has anyone to love'. Well, now, I'm not that guy. I have a girl whose hand I can hold, without the police being called and being arrested for attempted sexual assault. She is mine. Not officially, but I have claimed her as my property, and she has claimed me as hers.

A long-term relationship is new ground for me. I have had more Sea Monkies than I have girlfriends. In fact, I think I have had Sea Monkies which have survived longer than some of my past relationships. Mind you, that could be identified to the fact I spent my time growing Sea Monkies and becoming emotionally attached to the said Sea Monkies.

Anyway, with the change of our relationship going from 'friends' to 'being in a relationship with', happening in July, this year can surely be said to be a year of two halves for me: The first half being painful and lonely, and the second have not quite as much so, with added happiness and kissing…

This all means that I lose the bet I made in my blog about my 2010, when making assumptions for the upcoming year: "...I bet I'm still single though." I usually hate being wrong, but not this time. I'm just thankful I didn't put any money on it...

This year also saw me finish my A-level's and attend a University with a history dating back to the 19th Century: The University of East London. The change wasn't smooth, or even enjoyable, with my results being messed up resulting in me franticly trying to get hold of the University who declined me because of this cock up. I mean, how can an examiner forget to mark two years worth of Photography work? That eludes me. Anyway, all was resolved, and after a larger deposit of money exiting my bank accounts, and a large, expensive shop at Dunelm Mill, I went to University to study Journalism with Creative Writing.

So far, it is going quite well. I have only finished the first semester of the first year, but the first few grades I have gotten have been superb. I quite literally jumped for joy. Hopefully the end results are just as good. I'll have to get choreographing a celebration dance. Actually, why bother, just learn one of the dances on Just Dance 3 and perform that, but maybe a shortened, less sweaty version.

What else happened for me in 2011? I'm not sure. This year has had so many big events happen, that I forget all the silly, insignificant things I have done. Well, I saw a couple of comedians live (Milton Jones and Mark Watson) who were both very good. I nearly got to see Jimmy Carr live, but I thought I would rather get my car clamped and pay £120 fine. My laptop died while watching Stewart Lee on YouTube. I have seen my first musical: We Will Rock. I have been to a Guardian event for Journalists. I have joined the National Union of Journalist. I have stepped foot into a newsroom. I have spent many happy hours in London sightseeing. I have been up in a helicopter. I have been to The Doctor Who Experience in London, flown the TARDIS and been threatened by Daleks. I have read a few books. I have worked out how to use Skype. I have got a Teco Clubcard. I have done other things too...

Let me just elaborate on a few of the above: We Will Rock You is a fantastic bit of theatre, which I recommend to anyone who likes music and comedy. It was one of the most enjoyable evenings of my life. All of the journalism events of my year, such as attending the Guardian event and being in a newsroom, have concreted my aspiration to be a journalist. I loved the atmosphere! I also recommend The Doctor Who Experience to everyone who has watched the show (whether you're a virgin or not).  I recommend the book Sh*t My Dad Says if you have a week free and like a giggle. I recommend the Tesco Clubcard if you regularly shop from there. However, I do not recommend getting your car clamped; too much hassle and too much money for what is a rubbish service.

Right, so that about sums up my 2011. I hope you also had a great year, and I hope that 2012 is either as good, or better than the previous year’s you have had. I'm sure you are deserving of it.

My predictions for 2012 are quite simple really. I will still be a University next year, and I'll be in even more debt. I will hopefully be living in a London apartment with my girlfriend, with a nice view of the Thames. I expect to spend much more time in London, seeing shows and visiting places. Also, I am pretty sure that this year is going to be pretty baby orientated, what with the girlfriend’s sister about to pop one out, and friends in the last few months of baking theirs in the oven. Also, I bet this time next year, I won't be single! I'll bet a charity donation on that one.

P.S. Happy New Year

P.P.S. How late is too late to keep wishing people a 'Happy New Year'.

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!

I blame those pesky neutrinos. If you have seen the film '2012', you will know why. I only watched it very recently for the first time after buying it cheap in HMV. It is possibly one of the best disaster movies I have seen. I'll give you a quick synopsis in case you have not seen it. Essentially, neutrinos from a solar flare penetrate the Earth and warm up with Earth's core. (Already, the film has got the 'sciencey' bit wrong in that Neutrinos do not behave in that sort of way...). There are lots people running around and warning each other about the impending doom. The year 2012 arrives and lots on mini-quakes start to occur across the globe, and this causes cracks in the Earth's surface. The movie follows a family as they try to outrun the disaster, in which they drive through crumbling cities and fly around the World, getting help from people they meet along the way. They make it to China where the World's richest and most deserved get a pass onto one of numerous arks, along with every species of animal, in a modern-day adaption of the tale of Noah. By this point, you have to forget that millions of people have died in tsunamis, eruptions of super volcanoes, epic earthquakes and other natural disasters, so you can buy into the fact that everyone on these arks are happy that they are saved. The destruction of Earth stops as quickly as it started, and everyone moves to Africa. They probably live happily ever after. Finished.

The film 2012 is based around the idea of the Mayan's Calendar, which states that on the 21st of December, 2012, the World will come to an end. This, of course, is only a theory, but conspiracy theorists and movie directors find this a great idea to exploit. There is a possibility to this, albeit a slight one, in that our Sun's solar activity is going to intensify and let out huge solar flares as part of its 11 year cycle that coincidentally reaches its peak in 2012. These are not going to heat our World up to a point which we all fall into the Earth's core however. At worst, it will destroy our communication systems, and you know, to a stroppy teenager who can't text their mate down the road because of the inconvenience caused by the Sun, it may probably seem like the end of the world.

The film, although brilliant if you remove yourself from rational thought, is so far from possibility, it becomes laughable. Much like another apocalyptic movie, ‘The Day After Tomorrow', in that everything happens with such speed, if you were a deep sleeper, you'd miss the whole event.

However, maybe these laughable films are actually, slowly, becoming a reality. We're only three months into 2011 and already Australia has been flooded and hit by a hurricane, New Zealand has been rocked by an Earthquake and Japan has been almost destroyed by a horrific Earthquake which resulted in a huge tsunami and (at the time of writing) is about to be vaporised by a huge nuclear explosion, should you choose believe the news. The closer we get to 2012, should we expect an increase in even worse global events happening? The apocalypse is only one calendar away! Imagine the irony; just as the middle-eastern countries release themselves from the oppression of unfair Governments, they end up killed by a super volcano in the middle of Egypt. Also, why are we even bothered by increased tuition fees and a slashed NHS budget? We'd have all drowned in a freak tsunami from the Irish Sea by the time the effects really hit us. Damn you Neutrinos! Damn you!

In all seriousness (and those are three words you read rarely on this blog), the recent events in Japan are absolutely terrible. Seeing those initial pictures on the News on the 11th March, really depressed me. It scared me. It is horrifying. I just don't know what to say. A confirmed number of over 8,000 people have lost their lives, and another 13,000 are missing. The devastation is beyond imaginable, and I'm sure the true extent is impossible to try and convey on the news. However, still, the media 'flood' to this event like Cheetahs to a limping Zebra.

Every fifteen minutes for the first few days on 24 Hour News channels, we were shown the same videos, which involved aerial shots of huge tides sweeping away towns, cars floating about like plastic ducks and amateur footage of people running upstairs after spotting the water gushing into their homes. The media were keen to keep this story fresh, so they, as they always do, talked to irrelevant people who knew less than them. My favourite example is when a news presenter was talking to an English person in Japan through Skype. Great idea, but when the person lives the other side of the country, how is he supposed to know how people who have lost their homes and family, are coping?

Then each night a reporter would go and stand in front of a devastating scene to illustrate how bad this event was. This has ranged from standing in front of a ferry which was swept aground and now sitting atop a building, to a wrecked lorry mounted upon a pile of rubbish. I'm expecting the news reporters to become desperate and just start standing in front of a field of corpses, while he delivers his piece to camera with a deadpan expression on his face.

This is the tsunami the Japanese side of the North Pacific...

You really do have to admire the Japanese people though. If this event happened anywhere else in the World, the News channels would have hours of footage in which women do pieces to camera while sobbing uncontrollably, while others are behind them in the foetus position while screaming in a foreign language. I have seen no clips like that from the Japanese. They just seem to have accepted it and have resolved to carry on and sort out the aftermath as soon as possible. In fact, they seem to be more British than I. They really have taken the motto "Keep Calm and Carry On" to heart. For that, I think the Japanese are the strongest and most admirable race on our Earth.  I am proud to be of the same species as them. The Americans however, I am not. When news hit America that a big tide was on its way, they wept at the camera continuously, and prayed to God. All they got was a slightly bigger wave than normal. Yet still, they cried at the camera, telling us how scared this made them feel.

This is the 'tsunami' the American side of the North Pacific...

"Dear America, Grow some balls. Signed, Britain."

Mind you, we Brits are still guilty of finding misfortune at the misery of another nation. The past week has just been filled with people stating that Nuclear Power is unsafe and dangerous due to the recent danger caused by the Japanese Earthquake. On the contrary, I think this is a testament to how safe Nuclear Power is and how safe the systems put in place are. One of the most powerful Earthquakes in recent memory strikes not far from these sites, and then huge tidal waves swept through. This is the same Earthquake that made skyscrapers many miles away sway, and the same tsunami that swept many building from their foundations. Yet, for the most part, these buildings remained in tack.

The word 'meltdown' has been thrown across the media and Internet a lot of recent days, and this is a word which has the power to strike panic into one’s mind. It's one of those buzzwords that aren’t a used a lot, but when it is used: Woah, you better run away screaming! I'm not going to claim to know a great deal about Nuclear energy, but those explosions were caused by the formation of hydrogen gas when the cooling equipment failed to work and the hot rods and steam reacted with each other. Why did the cooling equipment not work? Damaged power supplies stopped them working. This isn't a demonstration of how dangerous nuclear power is; it's a demonstrating of how fragile our World is.

I, and I am sure a lot of other people paying attention to this story, have learnt a lot/had our memories refreshed about Nuclear Power. The news, although sometimes morally wrong, can be very informative when it needs to make the ignorant masses understand important news events. In your face Jamie's Dream School! Give us devastation and computer animations with things blowing up, in amongst some words from the periodic table and innuendos such as 'rods becoming hot', we, as a nation, are well away.

Anyway, my biggest of sympathies go to Japanese people, but, I'm sure they will rebuild their destroyed towns and communities to something much better than they previously had and put us to shame again. It's the Japanese way.