This Is Just Complete Horse Manure!

We all now live in a time where swearing isn't considered to be some exotic, taboo language, but instead to be something which we hear in everyday life in the street, on television or having quiet conversations in a coffee shop. The word 'fuck' now slips from the lips of almost everyone without intention and with no apology. It is just as much a normal word as 'dog', 'hat', 'sweet' or 'handkerchief'.

The King of sweary shouting: Gordon Ramsay. He's probably shouting at some poor bloke at this very minute...

Things are always described as being shit. Annoyance is almost always greeted with fuck. Disagreement comes with bollocks. Directed anger may even provoke a cunt, a bitch, a bitchy cunt or maybe even a bastard. I'm swearing a lot now. I suppose I should really be putting asterisks in replacement for vowels in the swear words, but what difference would that make. Is it then okay to swear is you put 'F*ck' then? No, I know what that says, and so do you. A swear word is still a swear word, with or without the asterisks.

I remember being younger and not saying the word 'crap' for fear of being told off. When I was younger, if a peer were to swear, they would be considered to be rebellious and maybe even cool. Now I'm older, everyone swears. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck off. You get the gist. To swear has no real meaning. Years ago, if someone swore, you knew they were expressing a very strong emotion; most probably anger or frustration. It won't be long before it will considered okay to swear in coursework because it would have just lost all its meaning.

Swear words are uttered so much in society today, that to hear the word 'fuck' means nothing. I've so far said the word 'fuck' seven times, and I suspect only a small percentage will read that and flinch. Those are the people who will kid themselves into thinking they have some kind of moral high ground over the rest of us swearing people. This point has been proven by the South Park creators, who in one episode said the word 'shit' 160-odd times, to prove that when a swear word is repeated over and over again, it loses all of its impact and becomes another normal, boring word.

Either way, the progression of the word 'shit' intrigues me.

In literal terms, shit was considered to be a vulgar term for 'fecal matter' or excrement. It then became a slang term for something which was nonsense or to reflect someone's stupidity and is a word which is also used to reflect someone's surprise or anger. Someone who 'talks shit' is usually someone who is just very boastful or lies. They are rather negative terms. Now, there seems to have been some sort of turnaround in the meaning of 'shit'. I have regularly heard the word 'shit' to describe something positively. If someone describes to you something as being 'The Shit', then they are referring to it in a positive way and describing it as 'the greatest'. The term 'fucking shit' could probably mean anything these days.

An interesting titbit though: One of the first known use of the word 'shit' on British television comes from John Cleese in Monty Python. I hope he is proud of himself; he has given us this very versatile word which describes anything conceivable to the human mind.

Swearing is pretty much a constant thing on TV these days. The classic 'beep' on a television program also seems to carry just as much offense with it these days, with it being completely synonymise with a swear word. If you were watching some debate on the BBC between Andrew Marr and David Cameron, you would be offended that Cameron said something worth bleeping, despite what the word might have been. A beep brings more attention to it as well. As I have said, swearing has lost all meaning, so chances are if it wasn't bleeped, half the people wouldn't even notice it.

Swearing in pop music is also rather common place amongst the younger performers. In the radio edits of songs which contain swearing, the offending word is just usually replaced with a split second silence, which sticks out like a Fathers For Justice Protestor at a funeral. You can be not paying much attention, and then there is this short silence which captures your attention and yet again drags attention to the obscenity. Whereas, if they had just left the swear word in, we would have probably not paid the slightest bit of attention, and not been offended in the slightest way.

I think there is still a hint of immaturity amongst people who swear all the time, in that they think they are impressing and being fun. Much like the people who use Comic Sans 14, because they think not swearing, or using Time New Roman 12, is boring. I think using the font Comic San 14 just tells people you've given up trying to impress. What, you mean we're actually supposed to find you humorous now you're using Comic Sans?  You do realise people who make posters for Church Fêtes use Comic Sans, don't you? Yeah, you're just as much fun as they are!

So what is my personal opinion of swearing? Well, not that you care, but I'm apathetic towards it all really. I disagree with people using swear words the entire time, because there just really is no need for it. However, I think swearing is an important part of the English language for being able to convey a strong emotion or opinion that one might have. It creates versatility from having to just say 'really' or ‘very’ all the time. Maybe there needs to be a cap on swearing; twice a day? I mean, how many times a day do you really need to convey your anger? If you need to do it more than a few times a day, you have major problems and should consult a psychiatrist.

I know I swear a bit too much. Nowhere near as much as a lot of people do, but I do it too much. I have made active steps towards stopping this though. One of my favourite words was 'bullshit', so I have now replaced that with 'Horse Manure'; something a bit different and lightens the mood. For any other word, I now just say 'Profanity'. To call someone a name, I would know call them a 'complete and utter profanity' for example. I'm hoping to better myself.

Anyway, you can sod off now you bastards.

P.S. I mean that with the upmost respect...

Happy 60th Birthday Charles

So, last week it was Prince Charles’s 60th Birthday, and as a celebration of this, a bunch of comedians put on a joke-fest for him. Now, in my opinion, that is a great way to celebrate someone’s 60th, and I hope someone does that for me when it’s my turn, instead of giving me a pair slippers and mug with ‘60’ written on it.

On the Saturday after it was recorded, it was aired on ITV 1 as ‘We Are Most Amused’. Well can I just say, I was more than amused. So, mainly it was presented by Philip Scoffield, (why I have no idea, apart from the fact he is a patron of Charlie’s charity) and also by John Cleese, which was a great choice. He may be getting very old now, but he is still a great comedian. He is still fresh and knows how to work the audience, what else could you want?
So, first on was Michael McIntyre. He is a great comedian, the kind of person you would want to get stuck in a lift with, because you could guarantee he would make light of the situation. I totally agree with what the advert for his DVD says –‘Most gifted comedian for years!’ Yeah, totally.
Then it was Bill Bailey’s turn. He was also great, and I don’t think there was one joke that I didn’t laugh at, just hilarious. The best bit for me was when they put the camera on Prince Charles and he was laughing, now that’s something you won’t see again.
Then they had a clip made by the ‘This Morning’ team, which was utterly pointless and unfunny. They must have had a better way of filling those few minutes.

Then Robin Williams stepped up which was a shame. He has his funny moments, but I tend to get annoyed by him more than I laugh at him. I will admit he is very good at observing life and the things people do, but every impression and every voice he put on where exactly the same as his voice, just in a different tone.
Another little pointless clip, this time it was a fake news report to show the difference, and the similarities between life 60 years ago and now. It was funny and rather good and they put a good satirical view on it, which was quite surprising because it was done by two people you tend not to find very funny, but I can’t remember their names.
Steven K. Amos then came on. I think he must be the only person in the UK that can’t expect the fact that he is black, which annoys me. Let me explain. Pretty much every joke he makes is somehow connected to the racism and the colour of his skin, which does tend to get boring after a little while.
John Cleese came on, as he did between every performance to introduce every act, but this time he was accompanied by an old friend – Andrew Sachs, Manuel, or the guy from the Brand/Ross scandal as he is now remembered for. They then did a bit of Fawlty Towers banter, which was just good to watch, and a nice change from the rest of the show. Then it was the turn of my favourite comedian – Rowan Atkinson. Now I smiled as he walked on the stage and thought to myself – ‘He’s back.’ His comedy is just brilliant. It’s the way he delivers every word correctly, to perfection to make it funny. He is one of those people that could read the phonebook and make you role on the floor with laughter. I think he is just a genius of both words and laughter, and is much unappreciated by the public.
Then it was time for x-factor, why I have no idea.

And then it returned, after Daniel got booted out of X-factor, when I thought this week was his best performance, but it was going to happen sooner or later, but I can’t help but think – ‘That silly general public’. Anyway, as I was saying, ‘We Are Most Amused’ returned.

Jon Culshaw then came on in the guise of George Bush, which I felt needed to be done, and I also learnt that Barak Obama is as hard as I thought to impersonate, as he done a rather good impression, so I was wrong about that.
Omid Djalili then came on and done the opposite of what Steven K. Amos done, which was the right way. Yes, he does use his race in his humour, but in proportion and doesn’t go on about it, which is why I thought he was actually quite funny.
Then an odd pairing, Bill Bailey and Robin Williams came on to ‘rock the microphone’. Now that was brilliantly funny. And it’s even funnier when you consider what the lyrics were and the fact they are singing them to the Prince Charles himself. Hilarious.
Joan Rivers then came on. I hate her and her comedy, so I don’t really have much to say because I didn’t really pay much attention to her.

Then we had a surprise guest, and I surprise it was. When I saw all the ballet dancers, I did actually think Dawn French was going to come out and do the same sort of thing as she done in the Vicar of Dibley with the ballet dancer, so it was a total surprise when Eric Idle emerged from it wearing a florescent tutu. I was pleased it was Eric Idle though singing his famous ‘Look on the Bright Side of Life’, adapted to be aimed at Prince Charles. It is times like that when I wish I could whistle though.
I expect I was the only one who noticed this, but I found Rowan Atkinson very funny at the end when they were all in a line. I only saw it because I kept my eyes on him. Now he didn’t do anything directly funny, but was just the way he was clapping and singing along. Very funny.
So, overall I really enjoyed the whole thing, and I think it was a great way to celebrate the future king’s birthday! The thing is though, you can’t help but think that these comedians only done this for promotion purposes because a majority of them have at least one DVD recently or due for release. I don’t mind though, I still found it totally hilarious.
Sorry for the long blog.