Maybe I Should Say Hello and Introduce Myself Finally... Part Two

Now I’ve told you a little bit the career that I quite fancy, and informed you that I am a cynical cunt, It’s time to for you to join me as I write a fake ‘lonely hearts ad’, as my heart is currently lonely – hard to believe, I know, and also, I’m going to talk a little about my opinion of love, whether you want to hear it or not.
You may, or may not be aware, that love isn’t like the movies. In fact, life isn’t the movies Not everything has a happy ending, however much we want it. The movies show love as being a series of happy events, which never end, although if an English person (I.e. Hugh Grant) is involved, it does include some awkwardness and things going a little wrong from time to time.
Another thing that is shown in the movies (I.e. High School Musical), is that high school flings work, when in real life, they tend to not work for a great deal of people. It does work for some, and that’s fine, but for a majority, it doesn’t. At the time you tell the ‘love of your life’ that you will love them forever, then a week later, forever has finished. What annoys me about a fair amount of people my age is the speed they fall in and out of love. You talk to someone and they tell you that they’re in love in John, and then by the next you speak to them, they’re in love with Frank, for example. And if you talk to one of these people in the few days they’re single, they be telling you how they will be lonely forever and that no-one loves them and how bad their life is, all because they’ve been single for two days.

Maybe I have this cynical view of love, because of my few experiences in the area of love. Maybe it’s because of the amount of time I’ve spent in ‘Singles Corner’, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m currently surrounded with people who are madly in love, and seems that I’m the only one sitting in the unlit corner. I know I’m not, but that’s the way it feels to me.

The only too change this negative view I have of love, is to be in love myself, and by looking at my current situation, that could be a long time in the waiting, so I’m left with no option, but to write my own ‘Lonely Hearts Advert’.

• They tend to start off with the important information such as gender, age, height and orientation, so mine would start; M, 6”1’, 16 and Straight.


• Next you say about your personality, and I like to think that I’m quite funny, so that’s abbreviated into; GSOH. Also I like to think people can trust me and I care about the people I love, so I would write that as; reliable, trustworthy and caring.


• Then you tend to describe you’re looks. I would say that I have great legs, but I don’t think that’s really appropriate, so I’d write something more along the lines of; My friends would describe me as having a lion’s mane as hair, passable looks and having more to cuddle. Essentially this translates into having recognisable hair, having below average looks, and being quite flabby.


• Then you go onto saying what you are looking for in a relationship. I would put; looking for someone who will teach me how to love. Basically because I’m rubbish with relationships, and need to learn how to love.


• Next you say about what you’re looking for in a person, so I’m looking for a female who also has a good sense of humour and just genuinely lovely, so that would be written; Looking for female with GSOH who’s kind and caring.


• I also think it’s best to leave sexual connotations out of it. For instance if I put something along the lines of; ‘Bloke who’s well hung and great in bed, who’d love to satisfy you’, probably wouldn’t attract the right people, and would put a majority of women off I think.

So, my ‘Lonely Hearts Ad’ looks something like this;

6”1’, 16 year old Male, who’s Straight and has a GSOH, reliable, trustworthy and caring. My friends would describe me as having a Lion’s Mane as hair, passable looks and having more to cuddle, who is looking for female who will teach me how to love, has a GSOH and is also kind and caring. XX

If you like the sounds of that guy, or know someone who might, then don’t hesitate to contact me...
I doubt anyone will, and writing all that would have been pointless, and I will probably spend more time single.

So, I’ll leave you on this joke I’ve written:
I heard that when relationships are right, they’re easy, even when things are hard...Well, I think that sums up most men who are in a relationship.

If you don’t get it... it’s a knob joke – think about it.

Toodles m’darlings. Speak soon, and remember to contact me...

Maybe I Should Say Hello and Introduce Myself Finally... Part One

Well, If you haven’t worked out by now, I am Stuart and if you hadn’t noticed, I’m a bit of a cynical cunt, to put it politely anyway, and I find a lot to rant and moan about in today’s society and the general public in general. If I was Prime minister, I would do things differently, that is for sure.

One thing I do not like about society is the Media, which is hypocritical really, considering that I would quite like to have a career in the media – as a journalist maybe. The way they turn and twist things around, so they make people look a hell of a lot worse than they do already is an example. Another example is how they document the lives of people, who have no reason to be famous. A name that comes to mind is Jade Goody. Her talent is being a bitch and a chav, although now she’s shaken off the negative image and now the papers all feel sorry for her.

At this point, I could turn around and say that I’m going to go in the media career and completely change it into a respectable career to be associated with – but I won’t. If I even do get into journalism, the chances of me having an impact in anything other than what order to put words in, is very unlikely.

There are two avenues I feel you can go down in journalism. You either go down the Piers Morgan route and become hated widespread over the UK and in the USA, and yet be one of the highest paid ‘personalities’ and have a major impact in pretty much everything in the media.
The other route is go down being lesser known, and yet being respected. Well I say respected, I mean popular, but anyway – the Charlie Brooker route. He’s a cynical cunt and I like that. He is rather popular and has a ‘high-brow’ show on BBC 4, as well as writing columns for numerous national papers, and still having time to update his Twitter. I believe, given the choice, I would pick route B, Charlie Brooker.

So that’s my hypocritical career planned.
Next is onto planning my lonely hearts advert...
I’ll type again tomorrow. XX