Jamie Oliver's Terrorist Recruitment Show

We've all been to school. Some of us have excelled and have surpassed all expectations. Others amongst us didn't do so well. The rest of us hit all the averages. Average students. These average students are hitting all the targets set by the Government. The average students don't get celebrated for their achievements and the average student doesn't disrupt a class and gain attention that way. The average student is the one the teacher cannot remember the name of. The average isn't known personally to the headmaster. The average student goes through their schooling career relatively unnoticed and doesn't complain about it. The average student is completely forgotten about.

I put myself in the category of an average student. I got a majority of my GCSE's to a C or B grade. I wasn't disruptive. My talents are not/have not been celebrated by my school in the 8 years I have been there. It took years for teachers to associate my face with my name in some cases. I'm not well known to my headmaster. I have spent the past 8 years in a high school where I have been completely overlooked, and guess what; I've not complained about it. I've just gotten on with it. I've watched people around me be praised for their extra-curriculum talents and achievements, while I've been completely forgotten and my talents unnoticed by the vast majority. I've also sat in a class while arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerps muck about and try their best to wind up the teacher up and therefore stopping 30 other students from gaining the education they deserve. They do this repeatedly, and repeatedly, and no punishment is awarded so the class continues to be disrupted.

Yet, it is those arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerps that have been given their own series on Channel Four called 'Jamie Oliver's Dream School'. This is so that Jamie Oliver can put his arm around them and tell them that the education system has failed them. As a reward for being an arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerp, they get educated by people who are widely respected in their subject fields. Possibly the greatest historian, David Starkey, aptly teaches them History. One of the greatest political minds [Citation Needed], Alistair Campbell, teaches them the ways of Politics. Simon Callow, one of the highly respected Shakespearean actors, teaches these arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerps the ways of Shakespeare. Robert Winston, a widely respected scientist, teaches them Science. Rankin, one of the greatest, currently active Photographers, teachers these bloody children Photography. There are so many examples of brilliant people teaching their subject field to children who I feel do not deserve these brilliant experiences. 

This is a fine example of the average student, the same students who have had their learning constantly disrupted by these arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerps, being overlooked and forgotten. I don't even think this selection of children have the word 'bashful' in their dictionaries. Our reward for doing well is a piece of paper. Their reward for failing is spending two months in the company of a selection of brilliant people, who they don't even know. Ironically, if they actually learnt anything at school, they might know who some of these people are!

The worst thing about all of this is that most of them don't even appreciate the experience of a lifetime which has been put in front of them! Most of them are treating it in exactly the same way as they treated their schooling career. Constantly talking, bickering, texting, dreaming, disrupting and just generally being profanities, and ruining this experience for those of them that do want to change their luck. The Government can't understand why people of our own countries turn to terrorism. I can understand exactly where they're coming from. Watching this show is enough to radicalise me into being a terrorist.

Is this show actually trying to raise awareness of our failing education system? No. Is this show actually trying to help these children improve on their skills so they do better at life? No. Is this show purely another way for Channel Four to entertain its audience rather than document and inform? No. How do I know that? Simple; the students they focus on mainly. They have 20 children. They focus mainly on about 3 or 4. These are the ones who shout and argue. Connor is the main one, and he is an 18 year old cockney who has no GCSE's. He speaks his mind and he takes no shit; not even from Starkey. Starkey called him fat. Connor retorted by pointing out Starkey's shortness. It was the greatest televised debate since Gordon Brown agreed to everything Nick Clegg said in last year’s disappointing election debates.

There's a girl called Angelique (but we can call her 'Angiie') and is from Essex. She has that grating, stereotypical voice, but credit where credit is due; she has the intelligence, willingness to do anything in a fun way, and will do anything to get her voice heard. If I had to pick a favourite, it'd be her. There are a couple of other ‘students’ who could have easily all been grown from the same foetus. I find it hard to distinguish between them, and they all spend an equal amount of time complaining about how hard done by they are. I can't really remember or name any others because they just blend into the background. Mind you, there's one that always sticks out for me, and that's Jamal, who I find looks like Prince and prances around like a young Louie Spence who's be told to 'try and act like a straight man?'

This pointless campaign belongs to Jamie Oliver, and he seems to be more of an arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerp than the arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerps masquerading as students who have been failed, rather than students who have failed. He is possibly one of the most hypocritical people you can find on TV (Ahead of him on that list are Nick Clegg and David Cameron). He walks around the 'school' constantly reassuring these teenagers that they are intelligent people brimming with humour, loveliness and potential and are overlooked by the schools who are only interested in getting averages than education. Then, he does pieces to camera and he talks to the expert teachers, constantly referring to the teenagers as 'feral'. He also continues to tell the selection of 'feral' children that he respects them. Call me old fashioned, but I always thought of respect as something to be earned. Now, the only things I can think they have done to earn his respect are to turn up to at the school and allow themselves to be filmed. He comes across as a two-faced profanity, and incidentally, he has a large tongue in both his faces. Jamie Oliver must have a foul-smelling, brown nose. Is he isn't rimming the students; he's licking the bowels of the experts he has got in to teach these 'feral' teenagers.

He even sits like an arrogant, disruptive, idiotic twerp...

Let us take David Starkey as a prime example. Regular viewers of Question Time will know that when he appears on the panel, you can expect heated debates in which his immense brain power makes even the best MP's look like tatty teddy bears with their stuffing pouring out of a seam between their legs. If he has an opinion, he will voice it, and he will stand his ground. So, 18 year old Connor was never going to be a match for him. Starkey made a comment about him being fat (and let's be honest, he is a bit) by saying "You're so fat, you can barely move". Connor responded "I guarantee you I can move faster than you old man. Look at your glasses man" and later added "You’re about 4ft tall. Have you always been that tall?" This resulted in everyone being a bit pissy at Starkey, and Starkey as a result having a bit of a diva attack.

Starkey refused to return to the show and real-life headmaster wanted him disciplined. A fair comment, but you can't discipline the teachers and not the students. That's sending them the wrong message. This 'Dream School' clearly has no ethos whatsoever. Anyway, Jamie was running between all the parties, telling them exactly what they wanted them to hear. How he can taste his food with the amount of shit he has up his nose as a result, is totally beyond me. However, Jamie and his two-faces work, and everyone shakes hands, makes up and Starkey even ended up called Connor 'sweet'. Aww.

Connor just before he blew...

This is possibly one of the most predictable shows on TV. We should know by now that Channel 4 does not make shows for an education purpose or to raise awareness for something. Anything and everything that they do is for entertainment. Bearing that in mind, it was obvious that these children would spend their entire time in front of a camera, playing up to it. They argue and shout. They drink and text. They ignore and chatter. They annoy and emotionally cripple a nation. It certainly is an interesting show, but it isn't doing anything for raising awareness of our education system. It does the complete opposite. I mean, I'm the same age as these teenagers, and the education system hasn't failed me. I'm pretty intelligent, and I was an average student who got no special treatment.

I somehow manage to throw together this blog. Not bad for someone with an English Education. Where's my respect Jamie!?